Monday, March 26, 2012

A Fantasy Baseball Wrestling Promo

Outside of Jose Canseco, I can’t think of many things I love more than fantasy sports and pro wrestling. While I was lying in bed, I finally decided to combine the two. It took me about ten minutes, but I honestly believe this is the greatest thing I have ever written in ten minutes or less. I have written a wrestling promo while managing to use every player on my fantasy team’s name in the promo. Enjoy.

I hope I remember to CC (Sabathia) everyone on this message:

Yu (Darvish) are all going straight to (Jeremy) Hell(ickson). I had the brains, now I got the (Ryan) Braun. Everything went (David) Wright for me in the draft. My team is on the Mark (Teixeira). Don’t be (Francisco) Liri(ano) of my greatness; I (Brian) McCann do anything.

It all started before the draft. After doing a Body by Jake (Peavy) workout, I had a (JJ) Hardy meal full of (Joe) Nathan’s hot dogs and (Jason) Motte’s apple juice. I didn’t need any Mountain Dew, because I had Serg(io Santos). I threw away my (Tommy) Hanson CD, and got all jacked up by listening to Distubed’s “Down with the (Jason) Kipnis.”

You can try to fight the (Brett) Law(rie), but I think you should (Travis) reconSnider.

(Jason) Hey(ward) ladies, now that I’m (Adam) Dunn, I have time for you to give me a BJ (Upton) on my (Kelly) Johnson.

It’s gonna be a long season, so don’t forget to secure your belt (Clay) Buchholz. Better luck (Brandon) toMorrow, and I hope you all can stay (Delmon) Young.

A bigger stud than Pretty Ricky (Nolasco),

Hott Joe

1 comment:

  1. Hey (Jonathan) Bro(xton), I heard you thought you team was good you. Your team ain’t (Jayson) Wreth shit you (Michael) Pin(eda)head.
    My team is (Chris) Young and talented. Your team looks like it’s made up of (Mike) Minor leaguers while my team is made up of super Stars(lin Castro). You would get more offense out of your team if you drafted (Al)Bert (Pujols) and Ernie.
    My team is going to (Victor) Cruz to an easy victory. All we need to do is go with the (Gavin) Flo(yd). If you score even one point against me I will think I got (Ryan) Robbed(erts).
    My team needs to be feared and (Ben) Revered. When we play you need to notify your next of (Ian) Kin(sler) and you better put on your (Matt) Capps and pull out your (Ian) Shields because I am going to rain down fire from above like the Angel (Pagan) of death.
    Tell your girlfriend I’m (Alex) Availabe for (Mike) Moustakas rides. Or she can just jump on my (Sean) Rod(riguez) Once she’s had one, I know she’ll want (Mitch) More(land).
    You can say your prayers to Jesus (Montero), drink your Melky (Cabera) and eat your vitamins but it won’t help you. In all fairness you just (Stephen) Drew a bad hand when you had to play me, but now you have to deal with it.
    Your only (Jose) Rey(es) of sunshine will come when the game is over you (JJ) Putz.
    They used to call me (Ian) Kennedy, but now they call me Mr. Anderson……………………………………………………………. Anderson.