Saturday, March 31, 2012

WrestleMania XXVIII Gambling Predictions

Yes, it's true, WrestleMania is on the online books to be gambled upon for everyone's enjoyment. Now I cannot recommend doing this, because it is shady and stuff, so the U.S. government frowns on it. But it would be a disservice to the world if I did not give some advice on where you should place your money, especially for all of my international readers (I've been blowing up in Poland lately).

Beth Phoenix & Eve (+300) over Kelly Kelly and Maria Menounos (-400)
Let's start with a big time upset. Celebrities are not invincible at WrestleMania. Just look at Pete Rose who gets his ass kicked by Kane anytime he shows up. I don't see Maria Menounos as some big-time celebrity who needs to win at Mania. The only thing that could ruin this bet is if Menounos, who is rumored to have a rib injury, has to pull out of the match, which would mean that they could replace her with Kharma.
So yeah, if she comes back, then it's bad news for Beth & Eve.

Kane (+375) over Randy Orton (-550)
I have gone back and forth on this one. Initially, I thought Randy Orton would win, because it makes no sense for Kane to win. Then, I got to thinking, it really makes no sense for Orton to win either. Both of these guys could lose, and it wouldn't hurt them at all. But, because of my pick in the World Heavyweight Title match, I decided to go with Kane since they could push him to a championship feud after the Sheamus/Daniel Bryan rivalry is over. For a shocking ending, I'll say that the corpse of Katie Vick comes out and helps Kane win.

Big Show (-120) over Cody Rhodes (-120)
Even odds for this match absolutely shocks me. Cody Rhodes has beaten the shit out of the Big Show and embarrassed him every single week leading up to Mania. Big Show has to get his revenge, right? The only way Show loses is if Cody pulls off some bogus win, only to have Show start smashing him after the match to raucous applause.

Sheamus (-350) over Daniel Bryan (+225)
Daniel Bryan has had a good run. He's actually become entertaining on the mic, but his time has come. They'll extend the rivalry a little bit, but then I think it's time for Sheamus to feud with Kane. Cody Rhodes also has a shot of being the heel that feuds for the title next.

Team Johnny (-1000) over Team Teddy (+550)
These odds were much lower earlier, but then everyone came to their senses and realized that there is no way they could put Teddy Long on TV twice a week. He's awful. John Laurinaitis is awesome. Also, for a surprise, I'll say that Team Johnny takes out The Great Khali before the match. Team Teddy searches for a replacement and comes up with Mason Ryan. Everyone gets excited until Mason Ryan turns on Team Teddy and becomes a bad guy who feuds with The Funkasaurus.

Undertaker over Triple H
These odds have been taken off the board, but it was last seen as -1500 for Undertaker. I don't care about either of these guys. I know I have said nothing about this match, but I'm already done.

Chris Jericho (+170) over CM Punk (-250)
I think it only makes sense to give Jericho the victory here. If Punk wins, it basically ends the feud, and then who is Punk going to face? Nobody. If Jericho wins, it continues the feud for a while until a good guy champion can take the belt and face Dolph Ziggler in the summer.

John Cena (-230) over The Rock (+160)
Everybody keeps asking one of two questions: Why would The Rock come back to lose? or Why would The Rock come back if he was just going to lose? Well, The Rock is going to lose, because The Rock realizes it is pro wrestling, and wins and losses don't mean shit in pro wrestling. The Rock once jobbed to The Hurricane, does anybody really think his ego is too big to take a loss? He also grew up in the pro wrestling business, and honestly, the pro wrestling business treated him very well. He actually left pro wrestling in good shape, which may make him the first pro wrestler to ever do that. It's not like people are going to not see GI Joe if The Rock loses to Cena. Shit, I'll be at Fast Six on opening day no matter what happens at WrestleMania. It'll be a back and forth match, Cena will win. They will stand in the ring. Cena will extend his hand for a handshake. The Rock will take his hand and bring him in for a hug. The crowd will go wild as The Rock triumphantly raises Cena's hand as confetti reins down from the rafters and Cena will get his first great face pop in the last six months. All will be well with the world.


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