Thursday, June 14, 2012

Franklin & Bash/Suits Power Rankings

I never used to be into lawyer shows. Then, last summer, I became hooked. That is because the two greatest lawyer shows ever premiered last summer in Franklin & Bash and Suits. They are both awesome. Franklin & Bash is awesome because they throw sexy hot tub parties ALL THE TIME. Suits was awesome, because they never lose, and I hate losing, so we are kindred spirits. Also, sexy ladies that should definitely go to Franklin & Bash's parties.

So last summer, I would always joke that Suits was my second favorite show about lawyers who play by their own rules, because it and F&B are nearly the exact same show, but F&B has a hot tub, so they get the edge. And if you don't think this is a heated rivalry, just check this out:

Suits is advertising on Franklin & Bash's IMDB page. And this ballsy maneuver isn't the only noteworthy thing going on, as F&B has gotten lazy. Through two episodes, F&B have had ZERO hot tub scenes. They must be punished. Hence, I have decided to create the Franklin & Bash/Suits Power Rankings. Who is currently the best character? Well, since I am an expert on these shows, I can clear up any controversies with my flawless analysis (Production Note: I will be including the first two episodes of F&B).

1. Daniel Hardman - His last name is Hardman. That's right, his last name is Do you think he is sad when his wife passes away? Hell no. He fakes sadness to get what he wants. How does a man who made his first appearance ever go straight to the top spot? Well, he outlawyered Harvey Specter. That's pretty god damn impressive. Also, he stole money, admitted to it, but it's cool. Everyone applauded him for being so awesome. This dude is a baller who will totally use your funeral to further his standing in society.

2. Harvey Specter - He still gets the number two slot. Why? Well, he originally outlawyered Hardman five years ago when he got him to leave his own law firm. Bravo. Also, he helped Mike keep his job by doing a bunch of shady shit. Shady shit is awesome, but if you are a good enough lawyer, you can be as shady as you want and people will forget about the shady things you did five minutes before.

3. Peter Bash - He took his shirt off in court, and obviously the judge allowed it. He then proceeded to punk out a lady cop in front of everyone. That was shady as all hell. She tried to do him immediately after the trial ended. He makes being a lawyer look totally awesome. Still, his Mom was trying to do a bunch of skeevy dudes, and that definitely takes some of the shine off.

4. Mike Ross - Mike decides to be a nice guy and help out this lady author who got her book idea stolen. He works his magic and gets her an offer for $30,000, and this bitch turned it down. So Mike buried her. She got an apology and no money. That's great hustle. He also threatened to use his former best friend's social security number to bury him. Plus, he will probably do the hot paralegal chick soon. When he does that, expect a huge rise in the rankings.

5. Damien Karp - He flexed his penis muscles while Bash's Mom flexed her vagina muscles. BALLIN!

6. Jared Franklin - Did he do anything of note in these first two episodes? I mean, yeah, he won some cases, but he scored no chicks and also did nothing all that shady. This is a man in desperate need of a hot tub party.

7. Hanna Linden - She banged Franklin last year, and this year she is trying to get him and Bash fired? I hate her for this. But it is shady as all hell, so she deserves some props, because nobody will care about this in two weeks when she wears a skimpy bikini to a hot tub party.

8. Stanton Infeld - He promoted Franklin & Bash to partners. He is handling his business, which puts him above the last people on this list.

9. Jessica Pearson - She got owned by Harvey repeatedly in this episode. Plus, top dog, HARDMAN, is aiming for her job. Will she be able to stop HARDMAN? Not if this episode is any indication.

10. Louis Litt - He got owned repeatedly, but at least he's not Pindar.

And that wraps up week one. Feel free to leave your thoughts in the comments. And if you aren't watching these shows. Start watching. They are totally awesome, and you will want to become a lawyer who plays by his own rules within five minutes of watching.

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