Monday, April 15, 2013

My 5 Favorite WWE Superstars Right Now

Yes, I watch pro wrestling. Hell, I love pro wrestling. I also love folkstyle wrestling, and mixed martial arts. None of these are mutually exclusive. I will say that I like folkstyle wrestling and MMA for more similar reasons than pro wrestling, but pro wrestling is still very awesome. There are guys I love, and there are guys I hate. I'm going to start with the positives and go over my ten favorite wrestlers in the WWE. Remember, these are my rankings right now, so "Cool Guy" Chris Jericho will not be on this list despite being one of my five favorite wrestlers of all time. Also, The Miz will not be on this list, because The Miz is the worst.

5. The Prime Time Players - Yes. there are two of them, possibly three if you include Rufus "Pancake" Patterson, but they are great. If you don't agree, then you and your washrag are not invited to my party. The WWE almost pushed them to a tag title, but then they decided to have them lose for the next four months, which has basically been the fate of every wrestler I have liked over the last three years. Still, MILLIONS OF DOLLARS, MILLIONS OF DOLLARS, MILLIONS OF DOLLARS...

4. Team Rhodes Scholars - They're not just a tag team; they're BEST FRIENDS. Oh, and they are painfully similar to The Prime Time Players. Just subtract wash rags, and add facial hair and seducing twins. So yeah, that is why they get the edge.

3. Fandango - I was skeptical of Fandango when he was only doing vignettes. Then he debuted in person, and I started to like him. He demanded respect and that people pronounce his ridiculous name correctly. Then he nearly made one of the Funkadactyls flood the ring with her womanly juices by being a smooth operator. At that point, I was fully on board with Fandango. Now Fandangoing is a real thing that happens, and it is just perfect.


2. Dolph Ziggler - Ziggler has always been great in the ring, but he has slowly progressed on the mic in the last year. He showed a ton of potential in his Ask The Heel segments on ZTLIS, but he's finally starting to convey that personality to a larger audience. It was a little scary how excited I was when I heard his music before he cashed in his Money in the Bank. It was also a little sad that my fiancee had to come downstairs and check on me because she heard me yelling and screaming while watching his match with Del Rio. It may be the saddest that I felt genuine happiness for Dolph Ziggler when he finally did win the title. But, seriously, watch this:

Everything about that video is awesome. Awesome entrance, awesome crowd reaction, awesome three minute match, awesome celebration. I will never stop loving this video.

1. Antonio Cesaro - I went over how awesome he was, and everything remains the same. He dropped the USA flag and replaced it with yodeling. He's amazing in the ring in the way that he tosses people like they weigh nothing. I don't really think I need to expand on anything else that wasn't already said here. Cesaro is the best.

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