The WWE Is Ruining...The Miz

The Miz is an A-Lister, but the WWE does not seem to be treating him as such. He transitioned a successful movie career into his own reality television show, but still the WWE seems to be doing everything they can to ignore his greatness. I can’t believe that I’m not saying this facetiously, because The Miz figured out how to be pretty great.

Basically, The Miz is what Jon Moxley is trying to become. Neither guy is dynamite in the ring, but they are serviceable, but it’s the character that they bring that will help make them stars. Obviously, these characters diverge to go on very different paths, but they bring you in enough with their character work that you can overlook some sloppiness in the ring, because you are invested in the story. They’re both a little more old school in that way.

The Miz was one of the hottest acts they had last year, and then they put him with Shane McMahon. Usually, that lone is a death sentence, but The Miz actually found a way to get it over with the crowd, and he became beloved. Finally, Shane McMahon turned on The Miz, and The Miz got his revenge by losing cleanly...repeatedly.

In a match, there is a winner and a loser. At least I thought so. After doing this series, I am convinced that every match must be a fatal four-way, because I swear that there are three times as many losers as winners in WWE. Before a couple weeks ago against Dolph Ziggler, when do you think was the last time that The Miz got a win on TV that didn’t involve Elias? That would be March 5 against Jey Uso, and that was just to set him up to lose in the tag title match at Fastlane.

Luckily, there is an easy fix. Let him feud with someone important and give him time to build a feud. He made a Shane McMahon feud interesting, just imagine if he had someone talented to go up against. He’s also shown that he can be a heel or face, so it wouldn’t be that hard to transition him against anyone on the roster. I mean, would it really be that hard to put him in a World Title feud with either current champion?

The Miz is versatile enough to fill any role the WWE needs right now, but he deserves a better role than trying to get Shane McMahon over. Honestly, it may be time for some piddly feuds to build up to a Daniel Bryan match at WrestleMania. That would be giving the people what they want, so for WWE, I guess that means it would have to be at Takeover instead.

Other Wrestlers WWE Is Ruining
Akam
Ali
Alicia Fox
Andrade "Cien" Almas
Apollo Crews
Bayley
Big E
Big Show
Bo Dallas
Bobby Lashley
Bobby Roode
Braun Strowman
Brock Lesnar
Carmella
Chad Gable

Charlotte Flair
Curt Hawkins
Curtis Axel

Dana Brooke
Dash Wilder
Drew McIntyre

Elias

Ember Moon
Epico

Finn Balor

Goldust
Gran Metalik

Jey Uso
Jimmy Uso
Jinder Mahal
Kane
Karl Anderson

Kevin Owens
Killian Dain
Kofi Kingston
Konnor

Lio Rush

Luke Gallows
Matt Hardy

Mickie James
Mojo Rawley

Natalya
Nia Jax

No Way Jose
Peyton Royce
Primo

Randy Orton

Rezar

Ruby Riott

Rusev
Sarah Logan

Scott Dawson
Shane McMahon
Sheamus

Shinsuke Nakamura
Tyler Breeze

Viktor

Zack Ryder

Breaking Down the 2017 Royal Rumble Betting Odds

Joe: It's that time of year again where Lukewarm Jonah and I look at what Vegas is saying about the second biggest sporting event of the year, The Royal Rumble. The Royal Rumble was my favorite event of the year growing up as a child, and honestly, it's still one of the events that I most look forward to throughout the year as an adult. Jonah, what are your thoughts on the Rumble, and are you expecting this to be a good Rumble or a bad one?

Jonah: You know I’m actually really excited for this Rumble.  No BS, the star power of this Rumble is pretty impressive.  There have been previous years where there were maybe 2 or 3 people who had an actual shot of winning the Rumble and this year there are probably 10 which makes it actually interesting.  Since I do have high expectations, that means this Rumble will probably be complete garbage.

Joe: Star power is definitely there, but a lot of the big names aren’t guys I’m particularly excited about. I’m still excited about some of the possibilities of guys showing up. Without further adieu, here are the odds (as of 1/23), courtesy of SkyBet.

Bill Goldberg 5/2
The Undertaker 11/4
Braun Strowman 100/30
Randy Orton 4/1
Finn Balor 9/2
Samoa Joe 9/2
Chris Jericho 11/1
Seth Rollins 14/1
Brock Lesnar 14/1
John Cena 16/1
Baron Corbin 18/1
Kurt Angle 20/1
Sami Zayn 20/1
The Miz 20/1
Bray Wyatt 22/1
Dean Ambrose 25/1
Roman Reigns 28/1
Triple H 33/1
AJ Styles 33/1
Shinsuke Nakamura 40/1
Kenny Omega 40/1
Cesaro 40/1
Kevin Owens 40/1
Big Cass 66/1
Shawn Michaels 66/1
Big E 66/1
Karl Anderson 66/1
Austin Aries 66/1
Dolph Ziggler 66/1
Enzo Amore 66/1
Kane 66/1
The Big Show 66/1
Luke Harper 66/1
Bobby Roode 80/1
Tye Dillinger 80/1
Rusev 80/1
Sheamus 100/1
Neville 100/1
Kofi Kingston 100/1
Xavier Woods 100/1
Apollo Crews 100/1
Mark Henry 100/1
Kalisto 100/1
Shane McMahon 150/1
Vince McMahon 250/1

Joe: Looking at the top of this list, I am totally underwhelmed by the favorites. I understand Goldberg has gotten some big pops, but does anybody want to watch him main event WrestleMania? It’s not like this guy was ever known for putting on classic matches. Undertaker gains nothing by having a belt on the line in his match, so it would really just be a waste. Randy Orton? No. And Samoa Joe isn’t ready to headline a WrestleMania even though he has been pretty great after a slow start when he first came to NXT. That leaves two of the top six guys that would actually be interesting. That leaves the only two interesting favorites as Braun Strowman and Finn Balor. Braun is just a big, strong, unstoppable giant, and I can always get behind that. Finn is still probably the best choice, as him trying to take back the title he never lost would be a good storyline, and him taking on Kevin Owens would be one hell of a match to end the show. However, we’re not sure if he’s actually healthy enough to compete, so I’m going to keep looking down this list. Jonah, what do you think of these favorites?

Jonah: Well I can certainly understand the favorites, but I think there’s some logical reasons why most of the top guys aren’t winning.  I assume Goldberg is fighting Lesnar at Wrestlemania, or they’re just going to let Goldberg dominate Lesnar throughout their entire WWE careers.  Also, It seems like Goldberg would need to make his cardio waaayy better in order to have a Wrestlemania World Title match.  Speaking of guys with no cardio hey Undertaker.  He’s super old, had some pretty serious injuries lately and works one match a year, is he really going to fight for the World Title?  I assume Randy Orton will probably be fighting Bray Wyatt at Wrestlemania, and even if he’s not, no one’s excited about Randy Orton fighting for a World Title.  Balor and Strowman are clearly the most likely to win out of the favorites.  If Balor is healthy and able to compete I think he’s the most likely to win.  WWE loves having injured guys come back and win the Rumble.  Believe it or not, I think Joe has a bit of a chance.  I don’t think they’d have a guy win the Rumble in his debut but Joe has a great chance of fighting with either of the guys in the Smackdown World Title match.  He has a very long and well known history with AJ Styles and those guys would put on the type of 5 star match that it’s rumored the WWE is looking for.  Joe and Cena have also been friends for a very long time so I could see them fighting it out at Wrestlemania and Cena even putting Joe over.  

Joe: If it’s just a World Title match, I could see Joe winning. If it actually means the main event, there is no chance. I honestly have no clue as to how Smackdown is progressing that title since they have Cena facing off against AJ Styles in a completely meaningless match at Royal Rumble, because both of them will inevitably be in the Elimination Chamber a month later.

When I work my way through the middle of this list, there is obviously one name standing out at 20/1, and that is the man that I picked to win the Royal Rumble over a month ago, Sami Zayn. Is it going to happen? Probably not, but it wouldn’t be totally outrageous if it did. You make the final four Goldberg, Lesnar, Strowman, and Zayn, and how hyped would that crowd be for Zayn? Also, WrestleMania is in the home of NXT, Orlando, Florida, this year and Sami is Mr. NXT. Come on, Mr. McMahon, give me Sami Zayn main eventing WrestleMania.

Jonah: Lots of guys a little lower down the list who are interesting.  Getting John Cena at 16/1 to win anything is pretty attractive odds.  Just like getting the Big Dog Roman Reigns at 28/1 to win anything is very attractive.  The WWE sure likes it when these guys win, so you’ve got to love those odds.  Now of course either one or both of these guys could already be World Champ and therefore have no reason to enter the Rumble, but man those long odds.  In the same vein as those two picks, AJ Styles at 33/1 and Kevin Owens at 40/1 look pretty awesome as well.  Either one of those guys loses their title match, but then enter late in the Rumble and win a shot at their title at Wrestlemania.  Outside of current title holders and number one contenders, I’ve gotta love Sami Zayn too.  Maybe it’s just Joe and his constant logic about why Sami could actually win the Rumble, but I think he’s got a real shot.  You have Zayn, the ultimate underdog win the Rumble somehow.  You have your next two months of booking set up easily.  Strowman challenges Zayn for his number one contendership at the next PPV, Zayn pulls off the win proving he is Wrestlemania worthy then fights against Owens finishing their feud that started a year ago and guaranteeing a fantastic match as well.  It’s so logical and easy that there’s no way it will happen.  Joe, tell me about your favorite super long shot or shots.

Joe: Okay, I have a couple longshots. We’ll touch on the bigger bang for your buck first, as how is Rusev 80/1? Is there anybody who sees this man and goes, “Ugh, it’s Rusev?” Every time Rusev pops up, I practically get tears of joy streaming down my face like I’m a little girl seeing her favorite boy band. He’s that phenomenal at everything.

Then, can I just touch on that murderer’s row at 40/1? Can that just be a Fatal Four Way main event at WrestleMania? Obviously, Kevin Owens is there, who I still think is going to retain. Shinsuke Nakamura, who is amazing, but they’re not going to debut him and Samoa Joe on the same night, and we’re all pretty sure Joe is showing up. Then you’ve got Cesaro, who is the most physically impressive wrestler ever, as nobody should be able to do the things he does, who isn’t a terrible pick. But then you’ve got the name that is 99% not going to happen, Kenny Omega. Omega vs. Okada was one of the greatest wrestling matches ever, and he hasn’t shown up with New Japan since. Is that just a slight bit of smoke in the air? I mean, it’s probably just dust, but right now, there is no hotter name than Kenny Omega. Triple H is saying they would like to have him without using his name, and Omega is saying he’d be open to the WWE as long as he comes in as a star. I mean, there’s worse things to root for during the Rumble.

Jonah: Let’s say the WWE really decides to shake things up and have a true shocking winner of the Rumble.  I see a couple of guys that have an outside shot of shocking the world.  I love Big E at 66/1.  He’s a future World Champion and the New Day don’t have the tag titles anymore.  It’s time for them to move on and help Big E win his shot at the title.  New evil heel Dolph Ziggler is on a bit of what has to be a redemption storyline to prove he’s not a huge loser.  He’s a 66/1 underdog and has had two title matches since the brand split so he’s not exactly outside the main event even though he’s on a losing streak gimmick.  He will also put on a very good match, especially against AJ Styles since everyone will put on at least a decent match against AJ Styles.  Then there’s Rusev, who last year was one of the top guys in terms of odds at 80/1.  It’s obviously not likely that he wins, but he’s a guy who is a main event level heel who should be the top main event level heel but he’s too Bulgarian or something.  Also at 80/1 it’s Tye Dillenger.  Stop to think about that for a minute, you can get the same odds that Rusev wins the Rumble as Tye Dillenger.  Tye is awesome and a perfect 10 and needs to enter at 10, but he’s not winning guys.  Though not listed on your odds, I also like Barack Obama at 1000/1.  That guy’s in need of a job and I believe that he would generate heat unlike no other heel in the history of wrestling.  Any fun bold predictions for the Rumble Joe?

Joe: I’ll go with a surprise entrance from Chris Hero. Hero already spent years in WWE developmental, and he’s really not going to learn much at this point about how to get over in front of a crowd of 500 people; he’s been doing that for a decade. Hero isn’t going to win the thing or be put into a main event feud right away, but he is a valuable guy that you can put on the main roster and have awesome matches with. A Chris Hero/Rusev feud is definitely something I could get behind.

As for the old guy surprise entrance, Kurt Angle really wouldn’t be a surprise at this point, so let’s go with the biggest name possible, and say the Texas Rattlesnake, Stone Cold Steve Austin shows up to have a few Broken Skull IPAs and hit a few stunners. This isn’t going to happen, but it’d be cool. If you want another weird one, let’s just go with somebody from DX, because the WWE won’t ever stop pushing them down our throats, even though they were never good. How about you?

Jonah: Let’s see, the Rumble is in Texas so how about a surprise Rumble appearance from Terry Funk?  Since the Rumble is pretty much about crazy returns, I’ll also say Cody Rhodes comes back at the Rumble and rejoins the WWE.  And we need one more random entrant, how about MVP?  Haven’t seen him in awhile, he can come back and be an underwhelming surprise.  In terms of a surprise that’s not a returning wrestler, I say Big Cass makes the final four even though I don’t think he has any chance of winning.  Vince is a big fan of him, and it seems like there’s always a super random guy in the final four.  Now we’ve talked about a few different wrestlers and scenarios, time to put your money where your mouth is.  Who are you taking in the Rumble?

Joe: Triple H said that nobody can predict what’s going to happen at the Rumble. That kind of gives me hope for all of my longshot picks. It could also mean that Triple H is going over, because that’s always an option with H. But I picked Zayn last month, and he did get some major momentum by taking out Seth Rollins on Raw. Also, I don’t love any of the other picks, so I might as well stick with it and have something to root for with all of my heart during the Rumble.

Jonah: My pick to win the whole thing is Finn Balor.  They’ve clearly got huge plans for Finn and as I stated before the WWE’s favorite thing is guys coming back from injury and winning the Rumble.  Also, there’s a good chance that he enters at 30 and everyone could get eliminated while he does a 5 minute entrance making him the automatic winner.

Joe: Now that would be a shocking Rumble ending. 

6 Things That Stood Out About the WWE Draft

The WWE Brand Split Draft happened last night, and, like any draft, these things cannot happen without controversy. I wanted to highlight what stood out for me, while making my case to be Smackdown's Assistant GM.

1. Seth Rollins Goes #1
This is the correct choice for the first overall draft pick. He went number one in Jonah's and my WWE Fantasy Draft, and there's really not anybody that should have been taken ahead of him. At least they didn't mess this part up.

2. Finn Balor and American Alpha Are Drafted into Stardom
We basically knew these were coming as why else would you have Balor take a couple of losses in the last few weeks and have American Alpha ever lose? This was the reason, and they are no worse off for taking those losses. They immediately get drafted as big deals, and it'll be interesting to see how they try to progress their careers now that they've made it to the big show.

3. The Other NXT Picks
This was a travesty. Let's start off with a caveat that champions were not eligible for the draft, so Samoa Joe, The Revival, and Asuka are all off the board. Still, these were their picks? I have no issue with any of the three ladies taken, as I actually think they are all very good, but I have also watched all of them get a ton better in the last few months, and I'd way rather see them continue to get better for the next few months. Oh, and the fact that we're supposed to believe that Shane and Daniel Bryan sat in a room together, decided they needed an NXT female with the last pick of the draft, and had the following conversation:

Shane: Let's go with Carmella.
Daniel: What about Bayley?
Shane: You mean Billie? Billie Kay? I don't think she's ready. 
Daniel: No, Bayley.
Shane: Wait, it's Bayley Kay? 
Daniel: No, just Bayley.
Shane: Oh, so she dropped half her name, like Antonio Cesaro. Well, that changes things, but I'm still going with Carmella.
Daniel: God damnit.

Okay, now that I typed it out, I could totally have seen that happening. Now imagine the same conversation happening but instead Shane goes with Mojo Rawley while discounting Shinsuke Nakamura for not being hype enough.

4. WWE and Black Superstars
Remember when Apollo Crews was heralded as the guy who could change WWE's inability to promote black superstars to headlining positions within the company? I remember that. The WWE definitely does not remember that. Apollo Crews is phenomenal in the ring, and I feel like people forget how good he is, because he has no character development outside of a nice smile. He could be something, and the brand split should theoretically help a guy like this out, but the WWE hasn't given us much reason to have faith in their promotion of black superstars, so I'm not going to hold my breath.

5. A Missed Opportunity
Wouldn't it have been great to see Raw as the established superstars side of things, and Smackdown just oozing with straight wrestling. It's not like Raw has to be completely depleted of wrestlers. I know of a simple trade that could benefit both sides (it would greatly help Smackdown)

Smackdown trades John Cena and Randy Orton to Raw.
Raw trades Sami Zayn, Cesaro, and Neville to Smackdown.

Who says no to that? Because right now, I don't have a whole lot of reason to tune in to Smackdown. It's American Alpha, seeing if WWE wants to push Dolph Ziggler after taking a few years off, and the whether Mojo Rawley can stay hyped. That third reason was a joke, because my other option was going to be the WWE figuring out how to push Apollo Crews, but that seemed like more of a joke.

Basically, if trades are allowed, I demand the position of Assistant General Manager on Smackdown. DB, I know you're reading this, so just imagine me as your Jonah Hill, and you, my Brad Pitt, as we Moneyball the shit out of the Raw roster.

6. Did Shane and Stephanie Shoot Draft These Rosters?
I know that Shane is super beloved and everything, but are we sure he doesn't have the opinions of his father? Like, he hasn't been around for a while, and there is a pretty good chance that his wrestling tastes have not evolved in the last decade. And Stephanie, although hated onscreen, has watched NXT blossom thanks to guidance from her husband, so maybe she has a better grasp of where wrestling is going, as opposed to where it's been. Think about the simplistic justification that could have been used by Shane to make these picks:

Dean Ambrose - Champion
AJ Styles - Beat John Cena
John Cena - Is John Cena
Randy Orton - I remember him being really important the last time I was around.
Bray Wyatt - New Undertaker
Becky Lynch - Oh shit, they just got Sasha Banks.
The Miz - Intercontinental Champion
Natalya - Her Dad beat up my Dad (I'm assuming Shane does not understand the Hart family dynamics and thinks Bret is her Dad)
The Ascension - New Demolition
Alexa Bliss and Eva Marie - Hot

Are we positive that Shane didn't really make these picks and let Daniel Bryan have like 1 out of 10 picks where he could take Dolph Ziggler, American Alpha, and Apollo Crews? Also, doesn't this explain the biggest fall in the draft, Kevin Owens? Stephanie probably knew that Shane has the old school mentality that fat guys can't be important, so she locked up Sami Zayn early, knowing that she could grab Kevin Owens later on since Shane would never take a fat guy? You can tell me I'm wrong about this draft being a shoot, but you can't 100% convince me of it.

The 10 Best Things in the WWE: February 2016

Another month and more of the same from the WWE. I had a fascinating conversation with my brother after Fastlane. He enjoyed the PPV, where I could barely pay attention to anything outside of the main event. The reason behind this is that I watch Raw every week, and he hasn't watched Raw in months. The repetitive nature of just about every damn match on that card meant that nothing meant anything, but if it was fresh, it was probably pretty enjoyable (outside of the six-man tag, obviously). WWE has enough talent to have engaging storylines every week, but they don't give anything enough time to actually develop. They want immediate returns instead of planting the seeds for something great down the line, and that is why the product has been stale. But this is an article that celebrates what WWE does well, because it's too easy to do the opposite. Without further adieu, the 10 best things in the WWE for February 2016:

1. Brock Lesnar (Last Month: Unranked)
Anytime Brock Lesnar is on screen, I sit up and pay attention. Everything is brought to a higher level with his presence. He may not get the credit, but he might be the best professional wrestler ever. No, he's not the most technically skilled, but he could be wrestling anyone, and I would give it my full attention. I can't think of a single wrestler he wouldn't put on a great match with. Like, is anyone out there really saying they wouldn't LOVE to see him smash Hornswoggle? I'd probably get physically ill if he chose to destroy Bayley, but I'd watch, and deep down inside, a part of me would enjoy it. He not only put himself at the top of this list but also propelled the other guys in the match along with him.

2. The New Day (LM: 1)
The New Day still rocks, and even though they are likely on their way to becoming good guys, I'm still excited for their future. Feuding with The League of Nations would build some interest, because no other tag team is a viable matchup until American Alpha comes up and takes down everything in their path.

3. Roman Reigns (LM: 6)
It is very hard to be objective with Roman Reigns. Either you follow the WWE's lead and are convinced he is the super savior that this generation needs, or you're a smark who decides that WWE can't tell them who to like and only focus on what he doesn't do well. I'm somewhere in the middle, and closer to the former than the latter. Roman Reigns is fun to watch in his matches, and he continues to have really good matches on big stages. I'd rather appreciate what he does well than what he doesn't.

4. Kevin Owens (LM: 4)
He won back his Intercontinental Title in about the most meaningless way possible, and then he wrestled Dolph Ziggler for the 35th time this month. I still find him to be consistently entertaining, and I am hoping the WWE utilizes him to the full extent for WrestleMania.

5. Shane McMahon (LM: Unranked)
I was never a big Shane O'Mac fan. He's fine and definitely the best wrestler of the McMahons, but he was by no means a good wrestler, just someone willing to take bumps, which, admittedly, is more than I'm willing to do. And I can't say that I'm excited for his match at WrestleMania, because he's kind of old, and The Undertaker is even older. With all that being said, he made a hell of an impact in his first segment, and it did raise my interest in anything the McMahons are doing. I think the play here is that Shane McMahon puts up a good fight with Taker, and after Taker tombstones him 1-3 times, Taker lies on his back and drags Shane over him to purposely lose. That's the way you have to play this, right?

6. Sasha Banks (LM: 2)
She's still great. She'll put on an entertaining match with Becky Lynch next month before moving on to face Charlotte at WrestleMania. They may actually keep my interest in a two-month build, as Sasha was continually building towards things with her feud with Team BAD, followed by taking on Becky Lynch to prep for a match for the title. That is nice work.

7. Dean Ambrose (LM: 7)
Dean Ambrose vs. Brock Lesnar actually has me excited. Sure, it's more for the latter than the former, but still, I'm excited. Ambrose has been on fire these past two months where his wackiness hasn't just been stupidity, but he's more of a crazy person who won't quit. I could get behind that. Still, we'll keep him around here and stay cautiously optimistic.

8. Charlotte Flair (LM: 9)
Sure, she's no Sasha Banks, but she is an effective women's champion. She is the biggest, strongest, most athletic Diva they have, so it's very easy for her to be disliked. Her speaking is a little rough, but she still has the highest potential to do something insane with her athleticism, and she continues to be solid. This is good.

9. Bo Dallas (LM: 5, as member of Social Outcasts)
Bo Dallas breaks into his own this month, as he is always the highlight of the Social Outcasts. Sure, what they're doing is still essentially meaningless, but it's worth paying attention to which gives him an advantage over most of the roster.

10. Dolph Ziggler (LM: 8)
The WWE is bound and determined to make me less and less excited about Dolph Ziggler, but I'm not ready to quit him yet. He had some really good matches with Kevin Owens, but it just wore me down seeing it every week.

And that wraps up this month. Falling off the list is Rusev (LM: 3) who didn't do anything of note, and Sami Zayn (LM: 10) who disappeared after his Royal Rumble appearance. 

The 10 Best Things in the WWE: January 2016

I am 31 years old; I still watch pro wrestling. This is never a point in my favor, but I'm basically an addict at this point. It's not always good; in fact, it's usually not all that good, but when it is good, it can be one of the greatest things produces on television, and that's what I keep holding on to. Still, most of it sucks, but it's easy to focus in the negative; instead, I want to focus on the positive, so here are the ten best things in the WWE this past month (Note: I will only focus on the main roster, as nearly everything about NXT is great).

1. The New Day 

No self-respecting list could start with anything but The New Day. They're amazing. Just hearing them do their intro immediately puts a giant smile on my face, as I know I am about to feel real emotions and true love for a part of the WWE product. They have shown that they can hold their own with any wrestler that has ever been on the roster on the mic, and their work speaking should not overshadow their work in the ring, as Kofi and Big E complement each other incredibly well. I never thought I would be a huge Xavier Woods fan, but I am a huge Xavier Woods fan as the man has learned his niche and is incredibly entertaining without being totally distracting. New...Day Rocks.

2. Sasha Banks  

Just seeing Sasha Banks start walking out at the Royal Rumble overfilled my heart with joy. Sasha is the best female wrestler they have, and even though the talent has increased a ton with the Divas Revolution, it's still not all that close. She compels the crowd to the point that anytime there is a Divas match without Banks, everyone is wondering, "Where's Sasha?" She's got a lot going on right now as she's taking on Becky, wants to challenge Charlotte and is creating a riff between herself and Team BAD. The good news is that we won't have to wonder where Sasha is for the foreseeable future.

3. Rusev 

This is a man who speaks multiple languages, but did he learn these skills with an easy upbringing? No, he had to throw kids off the school bus, so there was enough room for him so he could go to school and learn. If you can get past the fact that he has an accent, you will learn that he is maybe the second most creative speaker in the entire company. He is my hero; he is your hero; he is even Putin's hero. All hail Rusev.

4. Kevin Owens 

He is consistently entertaining in and out of the ring, which makes him a rarity in the WWE right now. He's proof that a guy who is successful in a variety of organizations all over the country can also find success in the WWE. He hadn't debuted in NXT at this point last year, and now he is probably the likely opponent for Undertaker at WrestleMania, and is totally deserving of that opportunity.

5. The Social Outcasts 

This is mostly due to Bo Rida, who spit hot rhymes at Flo Rida and basically destroyed him in a rap battle that was designed for Bo to lose, but he BOlieved, and it was phenomenal. But at least they are doing something with those guys, and because they don't matter, they have freedom to do absolutely anything, which gives them more room to do something that truly stands out.

6. Roman Reigns 

I know everybody wants to shit on Roman Reigns, because. DURR the WWE can't tell me who to like, but just disliking the guys that WWE wants to push to prove how smart you are isn't all that productive either. Is he entertaining on the mic? No, not really, but he has been putting on good matches for a while, and objectively, he is pretty cool. He's a freakin' Samoan in SWAT gear. That's cool.

7. Dean Ambrose 

I am what you would call a Dean Ambrose hater, but that match at Royal Rumble was awesome, and that alone can put him on this list. Ambrose is not a guy who is made to appeal to me, but I can still understand some of the appeal, and he's fine, just not one of my favorites.

8. Dolph Ziggler 

He's still good in the ring, but it's tough to get too excited for him when you know that nothing that he is going to do will matter AT ALL. 

9. Ric and Charlotte Flair 

It's not the best Ric Flair. Hell, it's not the best Charlotte Flair, but I'm still interested when they're on TV, and that is way more than I can say for most of the Divas division. Becky Lynch does deserve some credit here, but not quite enough to include a third Diva in the Top 10.

10. Sami Zayn 

Yeah, this is kind of cheating, but he did make one appearance, so that does make him eligible. His one appearance was fun where they reminded everyone that Zayn and Owens still hate each other, but I doubt we will be seeing him on these rankings again anytime soon. 

These rankings are absolutely subjective, so feel free to let me know what I got wrong in the comments.

Sensational Sherri Is the Greatest Woman in Pro Wrestling History

Pro wrestling, as a whole, has never been very progressive when it comes to its treatment of women. Even today, "Divas" are unimportant at best and are usually seen as a nuisance. Very few women have been able to rise above that level, but there are a few outliers. The Fabulous Moolah was probably the first, Trish Stratus and Lita managed to do it during the Attitude Era, and AJ Lee has had her moments as well. As great as these women have been, for my money, there's nobody that can top Sensational Sherri.

She was a manager that mattered. She was able to increase the importance of who she was managing while still letting the wrestler be the star. Her best run was definitely in the WWE where she took over Miss Elizabeth's role as Macho Man's manager and somehow kept pace with Macho Man during his promos. That alone makes her a Hall of Famer, because Macho Man was the most amazing combination of charisma, creativity, and insanity.

Macho Man would be the star in any pairing, but she added to the reasons to boo the man who was then known as the Macho King. After getting sent to the curb when Macho King lost a retirement match to the Ultimate Warrior where Savage reunited with Miss Elizabeth, she became the original singer of the greatest wrestling theme music of all time, "Sexy Boy," as she managed Shawn Michaels.

Everybody remembers HBK as a guy who was amazing in the ring and compelling outside of it, but he had to work up to that point. He was always good in the ring, but he got better when he became a singles star and had to put on full matches consistently. On the mic, he was pretty weak early on. He kind of reminded me of Dolph Ziggler in that you could see the potential, but there was something that was just a little off where he didn't quite get the reactions that he should have. Sherri truly was Sensational as the crowd absolutely despised her and she brought Shawn up a level as his manager.

Although her WCW career did not always keep her in the main event scene, she made a pretty amazing impact at her debut at Clash of the Champions. It was a mystery who she would be supporting, and it wasn't until the main event where she came out in Sting face paint to show her support for WCW's top babyface in his match to unite the World Titles against Ric Flair. Late in the match, Flair pulled Sherri in front of him and Sting accidentally hit her. Sting was concerned, and Flair rolled him up for the pin. She then revealed that her and Flair were in it together all along. Sting got mad, Flair cheapshotted him, and Sherri leg dropped his nuts. Hulk Hogan came out to restore order, but Sherri slapped him in the face and escaped the ring before he could do anything about it (Side note: The entire time that Hogan was in the ring with Sherri, Jimmy Hart was screaming "Hit her" into his megaphone. That probably wouldn't fly today). Overall, it was a pretty awesome performance from the woman who was now known as Sensuous Sherri.

Just as impressive as her ability to help elevate the person she managed, her ability to get her ass kicked during matches and just bounce back like she was a legitimate fighter meant that she was on her own level as a woman in wrestling. She would take bumps from the likes of Hogan, Ultimate Warrior, and the aforementioned Sting, but that would just knock her down, and she wouldn't magically go unconscious for an hour like most women in wrestling. She got back up to cause more havoc. She was strong enough to choke Hogan during matches, and she actually got credit for hurting men instead of just distracting them. Hell, she even jumped off a cage in WCW to deliver a double axe handle to Hogan. After that, she handcuffed Mr. T, but then took an uncomfortable amount of offense from Hogan. It was pretty rad.

Sherri Martel had many nicknames through her time in pro wrestling, Sensational and Scary being the most notable. And both of those were fitting. The latter, because she could actually do damage to those who opposed the wrestler she managed. And the former, because she was likely the greatest woman in the history of wrestling. She truly was Sensational.

My WWE Battleground Experience

So it was date night on Sunday, and I did the most romantic thing I could think of, getting my wife and I tickets to WWE Battleground. We shared a Mountain Dew beforehand, because we needed that childhood sugar boost in order to truly enjoy the evening. It also helped complete my transition into the 12-year-old that I become when watching professional wrestling. My seats were right by the preshow broadcast table. The most interesting part about that is obviously that Renee Young was constantly giving me looks despite my wife being right there. Get a hold of yourself, Renee. The best part though was Alex Riley refusing to acknowledge any fans calling his name, because he knew that the second he did, they were going to talk shit to him. Poor Alex Riley also got to his position 15 minutes before anyone else would join him. But let's look at this card match by match.

Fandango vs. Adam Rose was uneventful. My wife (who will be in the room while wrestling is on but rarely pays attention) made a good point in that everything around the Adam Rose is really fun. Unfortunately, she doesn't really care for Adam Rose. I have to agree. I want to cheer it, because the group is fun, but Adam Rose is not anybody that I care about.

For some reason they put on the main event second with Naomi taking on Cameron. It was bad. Yep, that's all for that.

The main card started off with BY FAR the best match of the night. The Usos vs. The Wyatt Family was awesome in every conceivable way. I screamed like a child throughout this match, as that third fall was insane. I thought the match was over at least eight times, and it got by far the biggest crowd reaction of the night. That match alone was worth the price of admission, which is good, because the other matches did not offer much.

Next up was AJ vs. Paige, and they got nothing out of the crowd. They were fine, but this crowd was only really into the tag match and the main event. Otherwise, it was dead in the arena. 

Then there was Swagger and Rusev, which was a little anti-climactic with the countout, but it was a fine match. Still, Swagger could have just been dazed from hitting the steel pole as opposed to being unconscious for the next hour.

You know what this card could have used? An exciting match between two young guys who just flat out go in the ring. Luckily, there was a match scheduled between Seth Rollins and Dean Ambrose. Unluckily, they cancelled the match. This was by far the biggest disappointment of the night.

Jericho vs. Wyatt was almost there in so many ways. It was almost a good match, but they couldn't quite find the right chemistry in the ring. The finisher came a little too easy. Overall, it was fine, but it could have been so much more.

It is impossible for battle royals to not be entertaining, and this one delivered. The Kofi spot was really cool, and everything Cesaro did was awesome, especially putting over Heath Slater. But as great as all of those things were, the best thing Cesaro did was during the entrances. He was just casually walking around the apron, and out of nowhere, he gives Big E a shove from behind. There was no provocation that caused it; he just did it, because that's what heels do. God Bless Cesaro. 

But yeah, it sucked knowing that Dolph was going to eliminate Sheamus only to be eliminated by The Miz immediately after. The crowd didn't even pop when Ziggler knocked him out, as everyone knew what was about to happen. 

The main event happened. Another okay effort with a stupid predictable ending. It could have used a whole lot more Brock Lesnar. 

So the tag match was amazing, and the battle royal was fun. Everything else was pretty forgettable, and still, it was a worthwhile experience. Live WWE events are fun to go to, and my wife said she would definitely go the next time that they were in town. I love her so much, almost as much as that Usos/Wyatt tag match.

If WWE Superstars Were Game of Thrones Characters

Two things that I thoroughly enjoy are the fictional worlds of the WWE and Game of Thrones. Now, I have limited GoT cred, as I only watch the TV show and have not read the books (so if you're not through Season 4, you may want to wait on this, as there are some spoilers). Still, I felt that there were a lot of similarities in this world, so I tried to find the doppelganger for some of the most famous characters from each world. I tried my best to stick with current WWE talent, but there are a few examples of Attitude Era stars that seemed to fit way better than any active wrestlers would have in the GoT world. I tried to split the characters up into their families/most important storyline to help with clarity. Without further adieu, here is where WWE Superstars would fit in within the Game of Thrones.

Stephanie McMahon - Daenerys Targaryen
Stephanie fits in as the Khaleesi, because she could become the ruler of the WWE. And there aren't a lot of examples of women being strong and confident without immediately failing in spectacular fashion. Also if she is in that role, it would mean that Vince was the Mad King, and Shane was Viserys Targaryen who thought he was destined to take over, but now has no chance. Shane at least chose to leave where Viserys was killed by having liquid gold poured over his head.

Brock Lesnar - Khol Drogo
Both are giant men that crush everything in their path. They laugh at obstacles, as there is nothing in the world that can stop them except for themselves. Khol Drogo decided to cut himself with a sickle, while Brock Lesnar willingly tattooed a sword on his. Both married blonde divas and lived on all-meat diets. With that being said, it does seem likely that Drogo died from diverticulitis.

The Rock - Daario Naharis
Daario only does two things, but he does them better than anyone else. Fighting and fucking. The Rock can take years off from wrestling and beat anyone, and every one of his interviews will talk about a woman's vagina in some demeaning fashion.

Goldust - Barristan Selmy
Barristan was seen as obsolete by the kingdom, and looking at his age, that would appear to be true. But there was still some gas left in his tank, and he might be doing some of his best work at an advanced age after his supposed prime in the King's Guard. That is basically the same story as Goldust who did some good things in his prime but may be doing his best wrestling in his most recent comeback.

Rusev - Grey Worm
They are both killing machines who are commanded by women.

The Shield - The Three Dragons
Yes, this is slightly outdated with Seth Rollins leaving The Shield, but those three guys are totally the dragons of the WWE. They come in, fuck shit up, leave and think nothing of it. Daenerys thinks that she controls them, much like Triple H thought he controlled The Shield. In reality, they do whatever they want, whenever they want, because they can.

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The Miz - Joffrey Baratheon
The two most punchable faces in the world. There really is nobody that could be more hated than these two. Also, I always thought Miz kind of looked like a serial killer, but he might just secretly beat hookers with medieval weaponry.

Randy Orton - Cersei Lannister
My only intergender comparison. Cersei is the golden child who feels entitled to certain things, because she has always gotten certain things. She's an attractive lady, but she can also be absolutely brutal to people. That sounds a whole lot like the Legend Killer to me.

Triple H - Jaime Lannister
Has all the tools to be great on paper, but will never reach the top of the mountain. Charismatic with a touch of crudeness, each guy seems like they would be likely to be the best, but neither man is. At best, Jamie is the second or third most important member of his family, and Triple H was always only the second or third most important person in WWE. They both have weak body parts, as Jamie lost his hand, and Triple H tears his quad like it's a piece of paper. Also, each is a guy that you want to root against, although at this point, you sometimes wonder what made you hate them so much in the first place. Oh, and while we're talking about H and Jamie...

Chyna - Brienne of Tarth
Yep. This one fits in real nice. Both compete with the men because they would outclass any woman. Fell in love with a blonde, although Jamie Lannister is much more traditionally attractive than HHH. After the romance, they both got stuck with puds, or Pods, to be more accurate...

X-Pac - Podrick Payne
Podrick had a great deal going with Tyrion, but now he is with Brienne where he is not appreciated. It seems very similar to X-Pac being in the nWo, but then having a relationship with Chyna where he got physically assaulted. Also, Podrick is known for his prowess with the ladies, and X-Pac made a sex tape. They're not exactly equal, but they're not unequal either.

William Regal - Tyrion Lannister
Don't get caught up in the size. Instead, Regal is a match with Tyrion because he no longer has the physical gifts, but he has a sharp tongue and can captivate an audience with it. Also, he doesn't dislike bad guys, as he sees talent for what it is. Tyrion Lannister would definitely be a fan of Aiden English.

The Acolyte Protection Agency - Bronn
Bronn is the hired gun for Tyrion, and he saves his life once for money. When it comes to the second time, he already has money and women, so he doesn't save his life. He's a simple man, but you gotta respect that. The APA were simple guys as well, as they would beat up people for money, and if you couldn't offer them anything, they weren't willing to get their hands dirty. It's a simple and effective way of living.

AJ Lee - Shae
So I really hated comparing a diva to a whore, but let's face it, WWE only has three characteristics for women, whore, crazy, and boring, so there were actually a lot of women that could have been put in this spot. I chose AJ as she has a history of being jealous and of getting revenge on the men who have done her wrong. That sounds a lot like Shae, as she harshly turned on poor Tyrion.

Vince McMahon - Tywin Lannister
I know I mentioned him as the Mad King, but that was more in relation to Stephanie, as this is the spot where Vince fits best. He is the man with the money, so he pulls the strings behind the scenes while all gratitude and animosity is delivered to the people that he controls. The stockholders are the iron bank as they are the only ones who can get mad at Vince/Tywin if they aren't getting their money.

Paul Heyman - Varys
Could there be a less sexual person than Paul Heyman? Everything Varys has said could have just as easily been said by Paul Heyman. He tries to creep in the background and work his way up the ladder by attaching to those who he sees being in power. Tywin Lannister is definitely a Paul Heyman guy.

Cesaro - Tommen Baratheon
We really know nothing about the new king except that he wants to be a good king. And if you only watch the main WWE shows, you really have no idea about a personality for Cesaro. Cesaro is the newest King in WWE as he is the King of Swing, and I really felt like I needed to include my favorite wrestler in this post somewhere and couldn't find a great fit.

Summer Rae - Margaery Tyrell
Margarey will do anything to be queen, and Summer just wants to be liked so bad. Either will maneuver behind people's backs to get what they want, but in the end, neither person actually does anything all that awful. They both almost got stuck with bad guys, but now they can both find something better for themselves.

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John Cena - Eddard Stark
There is one big problem with this comparison, and that is John Cena always wins, and Eddard Stark obviously did not fall under that umbrella. Still, they are the virtuous ones who are always doing what is right and fighting for good. Eddard was the King of the North, and John Cena is often World Champ, but each guy can go away from their title and still be the most compelling person in the room. But with Eddard Stark dying early on, isn't that a valuable lesson? John Cena would not survive in the Game of Thrones.

Daniel Bryan - Robb Stark
Everyone questioned his potential to lead an Army. He didn't always make the right decisions, but he worked hard and slowly gained the respect of his people. Finally, when it looked like everything was going in his favor, he and his army were brutally murdered at a wedding. Daniel Bryan worked his way up, finally won the title, got married and shortly thereafter got a neck injury and lost his title.

Renee Young - Arya Stark
Everybody likes Arya as she is a quick witted little scamp. Renee Young is basically the adult version of that.

The Big Show - Sandor Clegane 
The Hound is a large man who has done some bad things in his past, but he was just doing his job. Deep down, he has shown that he actually isn't that bad of a guy. This is similar to The Big Show who occasionally has done some bad things, but he always shows his nice guy side in the end and both have proven to be more gentle giants than giant jerks.

Natalya - Sansa Stark
Both have a "woe is me" attitude, and although they really have not done anything wrong, they are both easy to dislike without any concrete behavioral flaws.

Jerry Lawler - Petyr Baelish
If there was anyone in the WWE who would run a whorehouse, it would definitely be Jerry Lawler. Also, old school Jerry Lawler had the bad guy tendencies that matched Baelish's personality. Also, they both love women who are too pretty for them.

Bo Dallas - Robin Arryn
Both are shocked when anyone doesn't like them. They both have incredible confidence despite not doing much to earn said confidence. Robin got built up by his mother, and Bo Dallas just BO-lieves in himself.

The Great Khali - Hodor
Both huge humans, which would make you think that they could crush the world. When in reality, they are immobile, and nobody can understand what they are trying to say. Hodor gets the slight edge on value since he carries things a lot of the time where a lot of Khali's value is from his singing and dancing.

Dolph Ziggler - Jon Snow
He's one of those guys that everybody seems to root for. They are not impressive physical specimens and were put in terrible situations for no reason. It seems like punishment, but all they do is work their butts off every chance they get. Each one makes everyone around him better, but it will take extraordinary circumstances for either of them to reach true greatness in the general public's eye.

Emma - Ygritte
Ygritte was a wildling lady who could have killed Jon Snow multiple times but froze up and was distracted long enough for it to lead to her downfall. Emma is a very talented wrestler but often gets distracted by her own dance moves and loses because of it.

Sheamus - Tormund Giantsbane
Is this partially because of the red hair? Yeah, definitely, but they are both giants who think they can take on anything. All Tormund needed to do was end his sentences with "fella" and they basically become the exact same person.

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Ric Flair - Robert Baratheon
Robert gained power by being incredible in the battlefield and he rose to being the undisputed top dog in the world. Flair gained power by being the best wrestler in the world. Once they got their power, they enjoyed the finer things in life as they partied hard and drank and fucked everything they could get their hands on. God bless them both.

Bray Wyatt - Stannis Baratheon
Believes he is the rightful king. Does shady things that make him untrustworthy. Battles forces and seems super powerful, but always loses, and then he just tries again with the same plan. Stannis's one great move involved a demon baby, Bray's involved a child with a voice modulator, so the similarities can be quite shocking.

Luke Harper - Davos Seaworth
He is dedicated to Bray Wyatt. Seems like a nice guy. Could use a fresh change of clothes and both are just learning to read.

Eva Marie - Melisandre
Evil redhead lady who has way more power than she deserves. Seems useless from an outsider's perspective, but has shown some savvy in staying relevant so far. Also, Eva Marie had a uterus problem, and Melisandre produced a smoke demon from hers. Po-tay-to, po-tah-to.

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Kane - Ramsay Bolton
Both are sadistic monsters that have no sympathy for anything or anyone. They are driven by destruction, but deep down both of them have a longing to be loved and accepted for who they are.

Damien Sandow - Theon Greyjoy (Reek)
Theon used to have charisma and confidence, but then he reached for the stars and failed. After that, things spiraled downwards for him, as he has had his junk removed and has been broken mentally. Damien Sandow had charisma and confidence, won Money in the Bank, challenged Cena and lost, and he is now wearing a tan jumpsuit that made him resemble a eunuch.

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Mark Henry - Gregor Clegane
Everybody thought The Mountain was unbeatable, and he was also kind of ruthless as he burned his brother's face when they were children. That sounds a whole lot like Dog got inducted into the Hall of Pain. Also, Mark Henry is the World's Strongest Man which seems like a title that Gregor probably could have had if he wanted to prove it. In the end, these people are both undone by guys who are quicker than them. Also, just as you should not waste time trying to get The Mountain to confess something, you should probably steer clear when Mark Henry says he is retiring, as they both seem to gain super strength in those situations.

CM Punk - Oberyn Martell
Oberyn is somebody who is only happy when he is doing what he wants. He didn't have to get involved with Tyrion, but he wanted revenge on the Lannisters. He could have killed The Mountain but killing wasn't good enough; he had to get that confession first, and that is why his head exploded. Although CM Punk didn't meet quite as grisly of a fate, all of these same things could be said about him. He wanted to do what he wanted to do, and when he didn't get exactly what he wanted, he proved to be the cause of his own undoing.

I know that doesn't cover everyone, as there were people from GoT and WWE that I wished I could have worked in. Still, it gives a good starting point, and it has the potential to inspire a ton of great fan fiction which is what the internet is all about.

WrestleMania 30 Betting Odds and Predictions

I'm sure a lot of you nerds are excited for your games of dress-up and sword play with the Game of Thrones premiere this Sunday, but since I'm oozing machismo, I'll be watching oiled up dudes take their shirts off and wrestle in their underwear. You know, real man stuff. WrestleMania 30 is going to be great, and I say that as someone who is not at all pumped about this card on paper. My favorite wrestler is on the preshow, the one wrestler I know is wrestling three dudes who combined age is 140, and I am highly doubting that any of my favorites from NXT are going to be making an appearance. But it's still WrestleMania, and there will definitely be awesome matches and hopefully a few surprises (although I doubt they find a way to make that banner image come true). To top it all off, I'm joined by a very special guest, Lukewarm Jonah, as we're going to break down the card match by match to see if there are any good betting opportunities, so you can make that scrilla and get yourself some extra months of the WWE Network (sorry to my foreign friends who are not able to purchase the network).

Tag Team Championship Match

The Usos (Champions) -250 vs. The Real Americans +175 vs. Rybaxel +250 vs. Los Matadores +600

Hott Joe: First off, let's eliminate Rybaxel, because I can't imagine anyway that they win the tag titles. They are just filling out the card. Next, let's eliminate Los Matadores, who are likely only in this match so Cesaro can swing El Torito to the moon. That leaves The Usos and The Real Americans. On one hand, they have been teasing a Real Americans breakup for a while, but on the other hand, they have also been teasing us with these possible breakups only for the group to stay together (The Shield), so it could go either way. I feel like this is an opportunity to propel Cesaro forward, but I think they will do it by splitting him up from his tag partner. The Usos take advantage and retain their tag titles.

LJ: The Usos are my pick. I don't like picking favorites, but I feel like I have to in this case.  The Usos just won the tag titles and they’re not going to simply lose them a month later.  The Real Americans are the only team with a real shot at winning and they’re going to break up soon so the Usos retain.

Winner: The Usos

Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal

Alexander Rusev 7/4

Big Show 2/1

Sheamus 6/1

Dolph Ziggler 6/1

Alberto Del Rio 14/1

The Miz 14/1

Rey Mysterio 14/1

Big E 18/1

Fandango 18/1

Christian 18/1

Mark Henry 18/1

Cody Rhodes 25/1

Goldust 25/1

Damien Sandow 25/1

Titus O’Neil 50/1

The Great Khali 60/1

Zack Ryder 75/1

Sin Cara 75/1

Brad Maddox 75/1

Heath Slater 75/1

Jinder Mahal 75/1

Drew McIntyre 75/1

Kofi Kingston 75/1

Brodus Clay 75/1

Darren Young 80/1

Justin Gabriel 80/1

R-Truth 80/1

Santino Marella 80/1

Field 15/2

LJ: How the hell is Rusev the favorite in this match?  That randomness really makes we want to pick him, but I’m taking Ziggler.  Show is the obvious choice, so I don’t think he’s winning.  It seems like they’re actually giving Ziggler a push again so hopefully this is the start of another main event run for him.

Hott Joe: So I'm going to make this simple and immediately eliminate everyone whose odds are 18/1 or worse. Sorry, guys, but you all have no chance of winning this thing.  Next, let's eliminate The Miz and Alberto Del Rio as they have been losing nonstop for the past few months, so I don't see why they would win this thing. Next, as much as it pains me to do this, I have to eliminate Dolph Ziggler, as he is very near that Miz and ADR area. That leaves us five choices. Alexander Rusev, The Big Show, Sheamus, Rey Mysterio Jr., and The Field. Although The Field is very interesting since it could be a lot of different people, I don't see Hulk Hogan being a mystery entrant so I think you can mark that off as well. The WWE is about prestige, and I don't think they can trust a newbie like Rusev as the winner of this thing. He would be my pick for most eliminations, but I don't see him winning it. The last three are the guys to consider. I would say that Mysterio has the smallest (no pun intended) chance of winning, although the WWE could love the irony of Mysterio winning a battle royal dedicated to the largest athlete in wrestling history. So, for me, it comes down to Sheamus or Big Show. Since they hinted at Big Show winning it on Raw, I'll go Sheamus.

Winner: Dolph Ziggler (Lukewarm Jonah)/Sheamus (Hott Joe)

Hustle, Loyalty, Sheep Match
Bray Wyatt -350 vs. John Cena +225

Hott Joe: It seems like Wyatt needs this win to propel himself forward, but it's not like him beating Cena would end a feud with Cena and let him move on from things. That being said, there is no reason for Cena to win and move on, because there's nowhere for him to go either. I think this drags on for a while, but I do think that Bray Wyatt gets the win with help from Rowan and Harper.

LJ: Wyatt winning here makes a ton of sense, he’s a hot up and coming heel who is super over.  On the other hand, John Cena is an actual underdog in a match.  It’s tough to pass up betting on Cena as an underdog but I think Wyatt wins, and may even put Cena out of commission for a couple of months.  The feud will continue and Cena will eventually win, but Wyatt probably takes the first match.

Winner: Bray Wyatt

Random Match To Highlight The Shield
The Shield -800 vs. Kane and The New Age Outlaws +425

Hott Joe: It makes no sense to put the old guys over The Shield, but I still don't think I would bet on it with these odds. The WWE may try some trickery for this match. But they shouldn't. Believe in The Shield.

LJ: It’s upset time, and it’s a big one.  Three jabronis taking on one of the coolest groups in years?  Seems like an easy choice, but I have a theory.  The Shield was about to break up but has become a cohesive unit again.  This won’t last long as Roman Reigns needs to have his big singles push.  I think the Shield break up happens in this match leading to Kane pinning whatever guy gets left alone in the ring.

Winner: The Shield (Hott Joe)/Old Dudes (Lukewarm Jonah)

The Streak

The Undertaker -3000 vs. Brock Lesnar +900

Hott Joe: The Undertaker is definitely the guy who has been selected to win this match. But still, how awesome would it be if Lesnar went rogue and turned it into the most brutal shoot in wrestling history? It would be glorious. But that's not going to happen.

LJ: Do I really need to pick this match?  Undertaker beats Lesnar.  I think Lesnar puts on a great match and this could definitely be the match of the night but there is no way Lesnar beats Taker.  There will be some great near falls, but Taker always wins, except if Giant Gonzalez makes a return.

Winner: The Undertaker

Vickie Guerrero Divas Championship Invitational

AJ Lee (-300) vs. The Field (+200)

LJ: I’ll take the field in this match.  Now AJ Lee is the best Diva on the roster, but she’s been champ for 250 plus days.  It’s time for someone else to win the title, more than likely one of the Bellas.  I’m actually surprised Lee is a favorite in this match, it seems like it’s being build to some other diva getting a run with the title.

Hott Joe: The WWE doesn't give a shit about the Divas division. Total Divas is far more important to them. It's kind of stupid to have AJ lose her title this way, but there are a ton of other ladies in this match. It just seems like the odds are too good to pass up. I'm taking The Field, and I will take Naomi to win the title, although Eva Marie would make me laugh my ass off.

Winner: The Field, A Bella Twin (Lukewarm Jonah)/Naomi (Hott Joe)

#1 Contender Match (Kind of)

Daniel Bryan -2000 vs. Triple H +800

Hott Joe: Although I could see the WWE pissing off the crowd during WrestleMania, I can't see them doing it for this match. If they do it here, there are going to be nonstop boos for the main event, and although the WWE has enjoyed trolling its fans, they can't even survive that for their biggest show of the year. Daniel Bryan gets his revenge on Triple H and wins the match.

LJ: This may not make any sense after reading that I think Daniel Bryan will win the World Title but I’m very tempted to pick Triple H in this match via screw job, but then the Hulkster will insert Bryan into the match.  I wouldn’t bet on this with the terrible odds, but officially I have to take Bryan, he needs to make Trips tap in the middle of the ring and go on to win the World Title.
Winner: Daniel Bryan

WWE World Heavyweight Championship Match
Daniel Bryan -700 vs. Batista +750 vs. Randy Orton +1000 (Triple H is +1200)
LJ: Tough to go against the favorite here.  The only conceivable thing they could do is some sort of screw job that lets Batista win, but they’ve been screwing Bryan for six months now.  It’s time for him to have his moment here.  Bryan is the pick.

Hott Joe: Here is where I feel like the money can be made. I don't see Daniel Bryan winning this match, because he doesn't need this win. As long as he gets his win over Triple H, he has proven himself as a main event wrestler. Winning the title does nothing important for him, and I also see this being the order of the matches, so he will be worn down when this match begins which gives him a built-in excuse. I still think Triple H will do something to prevent him from winning the title, so his only real hope is that Hogan interferes on his behalf. I think Vince McMahon has planned on putting the title on Batista for about six months, and I don't think he's going to change his plan now. I've got Batista winning the title.
Winner: Daniel Bryan (Lukewarm Jonah)/Batista (Hott Joe)

Surprises
Hott Joe: You can't bet on any of this, but I'll predict that CM Punk comes out at the end of WrestleMania and nails Batista with a GTS, so everyone in the crowd can freak out and be happy at the end of the event.

I've been hearing rumors of RVD being one of the three extra entries in the Battle Royal, so sorry if that spoils things for you. I'll go ahead and give Jake "The Snake" Roberts one of the other spots. For the third extra guy, I will take Savio Vega, because Savio Vega is a legend when it comes to surprise appearances.

Hulk Hogan gets involved to help out Daniel Bryan in some way. I hinted at this earlier, but I think Hogan helps out Daniel Bryan at some point in the night. I think it happens in his efforts to beat Triple H, possibly taking out Kane and the New Age Outlaws. Although that just gave me a way better idea of Hulk Hogan being the fourth member of The Shield. That would be Too SWEEEEEEEEEEET.

My Predictions for the 2014 Royal Rumble

The Royal Rumble is the greatest single match of the year. Yes, a WrestleMania main event is great, and Money in the Bank is awesome, but I have been looking forward to the Royal Rumble since the last Royal Rumble. Even crappy battle royals that Zack Ryder wins excite me. The Royal Rumble is the best. Here are all of my predictions for the event.

First off, Randy Orton will beat John Cena. John Cena's match at Mania is always important, because it's John Cena. Orton needs the belt to be important, so I think he holds onto it for this match. Also, I think Cena does something with Hogan involved at Mania.

Next, Lesnar is beating The Big Show. No doubt about it.

I'm actually going to pick Bray Wyatt over Daniel Bryan. They clearly want to elevate Wyatt, and this seems like the best way to do it.

Cody Rhodes and Goldust will beat the New Age Outlaws. At least, I really hope they do. They were the team that was good enough to beat the unbeatable tag team, The Shield, so they probably shouldn't lose to two retired guys who are well past their best days.

There will be a surprise appearance from an NXT Superstar. That person will be Sami Zayn. Most of the WWE Universe will have no response. I will start cheering from my house. He will eliminate my favorite wrestler, Antonio Cesaro. They will begin a feud against each other. Everyone will watch these two wrestle and have the wonderful moment of, "Holy shit, these guys are awesome." An angel will get its wings.

Chris Jericho will be a surprise entrant, because why not. And no, I'm not going to take the time to look up Fozzy's tour schedule to see if that is even possible.

Sheamus will come back for the Rumble. He's been out for a really long time, so this seems like a good time for him to come back.

Dolph Ziggler comes back for the Rumble. At least I hope so, because that will mean that he no longer has any ill effects from his concussion.

Finally, Daniel Bryan will win the Royal Rumble. Yeah, I have him losing his singles match, but that makes it the ultimate emotional rollercoaster for Bryan supporters. And who is a better guy to face Orton at Mania? Batista? That's boring, and Mania is all about mainstream publicity. Daniel Bryan is the kind of feel good story that they can put on the national media. They can point to his famous yes chants that have taken over at sporting events. Daniel Bryan is finally done being the underdog, as he's on his way to being the big dog of the WWE.

My 5 Favorite WWE Superstars Right Now

Yes, I watch pro wrestling. Hell, I love pro wrestling. I also love folkstyle wrestling, and mixed martial arts. None of these are mutually exclusive. I will say that I like folkstyle wrestling and MMA for more similar reasons than pro wrestling, but pro wrestling is still very awesome. There are guys I love, and there are guys I hate. I'm going to start with the positives and go over my ten favorite wrestlers in the WWE. Remember, these are my rankings right now, so "Cool Guy" Chris Jericho will not be on this list despite being one of my five favorite wrestlers of all time. Also, The Miz will not be on this list, because The Miz is the worst.

5. The Prime Time Players - Yes. there are two of them, possibly three if you include Rufus "Pancake" Patterson, but they are great. If you don't agree, then you and your washrag are not invited to my party. The WWE almost pushed them to a tag title, but then they decided to have them lose for the next four months, which has basically been the fate of every wrestler I have liked over the last three years. Still, MILLIONS OF DOLLARS, MILLIONS OF DOLLARS, MILLIONS OF DOLLARS...

4. Team Rhodes Scholars - They're not just a tag team; they're BEST FRIENDS. Oh, and they are painfully similar to The Prime Time Players. Just subtract wash rags, and add facial hair and seducing twins. So yeah, that is why they get the edge.

3. Fandango - I was skeptical of Fandango when he was only doing vignettes. Then he debuted in person, and I started to like him. He demanded respect and that people pronounce his ridiculous name correctly. Then he nearly made one of the Funkadactyls flood the ring with her womanly juices by being a smooth operator. At that point, I was fully on board with Fandango. Now Fandangoing is a real thing that happens, and it is just perfect.


2. Dolph Ziggler - Ziggler has always been great in the ring, but he has slowly progressed on the mic in the last year. He showed a ton of potential in his Ask The Heel segments on ZTLIS, but he's finally starting to convey that personality to a larger audience. It was a little scary how excited I was when I heard his music before he cashed in his Money in the Bank. It was also a little sad that my fiancee had to come downstairs and check on me because she heard me yelling and screaming while watching his match with Del Rio. It may be the saddest that I felt genuine happiness for Dolph Ziggler when he finally did win the title. But, seriously, watch this:

Everything about that video is awesome. Awesome entrance, awesome crowd reaction, awesome three minute match, awesome celebration. I will never stop loving this video.

1. Antonio Cesaro - I went over how awesome he was, and everything remains the same. He dropped the USA flag and replaced it with yodeling. He's amazing in the ring in the way that he tosses people like they weigh nothing. I don't really think I need to expand on anything else that wasn't already said here. Cesaro is the best.

Predictions Leading Up To Wrestlemania 29

I spend way too much time thinking about professional wrestling. I say that as a 28 year old, fully functioning adult, who has seduced ladies in real life. I know that combination is surprising for many people, but pro wrestling is awesome. I have obviously waxed poetically about Antonio Cesaro before, but there is a lot of interesting things going on. The Rock is back. He won the title. CM Punk held the title for like a year and a half before that. John Cena lost every important match for a year straight. So what's going to happen next?

CM Punk is going to talk about how his title reign (even though he doesn't have the title, he still talks as if the title is still his) is the most impressive streak in professional wrestling. He will face The Rock at Elimination Chamber. In this match, The Rock will be close to winning, but then Brock Lesnar will attack him to help CM Punk win. Punk will hit his finisher, the GTS (Go To Sleep), but before he can pin him. The lights will go out. Undertaker will take out Punk, helping The Rock retain the title. Undertaker will then face CM Punk at Wrestlemania since his undefeated Wrestlemania streak is considered the greatest streak in professional wrestling.

John Cena and friends will beat The Shield at Elimination Chamber, because John Cena is now invincible. He will beat The Rock at Wrestlemania. They will hug after the match in a "passing the torch" moment. John Cena may not lose in 2013.

Don't feel bad for The Rock; Fast and the Furious Six will go down as the greatest movie ever made.

Kane and Daniel Bryan will continue to be Kane and Daniel Bryan. That's all the insight I have on those guys.

Antonio Cesaro is going to hold the US Title forever, because he's the best, and nobody will ever beat him outside of Ryback who has beaten him like three times in non-title matches. Hasn't Ryback earned a title shot yet? Apparently not. They just like to delegitimize their champions, which is dumb. Shit, Miz will probably win this title by Wrestlemania. But that will just open up Cesaro for bigger and better things.

Dolph Ziggler will face Chris Jericho at Wrestlemania. Brock Lesnar will take on Triple H.

Alberto Del Rio will beat The Big Show at Elimination Chamber. Dolph Ziggler will not cash in his Money in the Bank.

Mark Henry will win the Elimination Chamber to face Del Rio at Wrestlemania. Del Rio will win, only to have Dolph Ziggler run out to cash in his Money in the Bank. Wrestlemania is full of "smart" wrestling fans, and they will give a huge pop for Ziggler when he comes out to win the title.

My final prediction is the worst possible idea I could come up with that the WWE would actually consider: After John Cena and friends beat The Shield at Elimination Chamber, they become convinced that Cena is right and they are wrong. Dean Ambrose, Seth Rollins, and Roman Reigns will begin to dress in bright colors and be known as Hustle, Loyalty, and Respect.

Antonio Cesaro Is The Greatest Thing In The WWE

Antonio Cesaro is the best thing in the WWE right now. That is not easy for me to say, as I can openly admit that I am a huge mark for Dolph Ziggler, and I know Seth Rollins personally. Still, I have to give credit where credit is due, and nobody has been better over the last couple months than the United States Champion, Antonio Cesaro.

I know I should be ashamed that I am a grown man, totally buying into wrestlers, but seriously, if you saw this guy you would understand. He has been great both inside and outside the ring. Here he is uppercutting the life out of people.


He's also strong. Not like he's obviously strong, because he's a pro wrestler, but he's like freakishly strong. To the point that if he took off a couple months to focus on it, I wouldn't bet against him in the World's Strongest Man competition. People think Ryback is strong, but compared to Antonio Cesaro, Ryback is like a child trying to arm wrestle Sly Stallone in Over the Top. Here's Ryback trying to pick up Tensai.


Yeah, not too impressive. Now here's Antonio Cesaro picking up Brodus Clay like a little baby.


Yep. And if you're still not convinced? Here he is doing it to Great Khali.

So, yeah, the dude is strong.

But he's not just great in the ring; he's great on the mic as well. Heels, or bad guys, as the common man may know them, love to troll people to get a rise out of them. Cesaro has done this, but he has done it better than anyone before him. It is common for a wrestler to make fun of fans, and he started by doing this, preaching about his superiority to the common fan, and he was totally right. He became the US Champion and talked about fat and stupid Americans. This was very solid stuff, but then he got better at it. He started praising America as the greatest country ever, while still disparaging Americans for being fat and lazy. This was amazing, because it was totally true, which pisses people off even more. Then he took it a step further by bringing out an American flag out there with him.

He was getting booed vociferously while carrying the red, white, and blue. This has never happened before in the history of the United States. What could be worse than that? Carrying a GIANT American Flag to the ring. Oh yeah, and then he put an American Flag design on his trunks to top it all off.

Oh, you need further evidence of his brilliance? How about this?

Antonio Cesaro is the best. I highly suggest getting on the bandwagon now, because it is filling up fast. Also, if you're reading this, you are probably one of those fat, lazy, Americans that he talks so much about, so please take the stairs before jumping on the bandwagon.