Thursday, June 13, 2013

Let's Talk About Young Torture Killaz's "I'll Cut Yo Dick Off"

As the title suggests, this is something that we all need to talk about. Ashley Burns from Uproxx called it the song of the summer, and it's really hard to argue. Let's just go straight to the video, because I'm still going through a lot of different emotions about this.

Wow...just, wow.

First thing that jumps out, is hoowee, this song is awful, but it doesn't take an expert analysis to figure that out. These are three of the least intimidating dudes on the planet and putting on eyeliner and smearing ketchup on their faces definitely does not help their cause. The next thing that really jumps out is they chop a lot of hot dogs in this video, but only one time is it actually connected to a person, and in that case, they are chopping their own "dick" off.

You're not really helping your cause with this demonstration. Still, let's break down the members of the group. Say hello to The Rusty One.
He seems to be the leader of the group, because he is allowed to say "yeah" while the chorus is going. He's a "hood rich killer who will leave you bloody like a tampon." Bloody like a tampon is every 12 year-old's clever saying, and I expect more from The Rusty One. The most important thing he says is, "Put your fucking dicks in the air for Dr. Consequence. Dr. Consequence is probably my favorite member of the crew.
He kills it with his line of, "Woop Woop, choppin' nuts, bangin' sluts, fuckin' butts," which is just how Dr. Consequence lives his his life. He also rides in a lot of helicopters, which is pretty boss.

Finally, there is Young Nino, who is the worst of the group.
Not only is he the token fat guy, but with the makeup and the green hair, he is the token fat guy who is trying way too hard to fit in, which just makes him more of an outcast. I bet he is the worst at dick choppin' parties, because he just tries WAY too hard. Also, most of his rap revolves around him drinking wine, which is the least dick choppin' of all alcohols.

Dr. Consequence leaves us with a nice heads up that we shouldn't worry, because he's a doctor. Still, the best line of this song comes from The Rusty One, where he states, "You want some trouble, but the minute I show up with scissors...ain't no safety scissors either." His scissors will straight cut yo dick off.

And that's the whole song. After listening to it a dozen times, is it still terrible? Well, that's a complicated question, because music is really subjective, but yes, it is very terrible. Still, god bless the Young Torture Killaz for this summer jam. Never change, fellas...never change.

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