Sunday, June 30, 2013

Life Lessons From Franklin & Bash's "Good Lovin"

Let's face it, the documentary Franklin and Bash is designed to teach. It is a show that I have learned so much from. First off, always go with the hot tub over the ocean. There are sharks in the ocean; the only biting pain you need to worry about in a hot tub is chlamydia. But anyway, here are the things I learned from this past week's episode of Franklin and Bash.

People Bowling - Bash seemed to knock down like everybody, but apparently messed up? I'm not sure how this game works.

Communication - Communication is key, but blowjobs make that impossible. This is why prostitutes are wise. I would think about seeing prostitutes for their wisdom, but shockingly, the prostitutes in eastern Iowa are goddamn terrifying.

Doctor-Patient Privileges - Sex surrogates are like doctors. It may seem like a reach at first, but proctologists stick fingers up asses, so is this really that big of a leap?

Sex Surrogates - Like prostitutes, but not. Prostitutes have sex with their clients, sex surrogates teach their patients how to make love. Important difference.

Hate Sex - If done properly, it can turn hate into real affection, and that is a beautiful thing. Sometimes, it is just a trick to get a better job.

Stanton Infeld - He was 16 and had sex with a 50 year old. I'm glad that Franklin and Bash don't even listen to his stories anymore. He also wears stupid sunglasses. Still the worst.

Coors Light - It is their drink, because Franklin and Bash are colder than cold.

Rachel King - Six years without sex, but doesn't want to be banged by old wrinkly balls judge either. Loosen up, lady.

Charlie - Will she ever be mentioned again? Is she sleeping with Rob Lowe? We may never know.

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