Monday, March 21, 2016

Hoody's Deep South Praline Pecans Are The Greatest Snack Ever

I try to live a fairly healthy lifestyle. I'm pretty dedicated to working out to keep my body on point, and I make smart decisions with my diet. No pop, very little fast food, and only eating out about once a week keeps things moving in the right direction. But I'm not here to talk about my successes; I'm here to talk about my failures, and there is one snack that brings my diet to its knees as it begs for mercy.

Hoody's Deep South Praline Pecans. Oh, you sexy beast. I first laid my eyes on you at Costco. I figured one canister couldn't hurt; it could last me months, but instead it lasted me mere days. At first, it was just you and me, but then I invited Cool Whip, and things got kinky. I loved seeing you in Cool Whip, but I was always more excited to taste what was underneath.

I was always gentle at first, using my tongue to go deep south on your deliciousness. But I'm a naughty boy, and eventually biting down was a necessity.I let your flavors overwhelm my mouth and swallowed you whole as if you had a Macrophilia sexual fetish. We both leave the experience with nothing but thorough satisfaction.

What I'm trying to say is that if you're going to indulge in a snack, you really can't top Hoody's Deep South Praline Pecans. And Hoody's, I have shown a lot of love for you, and I am hoping that you will reciprocate that love and send me some of those delicious pecans. You can reach me on Twitter or by email. Thank you, Hoody's; I love you, and I promise not to do anything to your product that I wouldn't also do to my wife.

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