The Ultimate WWE NXT Fantasy Draft Review

With Smackdown moving to a live show on Tuesdays, it appears we are going to have a good old-fashioned brand split for the WWE. Instead of waiting for the WWE to pull off a disappointing draft routine, the ultimate tag team, Lukewarm Jonah and Hott Joe, came together this past week to have an old fashioned WWE Fantasy Draft. Our goal is to create the best possible roster to create a successful, moneymaking product.

We knocked out the main roster in parts one, two, and three, with a review added at the end. But this week, we focus on NXT. With 73 superstars, we had to break it into two parts, with part one earlier this week and part two yesterday. Today is the conclusion where we discuss our thoughts more in-depth and wrap this thing up.

Jonah: So let's get this started, if you were in my position, how would you have handled the first few picks?

Joe: I think you have to go Balor with the first pick. Since he's been around for a while, people have gotten less impressed since he's not the hot new thing anymore, but he's great in the ring, and The Demon gimmick is about as unstoppable as Goldberg. As for the next two, my preference was American Alpha over Joe and Asuka. I'm not a big Samoa Joe fan. Joe's style is based on him being physically dominant, and I just don't know if he can do that when he gets to the main roster and looks small next to guys like Randy Orton. I would have been really bummed if I would not have gotten Alpha. After that Itami makes total sense, but I'm not an Aries guy at all. Did you have any thoughts on how the first nine picks went down?

Also, as I stated last week, the depth of the main roster shocked me, and this week, the lack of depth in NXT shocked me as well. The draft got really interesting for me at 10, what are your thoughts about those 10-20 picks?

Jonah: NXT is very talent heavy at the top.  I decided to go with Finn Balor.  He's got it all.  The look, the gimmick, the in ring talent.  He's a guaranteed star.  10 is definitely where things got interesting.  The picks up until that point are almost all guaranteed stars.  Outside of the top 10, you realize that there's not a lot of people left.  Alexa Bliss is great, and I love Tye Dillinger and have for years.  I wanted a push for him and Jason Jordan back when they were a tag team.  The Revival is still strong tag team, and they should be a tag team for life.  I see them being successful in the future.  I think No Way Jose needs a serious gimmick change, but he's got a good look and is good enough in the ring.  Nobody likes Mojo, and I think you took him too high.  If he comes with Gronk he may be worth that selection.  Carmella was a good pick and I'm a big fan of Gargano and Ciampa and think they'll be the next wrestlers pushed, especially when you look at the terrible depth in NXT.  I think you did great at building your women's division, but I think I got the better overall talent and my tag team division is extremely strong with my two teams.  What are your thoughts on the 10-20 picks?

Joe: Asked for his comments on Jonah, Mojo Rawley repeatedly screamed, "HE AIN'T HYPE," so tough break for you, Jonah. Because I can reunite the Hype Bros with my roster. I obviously acquired a ton of women's talent, so I'll have plenty of people to squash Rosa Mendes and Eva Marie on the main roster. I'm not totally sure what I think about No Way Jose, but there is something there. He's got likability, and that's a valuable commodity. As for your side, Ciampa's solid, but I feel like Gargano gets a lot of credit just because he came from the indy wrestling scene. It's not like he was really a star in any way, it was kind of a random signing, and somebody they care so little about that he can still wrestle on other cards. Having a couple workers like The Revival is good to have around, but I don't think you got your second tag team until later in this draft. So talk about your favorite pick in the 20s, and if it's not TM 61, talk about them instead.

Jonah: I may not be hype, but I'm still a more talented wrestler than Mojo.  Of course my favorite pick in the 20's is TM 61.  Big time tag team that fell way too far.  In a couple of months they'll probably be challenging American Alpha for the NXT tag team titles.  The Revival can't fight American Alpha every month.  That match they had with Gargano and Ciampa was great and announced their arrival.  Who was your favorite pick in the 20s?  For your picks, I like Andrande Almas, I knew you'd take him, but I thought I might be able to steal him away.  Guy has had a lot of success and will be over pretty quickly.  I also maintain that your pick, Tino Sabatelli, has butt implants.

Joe: I never watched TMDK (now TM 61) in their matches overseas, but they are a ton of fun in the ring. Nick Miller (can we change his name so he doesn't share it with a character on New Girl?) and Shane Thorne both have an overwhelming amount of in-ring charisma. Saying all that, I'm still happy with my decision to take Andrade Almas. He is the hottest of fire in the ring, and if this draft would have happened in a two months, he'd be a top-10 pick. Adrienne Reese has the coolest finisher in wrestling and further strengthens my stranglehold on women's wrestling. And considering that Tino has muscles in places that I don't, yeah, those have to be implants. Are there any other wrestlers that have been on television that stand out to you, good or bad? The next 20 picks were filled with wrestlers we have seen for brief periods in one way or another. Is there anybody that stands out to you, good or bad?

Jonah: I relate Nick Miller with the Nick Miller from New Girl.  I hope that's his entire character.  I like my picks of Peyton Royce and Billie Kay.  They've shown plenty of potential to be the next group of women in NXT.  I also put Liv Morgan in there as well.  I think Blake and Murphy were a great steal for you, but Rich Swann will be a big deal in no more than a few months.  Sawyer Fulton has all the potential in the world if they actually decide to use him.  I also like what I've seen out of Chris Gerard, and I've read great things about him.  Alexander Wolfe has looked good in his TV appearances and I've read some great reviews about him.  Tucker Knight is the one guy I don't really like.  I don't like his look and his in ring skills aren't impressive.  I got to see him win a match and was very underwhelmed by him.

Joe: Jonah, I think what this has taught me more than anything is how damn impressive your optimism is. You typed that, "Sawyer Fulton has all the potential in the world." Were you high when you wrote that? Like, he's fine, but the last time I saw him at a house show, he was in a Heavy Metal tag team with Alexander Wolfe. They were basically The Ascension adjacent. And Rich Swann is fine, but I don't think he's destined to be a big deal, unless Ricochet is secretly wearing Rich Swann's skin all of a sudden. Oh man, now I'm being a negative nancy. Liv Morgan and Mandy Rose are both really hot, and Rose does seem to be finding her character. And Tucker Knight used to wear a duck tape diaper, so mad respect for that. Oh, and I almost forgot Hugo Knox. Not sure if you've seen him, but you will love him, as he is a British bodybuilding club dancer, and it is AMAZING. Do you have thoughts on those final 20 picks? There are some super obscure names in there, although there may be some potential as well.

Jonah: Can I find optimism in the last 20 picks?  Of course I can.  Lots of amateur wrestling accomplishments in both our sides.  Some great foreigners, lots of fun stuff.  Now if you want to know who the greatest of the bunch is going to be it's Babatunde Aiyegbusi.  He's a physical marvel that took the same road to the WWE as Brock Lesnar and Roman Reigns, through the Minnesota Vikings.  Jerome Turner is big and has the support of The Rock so he's a guy to watch out for.  Terrance Jean Jaques was an Iowa wrestler and I know that's important, but it's something I feel is teachable.  When you talk about guys who are very impressive based on their appearance I'm going with Dylan Miley.  He looks like a more muscular Rusev.  

Joe: Well, I'll let you be optimistic for both of us, as the only thing I can really add is people are excited about Nikki Storm, but I have only seen her once and couldn't judge a lot off of it.

After 191 picks (118 for main roster), this experiment is finally over. I have to say this has been one of the more fun projects for the blog. I honestly think drug rehab should involve fantasy drafts to replace the highs, because hot damn do I get excited for these things. For NXT, I think it's pretty clear that there will never be a brand split, because I think six months into it, I'd be putting on best-of-7 series with Nakamura and Tucker Knight (it would be a sweep). It seems that 22-25 are the picks we're most excited about. For you, it's TM 61, and for me, I'm already all-in on Andrade "Cien" Almas and Adrienne Reese. Ultimately, I think this one is fairly close, you geared more towards the Indy darlings, and I geared more towards charisma and the ladies. I'm obviously more excited about my roster, but of course I am, I wouldn't have drafted these people if I wasn't.

I don't think we'll ever agree on who had the better main roster, but it's pretty clear that we focused on different things. I focused on mainstream appeal, as I feel that my roster will dominate the second half of the WrestleMania card. With Big Match John, Triple H, Taker, and Brock, the only big match I'm not guaranteed is the World Title match. The downside with my roster is the latter three are part-timers, but I think that could be a benefit as it gives me time to build up guys like Neville and Apollo Crews instead of getting stuck in a rut of main event guys are main event guys and midcard guys are midcard guys.

What are your closing thoughts?

Jonah: Whew 191 picks.  That was fun, I'm glad I found someone as into it as I am.  You have the star power for right now, but as you said your guys are part time.  They're also old as hell.  Undertaker might have one or two more matches in him at most.  Triple H will only wrestle a couple more matches as well, I think at least.  Brock can leave at any time and decide to be President of the United States or whatever his next goal will be.  Cena should be around for another few years, and he's the one I really do feel bad about missing out on, but I missed out on him by taking guys who can main event Wrestlemania for at least the next 10 years.  Don't forget when Cena made his big return this Monday the response was very meh until Styles came out, then the crowd got excited to see the two of them face off.  Owens is just so good at everything.  He's not musclebound, but once he turns face again and is doing planchas to the outside, he'll be hugely over.  Orton is still a huge name, and as you said, Rusev should already be a main eventer and will be around for a long, long time.  The first 16 people that I took are either already main eventing, or are already in the upper midcard.  After that I added lots of talent that has been underused.  My roster is strong top to bottom, from the men's division, to the women's division, to the tag division.  I added to the depth through the NXT draft, but yes we definitely have to keep our rosters together in NXT.  I'd say your draft looks more appealing on paper, but like I said, my first 16 picks are super over and talented.  That's 8 feuds plus an undercard with talented wrestlers.  We are both very strong, and if the draft actually went down this way and had two talented bookers in charge of the roster, the WWE would know what it's like to feel successful again. 

Joe: Can't wait to see how they screw it up.

An Optimistic Look at the 2011 Iowa Hawkeyes

So the Hawkeyes lost to Minnesota yesterday, and that's a bummer. But put away the rat poison, Hawkeye fans, this is not the end of the world for the Hawkeyes. There are so many things to live for: Friends, family, episodes of Workaholics and It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Natural Light, and yes, even the 2011 Iowa Hawkeyes.

Wait, what? The 2011 Iowa Hawkeyes stink at football in your opinion? I guess I could see how you would think that. But I've got great news...the 2011 Iowa Hawkeyes are still going to go to a BCS game this season. How is that possible? Well, before we look into the future, we must first take a look at the past.

Iowa @ Iowa State
Remember this game? I bet you were super bummed out when the game ended. I know I sure was, but then I realized that despite not playing all that well, it very much appeared that the Hawkeyes tried that day. So that was nice. The gods were against the Hawkeyes on this day, as Steele Jantz, who is only slightly better than Rob Bolden (who we'll get to later) made a deal with Satan to beat the Hawkeyes. Yes, Steele, you may have gotten the win, but I know the Hawkeyes will win the war as all of your children are cursed to be eunuchs.

Iowa @ Penn State
Rob Bolden led a scoring drive in this game. Literally, every bounce went Penn State's way in the first half. Sometimes them's the breaks. Iowa is the better team, and I am sure they will show that to their future opponents.

Iowa @ Minnesota
Wow, I did not see this one coming. And neither did the Hawkeyes. Whoopsies! A surprise onside kick? Shoot, that was a good call Mr. Kill. The bounces did not seem to go the Hawkeyes way at all in this one. But at least Kirk went for it on fourth down. That's progress.

And progress is what we will need as the Hawkeyes take out every one of their remaining opponents. How can a team that lost to Minnesota and Iowa State beat respectable teams? That's easy, with Loyalty, Heart, Horniness, and Respect, and the Hawkeyes have those in abundance.

Loyalty will defeat Michigan next weekend. They had no loyalty towards Lloyd Carr, and then none for Rich Rodriguez. I expect Brady Hoke to be fired by the end of the first half and replaced by Hugh Jackman, since he plays Wolverine in movies. WIN FOR THE HAWKEYES!

Heart will defeat Michigan State. Their coach had a heart attack, which means that his entire team has a weak heart. Expect a triple bypass sometime in the second quarter. That's right, ANOTHER WIN FOR THE HAWKEYES!

Horniness will help the Hawkeyes slay Purdue. How will horniness do this? Well, if there's one thing that all Hawkeyes love to do, it's beat up the bush. In this case, it will be Caleb TerBush, who will be on the ground nonstop as the Hawkeyes beat it up. Three in a row, ANOTHER WIN FOR THE HAWKEYES!

Respect will defeat Nebraska. Have you seen those Pelinis yell at refs? Not very respectful at all. Expect the refs to eject half of the Cornhuskers as Iowa destroys them by 50 points. ANOTHER WIN FOR THE HAWKEYES!

After that, it's up in the air on who the Hawks will play, but tattoos will be their downfall. Ohio State? They lack moral fiber as they have both scandals AND tattoos. Wisconsin? Bielema's got a Hawkeye tattoo, and he paid for it with his brain. And Penn State? Little known fact about Joe Paterno, after last year's loss to the Hawkeyes, he got a tattoo on his caboose that just said "Ferentz's", because Kirk owns that ass. Sounds like ANOTHER WIN FOR THE HAWKEYES!

Yeah, the Hawks have had some bad luck this year, but a BCS game is not only a possibility, it's the Hawkeyes destiny. Cheer up Hawks, and I'll see you at DC's next Saturday.

-Joe

P.S. For all the ladies out there who live, laugh, and love, read this (H/T Devlin).

Chicago Bears: America's Team

There are a lot of ridiculous terms and sayings in sports, at least 94% of those deal with Brett Favre.  "He just loves to play the game."  "He's a gunslinger."  "When you see Brett Favre, you think of two things, Crocs and Cocks."  As ridiculous as those are, the most ridiculous term I hear used constantly has to be "America's Team."  Somehow, in baseball, it's the New York Yankees, in football, it's the Dallas Cowboys, and in basketball, it's, um...the Toronto Raptors?  But do any of these teams really represent America?  Let's investigate:

New York Yankees - Rich Assholes
Dallas Cowboys - Rich Assholes
Toronto Raptors - Even worse, Canadians

How in the hell do these teams come close to representing America?  They don't.  But I do know of one team that represents America, and that team is the Chicago Bears.  The combination of the team, the front office, and the fans all work together to create a true slice of Americana.  Let's break it down.

1.  They suck - The United States has become a country of the haves and have nots.  I'm pretty sure 1% of the population has 90% of the wealth.  Then there's a shrinking middle class, and then there is us regular folk.  We don't have the three vacation homes, yachts to travel across the ocean, or ice makers built into our refrigerators.  The Bears are the same way.  They aren't the 1% that is doing great every year.  They lose...a lot.  But they don't need fancy things like wins, because of reason number two.

2.  Blind optimism -They have a loyal fan base that thinks every move they make is absolutely brilliant.  It is amazing that everyone can go into the offseason knowing that offensive line is their biggest weakness.  When the Bears do nothing to address that position, but instead address wants instead of needs, all their fans reply, "Our offensive line may suck, but we're going to be AWESOME everywhere else."  The Bears can do no wrong.  When the Bears got Jay Cutler, I thought, "Wow, they are completely screwed."  All of my friends thought, "Wow, we just go a QB with Kurt Warner's accuracy, Peyton Manning's smarts, Joe Montana's clutchness, and Fabio's good looks."  To be fair to Bears fans, they may have got confused with the other Jay Cutler on the last one:

But this blind optimism of their fanbase also represents America.  Every human being on the planet thinks they are going to be rich and/or famous.  It's the reason that people's cleaning ladies bought three houses without thinking that maybe that wasn't such a great idea.  It's the reason that people continue to buy lottery tickets when the odds of success are so unfathomably low that people might be better using that money as toilet paper.  It's probably the reason I'm unemployed, but hey, I never said that blind optimism isn't a great time.  This is America; this is the Chicago Bears.

3.  Clinging to the past - You can talk to any random stranger, ask them about the best thing that happened to them, and watch them light up as they tell you their story.  The amazing thing is that no matter how big or small the accomplishment was, the person gets the same joy out of reliving it.  It doesn't matter if you ran for a touchdown in a junior high football game or won Super Bowl MVP, that moment will always be yours, and it'll always make you feel awesome.  We romanticize the past and talk about it like it was just yesterday.  It's human nature and no team better exemplifies that than the Chicago Bears.  The Bears last won the Super Bowl in 1985.  I was barely alive back then (I was a worthless baby at the time), yet I know more about that season than any season that has come since then.  Most have zero memories of actually watching that team, yet would still come to blows with you if you said any team was better than the 1985 Bears.  This was 25 years ago, but people act like it was yesterday.  This is only going to get worse.  In 1000 years, when linebackers are seven feet tall, and weigh 400 pounds of pure muscle, the Bears defense of 3010 will still get compared to the 1985 Bears.  The sadder thing is that the Bears still may not have won another title since then, but hey, nobody will ever be able to take 1985 away from us.

4.  Jay Cutler - Ricky Stanzi may love America, but Jay Cutler is America.  He's the best of America, and hte worst of America.  Look at Jay Cutler:

 What a goofy looking bastard, yet this is who Jay Cutler is dating:

Good God.  We've all walked down the street, seen a great looking girl with some ugly douchebag, and wondered how in the hell they were together.  Well Jay Cutler is the epitome of that douchebag.  He's the American Dream.  But he's also the worst of America.  Jay Cutler has a great arm, yet there is no way he'll ever win a Super Bowl.  Why?  Laziness.  In yesterday's Bears game against the Patriots that was played in the snow, Phil Simms actually said something interesting (yes, it shocked me too).  He talked about how Tom Brady meticulously rubbed down his balls to make sure that he'd have a good grip on them so their passing game did not suffer.  Jay Cutler was not as meticulous.  In fact, he didn't rub the balls down at all.  He told Simms, and this is no joke, that it took too much effort to rub them down so it wasn't worth it.  Too much effort?

This is a great example of the American people.  Everybody wants success, but nobody wants to put the work in to achieve it.  When things get tough, it's easy to give up, and Jay Cutler totally believes in this strategy.  People don't want to do the little things that lead a select few to great success.  Neither does Jay Cutler.  He is getting paid millions and millions of dollars to succeed at football, and rubbing a ball down so it isn't slick is too much effort?  Jay Cutler must be playing a joke on all of us.  He wasn't; he fumbled the next play.

Only in America.

-Joe

P.S.  I'm not sure if I've mentioned this before, but I love Derrick Rose.

And if you want to be more like Derrick Rose, you can now take the supplements of the best player in the NBA.