There are a lot of ridiculous terms and sayings in sports, at least 94% of those deal with Brett Favre. "He just loves to play the game." "He's a gunslinger." "When you see Brett Favre, you think of two things, Crocs and Cocks." As ridiculous as those are, the most ridiculous term I hear used constantly has to be "America's Team." Somehow, in baseball, it's the New York Yankees, in football, it's the Dallas Cowboys, and in basketball, it's, um...the Toronto Raptors? But do any of these teams really represent America? Let's investigate:
New York Yankees - Rich Assholes
Dallas Cowboys - Rich Assholes
Toronto Raptors - Even worse, Canadians
How in the hell do these teams come close to representing America? They don't. But I do know of one team that represents America, and that team is the Chicago Bears. The combination of the team, the front office, and the fans all work together to create a true slice of Americana. Let's break it down.
1. They suck - The United States has become a country of the haves and have nots. I'm pretty sure 1% of the population has 90% of the wealth. Then there's a shrinking middle class, and then there is us regular folk. We don't have the three vacation homes, yachts to travel across the ocean, or ice makers built into our refrigerators. The Bears are the same way. They aren't the 1% that is doing great every year. They lose...a lot. But they don't need fancy things like wins, because of reason number two.
2. Blind optimism -They have a loyal fan base that thinks every move they make is absolutely brilliant. It is amazing that everyone can go into the offseason knowing that offensive line is their biggest weakness. When the Bears do nothing to address that position, but instead address wants instead of needs, all their fans reply, "Our offensive line may suck, but we're going to be AWESOME everywhere else." The Bears can do no wrong. When the Bears got Jay Cutler, I thought, "Wow, they are completely screwed." All of my friends thought, "Wow, we just go a QB with Kurt Warner's accuracy, Peyton Manning's smarts, Joe Montana's clutchness, and Fabio's good looks." To be fair to Bears fans, they may have got confused with the other Jay Cutler on the last one:
3. Clinging to the past - You can talk to any random stranger, ask them about the best thing that happened to them, and watch them light up as they tell you their story. The amazing thing is that no matter how big or small the accomplishment was, the person gets the same joy out of reliving it. It doesn't matter if you ran for a touchdown in a junior high football game or won Super Bowl MVP, that moment will always be yours, and it'll always make you feel awesome. We romanticize the past and talk about it like it was just yesterday. It's human nature and no team better exemplifies that than the Chicago Bears. The Bears last won the Super Bowl in 1985. I was barely alive back then (I was a worthless baby at the time), yet I know more about that season than any season that has come since then. Most have zero memories of actually watching that team, yet would still come to blows with you if you said any team was better than the 1985 Bears. This was 25 years ago, but people act like it was yesterday. This is only going to get worse. In 1000 years, when linebackers are seven feet tall, and weigh 400 pounds of pure muscle, the Bears defense of 3010 will still get compared to the 1985 Bears. The sadder thing is that the Bears still may not have won another title since then, but hey, nobody will ever be able to take 1985 away from us.
4. Jay Cutler - Ricky Stanzi may love America, but Jay Cutler is America. He's the best of America, and hte worst of America. Look at Jay Cutler:
This is a great example of the American people. Everybody wants success, but nobody wants to put the work in to achieve it. When things get tough, it's easy to give up, and Jay Cutler totally believes in this strategy. People don't want to do the little things that lead a select few to great success. Neither does Jay Cutler. He is getting paid millions and millions of dollars to succeed at football, and rubbing a ball down so it isn't slick is too much effort? Jay Cutler must be playing a joke on all of us. He wasn't; he fumbled the next play.
Only in America.
P.S. I'm not sure if I've mentioned this before, but I love Derrick Rose.
And if you want to be more like Derrick Rose, you can now take the supplements of the best player in the NBA.