Thursday, August 23, 2012

Suits Power Rankings: Season 2 Finale

So here we are. After a full season of coverage on lawyers who play by their own rules, it has come down to nothing more than one final episode of Suits. It is sad to see them go, but Suits definitely went out on a high note. Check out last week's rankings here. Now onto our final rankings:

1. Mike Ross - Mike is super sad about his grandma passing. By passing, I mean she died, not that she became quarterback of an NFL team. He would have probably been pretty happy about that. But he decides that it is time to get happy as he buys some of that wacky tobacky. Doesn't Mike the Lawyer know that weed is a gateway drug? It is a gateway to yelling at your boss and getting sent home early, so you can smoke weed, and then the next day, two hot chicks will want to have sexy time with you. Oh yeah, and then your boss will party with you where you will decide it is a great idea to piss in your enemy's office. So that is why you should not smoke, wait a second...does anybody where I can get some weed?

On top of all of that, he helps get Hardman fired by putting his signature on a document which totally fooled all of them Harvard educator law dogs. He celebrates with more weed and sex. Great job, Mike.

2. Harvey Specter - Harvey wants to leave the firm, but non-compete clauses. Harvey lost his office and is coming after Hardman. Harvey smokes weed from the coffee cart guy. "Harvey Specter doesn't get cotton mouf" may be my favorite line from the entire season. He can eat entire bags of pretzels when stoned. Harvey also admitted to pissing in Louis's office back in the day. Weed also makes him a better lawyer, because he figured out that Hardman framed him on the Coastal Motors case. Donna didn't screw up, which does make a lot more sense. Harvey beats Tanner into telling him the memo was fake. He uses this information to get Hardman fired, because he cost all of the partners $100,000, so I'm kind of surprised he wasn't murdered. All is well with the world.

3. Daniel Hardman - HARDMAN is cool as a cucumber on this vote. HARDMAN is taking over as managing partner. It is good to be HARDMAN. He is even being all nice to Harvey to his face, but he's coming after Harvey. He sends Louis to get dirt on Harvey, and then requires drug tests for everyone, because they knew that Harvey had smoked weed. They were ready to fire Harvey when he had the tables turned and lost his job when they found out about his evil plan to take control of the firm. He leaves by saying this isn't the last page of this story. And I know he loses in the end, but he totally played by his own rules the entire time, so he deserves to be ahead of the next person on this list.

4. Jessica Pearson - Jessica loses the vote, but is staying firm at the firm and waiting for a moment to strike. She stays calm, which is a wise move instead of making a rash decision while she was angry. She stays cool and just kind of stays out of the way until Harvey finds a way to get her back as Managing Partner.

5. Louis Litt - Louis is going to try to help Hardman get rid of Harvey. Louis is treating Harvey like his bitch, getting him to do his leg work, and then making him second chair on his case. It's a really great time to be Louis. Then Donna makes him sad by telling him that he's a piece of shit, but he recovers, has Harvey dead to rights with the drug tests, but since Harvey never loses, he wins again, and Louis is left without any friends in the office. But he's still Senior Partner; they can't take that away from him.

6. Travis Tanner - Fights Harvey and also declines to answer a lot until telling Harvey that the memo was a fraud. Still, he got some good punches in, which may be the biggest loss that Harvey has ever experienced, so good for him.

7. Paul Porter - Took Harvey's office. But now that Hardman is no longer in power, he will probably be giving it back.

8. Harold - Where was Harold this episode? Probably smoking weed and having a ninesome with eight Perfect Ten models. What, you don't know what a ninesome with models is like? You should ask Harold about it. Holler playa!

And so ends this season of Suits. But hey, new episodes start in January, so we will not have to wait long to find out that Harold has gone from Associate to Managing Partner at Pearson-Harold, because, yes, I assume his name is Harold Harold.

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