Thursday, February 12, 2015

Suits Power Rankings - #SuitsRoadTrip

I'm getting to things late this week, so no time for a drawn out intro, especially since it's a flashback episode. Instead, I'm going to make these my most positive rankings by pointing out every character's best features. Last week's rankings can be found here. Let's get to this week where one of the most important characters makes his triumphant comeback...through a flashback.

1. Louis Litt
Louis won a fight. Louis...won...a...fight. All law victories take a backseat, all life victories can sit bitch. This is the only victory that matters.

2. Mike Ross 
Mike preyed on law students by outlawyering them. Mystery couldn't pick up a law school student, yet Mike made it a hobby. Baller.

3. Donna Paulsen 
Donna doesn't follow her own rules, because her rules are made to be broken. Oh yeah, and she also signed MICHAEL JORDAN. Also, she's probably smart enough to know that his best shot was his game winner over Byron Russell, as it was the last shot in his career and won a championship (as far as I'm concerned, he never played anywhere but Chicago).

4. Daniel Hardman 
I wanted him to be number one so bad, and had this been for lawyering by your own rules, he likely would've been, but this is a week of positives, and nobody was topping Louis this week on that front. HARDMAN pits his lawyers against each other, as he loves the puppet show and uses that show to land a company three times as big as the one he sent his puppets after. As positive as all of that was, HARDMAN's greatest moment was calling Harvey an arrogant, little boy.

5. Harvey Specter 
I admire Harvey making people earn music by entertaining him. This is a good road trip rule. Made a very good choice of having thousands of fake yearbooks made up to fit any situation. If I were going to do that, I would have only changed all of the ladies' quotes to focus on what a great lover I was, but to each their own.

6. Mike Ross's Wrestling Opponents 
After watching Mike fight, it's pretty clear that all of his wrestling opponents had the easiest match ever, as the guy gets thrown around like a ragdoll by Louis, so I'm sure he led to the quickest pins of their career.

7. Rachel Zane 
She's hotter than Khaleesi's translator, but that thought probably inspired about 10,000 pieces of crossover fanfiction, most of which are being written by me.

8. Jessica Pearson 
She's at the top of the best law firm in New York, because she sees the bigger picture.

9. Claire 
She fell for all of Mike's demonstrations of higher value, but as all ladies know who have been seduced by me, it is a privilege to be picked up by a genuine pickup artist.

10. Immigration Lawyer Guy 
Has friends at Columbia. I'm guessing it's Jessie Spano.

11. Edith Ross
With age comes wisdom, and that G knew what was up when it came to T-Money.

12. Avery McKernan 
He values loyalty and makes nice engines.

13. Dude Who Buys Manhattans For Random Ladies
Hey, he's got a job, so he can afford to buy drinks. Good for him.

14. Trevor Evans
Got a kickass place with his best bud. The good times are never going to end for this young go-hard.

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