I have had the itch for a while. Some of that itch is an admitted Napoleon Complex. Other times I think it is just the pursuit of competition. Maybe I'm just the world's biggest sissy masochist where I want to feel pain but not too much pain, because pain hurts. And it may just be that I want to be good at something. Since my job search has been a frustrating mess, just being able to go out and be good and get even better at something definitely has appeal.
Last time, I had the time and lack of responsibilities to go to a world class gym. This new place is different. As far as I know, they haven't produced any UFC fighters. Still, they have legitimate trainers who are good enough to help me keep improving for the foreseeable future.
On my first day, I got partnered with another guy who had not done it for a while but had experience training. I realized I had definitely retained some knowledge as I ragdolled him like I was a boss. I was feeling really good about myself.
I should have left after the grappling side of things.
Instead, I stuck around for Muay Thai. I strike like an 8-year-old girl So after flailing around for an hour, at the end of practice we went three rounds and took turns kicking each other's thighs. In the final round, I got partnered with a girl, and I had to bite down on my mouthpiece as hard as I could just to avoid tears from streaming down my face. I am not a tough guy.
But it's okay to not be a tough guy. Fighting is for tough guys. Training in MMA is not for tough guys, and I'm living proof of that. I don't know exactly what void MMA fills for me, but the physical pain usually ends in mental bliss (after practices, I have so much adrenaline that I feel nothing; unfortunately, the adrenaline wears off after a while, and I feel like death about 15 minutes later), so we'll see how long a wuss like me can stick with it.