Reviewing the New WWE Ice Cream Bars

WWE, years after CM Punk asked for them to come back, finally partnered with Good Humor to release WWE Ice Cream Bars.  Punk, unsurprisingly, was not one of the four superstars featured on the ice cream sandwiches. Instead, they went with John Cena, Becky Lynch, Roman Reigns, and Macho Man Randy Savage.

As a child, I remember being so excited when the ice cream truck had these, because pro wrestling and ice cream were two of my favorite things in this world. Come to think of it, both of those things are still awesome.

So when I heard they were back, I was so excited that I had to get them right away. But then I'd be at the store and totally forget about it, so it actually took me a couple weeks. But when I finally did remember, I knew it was worth the $4.19 to get four small ice cream bars.

The first one I took out had Macho Man Randy Savage on one side. Then I flipped it over, and Becky Lynch was there. That is a damn strong start for my first ice cream sandwich. I unwrapped this treat and took my first sweet bite.

It was pretty bland.

The cookie outside doesn't deliver, and the vanilla ice cream seems doesn't add a whole lot either. I ended up grabbing some chocolate chips to punch it up a bit. That made a significant improvement, but I would way rather just have good ice cream than deal with this.

Overall, I would not recommend these. I was very excited by the idea but very disappointed in the execution. Most importantly, I got no taste of nostalgia, and that was the flavor I was most hoping to savor.

Jay Cutler to the Buffalo Bills

My sources tell me that Jay Cutler to the Buffalo Bills is a done deal. Now currently, my only source is my dog. When I asked her if Jay Cutler was headed to the Bills, she started excitedly doing spins. She may have thought I said ball, but I think it still passes as journalistically ethical for me to run with the story. 

And come on. Doesn't this story make sense? Cutler has worn out his welcome in Chicago, and the Bills have a great defense and some good weapons on offense. All they are missing is a solid quarterback to make them a threat in the AFC. As a native Iowan, I am bound to support Kyle Orton, but for the second time in his career, Jay Cutler may prove to be an upgrade over him. 

The Bills do not have a first round pick this year, so adding a veteran is their best way to improve. Throwing a third round pick the Bears way is a great way for both teams to improve, the Bills immediately, and the Bears as part of a long-term rebuilding plan as warm bodies on defense would be a significant upgrade at most positions. 

I can't wait for this trade to get finalized. Jay Glazer, Adam Schefter, and any of you other news breakers out there, you MUST CREDIT HOTT JOE for use of this story. Ya'll fools be like a bunch of ice cream, cuz you just got SCOOPED.

The 10 Saddest #PerksOfDatingMe

The hashtags on Twitter are really what make it go round. Sure, you can find meaningful and interesting content producers on Twitter, but what fun is that? Hashtags encourage idiots to share their thoughts, and that is why it is such a great medium. Very few people sit around thinking about what the perks of a person dating them would be, but then they see #PerksOfDatingMe trending on Twitter, and it is damn near impossible for them to not share their thoughts on the subject. Here are 10 saddest #PerksOfDatingMe, because there really is no way to rank this sort of sadness.

#PerksOfDatingMe I promise to kiss you when you're in the middle of saying something, play with your hair, and love you till my last day
— The Outfielder Life™ (@OutfielderLife) December 27, 2012

I assume that many ladies would get really irritated by this. Imagine trying to explain something and every fourth word, this asshole starts kissing you while you're trying to talk. I assume that this guy gets kneed in the groin a lot.

#PerksOfDatingMe ill give you my hoodies 😘
— adam (@nolifeadam) December 27, 2012

Do people have nothing to offer these days? Are they such pathetic individuals that the best they can offer is their thickest clothing? That's the best you got? And what do you do after you have given your girlfriend all of your hoodies? She will be super warm, and you will be worthless to the world.

#perksofdatingme I'd rather just chill than go to a party every weekend
— Dylan (@Van0verbeke) December 27, 2012

Hey, ladies. You have friends? You like going out with them? This guy doesn't, so let him ruin your social life. You can spend every weekend on the couch and become stagnant pieces of shit, instead of, you know, living. Get in line for this one, ladies.

#perksofdatingme I will pull you up on stage with me and let the world know who you are and how much you mean to me.
— Jared Ballenger (@jaredballenger) December 27, 2012

...By murdering you in front of all of your family and friends. Remember ladies, he only does it because he cares so much about you.

#PerksOfDatingMe You wouldn't have to worry about me cheating because nobody else wants me.
— Jack Mull (@J4CKMULL) December 27, 2012

No shit, dude. You're a real downer. And why do people think that being undesirable is a quality? That is the opposite of quality. That's like bragging about never worrying about starvation, because you're willing to eat shit even though nobody else is. Jack Mull, you are the shit eating of the dating scene.

#perksofdatingme You need tampons babe ? You want ice cream too ? Tell me the brand and what kind and I'll be back in 20 minutes .
— Kennedy Christofer⚡ (@_CupOfPudding) December 27, 2012

This one really wore me down. A man can only read so much douchiness before it really makes him hate the world. There is so much that is pathetic about this tweet, but nothing will be sadder when he comes back with Playtex flavored ice cream and cherry pudding pops for her monthly.

#perksofdatingme When it's late at night, and we are texting, you're the only one I am texting ..everyone else can wait until tommarow
— Dream ChΔser™ (@ImKingOfThis) December 27, 2012

Text from Grandma: I think I'm having a heart attack. Please help.
Dream Chaser thinks, "That's nice G-ma, but you'll have to wait until tomorrow. I'm 'bout to text my boo about what type of buttons I should get on my jeans.

#perksofdatingme don't worry about changing the password on your phone. all your text already get sent to mine 😚
— Jesse Olmstead (@J_Olm21) December 27, 2012

Because all ladies want their man to have no faith in them to the point that they will break into their phone and then program it, so they can stalk them in both regular and cyberspace. This is the type of person who loves you so much that he will one day wear your skin.

#perksofdatingme I will only bring my parents on the first 5 dates ;) after that its just you me and my ... Grandma
— Marisa Riggins(@lilriggins) December 27, 2012

This one is not nearly as depressing as the others, but it really angers me, because she totally messes up the form of the joke. It should end with "After that, it's just you and me...and my Grandma." Ending it with and my... makes no sense. What should the guy expect you to say after that pause? Tits? Butthole? Credit Card? Nobody expects that. Learn how to properly form a joke.

#perksofdatingme If you treat me like a princess and respect me. You'll probably be the happiest man alive cause I'll treat you like a king”
— Quinetta Towachi (@AngelicaPikles) December 27, 2012

I know I have been having fun at these people's expense, but let's be real for a second. Quinetta, you poor thing. What you tweeted here is not good. If a guy treats you like a princess, and you treat him like a king. That means that you will be treating him like your Dad. Was he not around much? That's too bad, but calling your boyfriend Daddy and making him read you bedtime stories isn't going to change the past. Come on, let's take a step forward and never look back. You'll be better off for it.