Only Real Men Work Out In Jeans

When it comes to fitness, I applaud everyone for doing whatever they choose to do to try to maintain a healthy lifestyle. Maybe it’s not my cup of tea, but I will always applaud the effort. I will also secretly judge everyone I come across, because inside, I’m a judgmental prick, and I simply can’t change that.

 

One of the ways that I judge people is when I see people working out without gym attire. I have seen it in the gym with guys wearing jeans and working out, and recently I saw a dude running in long ass cargo shorts; I couldn’t help but judge. 

 

But then I got to thinking. Maybe this isn’t a they problem, maybe this is a me problem. I mean, I’m a dainty little flower when it comes to my workout gear. I am very particular about what gym shorts are worthy as they have to be short and of very specific materials as to be both light, airy, and comfortable. I can’t have a baggy shirt on, because it just makes me feel off. I am not a tough man.

 

Meanwhile, these guys don’t give a shit. I’ve seen dudes doing squats in jeans and work boots, and you know why that is so awesome? Because I bet it just never occurred to him that he would need a change of clothes to go work out. He does his regular work in these clothes, so why wouldn’t he do his workouts as well? That is manly as shit.

 

And that guy running in cargo shorts? Do you think he had running shoes? Hell no. Dude had high-tops on. And do you think he wasn’t utilizing the cargo shorts? Come on, you know if you’re wearing cargo shorts, you’ve got keys, wallet, cell phone, checkbook, utility knife, flint, bottle of water, lighter, matches, umbrella, and a spare pair of underwear. He’s got all that rattling against his legs, and he’s just plowing forward like none of it is actually there. That’s a damn man right there. 

 

There are people I still judge though. That is people who wear polos while working out. Not only does everyone own a damn t-shirt, but there is a 100% chance that guy also came to the gym with way too much cologne on. That guy sucks.

All of My Thoughts on Fashion

I am a simple man, a minimalist, some might say. I do not consider myself fashion forward, but over the years, I have gone from embarrassing slob to publicly acceptable when I need to be, and that's quite an accomplishment. Because of this, I have lots of thoughts on fashion, whether it be for relaxing or maxing out your potential to pick up chicks, I feel I know enough to make recommendations while staying cheap as fuck.

Relaxing
Relaxing is an essential part of life. When people tell me they are just a "jeans and t-shirt sort of guy/girl," my immediate thought is, "Why so fancy?" The first thing you need to know is jeans suck for relaxing. Denim is a heavy material that isn't all that comfortable. I would rather relax in a pair of slacks than wear jeans. They suck, and you should really limit your use of them.

If you really want to relax. Hey, that t-shirt half of "jeans and a t-shirt" is a great start, but it isn't essential. The great thing about relaxing is being free of the burdensome feeling in our daily lives. Feel free to go shirtless, and yes, this does go for guys and gals. Let those puppies roam free, ladies. After that, it's all about the gym shorts. I love a good pair of gym shorts, but I am also particular about my gym shorts. I'm not any sort of baller, so I like my shorts short, nothing excessive, but they should be above the knee, anywhere from 2-6 inches probably. Also, as I was complaining about the heaviness of denim, the material for my gym shorts must be light. The shorts should caress your thighs like a warm breeze. Trust me on this.

As for footwear, you should know how to do this by now? Minimalist means no socks, ever. If I'm not dressing up, there is literally no reason to wear socks. Oh, your shoes will smell? Dr. Scholl will take care of that. You'll get blisters? Toughen up them tootsies, and then you'll be in the clear after a couple days. Socks are constrictive, and your feet need to breathe. Socks are worthless.

You know what I didn't mention? Underwear. That's because you don't need it. Be like Arnold and go Commando. You will not regret it.

Maxing
When you're dressing to the max, whether to impress in business or for a desired mate, color is your friend. People, especially white people, like to wear the blandest colors imaginable, so stand out and wear an orange, green, or pink to stand out from the crowd. You don't even need a fancy design, but just adding some color will make you look like a fly guy.

Although it is not recommended when relaxing, when maxing, underwear is important. Don't wear no boring ass tighty whities. Get yourself some comfortable and stylish underwear, because it is guaranteed to make you walk around with more swagger, and it's a nice surprise for a potential mate if you manage to convince someone to partake in some hibbity dibbity.

Finally, socks. I used to just wear plain socks and go about my day. This was a poor decision on my part. My buddy Chris tipped me off to the impact of socks, and getting socks that stand out is a great way to make people like you immediately for no real reason. It shows that you are bold, confident, and a little fun-loving, just by wearing socks that have a bit of flare to them. This is an inexpensive way to make an impact, and guys and gals around the world will be impressed with your fashion forward ways.

Oh, and one more thing: If you have to wear a tie of some sort, don't make it a bowtie. Those things are past their prime. Bolos are still hilarious, but I would recommend the ascot, as it is the most pretentious piece of neckwear.

And there you have it. You now know everything from relaxing to maxing about men's fashion. You are now the quintessential male of comfort and style. Congratulations.