XFAlpha Podcast Notes - Episode 12

Jonah and I talk bowl games as well as the continued dominance of my Chicago Bears over his Minnesota Vikings. He claims the Week 17 loss should not be blamed on Kirk Cousins, because of some lame excuse about Cousins not playing in the game, but that's just another excuse. It might be time to call Jonah, "Incest," because it seems like he loves his Cousins a little too much.

After that, we get into cornerbacks where you can hear some top notch analysis right below and some written notes below that. 

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CORNERBACK

1. Houston Roughnecks
1. Deji Olatoye - Product of North Carolina A+T. Despite being a small school player, he managed to hang around NFL rosters from 2014-2017, playing in 15 games total. He might only be the second best athlete in the family as his sister is a record-setting weight thrower. The weights kind of look like kettlebells. I’ve tried kettlebells and had terrible form, so therefore I think kettlebells are stupid and if I’m going to do a dumbass workout, it might as well be wrestling or jiu jitsu. 
2. Robert Nelson - Played at Louisiana Monroe before transferring to Arizona State where he became a first-team All-Pac 12 selection in 2013. That was still not enough to get him drafted, but he did manage to play half of the games for the Cleveland Browns after signing with them as an undrafted free agent. He remained on the fringes of NFL rosters, getting some special teams play here and there. He’s had enough of a shot to show what he can do, and teams just haven’t trusted in him so it’s hard for me to see him making an impact in the XFL either. 
3. Brendan Langley - Played for Lamar in college but was impressive enough to get an invite to the Senior Bowl and the combine. He was a third round pick by the Broncos in 2017. The next year they tried to turn him into a wide receiver, and then they cut him. Weird story, but maybe switching back to corner will help unlock his potential, especially since corners usually take some time to develop at the pro level, so he’s still likely getting better and with his background, he could be the top shutdown cornerback in the entire league. 
4. Deatrick Nichols - Three-year starter at South Florida where he had 11 interceptions. He played two games for the Cardinals last year but couldn’t catch on with a team this season. Good amount of experience and still young enough to be an intriguing player for the Roughnecks. 
5. Justin Martin - Tennessee Volunteer cornerback. 
6. Jeremiah Johnson - Concord Cornerback who was First-Team All-MEC all four years in college. You don’t just go into the Mountain East Conference and get those sort of accolades without earning them. On Twitter, his pinned tweet simply says Humble Beast. 
7. David Simmons - North Park University cornerback. That’s in Chicago.
8. Saivion Smith - Even though he was a five-star prospect, he had to take the Juco route early on to keep playing football. Then he transferred to Alabama but left last year after only one season to turn pro early. He had a strong year in his single season with three picks, but he shat the bed during the combine and went undrafted. He then did not make a roster, but considering he was good enough to start for Alabama who is at least in the top three of churning out defensive backs along with Ohio State and LSU, this is definitely an intriguing player who I’m excited to see step up and take on pro level talent. 
2. St. Louis Battlehawks
1. D’Montre Wade - Murray State corner who had six interceptions his senior year in 2017. 
2. Marquez White - Florida State corner who became a sixth round pick by the Cowboys. Was charged with a felony for flashing a gun, but the guy was yelling racial slurs so it seems justified.
3. Trovon Reed - Auburn grad that didn’t play corner until his senior year there. He only played in 9 college games at corner, but he managed three interceptions. He only played in six NFL games but had two interceptions for the Chargers in 2016, and then somehow never made it back. Is this man the greatest ballhawk in history? He’s a guaranteed interception every three games. 
4. Trey Caldwell - Louisiana-Monroe product that was selected in the fifth round by the Browns where he managed to play in one game. He’s only 5’9” but it’s never wise to overlook short guys, or, more appropriately, perfectly average height guys. 
5. Ryan White - Not the famous AIDS kid, nor is he a hockey player. Instead, he is another Auburn defensive back. 
6. Clifton Duck - After starting for three years with 12 interceptions, he became the first player in App State history to leave early for the NFL Draft. It has not worked out for him so far. The heightists in the NFL didn’t like a guy who was only 5’9”, but he’s still young, he was tremendously productive in college, and he could have been more productive but teams stopped throwing his way his junior year. If he gets a chance to show what he can do on the field, I am pretty damn positive he’s going to impress some folks. 
7. Charles James - Another 5’9” cornerback, played in college at Charleston Southern and played four seasons in the NFL, but hasn’t been in the league since 2016. 
3. DC Defenders
1. Elijah Campbell - Northern Iowa cornerback who had eight interceptions in his two years there. He also just received his master’s degree.
2. Desmond Lawrence - Cornerback out of North Carolina, but I’m not sure if he’s going to come on and raise up, take his shirt off, twist it around his hand and spin it like a helicopter. 
3. Jalen Myrick - Minnesota corner that runs a 4.28 40. All of his change of direction drills were subpar, but man is he fast, it’s a good thing you don’t need to change directions quickly as a cornerback. Oh wait. He did get drafted in the seventh round and did play some special teams with the Jaguars in 2017, but that’s all I see him doing, even in the XFL. 
4. Doran Grant - He started two years for Ohio State which was good enough to get him drafted in the fourth round by the Pittsburgh Steelers in 2015. He managed to play in three games in his rookie season but has not seen time since. He was pretty damn good in college, has good athleticism, but never made it onto the field in the pros. I usually steer clear of the older guys who haven’t been around the NFL recently, but my Big Ten bias has me intrigued with Grant. 
5. Bradley Sylve - Alabama cornerback, and although he never started, he was able to make the Saints practice squad his rookie season. He’s coming off a torn achilles, and he might just need a chance to get on the field to show what he can do. 
6. Reggie Cole - National Champion at Mary Hardin-Baylor.
7. Ladarius Gunter - Miami cornerback who makes a strong case of being the least athletic corner to ever go to the NFL Combine. Despite that, he still made the Packers active roster as an undrafted free agent and played two seasons with them before playing a handful of games with the Panthers in 2017. Not a great athlete but to stick around that long, it’s clear the guy is a football player, so I think he could be a really good player for the Defenders. 
8. Deion Harris - Undrafted free agent out of North Dakota this year. 
9. Kamrin Moore - Boston College corner that was a sixth round pick by the Saints that played a couple games for the Giants last year but was accused of domestic violence. The charges have since been dropped so this is his chance to show he deserves another chance in the league. I usually try to steer clear of these, but his story seems fairly solid on this one, so I’m gonna give him the benefit of the doubt while always keeping a tinge of doubt just in case I am proven wrong. Pretty strong tweet with, “The internet isn't weird, y'all are. It just gave you a platform to continuously expose yourselves.”
4. Tampa Vipers
1. Jalen Collins - TRADED FOR ARRION SPRINGS -  Left LSU after his junior year where he became a second round pick by the Falcons in 2015. He became a part-time starter his rookie season despite Atlanta having two strong corners in Robert Alford and Desmond Trufant. He was suspended four games for PEDs, then 10 games for PEDs, then four games for unspecified reasons, then ten more games again. He tried to catch on with the Colts last season but couldn’t get beyond the practice squad. The raw tools are there, and I do love my PED guys, but my hopes in Collins are dwindling. Still has an incredibly high ceiling, but due to suspensions, he’s barely played football the last three years so there is a lot working against him. 
2. Picasso Nelson - Played at Southern Miss, signed to the Colts practice squad recently so very close to the NFL and may not be showing up this year in the XFL. His Dad played briefly in the NFL.
3. Demontre Hurst - Oklahoma cornerback who managed to play in 32 games his first three years in the league, but has not played in an NFL game since 2016 so it’s tough to get too excited about him.
4. Jude Adjei-Barimah - After a career at Bowling Green, he signed with the Buccaneers and played 23 games his first two years, but then he got suspended for performance enhancing drugs and has not been on an active roster since 2016. 
5. Lashard Durr - Mississippi State Bulldog who was not good enough to start in college.
6. Herb Waters - Wide receiver at the U who didn’t play corner until late in training camp for the Packers when they had a litany of injuries. He made it to the active roster in 2016, but has not been able to repeat that feat since. His lack of experience makes him slightly more intriguing, but since he hasn’t caught on yet, I can’t say that I have a ton of faith in him making an impact this year. 
7. Bryce Canady - Walked on at Florida International where he started for them in 2017. 
8. Davante Davis - 6’2” Cornerback for the Texas Longhorns who was good enough to get invited to the combine where he showed impressive athleticism, especially for a guy of his size. I would say this guy has a good amount of potential and is definitely someone to keep an eye on this season.
9. Shelton Lewis - Florida Atlantic corner who is fresh out of school and put up decent numbers in college.
10. Malik Warner - Wagner Seahawk. 
5. New York Guardians
1. Jamar Summers - Cornerback out of UConn who did have eight interceptions his sophomore year to become all-conference but hasn’t been able to make it in the NFL. Still, the ball skills are intriguing. 
2. Lorenzo Doss - Corner out of Tulane who had an awesome sophomore year where he had seven interceptions and two touchdowns. He left school after the following season and became a fifth round pick by the Denver Broncos and promptly won a Super Bowl. He was released late in 2017 when he showed up late to a meeting on Thanksgiving. That coaching staff deserved to be fired for having meetings on Thanksgiving. He’s bounced around but been active every year until this one. Only 25 years-old, I would say this is one of the better prospects in the league. 
3. David Rivers - Youngstown State product that made it in a few games over the last couple years. 
4. Jeremiah McKinnon - Florida International corner who played one game for the Browns last year. 
5. Terrence Alexander - Played for Stanford until becoming a grad transfer at LSU. 
6. Nydair Rouse - The pride of West Chester University. 
7. Ranthony Texada - Smaller corner out of TCU who might be a slot prospect.
8. DeJuan Neal - The pride of Shepherd University. 
9. Bryce Jones - Went to Akron after three years at Boston College. 
6. Seattle Dragons
1. Jhavonte Dean - From Juco to the U where he had 3 interceptions last year. He’s young enough to be an interesting prospect.
2. Chris Davis - One of the most famous people in the league as he was the return man on Auburn’s famous Kick Six return against Alabama in the Iron Bowl a few years ago. He was named an All-American return specialist for his efforts, and he was also a return man for the Chargers and 49ers from 2014-2016 but has not made an active roster since. He should at least be a valuable addition on special teams, but there’s nothing too promising about him turning into a shutdown corner.
3. Steve Williams - Four-star prospect who attended Cal and had a solid career for the Golden Bears where he left after his junior year and was drafted in the fifth round by the Chargers after a very good combine. He played with the Chargers from 2014-2016 but has been unable to make a roster since. He made some impact plays in the NFL, and he’s still young enough at 28 years old where I think he could have a very good year for the Dragons. A lot of him being overlooked may be literal as he is just 5’9”, but the guy can make plays, and this might be the bounceback he needs. Also, I double checked this, and he is not Dr. Death Steve Williams nor is he the real name of Stone Cold Steve Austin.
4. Channing Stribling - Michigan man who was one of the worst athletes at the combine in 2017. He went undrafted and hasn’t been able to break through despite a senior year with four interceptions. 
5. Mohammed Seisay - Went to Memphis and later Nebraska, and although he had a good freshman year at Memphis, he never really got a chance for the Cornhuskers. He still managed to make the Lions in 2014 but has not been able to make it anywhere since. There is a very limited track record of success, and it was a while ago, so I’m not expecting much from Seisay. 
6. Sterling Moore - Went to SMU after junior college and managed three interceptions in college. Had six interceptions in the NFL and managed to stay in the league from 2011-2017. He hasn’t been able to make a roster the last two years, and since cornerbacks age quickly, this could be one last hurrah for Moore or he simply might not have it anymore. 
7. Jermaine Ponder - Big cornerback out of St. Francis University that was unable to make the Texans. 
7. Dallas Renegades
1. Treston Decoud - Defensive back out or Oregon State. He was selected in the fifth round of the 2017 Draft by the Houston Texans. He played ten games for the Texans before getting in one more time with the Cowboys the following season. He could have trouble sticking around since he is not much of an athlete.
2. Dashaun Phillips - The pride of Tarleton State, he managed to play in 11 games from 2014-2016 but hasn’t made it back since so my hopes aren’t super high for Dashaun. 
3. Josh Hawkins - East Carolina corner that stuck around the NFL from 2016-2018 but wasn’t able to catch on with a team this year. Should be a solid corner prospect.
4. John Franklin III - A great athlete that went to Florida State, the Junior College featured on Last Chance U, Auburn, and Florida Atlantic. He’s played just about every position imaginable, and even though he hasn’t specialized in any area, he still recently got signed by the Bucs so he might not make it to the XFL.
5. Donatello Brown - Valdosta State corner that managed a few games with the Packers in 2017. 
6. Tenny Adewusi - Delaware defensive back who is an avid weightlifter. 
7. CJ Smith - Cornerback out of North Dakota State that failed a physical in May with the Seahawks. 
8. Jamal Peters - Just graduated from Mississippi State last year which was an absolutely dominant defense. He’s 6’2” so he offers great size so he’s an interesting guy who’s fairly fresh out of college.
9. Josh Thornton - Southern Utah corner who hasn’t found a way into an NFL game yet.
8. Los Angeles Wildcats
1. Jack Tocho - Originally from Kenya, he’s a cornerback out of NC State that was drafted in the seventh round by the Vikings in 2017 but has never made an active roster. 
2. Jaylen Dunlap - Illinois corner that had one interception in his career and has been close to an NFL roster since graduating in 2017. He believes LeBron is the better athlete, but Jordan is the better player. 
3. CJ Moore - North Carolina Central defensive back. RELEASED
4. Roman Tatum - Delaware corner originally that transferred to Southern Illinois. Those are two pretty unexciting places. Let’s hope his play on the field is more exciting.
5. Harlan Miller - Southeastern Louisiana corner that has good size but poor athleticism. He managed to get drafted by the Cardinals in the sixth round and has managed to play a few games each of the last three years before not being able to find a team this year. 
6. Mike Stevens - Not the world famous saxophonist. Corner out of NC State. He wrote on Twitter, “Tory Lanez album dumpster juice.” I’m not sure if that’s the name of the album or the greatest insult ever. I plan on calling a lot of things dumpster juice from this point forward. 
7. Bryce Cheek - Akron Zip who is trying to make it in the USA after a stint in Canada. 
8. Tyree Holder - Former Ball State cornerback. 
9. Joshua Jenkins - Former Army cornerback. Better to cover receivers than take cover, am I right?
10. Arrion Springs - TRADED FOR JALEN COLLINS. Oregon Duck and not much else to say there.

The Quintessential Breakdown of Brawl For All - Part 5

Brawl For All was one of the most fascinating ideas in WWE history. It's when the WWE took the reality era to a logical place, having real fights, under extraordinarily stupid rules. You may think the WWE did this to capitalize on the popularity of the UFC, and I'm sure that was kind of the case, but there was just one problem. WWE is always like five years behind on things, so instead of the UFC being fresh and exciting, it was actually at its lowest point in popularity since starting in 1993. It was literally the worst time to have Brawl For All, but as it turned out, there was never going to be a good time to have Brawl For All.

It all started with Marc Mero getting beaten up by Steve Blackman. Blackman never lost, but that doesn't mean he made the finals. We continued with Dan Severn beating up The Godfather, but Severn also dropped out of the tournament. We then went on to the second round where Bradshaw also beat Marc Mero. Finally, we made it to the semifinals, where Bart Gunn gave The Godfather his second loss of the tournament.

And now we have made it to the finals of the tournament. Bart Gunn made it there by annihilating his opponents, and Bradshaw made it there through cheating and very friendly scorecards, but they both made it there.

Bradshaw actually came out with a good strategy as he connected with a few straight jabs to start off the fight. Then Bart Gunn started swinging wild hooks, so Bradshaw decided to start swinging wild hooks; this was a less good strategy on Bradshaw's part. What immediately became clear was that Bradshaw was throwing pillows while Gunn was throwing bombs. It did not help that Bradshaw basically started throwing both his left and right hand at once, and there's a reason you've never seen that in professional fighting; it's because it doesn't work. And with both hands away from protecting his head, Bart Gunn decided to throw a hook at his head. It connected, Bradshaw fell on his face, managed to get up at an eight count, then Bart Gunn did it again. The whole thing only lasted 41 seconds, and Bart Gunn was your first ever Brawl For All Champion.

My favorite part was Jim Ross remarking after the fight, "Are you gonna see this anywhere else?" And it's kind of an amazing comment as, yes, you could watch Toughman Contests, which is basically what the WWE wanted this tournament to be. Or, you could watch the UFC, which had guys who would absolutely annihilate anyone in this tournament.

And that concludes the Brawl For All tournament. It was not good, but it was strangely fascinating. Like, I thought for sure that Dr. Death would dominate this tournament, and had the rules been more conducive to grinding for a takedown as opposed to only allowing a blast double, he might have done that. After that, I'm still wondering how tough Steve Blackman really was and whether Marc Mero, a traditional boxer, could have given Bart Gunn trouble since his biggest weakness was just stopping takedowns. It was fascinating; it was not good.

Oh, and even though the tournament is over. There is still a part 6 to look forward to (or dread, depending on your stance). We bring a ringer to the ring to see if anyone can stop the dominance of Bart Gunn.

The Quintessential Breakdown of Brawl for All - Part 3

Brawl For All was one of the most fascinating ideas in WWE history. It's when the WWE took the reality era to a logical place, having real fights, under extraordinarily stupid rules. You may think the WWE did this to capitalize on the popularity of the UFC, and I'm sure that was kind of the case, but there was just one problem. WWE is always like five years behind on things, so instead of the UFC being fresh and exciting, it was actually at its lowest point in popularity since starting in 1993. It was literally the worst time to have Brawl For All, but as it turned out, there was never going to be a good time to have Brawl For All.

Finally, we have made it to Round 2. In round one, we saw Steve Blackman, Bradshaw, Savio Vega, Bart Gunn, Dr. Death Steve Williams, Dan Severn, and 2 Cold Scorpio win their matches. that's only seven, as Hawk and Darren Drozdov fought to a draw, so it was impossible to know who would be advancing in that one. Actually, it was nearly impossible to know who was going to advance in any of the matches as we will get to as we move through a totally nonsensical second round.

Round 2: Dr. Death Steve Williams vs. Bart Gunn
This was the most memorable fight in Brawl for All, as Dr. Death was the guy that the WWE wanted to win this thing, as they could then push him forward like a legitimate badass, much like he was when he was successful in Japan. Dr. Death started out well as he easily landed a takedown in the first few seconds of the match. He actually didn't do that bad in the boxing aspect of that first round either despite having his hips as far back behind his body as possible and leading with his head while throwing all of his punches, which is probably the worst possible striking strategy as you will have no power and your chin will be completely exposed to counter strikes. Even in the second round, Bart Gunn didn't do much striking wise, but he did surprise Williams with a takedown near the end of the round. Then the third round happened, and towards the end both guys started throwing as many punches as possible, and Gunn eventually landed with a left hook that turned out the lights on Dr. Death.

Brawl For It All Fight 6 by xusername26x
Looking back, I think the rules really hurt Dr. Death. Anytime they were in the ropes they broke, and in fact, anytime that Dr. Death worked a tie up so he could go for a takedown, the ref immediately broke things up, because he had no concept of how most takedowns occur. Had Dr. Death been allowed to work his strength, he could have won, but Bart Gunn instead would move on to the semifinals. .

Round 2: The Godfather vs. 2 Cold Scorpio
You may remember The Godfather from his loss to Dan Severn. Dan Severn withdrew from the tournament after dominating his first match, which was kind of nice, because now we wouldn't know who was definitely going to win the damn thing. Nearly as sad was 2 Cold Scorpio, who won his match, but they didn't bother televising it and only showed highlights. Still, the pre-match was fantastic as The Godfather offered Scorpio all of his hoes if he would walk away from competing in Brawl for All. Scorpio declined, and we were left with black-on-black violence. The Godfather actually looked rather impressive in this fight, as he he utilized his jab, pushed Scorpio back to the corner and really worked the body over when he got him there. On top of that, he had his hoes rub him down in between rounds to keep him fresh. That's a pimp move.

Brawl For It All Fight 7 by xusername26x

Round 2: Darren Drozdov vs. Savio Vega
Drozdov fought to a draw in his opening match against Road Warrior Hawk, who was battling alcoholism in real life at the time. Drozdov moved on, because the WWE decided they would exploit Hawk's issues with alcohol into a television storyline. It's almost as uncomfortable as watching promos of Chris Benoit stealing Woman from Kevn Sullivan. Savio Vega at least won his first round match.

The first round was fairly even, although not all that good, as Savio Vega kept slipping, and neither guy really landed anything of significance. Savio had cleaner boxing, but Droz's hooks were finding their mark, and Savio got a little too obsessed with takedowns, as his wrestling was not good enough to secure them. Droz started going for takedowns in the second and third round, and that was more than enough to secure his victory. They both only won one match, but Drozdov won his at the right time and moved on to the semifinals of Brawl for All.

Round 2: Bradshaw vs. Marc Mero
"Marvelous" Marc Mero had the chance to be the third guy who did not win his first round match to somehow, inexplicably, make it to the semifinals of Brawl for All. He lost to Steve Blackman, who outside of Dan Severn, probably looked like the favorite after the first round but had to withdraw from injury. So he took on the big Texan, Bradshaw. These guys probably had the best staredown, which was good, because that was the only thing they were the best at.

In the first round, Marc Mero basically lit him up on the feet as he was the only one who could land any sort of significant strikes. But Bradshaw got a takedown, so they went into round two all tied up. The second round was basically the exact same thing. Round three was when controversy hit, as Mero totally lit up Bradshaw on the feet again, Bradshaw clinched, the referee wanted a break, started counting, got to three and then Bradshaw got a takedown. The ref counted the takedown which meant that it was all tied up at 15 at the end of regulation.

Mero was rightfully pissed, especially since he would lost in overtime after Bradshaw hit a takedown and I'm not sure if either guy landed a punch int he fourth round since they were both completely winded from three one-minute rounds.

Brawl For It All Fight 8 by xusername26x

And we have made it to the end of round 2. Onto the semifinals where half of the contestants didn't win their first round match, another one only won his second round match on an illegal takedown, and one guy who had a legitimate knockout, but no worries on that last one as his story will get some kayfabe added into it to make this a complete shitshow. I love Brawl for All.

The Quintessential Breakdown of Brawl For All - Part 2

Brawl For All was one of the most fascinating ideas in WWE history. It's when the WWE took the reality era to a logical place, having real fights, under extraordinarily stupid rules. You may think the WWE did this to capitalize on the popularity of the UFC, and I'm sure that was kind of the case, but there was just one problem. WWE is always like five years behind on things, so instead of the UFC being fresh and exciting, it was actually at its lowest point in popularity since starting in 1993. It was literally the worst time to have Brawl For All, but as it turned out, there was never going to be a good time to have Brawl For All.

The rules allowed punching and takedowns with most punches landed in a round worth five points, each takedown worth five points, and a knockdown being worth 10 points. The entire fight was three one-minute rounds with 30 seconds rest between each round.

We left after the first four fights of the first round. I should point out that the referee from the first four fights, legendary wrestler and shooter, Dan Hodge, is no longer refereeing, probably because he's embarrassed to be watching this. But I'm not embarrassed, so let's continue the action of these glorious first round battles.

Round 1: Bart Gunn vs. Bob Holly
Bart Gunn was one half of the Smoking Gunns until his teammate, Billy Gunn, decided to become a new-aged Honky Tonk Man known as Rockabilly, and eventually would move on to Degeneration X. Bob Holly started off as Thurman "Sparky" Plugg, a NASCAR themed pro wrestler, and he just slowly moved away from that but was still completely inconsequential at this point. The most interesting aspect of this was that these two were currently tag team partners but would have to square off in Brawl for All. It started off great as Bob Holly gave a shove to Bart Gunn's back before the match started. Then the fight started, and it was by far the cleanest fight that I had seen up to this point. It wasn't great by any means, but Bart Gunn threw a pretty clean jab, and Bob Holly tried to work inside to attack the body. Unfortunately, Bart was able to do damage with a hooking uppercut that you never see from professional fighters, because it's about the easiest angle to block imaginable, but it worked fairly well against Holly. Bart Gunn outpointed Holly in every round in what was the most technically skilled fight, but as I mentioned, it still wasn't a great fight.

Oh yeah, and the greatest part happened after the fight when Bart tried to congratulate his tag partner for a hard fight, and Bob Holly threw a sucker punch, and they started brawling. Somehow, this match was one of the few I couldn't find online, so here's video highlights from a hardcore match they had a year later.


Round 1: Dan "The Beast" Severn vs. The Godfather
So, unfortunately, I found the video but can't embed it, but you really need to watch it because the commentary really makes the match. The Godfather had a pimp wrestling gimmick where he came out with "hos" (local strippers) to the ring. He went up against Dan Severn, who earned his "Beast" nickname as a former UFC Champion who was an incredibly high level Greco Roman wrestler. Yep, just a UFC Champion vs. a Pimp in a real fight. The fight went as you would expect, where Godfather actually looked okay on the feet, but he couldn't stop a takedown. Severn clearly had two takedowns in every round, but the commentary is possibly the most clueless bullshit in the history of the WWE, which is saying a lot. Jerry Lawler and Shawn Michaels know about as much about fighting as my aunt. I'm not sure if they have ever seen any form of amateur wrestling in their lives. Every time Severn took him down, both of them were like, "Well, I don't think that's a takedown." Severn was literally pinning Godfather, and they both agreed, "Well, that may be a pin, but that's not a takedown." Also amazing was the fact that the production truck was listening to the guys on commentary for scoring, so they somehow had Godfather up 10-5 after two rounds. The real judges got the score right as Severn advanced with relative ease.

Round 1: Quebecer Pierre vs. "Dr. Death" Steve Williams
I know every review of these fights is, "Holy shit, this one is somehow even crazier than the one before," but holy shit, this one is even crazier than the one before, and it cannot possibly be topped. Quebecer Pierre wore an eye patch to the ring. This wasn't a gimmick eye patch either; he legitimately only had one eye. They let a man with one eye get in a legitimate fight against probably the second biggest favorite in the tournament, Steve Williams. Williams was afour-time All-American wrestler and football player at the University of Oklahoma. He's about as legit of a badass as you can possibly be without being a professional fighter. They matched him up against a one-eyed man. Dr. Death just tooled him with takedowns, which was good because it was pretty clear that ol' Stevie was not too strong with his boxing. Ol' Pierre was completely exhausted about ten seconds into the second round but he continued to take a beating until the ref eventually called a standing knockout with five seconds left since Pierre never fell to the ground, he was just really tired. Also, he only had one eye. Enjoy it in all of its glory.

Brawk For it All 5 by xusername26x

First Round: 2 Cold Scorpio vs. 8-Ball
Brawl for All was so consistently getting booed out of the building that they put this match on before Raw started and just showed about thirty seconds of highlights. 2 Cold Scorpio was a high flyer  who gave up about sixty pounds to 8-Ball who was part of a biker gang tag team. 8-Ball apparently beat on him early but then faded as Scorpio was able to take the final two rounds and win the match. It looked like there were some fun flurries, but since the WWE was worried about their precious ratings, we never got to see this match in its entirety.

But that wraps up the first round. Next time, we will go over the second round, and oh yes, it will continue to be a clusterfuck of epic proportions.

I Am So Excited For Wrestle War 90

The WWE Network is a magical place where you cannot watch for an hour without your mind being blown. I was watching Clash of the Champions X, and within the first hour, I saw Dr. Death Steve Williams pretending to be a doctor and performing CPR, but this was 1990, so he only pushed on the chest as mouth-to-mouth would have made him geh. Jim Cornette, for no reason whatsoever, calling Norman (a random fat wrestler who loved teddy bears) a child molestor, and finding out that Cactus Jack's last name was Manson. What does this has to do with Wrestle War 90? This also happened:
I can just about guarantee that this PPV is hot garbage, because WCW could not compare to WWF at this point, but man, this .gif:

I want my everyday to be that. Wrestle War 90. Can't wait.