Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Jose Canseco Is Looking For Love

Unless you've been living under a rock (or worse, not following Jose Canseco on Twitter), you probably know about how Jose Canseco has a new love, and her name is Lady Gaga. I'm not familiar with Lady Gaga's music, but I am familiar with her face, and it ain't pretty. But at least she's rich, so I guess that's worth something.

On the positive side of things, Jose's going gaga for Gaga (I apologize for the pun, but there was no way I was going to be able to avoid it) has led to a Twitter frenzy from everybody's favorite slugger. Let's see what he's been up to.

Jose Canseco
Still waiting for answer
Jose, it's Lady Gaga, I think you can stop just waiting around and set your sights on someone else. I mean, clearly beauty isn't an issue for you.

Jose Canseco
Where is wonder woman
Okay, this is a step up in the looks department, but a horrible step back in the "this person exists" department. You'll have to do better than this.

Jose Canseco
I am at buffalo wild wings still looking for the next miss x canseco
I think he meant ex-Miss Canseco. Actually, no he didn't. I would much rather believe that Jose Canseco will only marry women whose name begins with X. I bet it broke his heart when he found out that Xena: Warrior Princess wasn't real. Maybe I shouldn't have told him that Wonder Woman suffers from the same fictional fate.

Jose Canseco
If I had a child with lady gaga what would he or she be called
As terrifying as this thought is, I thought this was a goldmine of a tweet. I thought for sure I could come up with an astonishingly hilarious response to this. Unfortunately, 30 seconds later, I read the following and realized that it could not be topped.
Nick Devlin
I don't know if I'll ever know the true identity of a man who goes by the Twitter handle of @Nick_Devlin, but if I do, I think I'd like to buy that man a beer.

Jose Canseco
I wish would marry me :D
Remember when people wished for good things? Like being taller, or being a baller, or even a girl that looked good so you could call her? Hell, I'd even settle for people wishing for a rabbit in a hat, or a bat, or a 64 Impala. Yeah, I miss those days.

Jose Canseco
I want to get married and settle down any crazy takers u must be Christian
Jose has things that he just won't compromise on, and being Jewish is one of those things. Actually, that stipulation lasted all of 30 seconds before he was willing to give up on it.

Jose Canseco
Can any woman convert the most infamous athlete ever
  Jose Canseco
Or will I take u on a hell ride
This will definitely be my pickup line if I'm ever out and meet a Jewish girl. I'm open-minded enough to let them try to convert me to Judaism from Hulkamania if they can prove it is a better religion (fat chance, but I'll listen). And I feel it is always best to let them know that any further romantic interaction with me could end in a hell ride for her. Ladies don't like to be surprised by the most traumatic experience of their lives, so I'll warn them up front that shit could get ugly.

Jose Canseco
I am looking for an exorcism from a Christian girl can u handle it
This sounds like the kinkiest shit ever. Unfortunately, Jose follows it up by going to a very dark and sad place.

Jose Canseco
I am still in love with one girl but she wouldn't look my way if I were the last MAN on earth
Jose Canseco
Jose Canseco
Jose Canseco
But never fear, Canseco lovers, as everything was fine a day later as it appears that baseball and partying has cured his broken heart.

Jose Canseco
I am with a bunch of single ball players in Martinez lake Arizona huge house on dove rd come by girls and party
I guarantee if I come by with a 30-Pack of Natty Light, we aren't getting turned away from that party house. Anybody up for a road trip?


P.S. Steven Seagal is absolutely pissed that Anderson Silva cannot punch fast. Fortunately, he takes out his aggressions and annihilates Silva. Seriously.

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