Life Lessons From Franklin & Bash's "Good Lovin"

Let's face it, the documentary Franklin and Bash is designed to teach. It is a show that I have learned so much from. First off, always go with the hot tub over the ocean. There are sharks in the ocean; the only biting pain you need to worry about in a hot tub is chlamydia. But anyway, here are the things I learned from this past week's episode of Franklin and Bash.

People Bowling - Bash seemed to knock down like everybody, but apparently messed up? I'm not sure how this game works.

Communication - Communication is key, but blowjobs make that impossible. This is why prostitutes are wise. I would think about seeing prostitutes for their wisdom, but shockingly, the prostitutes in eastern Iowa are goddamn terrifying.

Doctor-Patient Privileges - Sex surrogates are like doctors. It may seem like a reach at first, but proctologists stick fingers up asses, so is this really that big of a leap?

Sex Surrogates - Like prostitutes, but not. Prostitutes have sex with their clients, sex surrogates teach their patients how to make love. Important difference.

Hate Sex - If done properly, it can turn hate into real affection, and that is a beautiful thing. Sometimes, it is just a trick to get a better job.

Stanton Infeld - He was 16 and had sex with a 50 year old. I'm glad that Franklin and Bash don't even listen to his stories anymore. He also wears stupid sunglasses. Still the worst.

Coors Light - It is their drink, because Franklin and Bash are colder than cold.

Rachel King - Six years without sex, but doesn't want to be banged by old wrinkly balls judge either. Loosen up, lady.

Charlie - Will she ever be mentioned again? Is she sleeping with Rob Lowe? We may never know.

Franklin & Bash Season 3, Episodes 1-2 Notes

So I have had these notes from the first two episodes of Franklin and Bash with the plan of turning into a well thought out post about the show. Instead, I'm just going to post the notes and let you figure it out. If you watched the episodes, this should all make sense. Feel free to ask for any clarification.

Jared Franklin - Jared is an amateur magician and performs marriages.

Peter Bash - Knows that a sticky floor is just good party traction.
Pre-game pushups. This is just a wise maneuver.
Pain killers really put him out of work.

Rachel King - She owned Franklin and Bash on Piers Morgan. She takes ballet, likes zombies, and does not like partying. Discipline is what she is all about. She depends on incompetence to get the better of Franklin and Bash. Gives Damien terrible advice about exposing his masturbation video, and gives her magician friend terrible advice too. She is an awful lawyer.
She cares about veterans.

August West - He is a magician, so of course he has to get defended by Franklin and Bash.

Tim West - The angry magician brother.

Damien Karp - Has to release his masturbation tape to the world. He's got a new hair cut, and it is HAIRRIBLE. He's trying to be Bash instead of being happy with who he is.
His hair was all over the place. Like, everybody should rewatch these episodes to see all the changes. It was really blwoing my mind.

Hannah - She gone.

Stanton Infeld - He brought on a name partner with no experience at his firm. That is a total bitch move. If you want to be the boss, you gotta act like a BAWSS. This was not a BAWSS move. He takes out Bash with a touch to the pectoral, because science.
He can no longer remember his made up stories, which I guess is progress.
Infeld is still the worst.

Pindar Singh - Such a nerd. Their hotel room had a lot of bodily fluids. Burned the house down.

Carmen - Carmen makes a lot of sense. I vote for more Carmen. She used speed dating to get information for a case.

I really wish the guys could have realized that they are working for the world's most famous magician and could have just paid for the bracelet ten times over and kept this whole thing quiet.

Hot Jury Member - Franklin and Bash just kept trying to seduce this broad with their lawyering ways.

Coors Light aluminum bottles - The drink of champions.

Right Boob Signatures - It is the preference of classy ladies.

Hot Tubs - RIP. They went from hot tubs being a central part of the show to only being used once last season, to now no longer having a hot tub.

Natalya - Ukranian broad.

Blue Moon - Because Franklin and Bash will not drink real beers this season.

Charlie - Hot blonde with a sexy Australian accent.

Don French - War veteran, tire slasher, overall badass. I just felt bad for him, because he had to have his celebratory party at the new house, so he didn't get to experience the magic of the hot tub.

Judge Maxwell Nunis - Loves Franklin and Bash. He tries to be zany too, but he could definitely use some work on his eccentricity.

AutoTrader.com - Great place to get sweet vehicles.