Monday, July 1, 2013

Celebrity Wife Swap: Flair vs. Piper

So I watched Celebrity Wife Swap for the first time. obviously, as the title indicates, the only reason I watched it is that Ric Flair was swapping "wives" with "Rowdy" Roddy Piper. Something I learned is that Celebrity Wife Swap does a very poor job of making people care. Their intros and conclusions were both boring and left me wanting to change the channel. I was fully in with Piper and Flair, but this is not a show that hooks you in, because they managed to make those two seem boring with their intro. The best part of the intro was, "Ric has finally settled down with his girlfriend, Wendy." Dude's been married four times.

Piper really stole the show. The problem with Flair is that Ric Flair is always Ric Flair. Nothing anyone can say will surprise you, because it's all so predictable. Piper, on the other hand, is always great, because he's casually condescending. With Ric's wife saying she doesn't do any work, Piper just replies, "Well, isn't that nice?" He's a great human being. These following quotes are not funny quotes, but they had me laughing my ass off from Piper's delivery.

"Meatloaf is one of my's not anymore."

"I've been here 20 years, I couldn't name you a restaurant."

"Shopping's not cool."

Also, on this episode, Flair's girlfriend made Piper take the family out shopping. They somehow spent $8795.00. Without buying a car, house, or mobile home (car and house), I don't have a clue of how I could spend that much money shopping. I'd have a goddamn heart attack.

Flair's old lady also made Piper take her out on a date. Piper wore his kilt on their fancy date. This man gives zero fucks. He's the best.

Piper also has electric bagpipes, because of course he does.

Let's quickly focus on the ladies involved in this episode. Flair's girlfriend seemed like somebody obsessed with money and didn't really seem to care about much else. She did not come across well. Piper's wife just seemed like a simple person who was happy with a simple life. That sentence sounds kind of demeaning, but it is not meant to be, as she, like her husband, came across as a real human being that people can relate to. They also showed Flair's first wife, and I have no idea whether she was ever attractive. She has had A LOT of work done, and she is now in that terrifying stage of life where she has a petrifying frozen face.

Ric Flair also had some memorable moments including his one rule, "We do what I want."

Ric Flair spends $100,000 on dinner every year. He has a $300 meal every night. Once I see a meal goes over $20, I start feeling ill. Flair also spends $50,000 on a housekeeper. Needless to say, I felt like I would have much more in common with Piper than I would with Flair.

And that is the big difference between these two. This show is made for Piper, because he's a real human being who's had success but just lives off of what he needs and hasn't really let anything change who he is. He is incredibly relateable. Flair, on the other hand, is Ric Flair. He's not a person; he's a caricature, but he's having a blast doing it so more power to him. But his lifestyle isn't something that normal human beings can do. Flair is great for being a limousine ridin', jet flyin', kiss stealin' wheelin' dealin' son of a gun. Piper is just great.

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