Friday, November 1, 2013

A Guide For Grooms: Dealing with Bridezilla

Okay, was my bride a Bridezilla? No, not really at all. She only got mad at me twice throughout the whole week, and considering how big of an idiot I am, especially with my idiot friends around, that’s a hell of an accomplishment. We did really well throughout the entire week. I asked her what she wanted me to do, and I did it without any complaints. I am a giant pussy when it comes to heights, but my lady said that she wanted me to repeatedly climb a ladder and hang things from the ceiling, and I said okay while only thinking about falling and breaking my arm from the moment I took my first step on the ladder until both feet had finally gotten back to the ground. Still, I did it, and even if I fell, I would have been fine, as I have seen dozens of WWE ladder matches.

The first thing you need to do is pay attention to your bride. That seems simple enough, but I managed to forget it. Whoops. She gave me the simple task of getting all of my groomsmen on our bus to go to the hotel to get ready for pictures. I did this with no issues, but I made the mistake of not thinking about anything else. We were drinking on the bus and having a great old time. Unfortunately, I forgot that she was probably going to need help hauling some things on the bus. I see her carrying a ton of bags right after she got her hair done while trying to keep an umbrella over her head since it was raining. She was not pleased, so I gave her a little space and finished my beer quietly in the back of the bus. That was my bad.

You know all those sayings about how communication is key. Yeah, it’s true. And for the wedding weekend, you definitely want to overcommunicate. I thought I did a pretty good job of communicating with my wife and doing the rounds with her so I could meet a bunch of people that I would immediately forget. Once I got done with those rounds, I figured I was good to go. If I would have just asked her about things, she would have told me that there were a few other pictures she wanted, but I didn’t do that. I disappeared from my own wedding. Once was completely justified, because I took a monster dump in a bathroom. When I exited the stall, I saw a groomsman and a husband of a bridesmaid. We laughed and high-fived about the damage I did. This is a situation where it is fine to not check in with your bride. However, shortly after that, I decided to smoke cigars that my uncle brought with all of my groomsmen which meant that I left the reception hall to go outside. She of course wanted to find me for a picture with a group of approximately 50 people and had no clue where I was. She finally found me, and brought me up to the picture where everyone was already waiting. The combination of me disappearing and reeking of cigar smoke was not a combination that put a smile on my lady’s face. This was also my bad.

But both times, she let me know that she was displeased, I apologized, and she let it go in about 15 minutes. So learn from my mistakes and make sure that you pay attention to your bride and communicate with her. Life will be much happier for the both of you.


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