Wednesday, November 20, 2013

Looking For Jobs on Craigslist

As I stated earlier this week, I moved from Iowa to Florida recently, and I am still looking for employment. Now, being unemployed and single is great, but being unemployed and married loses its luster pretty quickly. The whole "caring about someone and wanting to be somewhat useful in the relationship" makes the lack of a job a lot less hilarious. 

I have been searching all over for a job and still haven't nailed anything down. I decided to expand my search and go down a road that I was simply not ready for. Yes, I decided that the normal job sites were not fulfilling my needs, so it was time to search for jobs on Craigslist. I'm so glad I did. I found some great opportunities.

 Male Models needed for TOMORROW! (Miami)

Searching for male underwear models for an event TOMORROW. Model will wear underwear and a bowtie for the event passing out orderves to guests and taking photos. Event is from 7pm-9:30pm. Please submit CURRENT photos in the email with full name and clothing measurements including height, Client needs photos. MUST BE MUSCULAR!!

This one was eerie, as it was like they specifically wrote this job listing for me. I'm motivated to work soon, and this job is tomorrow (today, by the time this posts). Plus, I am always looking for new challenges. This job offers me a couple as I rarely wear underwear and never wear a bow tie. Finally, the last line, "MUST BE MUSCULAR." Yeah, that definitely won't be an issue. 

Only issue: They spelled hors d'oeuvres as orderves. If only you had spell check, you could have had your new employee of the month. 

Attractive Males needed for upcoming ADULT FILMS!

Recruiting GUYS for an Adult Website!

We only want to work with the best and our starting pay for male models is $2,000.00 for a solo production.

If you think you have what it takes, send your pictures (face and body, either shirtless and/or nude please), include a contact number and I will get back to you to discuss further details.

Models should:
-Have NO previous experience in the adult industry!
-Have six-pack abs
-Ages 18-35ish
-Have an athletic/muscular body
-Be very handsome

Before you email please make sure you read the list of requirements above. Yes six packs are required, yes you must show face. We do use stage names for all of our models. No resumes please. 

Ah, an attractive male is needed for an adult film. Getting two grand for a solo project doesn't sound too bad to me. This is another job that I am almost overqualified for. No experience in the adult industry, check. Six pack abs, I just hope I can fatten up so only six of my abs are showing. Athletic/muscular body, we went over that in the last post. And again, being very handsome may be difficult, as I'm usually referred to as extremely handsome. 

Now I'm guessing that most people believe the issue is that I must "show face," but I'd be happy to have my face on a film starring me. My only problem is that they use stage names for all of their models. Sorry, but I've got to keep my Hott Joe brand strong. A stage name simply won't due.

I kind of wanted to take this job just so I could finish up and say, "Two grand for this? You should see me at home; I do it for free." I bet everyone would have laughed really hard, and I probably would have started up a huge career as a comedy porn star.

Looking for straight males for video (North Dade)

I'm looking for open minded straight males who are in shape and under 30 years for a gay production, only serious replies please, if interested send stats and pictures to be contacted with more details

Uh, straight males for a gay production? You're not exactly making an appealing offer. I mean, you probably shouldn't discriminate against homosexuals if you want us all to have a gay old time. I mean. have you seen homosexuals? They're like the happiest people ever. Good luck, I guess.

And finally, the last job, which isn't a job at all, but may be the best thing ever.


Now Casting New Show w/ "The Rock".

Seeking family members who are in a big fight or misunderstanding and can't seem to reconcile on their own... we are here to lend a helping hand!!!!

Call 310-360-2580

OR submit your story here w/ photos and a contact phone number.

Must live in S. Florida

OH MY GOD! When I saw this, my initial thought was to immediately called my wife a bitch to try to start a fight (I decided against it). I know they are looking for problems with siblings or parents, but I'm willing to take a chance for a special episode and have The Rock save my marriage. Now, it may be insane that I would jeopardize my marriage to hang out with The Rock, which is exactly the reason I need to be on this show. I prioritize The Rock over my own wife. Please help me, The Rock. 

So, yeah, overall, it was a pretty successful day of job hunting. 

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