Thursday, August 14, 2014

Suits Power Rankings - Gone

So the Suits Power Rankings are a little bit later than normal. This was caused by two lawyers who also try to play by their own rules: Jared Franklin and Peter Bash. I don't know how law firms work in Los Angeles, but in New York, people are held to a higher standard. While the lawyers of Pearson Specter are handling international cases and Michael Jordan, the lawyers of Infeld Daniels Franklin and Bash are handling pot smokers and storage unit disputes. All of this is the long way of saying that I am officially out on Franklin and Bash until they bring back the hot tub. Meanwhile, I am all in and Jessica, Harvey, and the rest of the gang at Pearson Specter, even though I have had to go this whole summer without any Harold. You can check out last week's rankings here, but now onto this week where lawyers gotta lawyer.

1. Jessica Pearson - Jessica is being nice to Louis's face, but she plans on firing him at her earliest convenience, which is just so stone cold of her. I loved it. You gotta trim the fat if you want to be the best. This is true in her personal life as well. Jeff wanted to go out for dinner, but Jessica has a budget, so she made them order in. Fiscal responsibility is often overlooked, but I appreciate her frugal behavior. She does get busted for having a relationship with Jeff, but that was probably caused by Jeff Malone pulling a Michael Scott and emailing everyone at the SEC nudie pics of Jessica. In the end, Jessica didn't even have to trouble herself to fire Louis. She had Harvey go and do it, and even he was too late, as Jessica put the fear of god into Louis, so he left before he could be forced out. Bravo to Jessica, who showed that she has the biggest stones, fellas included, in the entire firm. 

2. Sean Cahill - He was busy on the day of Harvey's birthday party, because he is quite the New York socialite, and by socialite, I mean he has pre-filled his calendar to "have beers with bros night" every night. Then Cahill totally outlawyered Mike and Harvey and knew to look for the money in the transaction. Finally, he showed that he is an honorable man and earned Harvey's respect by sending his own boss to jail. Pearson Specter has to hire Cahill, right? He's perfect. He could replace Louis, hire Harold as his associate and RULE THE WORLD.

3. Harvey Specter - Harvey should never try to meet with Forstman, as it always ends badly for him. He again tried to threaten Chuck (what his good friends call him), but Chuck just sat back, relaxed, and told Harvey to screw himself so he could enjoy the end of his cigar in peace. Things were looking pretty grim as earlier Cahill told him that he would not make it to his birthday party, which means nobody from outside of Pearson Specter will be there. Cahill is also owning him in the courtroom until finally others swoop in with a master plan, while Harvey gets to take the main credit. He does show some compassion for Louis, as he tries to save his job, but it is too late, and he is a best man left without a groom. 

4. Louis Marlo Litt - Oh, Louis. You sad, pathetic, emotional loser. You used to be strong and virile, a man to be feared, but now everyone just pities you, because you have nothing. But don't give up, Louis, some people need to get Litt up. Go and get your woman. Sheila and you should be together. Sheila and you need to be together. It is time to show her what the initials LML really stand for, Love Me Longtime.

5. Charles Forstman - Forstman likes to finish his cigars in peace. It would be so much better if he liked to enjoy them in piece, and he was about to chop that thing up and throw them in his mouth like jalapeno poppers. Since I have not seen him get arrested, I'll assume he is still doing his daily routine of coffee at a diner, sitting at a ridiculously long conference table by himself, and eating cigars in peace. 

6. Jeff Malone - Is trying to be honorable through this whole mess, but it just comes across as whiny. He is making himself out to be a martyr, but what he needs to do is stop letting the rules define who he is by a lawyer and start pushing the boundaries. I had such high hopes for Jeff, but he is just too honorable to become an elite lawyer.

7. Donna Paulsen - Donna finally makes herself useful, as she wisely chooses her words with Harvey when it comes to Louis. But she also missed her date for work stuff, which has just gotta stop happening. She asked Jessica for a favor and was nearly fired for it. Donna needs to put on her climbing boots and get to the top of the hill, the Cahill that is. Get it, gurrrrrrl.

8. Mike Ross - Mike comes up with the idea of looking into Cahill and friends, but that idea fails, and Mike followed it up by giving Cahill crucial information during the deposition. Interacting with Cahill works out well for no one.

9. Katrina Bennett - Katrina gave Louis advice based on mob movies. She was right, but that does not make the thought process valid.

10. Rachel Zane - She knows what her man wants, and that is bean and cheese burritos. Not only are they delicious, but they also help both of them send a sexy aroma throughout the apartment. She then gets prepared for a deposition that never happens. During this deposition, she initially refused to answer the question about sleeping with Logan, which was odd. This is why Sami Zayn refuses to recognize her as a valid cousin.

11. Charles Woodall - Came in as a badass lawyer but was a blubbering wimp within 30 seconds of his deposition. Also drives a Subaru which is about the lamest car company on the planet. I mean, come on, Woodall, were they all out of Kia Sephias? To top off his shit sandwich, Harvey helped lead his good buddy to prosecute him for taking a bribe from Forstman.

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