Tuesday, June 23, 2015

Nuclear Summer IV is the Pump Up Video You Need

What is Nuclear Summer IV? Nuclear Summer IV is amazing. Nuclear Summer IV is our generation's Citizen Kane. Nuclear Summer IV is like a video bible, but for Strength Stallions. Anyway, no matter what I say, it really can't do this justice.
The only thing that I don't like, wait, no, the only thing I don't LOVE about this video is that it has been out for nearly four years and I am just finding out about it. Everything else is totally awesome. I mean, they could focus an entire episode of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia around Mac seeing this video for the first time. This is Mac's ideal, and let's face it, there is a little bit of Mac in all of us, so this is all of our ideals.

There is a lot to unpack here. The first standout moment comes just 9 seconds into the video where one guy starts throwing a 45 pound plate like a frisbee.
Now that's what I call Ultimate Frisbee.

Then it's time for these two bros to flex in their convertible, do a little headbanging, and shadowbox a camera. That's just what Buff Bros do.

After that, these guys show off their capoeira skillz. If you're not familiar with capoeira, it's basically the most hilarious martial art of all, as it's basically choreographed dance battles. Lots of flips and kicks, but the key is to work with the other people so they dodge as you kick. These fellas just do it out in the middle of a field, so maybe they are playing capoeira with a mosquito in the meadow. My favorite move of the sequence is when one guy just does a backwards somersault and throws up the devil horns like a true badass.

Then it goes into a gym lifting sequence, which I barely have time to touch on despite one guy doing dips so hard with chains around his neck that the chains knock the sunglasses off his face, and the other guy wears incredibly short shorts that he hikes up before doing a deadlift.

It goes back into the capoeira, and then goes into some general outdoor flexing, and they do all of this without any sense of shame or self-awareness.

At 1:55, the best thing in the entire video happens, as I nearly shit my pants the first time. Dude starts doing pullups, but that's not all, as he put blood caps in his mouth, so he starts having blood run out the side of his lips onto his chest.
Every time I think about this, I can't help but smile. I want to buy blood caps and just randomly bite down on them during a lift to freak everyone out. Imagine doing cable crossovers and blood just dripping from your mouth onto the floor in front of you. I just warn that you don't do it on bench, as you may choke and kill yourself, but every other lift, it should be wonderful and hilarious.

Note: If you want to step up your game even more, just wear a gas mask during your workout, and then have the blood pouring out of a gas mask at the gym. They might call 911 before you have a chance to rip off the mask and let the world know how awesome you are.

What is the only thing that could follow up blood caps and gas masks? You guessed it. Spoon tricks.
What a perfect ending. I don't know about you, but I'm ready to run through a wall. In fact, I am going to run through walls until I get to a gym to get my swoll on. Like the song says, IRONBOUND!

Nuclear Summer IV: I would call it the Quran for Cocksmen, but Muhammad never inspired like this.

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