You should all be ashamed of yourselves. How could notify me that not only does something called The 21 Convention exist, but that it was less than two hours away from me in Orlando. At least one of you must have known about it, because it is simply too hilarious for me to not be exposed to it.
For those of you that were not withholding this information from me, you're probably asking what The 21 Convention is. Well, as the top of their website states, it is, "The Best Event For Life On Earth As A Man." This is why I am so disappointed that I did not know about it. I mean, for the low low price of $1499 (less than $1500), I could have gone to the best event for life on Earth as a man. As a man, this event would have been especially relevant to me.
So, I am doing something that is painful but needed. I'm going to go through the five speakers that I was most bummed to not be able to see in person. And trust me, if you go to their website, you'll understand that it was incredibly difficult to keep the list at just five.
5. Ross Jefferies - Master-Hypnotist
I'm almost positive they mentioned this guy in The Game by Neil Strauss. I really love their introductory paragraph for him as it states, "Ross Jeffries has been described as someone who not only knows more than any one in the world about how persuasion and seduction works, but more than anyone ever SHOULD know about these topics." Can you imagine seeing this guy in a club trying to seduce women? Instead of dangling a watch, he probably dangles his dentures. Seriously, in that picture above, there is no way he has teeth in his mouth. Probably the most impressive thing about Ross is that, judging by his picture, he has been dead for at least 15 years. I'd love to hear about what he has to say about seduction in the afterlife.
4. Tanner Guzy - Founder, Masculine Style
This man should never be able to describe anything he does as masculine. Look at this string beans he has hanging from those deflated shoulders. Pathetic. He's wearing a mustard yellow jacket, but he did not make the Pro Football Hall of Fame. You've got to earn your jacket, you beta.
3. Zan Perrion - Founder, Ars Amorata
This guy's entire look is poor man's Johnny Depp. The only thing that you really need to know about him is that he is one of the founding members of today's "burgeoning community of international pickup artists." Why is there not a Netflix documentary on the burgeoning community of international pickup artists? That is something I could seriously get behind.
2. Eric Von Sydow aka Hypnotica - Author and Coach For Men
Oh hell yeah, it's the unknown third member of The Ascension. He's an expert in female-male interaction, but I think that just means that he knows how to club his woman without killing her. This brohemoth earned the title of, "Inner Game Guru" by killing the man who had it before him. I honestly can't believe he's not number one on this list.
1. Socrates - Relationship Philosopher
Oh, hell yeah. If I want to learn about picking up chicks, it is definitely from a guy who looks like this. Also, his name is Socrates, I'm sure he philosophizes what it would be like to see a woman naked. Honestly, judging by that gut, he may just be wondering what it would be like to see Mr. Winky again. The original Socrates said, "An unexamined life is not worth living." Well, this Socrates must believe that an unexamined penis is not worth using.
The thing that put Socrates over the top was that with your $1499 ticket, you also got admission to an "Intellectual Party at Socrates' House." Fu-huck, that sounds so ridiculously incredibly ridiculous that I cannot find the words to properly explain its importance. Oh, but The 21 Convention did.
Can't argue with that. I'm so sad I missed out on this.
For those of you that were not withholding this information from me, you're probably asking what The 21 Convention is. Well, as the top of their website states, it is, "The Best Event For Life On Earth As A Man." This is why I am so disappointed that I did not know about it. I mean, for the low low price of $1499 (less than $1500), I could have gone to the best event for life on Earth as a man. As a man, this event would have been especially relevant to me.
So, I am doing something that is painful but needed. I'm going to go through the five speakers that I was most bummed to not be able to see in person. And trust me, if you go to their website, you'll understand that it was incredibly difficult to keep the list at just five.
I'm almost positive they mentioned this guy in The Game by Neil Strauss. I really love their introductory paragraph for him as it states, "Ross Jeffries has been described as someone who not only knows more than any one in the world about how persuasion and seduction works, but more than anyone ever SHOULD know about these topics." Can you imagine seeing this guy in a club trying to seduce women? Instead of dangling a watch, he probably dangles his dentures. Seriously, in that picture above, there is no way he has teeth in his mouth. Probably the most impressive thing about Ross is that, judging by his picture, he has been dead for at least 15 years. I'd love to hear about what he has to say about seduction in the afterlife.
This man should never be able to describe anything he does as masculine. Look at this string beans he has hanging from those deflated shoulders. Pathetic. He's wearing a mustard yellow jacket, but he did not make the Pro Football Hall of Fame. You've got to earn your jacket, you beta.
This guy's entire look is poor man's Johnny Depp. The only thing that you really need to know about him is that he is one of the founding members of today's "burgeoning community of international pickup artists." Why is there not a Netflix documentary on the burgeoning community of international pickup artists? That is something I could seriously get behind.
Oh hell yeah, it's the unknown third member of The Ascension. He's an expert in female-male interaction, but I think that just means that he knows how to club his woman without killing her. This brohemoth earned the title of, "Inner Game Guru" by killing the man who had it before him. I honestly can't believe he's not number one on this list.
Oh, hell yeah. If I want to learn about picking up chicks, it is definitely from a guy who looks like this. Also, his name is Socrates, I'm sure he philosophizes what it would be like to see a woman naked. Honestly, judging by that gut, he may just be wondering what it would be like to see Mr. Winky again. The original Socrates said, "An unexamined life is not worth living." Well, this Socrates must believe that an unexamined penis is not worth using.
The thing that put Socrates over the top was that with your $1499 ticket, you also got admission to an "Intellectual Party at Socrates' House." Fu-huck, that sounds so ridiculously incredibly ridiculous that I cannot find the words to properly explain its importance. Oh, but The 21 Convention did.
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