4 Takeaways from the Iowa / Illinois Game

63-0 is a nice score. Yes, six more points would have been nicer, but let's just take this totally stress free and awesome win and enjoy the moment. 

In Your Face, Hawkeye Fans

Clearly, the Iowa coaching staff heard the complaints about a lack of usage for Noah Fant and Toren Young, so in the third drive, they decided to shove those two down our throat, and it proved the fans are all stupid idiots when Iowa easily scored a touchdown. Take that, Hawkeye fans. I think the latter is overblown as even though Young has the best yards per carry, I still think Mekhi Sargent is the best back. But not having Fant on the field in that loss to Northwestern was a crime. Not throwing to Fant is one thing, but just him being on the field will make it easier for other guys to get open. It appears the coaching staff has come to their senses, and it sets them up to smash Nebraska to end the season next week.

OMG, AJ Epenesa

OHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGOD (deep breath) OHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGOD. AJ Epenesa is pretty good, right? He ended with eight tackles, 3.5 for loss, and 1.5 counting as sacks. He also had a pass defensed, a fumble recovery, and a touchdown. I've gotta say, it's pretty cool having a five-star recruit on the team. Physically, he is absolutely incredible, and he's starting to get more refined in his technique. He has the ability to take over a game, and he does it as a part-time player. For funsies, I decided to see what people thought of him for the 2020 NFL Draft, and it turns out he is not flying under the radar since he is already projected as the seventh overall pick, but at least we still have a year plus with him on our side. I plan on enjoying every snap of this experience.

Amani Hooker Is a Football Player

Amani Hooker had three tackles, one was for a loss, and one pass defensed. And even with that stat line, it jumped out that there is nobody that is more of a football player than Amani Hooker on this Iowa team. Epenesa and Fant are the most talented on their respective sides of the ball, but when it comes to instincts and always making the right decision and being in the right spot, there is nobody that touches Amani Hooker on this team. He is the guy that most reminds me of Desmond King in his incredible instincts out there. His stats don't jump off the page, and it appears he isn't considered much of a prospect as the only real projection I saw for him was the 13th best strong safety for the 2020 NFL Draft. Thank God people don't realize how good he is, because Hooker is what makes this defense so potent. It's easier to enjoy Epenesa, but watching Hooker is just as satisfying.

New Kirk Is The Hot Chick

New Kirk is great. He goes for it on fourth down, he doesn't punt when he is on his opponent's side of the field, and he even embraces trick plays. But New Kirk doesn't totally understand this new change. Basically, he's the teenage girl that switches bodies with an adult in a movie. Old Kirk is like, oh neato, not punting can be pretty exciting. Going for it on fourth and short is neato. But the child always runs into adult body problems that they did not expect. I mean, we all remember the cinematic classic, The Hot Chick. It was very jarring for Rachel McAdams to have Rob Schneider's body. This is New Kirk. He will often call timeouts at the end of the first half, even though he still won't have enough time to get the ball back. And then, when he was about to enter halftime up 35-0, he called a fake victory formation fumblerooski play just because he could. It was totally pointless, absolutely hilarious, and it's just New Kirk's version of how weird it is to have body hair. 

Come back next week to learn how Dalton Ferguson is actually a lot like Deuce Bigalow, European Gigolo (obviously Parker Hesse would be the original Deuce Bigalow).