The Cleveland Cavaliers Won't Win Game Six

In a must-win situation, the Cavaliers staved off elimination in game five at Golden State, and people are almost letting themselves believe in the power of LeBron and Kyrie. Here's the thing though, they don't stand a chance in this series, and they won't even win in Cleveland tonight.

I've been meaning to talk about how horrifically overrated the Cavaliers were this postseason, and I really missed my ideal window when they were dominating crappy East teams, but luckily, they gave me one more shot to address it before this season is over. People are talking about how the Cavaliers may have figured out something in Draymond Green's absence, and with Kyrie and LeBron on the same page, they can handle everything the Warriors throw at them, but people are missing the point. Although LeBron and Kyrie were great, it may have been the worst performance the Cavaliers have had. They did absolutely nothing to create shots on offense. It was that same old iso-ball that is not a long-term solution to an offense, and the Cavaliers are going to find that out sooner rather than later.

Now before I get into the negatives, let's quickly talk about their one great positive: LeBron James. LeBron James is incredible. He's the most talented basketball player to ever play in the NBA. Anytime you mention LeBron's greatness, it must always be in comparison to Michael Jordan, but for actual play on the court, LeBron is more comparable to Scottie Pippen. But imagine if Pippen had the damn athleticism of Allen Iverson while being built like Karl Malone. Yeah, it takes three Hall of Famers to describe how gifted LeBron is, so even though Steph Curry is the MVP, LeBron is still the best basketball player on the planet. That alone makes the Cavaliers dangerous.

But in my mind, the Cavaliers are LeBron, and LeBron alone.

Now, this is the part of the program where I openly admit that I am a Kyrie Irving hater. I think he's one of the most overrated players in the NBA. He's still very skilled at certain aspects. He can score. Wait, did I say aspects? I guess I just meant aspect, because he doesn't do a whole lot else very well. He's not a great passer, and I think the whole world knows how porous his defense is at this point. And even though he had a hell of a game 5, he's likely not going to be that hot again in his next 20 games.

And now that we are done with the big two, let's look at the rest of the Cavaliers roster, which is basically the land of misfit toys. They are a bunch of square pegs being pushed into round holes, and that is not a recipe for success.

Matthew Dellavedova - Last year, he got hot at the right time and people bought into a player that isn't very good. His only skill that hasn't deteriorated is that he can foul, so congratulations on that.

Channing Frye - This is where things get interesting, because Channing Frye is a talented player. He can stretch the floor as a big but do poor work on defense. Considering how Kevin Love has played, Frye would probably do better in those minutes.

Richard Jefferson - Jefferson gets a lot of love for being a key cog for the Cavaliers, and that is a major issue, because he would be getting James McAdoo minutes if he were on the Warriors.

Kevin Love - Holy shit has this guy fallen off a cliff. I really hope he is injured, because his play has just dropped off a cliff. But let's not forget how valuable he was early on in the playoffs. Kevin Love is a great NBA player, but this is the worst fit he could possibly be in. If he is your number one or two option on offense, he can make up for his lack of ability on defense. It also helps that his defense goes from "Turn the children's heads away" to "poor" when he is able to contribute on offense. But like I said earlier, the Cavs would probably be better off with Frye, because Love has been downright awful in this series.

Timofey Mozgov - He's really big and can play interior defense. He has no actual basketball skills. Unfortunately, that makes him unplayable for the most part in today's NBA.

Iman Shumpert - Garbage on offense, only above average on defense. Good luck with that.

J.R. Smith - Usually bad, but sometimes he inexplicably catches fire and makes everything. I would say that a big game from Smith is their only hope in game six. Yes, Cleveland, your hopes are contingent on J.R. Smith. That does not sound promising.

Tristan Thompson - Note to self: Make friends with LeBron James.

And that's basically their team. They got one win when everything went right. They got another when Draymond Green was out and their two best players each probably had one of the ten best games of their careers (maybe Kyrie's best), and I just do not see that as a sustainable method for winning. I don't care that the Cavs are at home. This series is over. 

LeBron and the Leverage of Superstars

Breaking News: LeBron James signed with the Cleveland Cavaliers.

This is the news that got all of the attention, but his actual contract deserves almost as much attention. LeBron signed a one-year deal with a player option for the second year. The reasoning behind only signing a two-year contract is that the TV deal will run out after that season, and the NBA is due to make A LOT more money. With the players having a 50/50 share of that revenue, the salary cap could be taking a big bump up which would mean that the max salary will get a significant bump. This makes total sense for LeBron, as it gives him the best chance to maximize his earnings.

But that player option for the second year is what fascinates me most. LeBron basically has ensured that he will hold the Cavaliers hostage over the next two years, because it makes sense for them to do everything in their power to bend to LeBron's demands.

LeBron wants Kevin Love, so the Cavaliers are likely to trade Wiggins, Bennett, and whatever else it takes in order to get Kevin Love. But it could extend far beyond that. If he doesn't want to play with Dion Waiters or Tristan Thompson, there is really nothing stopping the Cavs from trading them away in pursuit of someone like Thaddeus Young.

And are we sure that Kyrie Irving is safe? As much as I would love to have a scorching hot take, I'll put it at a medium burn, because he most likely is sticking around. But maybe Chris Paul gets unhappy in LA and wants out. Would it be ridiculous for LeBron to request having Chris Paul as his point guard? He's a better facilitator, and a far better defender. Yes, Kyrie is much better for the future, but LeBron's best years are right now, so I certainly wouldn't blame him for trying to bring in the best current talent to play alongside him.

LeBron is changing what it means to be an elite free agent. He not only gets to pick his destination, but by signing a short contract with a player option, he can choose his teammates to an extent as well. The owners wield most of the power in the NBA, but if elite players insist on player options, they can lock up security, while also being able to leave when it best suits them. You can say that LeBron is a once-in-a-generation talent, and that's true, but this option is probably available for at least the top 10 guys in the league. No team is going to tell Durant, Love, Westbrook, Davis, etc. that they don't want them if they insist on some player options in their max level deal. They will do what is necessary to get them on the team, and at that point, they will do what it takes to keep them happy and opting into the team's plan.

Everybody knows that LeBron is something special on the court, but it's off the court where LeBron's impact is truly changing the game.

A Guy's Review of Every "Step Up" Movie

Step Up seems like a lame movie series that is not made for guys, but I cannot imagine a girl liking these movies half as much as a guy would. It is filled with hot chicks and action sequences, because they don't like to let little things like "coherent plots" get in their way of making a great film. The beauty of these movies is that I watched the first four in a weekend and outside of two characters (Tyler Gage and Moose), I have no idea if any of these people are supposed to be the same person from different movies. The main characters in every movie are Handsome Dude and Hot Brunette. I'm not even sure if they actually have names. I love it, so I feel I need to explain all of the greatness that these movies bring so you can be ready for the fifth installment that comes out on August 8. Since this is a review for guys, I will compare each film to an installment of the Fast and Furious franchise (Step Up is obviously inferior, but it gives you an idea of what you are getting into with each movie, because every red-blooded American has seen all of the Fast and Furious movies).

Step Up - Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift
This movie is absolute shit. I can't believe they were able to make a sequel after this pile of garbage. I remember watching the previews for this one and assumed that Step Up movies were awful so I never watched any of them until I came across Step Up 3D (in 2-D). A lot of people mistakenly think this is a quality one because it's got Channing Tatum. It tries to be a real movie, but trust me, it's a giant pile of shit. Just skip to the second one; you won't miss anything.

Step Up 2: Back to the Streets - Fast and Furious 4
This is where they start to figure things out. They are not quite at the level that the following movie will put the series, but they are going in the right direction. The most important change is that they make the transition from classical dance to straight up street dancing. The second most important thing is that this is the movie that introduces us to Moose who is somehow the most important character in this series despite never really being the lead of the movie. He's the glue of the dance crew.
The biggest plot hole is the fact hat this girl does not want to leave Baltimore to go live with her aunt in Texas because all of her friends are in B-More. However, once she gets into the fancy school, all but one of her friends immediately turn their backs on her, so she is left without close friends. So, in the end, she probably should have just moved to Texas.
Still, this movie is almost there. It's got some hilarious street dancing, and they also establish that none of the characters are going to make any sense. Still, it is anchored down by some classical dancing, and they are only dancing for respect. The stakes get progressively higher as these movies go on.

Step Up 3-D - Fast Five
I have already written a whole separate post about this movie, because it's that good. But every time I watch this movie, I think I could easily come up with 2000 new words on it. You know how Fast and the Furious was a semi-realistic movie about racing cars through the first four movies, and then for Fast Five, they just said, "Fuck it," and made it the most awesome thing ever with shit that could never possibly happen in real life. That is basically what happens in Step Up 3-D, except for dancing as opposed to car stunts.

The best exchange of the movie, and a top five exchange in cinematic history:

Cool Guy: You're BFAB.
Moose: What's BFAB?
Cool Guy (casual as fuck): Born From A Boombox

It is very important how casually he says this, and also that he manages to do it with a straight face. It makes me laugh out loud every time I hear it, so it is basically their version of, "Show me how you drive, I'll show you who you are."

One issue is that everyone in this movie is the worst friend ever. Here is how every person treats their supposed best friend.
1. The bad guy in the movie makes his sister infiltrate the rival group, and then exposes her secret to the man she fell in love with.
2. The main girl infiltrated a rival group, gave away their secrets even though she said she cared about them as people. Nobody ever got mad at her for this.
3. The main dude is not innocent. He convinced his best bud (who he had known for about a month), Moose, to skip a test that was worth 25% of his grade, and also convinced him to go to a party and promised he would have him back in time for the party that Moose actually wanted to go to. Moose did not make it in time, because main dude snuck away to make out with main girl for a while.
4. Moose treated his best lady friend horribly as he constantly ignored her throughout the movie, as he only hung out with her when it was convenient for him.
5. Oh, and his best lady friend came up with the idea that her and a friend could be the Olsen Twins, but then Moose showed up, asked her to switch so he could be an Olsen Twin, and she's like, "Okay, I'll screw that girl over," so that girl had to come up with a completely different idea for Halloween. I would feel bad for that girl, but the pattern shows that she was probably a really shitty person to her best friend as well.
6. Finally, the whole dance crew who lives for free where their only responsibilities are to dance and have a good time, get super pissed at the guy when his house and club gets repossessed, because it means they have no place to live. If everyone would have just gotten job, he wouldn't have lost the place, but he was housing a bunch of ungrateful freeloaders. Seriously, this is the worst display of friendship in cinematic history.

But the reason I have written so much about this one is because I fucking love this movie. I laugh, I cheer, I even cover my mouth and go "Oh no he didn't!" If you only watch one Step Up movie, make it this one.

Step Up: Revolution - Fast Six
Where Step Up 3-D (available in 2-D) had to save a dance club/domicile for dancers who refuse to get day jobs, Step Up: Revolution takes it one step further where they must save an entire neighborhood. There are not only houses at stake, but a bar that will give you free drinks if you dance with their unattractive relatives. It is a very important place for poor people who want to live on the ocean in Miami.

Sandy Cohen is a real estate developer and father of the main girl, so he is the one trying to take away their neighborhood. His daughter tries to tell him to pick a different spot, but Sandy Cohen tells his daughter that he doesn't tell her how to dance, so she shouldn't tell him how to run his business. It's a sick burn that puts her in her place.

For the rest of the plot, they learn that it is not enough to dance to get noticed, they need to dance to make a difference. Once they learn that, they are truly unstoppable.

I think my favorite part is where the crew finds out that the new girl in the crew is actually the daughter of the developer that is trying to take their homes. One guy in the crew is like, "Should we talk to Handsome Dude about this?" And the other guy is like, "No, I have a better idea." His idea was to break into a fancy party, cause a shit ton of damage, and make the guests feel like they were about to be murdered. Nobody questioned this plan.

As great as that is, the most hilarious part is when Sandy Cohen tells his daughter, "Don't worry honey, soon we can leave here (Miami) and get back to Cleveland." Yep, Cleveland. You know what the best thing about Cleveland is? I don't have to live there. But it's pretty clear this movie was written by a Cavs fan.

So why write this report now? Two reasons. First off, ABC Family had a marathon of the first three on last weekend, and the fourth one was on demand from one of the premium channels, so I was able to knock them all out within a week. But more importantly, the fifth installment, Step Up: All In comes out August 8, just one month away, and I wanted to give everyone ample time to get amped up for this movie, as it includes All-Stars from the previous movies all coming together for what could be the most epic dance battle yet. Will I see it in the theaters? Probably not...but maybe, and that is saying quite a lot for a dance movie.

The Disappointment of the Luol Deng Trade

The Bulls traded Luol Deng to the Cavaliers for Andrew Bynum, a Sacramento Kings first round pick, and two second round picks from the Portland Trail Blazers, and the right to swap picks with the Cavaliers in 2015). Well, they kind of traded Luol Deng for that. Let's break it down piece-by-piece.

Luol Deng is going to the Cavaliers. This is indisputable and is 100% happening. Luol is a very good, yet not great small forward. Most people don't know this, but Luol has terrible hemorrhoids, so Thibodeau spares him by never resting him on the bench. Thibs is a really good guy who cares about his player's well-being, so if you see Luol only playing 36 minutes a game for the Cavaliers, it means Mike Brown hates him. In all seriousness, Luol could definitely help a contender, and his contract is up at the end of the year, so he is a very nice piece to add to a team. He's a good slasher who plays excellent defense, and outside of the teams that rely on spreading the floor as much as possible, he could have been a very nice piece for a contender. Instead, he goes to the Cavaliers, and probably adds enough to get them into the playoffs where they are dominated in the first round. 

In exchange, the Bulls got Andrew Bynum. By all accounts, they are going to waive him as soon as possible, but it made the salaries work, so whatever. The Bulls aren't contending this season, so getting any player for this year makes zero sense.

They also received two second round picks (in 2015 and 2016) from the Cavaliers, although those picks actually belong to the Portland Trail Blazers, so they are likely going to be middle of the pack (I think the Blazers are good, but I'm not buying that they are an elite team in the West). Those can get filler players, but nothing special.

They also have the option of switching first round picks with the Cavaliers in 2015, but only if Cleveland has the 15th pick or lower. This may be the piece that excites me the most, as the Cavaliers definitely have the potential to be a very low playoff seed, and if the Bulls have a good offseason and Derrick Rose finally stays healthy, they could be contenders. Going from 26 to 16 would be a nice step up if everything breaks right.

The crown jewel of the trade is the Sacramento Kings's first round pick. Unfortunately, the chances of the Bulls actually cashing in on this is 50/50. For this year, that Kings pick is Top-12 protected, so there is no way the Bulls are getting it this year. It is Top-10 protected for 2015-2017, and at that point, it becomes a second round pick. I know this draft is loaded, but the Kings are still not built well for the future. I love DeMarcus Cousins, but the guy still doesn't play defense all the time, and even with dominant offensive days from him, the Kings still usually lose. Rudy Gay is an above average player who will likely be bolting after his monstrous contract is done. Isaiah Thomas will be commanding some decent money this offseason, and he does some things very well, and other areas he struggles. Ben McLemore is the wildcard for this team. He shows flashes, and if he can fulfill his potential, they can be dangerous. But the West is stacked, and if we're ranking teams' four-year outlook, the Kings are probably only definitely ahead of the Jazz and Lakers while probably being near the same level as the Nuggets, Timberwolves, and Grizzlies. 

In the end, this could be three second round picks for the Bulls, and that is a pretty disappointing haul. It could also be two second round picks, a mid first rounder, and a trade up of about 10 spots in another first round. That sounds good on paper, but how long can the Bulls look to the future when they have a core that is built for the present? 

Having money to spend is nice, but I can't really think of a great way to spend it outside of bringing Mirotic over. That gives them a potential starting five of Noah, Gibson/Boozer, Mirotic, Butler, and Rose with plenty of money if they amnesty Boozer. But whether they can spend that money wisely on filling out a bench is questionable. 

Plus, the front office and Thibodeau do not get along, and tanking this season may give them the excuse to get a new coach. Although I disagree with how Thibs uses minutes with some players, he is an excellent coach, and they will likely be taking a step back with whoever they bring in. 

Luol Deng was a very good player for the Bulls, and although I think it was wise to not invest a ton of money in him for the future, I am still going to miss him. The assets they received in return are nice, but it still doesn't make me feel good about the Bulls in the present or the future. That's why I'm disappointed.