The 45 Most Important Players to the Chicago Bulls Dynasty - #2 Scottie Pippen

Scottie Pippen
Scottie Pippen is my favorite basketball player ever. I loved Scottie Pippen growing up, and watching old videos of him has only strengthened my love for him on the court. Part of the reason that I loved Pippen so much is that his story is incredible. He was nothing at basketball, to the point that he just wanted to be a team manager in college, a team manager for football. He ended up walking on to the basketball team at Central Arkansas, and then grew half a foot and became a dominant player at the NAIA level. He was so impressive that he ended up being the fifth pick of the 1987 NBA Draft by the Seattle SuperSonics, and then immediately traded to the Chicago Bulls for Olden Polynice and a few other picks going both ways.

Pippen's rookie year was nothing to write home about as he was stuck on the bench behind Brad Sellers. Still, he showed enough to take over the starting small forward position the following year. By year three, he was the Robin to Jordan's Batman, which is fitting but also totally undercuts how good of a player Pippen was.

During the 1990s, you could make a strong argument that he was one of the five best players in the NBA. Obviously you had Jordan as the best and probably Hakeem Olajuwon as the second best player, but after that? He is right on the level with guys like David Robinson, Charles Barkley, Karl Malone, and Shaquille O'Neal (a guy I'd put ahead of Pippen but a lot of that was due to his work in the 2000s).

It wasn't that Pippen was going to lead the league in any category, as he only had one year where he led the league in steals as the only time he did so. But, on any given night, he could be the best at any one of the five statistical categories. One game it would be 30 points, another it would be 12 rebounds, or maybe it was 10 assists, or five steals, or possibly even three blocks. He was great everywhere, and he could fill in to whatever those Bulls teams needed.

The biggest knock on Pippen is that he was Jordan's number two, but thanks to MJ's baseball sabbatical, we got to see what Pippen was able to do as the top dog, and it was incredible. In the 1994-95 season, Pippen led the team in points, rebounds, assists, steals, and blocks, something that has only been done four other times in NBA history.

And it's not like Pippen didn't have highlights. He had maybe the greatest dunk ever when he not only dunked on Patrick Ewing, but then stood over him like a conqueror taking a new land.


Pippen didn't waste his time dunking over nobodies as he also decided to destroy Kevin McHale.


But his greatest highlight was after his time with the Bulls. In fact it was after his time in teh NBA as he had to make a statement at the NBA All-Star Celebrity Game. Justin Bieber tried throwing a garbage shot from his chest and Scottie Pippen had the easiest block of his entire career.

Pippen punked out The Biebs.

Outside of the six championships he won with the Chicago Bulls, he also managed two gold medals, as he was a part of the 1992 Dream Team as well as the less catchy 1996 US Olympic Basketball team. He was on an All-NBA Team seven times, including three times on the first-team; he was an All-NBA Defensive first teamer on eight separate occasions, and he managed to make it into seven All-Star games, including being the All-Star MVP of 1994.

After the 1998 season, Pippen forced his way out and was traded to the Houston Rockets. After one year with the Rockets, he forced another trade to the Portland Trail Blazers. The team nearly made it to the NBA Finals in 2000 but surrendered a 15-point lead thanks to some tremendous play by the Los Angeles Lakers and some tremendous calls by the NBA referees that were bound and determined to see the Lakers succeed. He spent a couple more years with the Blazers before returning to the Chicago Bulls to mentor the Baby Bulls for one year before retiring in 2004.

But Pippen will always be remembered for his first stint with the Chicago Bulls. Him and Jordan were the only players to be there from start to finish, and their names will always be tied together. Because of the pairing with Jordan, Pippen will probably be eternally underrated, but he also has six rings because of it, so I would say that it all worked out for him. Also, he punked out Justin Bieber, and not even Michael Jordan can outshine him in that regard.

Previous Entries:

#45 - Jack Haley

#44 - Rory Sparrow

#43 - Chuck Nevitt

#42 - David Vaughn

#41 - Jo Jo English

#40 - Ricky Blanton

#39 - Matt Steigenga

#38 - Joe Courtney

#37 - Keith Booth

#36 - Mark Randall

#35 - Ed Nealy

#34 - Rusty LaRue

#33 - Corey Williams

#32 - Joe Kleine

#31 - John Salley

#30 - James Edwards

#29 - Robert Parish

#28 - Darrell Walker

#27 - Rodney McCray

#26 - Dennis Hopson

#25 - Trent Tucker

#24 - Dickey Simpkins

#23 - Bobby Hansen

#22 - Scott Burrell

#21 - Bison Dele

#20 - Craig Hodges

#19 - Jud Buechler

#18 - Randy Brown

#17 - Cliff Levingston

#16 - Stacey King

#15 - Jason Caffey

#14 - Bill Wennington

#13 - Will Perdue

#12 - Scott Williams

#11 - Steve Kerr

#10 - BJ Armstrong

#9 - Luc Longley

#8 - John Paxson 

#7 - Bill Cartwright

#6 - Toni Kukoc

#5 - Ron Harper

#4 - Dennis Rodman

#3 - Horace Grant 

The Cleveland Cavaliers Won't Win Game Six

In a must-win situation, the Cavaliers staved off elimination in game five at Golden State, and people are almost letting themselves believe in the power of LeBron and Kyrie. Here's the thing though, they don't stand a chance in this series, and they won't even win in Cleveland tonight.

I've been meaning to talk about how horrifically overrated the Cavaliers were this postseason, and I really missed my ideal window when they were dominating crappy East teams, but luckily, they gave me one more shot to address it before this season is over. People are talking about how the Cavaliers may have figured out something in Draymond Green's absence, and with Kyrie and LeBron on the same page, they can handle everything the Warriors throw at them, but people are missing the point. Although LeBron and Kyrie were great, it may have been the worst performance the Cavaliers have had. They did absolutely nothing to create shots on offense. It was that same old iso-ball that is not a long-term solution to an offense, and the Cavaliers are going to find that out sooner rather than later.

Now before I get into the negatives, let's quickly talk about their one great positive: LeBron James. LeBron James is incredible. He's the most talented basketball player to ever play in the NBA. Anytime you mention LeBron's greatness, it must always be in comparison to Michael Jordan, but for actual play on the court, LeBron is more comparable to Scottie Pippen. But imagine if Pippen had the damn athleticism of Allen Iverson while being built like Karl Malone. Yeah, it takes three Hall of Famers to describe how gifted LeBron is, so even though Steph Curry is the MVP, LeBron is still the best basketball player on the planet. That alone makes the Cavaliers dangerous.

But in my mind, the Cavaliers are LeBron, and LeBron alone.

Now, this is the part of the program where I openly admit that I am a Kyrie Irving hater. I think he's one of the most overrated players in the NBA. He's still very skilled at certain aspects. He can score. Wait, did I say aspects? I guess I just meant aspect, because he doesn't do a whole lot else very well. He's not a great passer, and I think the whole world knows how porous his defense is at this point. And even though he had a hell of a game 5, he's likely not going to be that hot again in his next 20 games.

And now that we are done with the big two, let's look at the rest of the Cavaliers roster, which is basically the land of misfit toys. They are a bunch of square pegs being pushed into round holes, and that is not a recipe for success.

Matthew Dellavedova - Last year, he got hot at the right time and people bought into a player that isn't very good. His only skill that hasn't deteriorated is that he can foul, so congratulations on that.

Channing Frye - This is where things get interesting, because Channing Frye is a talented player. He can stretch the floor as a big but do poor work on defense. Considering how Kevin Love has played, Frye would probably do better in those minutes.

Richard Jefferson - Jefferson gets a lot of love for being a key cog for the Cavaliers, and that is a major issue, because he would be getting James McAdoo minutes if he were on the Warriors.

Kevin Love - Holy shit has this guy fallen off a cliff. I really hope he is injured, because his play has just dropped off a cliff. But let's not forget how valuable he was early on in the playoffs. Kevin Love is a great NBA player, but this is the worst fit he could possibly be in. If he is your number one or two option on offense, he can make up for his lack of ability on defense. It also helps that his defense goes from "Turn the children's heads away" to "poor" when he is able to contribute on offense. But like I said earlier, the Cavs would probably be better off with Frye, because Love has been downright awful in this series.

Timofey Mozgov - He's really big and can play interior defense. He has no actual basketball skills. Unfortunately, that makes him unplayable for the most part in today's NBA.

Iman Shumpert - Garbage on offense, only above average on defense. Good luck with that.

J.R. Smith - Usually bad, but sometimes he inexplicably catches fire and makes everything. I would say that a big game from Smith is their only hope in game six. Yes, Cleveland, your hopes are contingent on J.R. Smith. That does not sound promising.

Tristan Thompson - Note to self: Make friends with LeBron James.

And that's basically their team. They got one win when everything went right. They got another when Draymond Green was out and their two best players each probably had one of the ten best games of their careers (maybe Kyrie's best), and I just do not see that as a sustainable method for winning. I don't care that the Cavs are at home. This series is over. 

I Pissed Myself Playing NBA Jam

So I set out a a goal a couple weeks ago to do three posts a week on this blog. Last week was an epic failure, as I did not post a single thing. Sure, I could use the holidays as an excuse, but honestly, I had way more free time than normal last week. I was just really lazy. To punish myself, I will share an embarrassing story.

I once pissed myself playing NBA Jam. I was far past the age where I should have been peeing my pants, but I stand by the decisions that led to this outcome.

Kirby Puckett was my favorite baseball player growing up. Because of that, my family took a little vacay up to the Twin Cities to catch a baseball game and go to the Mall of America. The baseball game was rather uneventful. Kirby Puckett nearly threw me a baseball after my brother hollered at him, but his throw went to the little douchebags to the left of us who brought gloves to the game. I also remember being along the third base line at the front of the second level and still being scared to utter anything that Kirby Puckett might hear, because he was basically a god to me at that point in my life.

Anyway, the Mall of America. I was a ten-year-old boy (Yes, I was ten at the time of this, not a big deal. Let's get past this) who had to think malls were stupid, because that's what boys do. Still, this mall was legit. It had a roller-coaster that looked safe, which was important, because I was a gigantic pussy as a child.

They also had an arcade, which is the only other thing that I remember about the world's biggest mall. NBA Jam was the hottest game at the time, and I had it all to myself to destroy the evil computer gods in basketball with my two homies, Scottie Pippen and Horace Grant. Pippen was my favorite player, so he took all the shots, while Grant was there for rebounds and moral support.

So, surprisingly, because I was a ten-year-old with limited coordination, I was kicking ass at NBA Jam. After winning like two or three games in a row, I was playing the Charlotte Hornets. I had realized that I had to pee for quite a while, but I had already put my quarters in, so I certainly couldn't leave the machine. So, there I was, ten-years-old, battling the Charlotte Hornets in a back-and-forth battle, while doing the peepee dance. As time was ticking down, I stopped doing the dance, and the pee came trickling down. I was pissing down my leg while battling Kendall Gill and Larry Johnson. I knew this was bad, but goddamn, did I want to bash in the Hornets' brains, and I really didn't want to let Scottie down. Unfortunately, I ended up losing the game. I was finally able to leave the machine and let the rest of my pee out in a urinal, you know, like most three-year-olds are able to do.

There was literally piss running down my leg at one point, and I was hoping that me wiping it away like it was sweat would be a smooth maneuver. I am assuming that at least one person from my family noticed, and I would just like to thank them for not saying anything. I have been holding this story in for 18 years, as sharing it any earlier would have probably led to a lot of lot of sessions with a psychiatrist.

Much like letting that piss out while playing NBA Jam, I feel relieved.