I Hate That Bathroom Attendants Exist

I am not a fan of bathroom attendants. Maybe it is my blue collar mentality that I, a fully functional adult, can wash my hands without anyone's help, and that I don't feel like paying for the privilege of someone else doing the job for me. I was reminded of this fact when I went to some hip bar for young go-getters and had to relieve myself. 

I walked into the bathroom, and this guy is just propped up sitting on a ledge across from the urinals. I'm not gonna lie, I get stage fright at times, no shame in that, so I go into a stall and lock the damn door, because it's super weird that this dude is posted up staring at the urinals. It also gave me a moment to privately ponder bathroom attendants. 

The part that I hate most about bathroom attendants is that the job of a bathroom attendant even exists. I have no issue with the people who do it, as hey, they're making a living. But I cannot imagine anybody just doing it for extra cash, because it seems like a truly awful job. You know there are times where he is just sitting in there and listening to somebody take an awful beer shit. Sure, he's got things to spray, but you can't fully cover up that smell when it is fresh. The only positive of the gig is I'm sure you hear some hilarious drunken bro conversations going on about how they are going to punish, beat up, assault, and bazooka with their dong a lady's private parts. Still, there is no way that makes up for spending an entire night in a bathroom helping people freshen up so they can impress their chosen late-night target.

Anyway, I see this guy, and I just get bummed. He's making a living, so good for him, but I have no intention of paying him anything, because I have a wife which means I already impressed my chosen target. I try to quickly go to the sink and take care of business, but he pops up and gives me soap and puts a paper towel over my shoulder, and I give him a genuine thank you, as I appreciate him doing good work, but it is not work I am willing to pay for. 

Because, come on. Not only can I wash my hands myself, I prefer to wash my hands myself. In fact, if there is a bathroom attendant in there, I would say I am at least 50% less likely to wash my hands at all just so I don't have to deal with the awkward interaction. 

And really, is that so gross? As long as I'm not getting splashback, all I'm doing is touching my dick with my hands. My hands are WAY dirtier than my dick is. If anything, I should be washing my dick. 

Come to think of it, THAT is a service I would pay for.

How's Your Sleep Going?

People always ask about work, why not sleep? Spend roughly the same amount of time and the stories are usually just as interesting. And since everybody asks about work, it becomes so repetitive. Once I tell a work story once, I am completely over it, because even good stories get old quick. I mean the best story from work I have had recently is going to take a piss, and when I was washing my hands, watching a guy walk into the bathroom with his lunch and just lingering around, clearly waiting for me to leave so he could eat his lunch. I don't know if he was going to go after it at the sink or take it into the stall. I don't want to know, but needless to say, I now walk across the street in order to go to the bathroom in another building. I don't want to relive that every time somebody asks about work

Meanwhile, sleeping has been way more exciting. I've been sleeping real well. I have this plan where I turn on an old episode of Raw, and Marty Jannetty instantly puts me to sleep. It's amazing. Also, last week, my wife was out of town, and my dog insisted on snuggling, but where she usually likes to kick my wife in the middle of the night, she didn't move an inch for me. Unfortunately, my wife came back and was a blanket stealer, so there is some drama in the household. 

See? There's a story of triumphant sleep, unconditional love, and drama, all in a week's time. Sleep is way more exciting than work. 

And if you think this is just a long-winded way of saying I still haven't found a full-time job? Well, you'd be right. Thanks for reading.