How To Make Money Online: Become a Paid Juror

In my pursuit of finding weird ways to make money, I found out about a site called Sign Up Direct where you can volunteer to be a mock juror. This is a bit of a stretch to call it making money online as you do have to do this one in person, but they do find opportunities in your area. Instead of the normal $15 for an entire day's work that jury duty gives you, this gets you $120 for a little over five hours of your time. Now you're not going to set the world on fire with the payday, but it's super easy money.

I signed up and was actually scheduled to be a mock juror within a week. I went to the office on a weekday night and at registration, I quickly realized that I was by far the sexiest juror out of the 21 selected people. Before we got started, we had to answer survey questions for an hour which was super boring as you had to wait for them to record the entire group's answer before moving on to the next question. It was definitely the most tedious part of the evening.

This brought us to our first of two breaks during the evening. The most disappointing part of the night were that the snacks were terrible. A tray of small store-bought cookies. They had sodas but no bottled water, what a joke. Since I'm a meathead, I brought a protein bar, and people were hella jealous of me.

After that, it was basically just a speedy trial. The reason they do this is to try to come to a settlement without actually going to court. If one side hears that a jury is not as favorable to their side as they expected, they may be willing to alter their negotiation in order to get a deal done to either save money or ensure they get something, rather than nothing. They have the lawyers on each side there but instead of using witnesses, they just use video clips of depositions to try to prove their points.

The plaintiff's side starts, and although I am not allowed to talk about the specifics, I can tell you what I thought of the people presenting. Unimpressed is the best word to describe it. As someone who has seen nearly every episode of Suits, I know good lawyering when I see it, and this, my friends, were two lawyers that would have been absolutely shredded by Harvey Specter. Hell, they may have had trouble with Harold. On the plaintiff's side, they had an older gentleman who had the charisma of a mosquito. He presented some facts, presented some testimony and told us that we should do what's right. Although he wasn't entertaining with it, he had enough information that I was definitely on his side when he had finished, and the defendant was going to have a lot of work to do for me to change that opinion.

The defendant did not deliver. He brought the charisma, but unfortunately, the words that came out of his mouth showed no compassion, and it made him unlikable. He didn't talk for as long as the plaintiff's side, and that was good, because he really didn't do himself any favors when he opened his mouth. It was disappointing, as I was hoping to be wowed by some good lawyering, but these two were total amateurs.

We wrapped up with a quick rebuttal from the plaintiff's side, but even he knew he didn't have much work to do at that point. After that, we split into three groups and came up with our own individual decisions. Finally, after we have filled out that form and given our justification, we talk about it as a group to come together as a group decision. luckily, we all agreed that the plaintiff should win, so then I took charge and just had us average what we thought the settlement should be to come up with our final number, because it was past 11:00 PM, and I just wanted to get out of there at that point.

The highlight of the night was the end where they give you an envelope with your pay - straight cash, homey. Overall, it's easy, boring work, but I have $120 and compared to some of the previous installments of making money online, this one has definitely been the most lucrative. The only issue is that outside of signing up, it's not done online, which does definitely give it an advantage.

Long story short: I'm rich, bitch.

How To Make Money Online: Project Payday

So in my efforts to make money in unconventional ways during my hiatus from the normal 9-5, I looked for anything that might help me make some scrilla. That led me to Project Payday which would pay you for taking surveys. This sounded great to me as I am excellent at answering questions, and my opinion should count.

So I signed up and started getting emails about surveys I was qualified for. To say these offers were a slap in the face would be a huge understatement. Like, my time doesn't have a ton of value, but it does have some value, and the price they were putting on my time was insulting. Let's go through the first offer that I received.

TV Survey - $1.50
Average time to complete: 50 minutes

Yes, that means they valued my time at three cents a minute or $1.80 per hour. Holy shit, how do they get anyone to agree to do this? And this was not an outlier. Currently on their website, I have this wonderful array of surveys to choose from.

Household Shopping Experiences Survey - $1.25
Family Survey - $0.35
Consumer Opinion Survey - $0.25
Canada Pet Owners - $0.75

Seriously, do people not value their time at all? I have no idea how this business plan works, so this gets a huge thumbs down from me. Of course, if they up their rates to $2 an hour, all bets are off, because everybody's got a price.

How To Fix The NBA Draft and NCAA Basketball

With NCAA Basketball close to getting started and the NBA already under way, the murmurs regarding eligibility in the NBA have come up once again. Should high schoolers be able to go pro? Should a college player have to stay at least two years? Should NCAA players get paid? Well, the last one is a definite yes, but people can't seem to agree on what the best way to decide eligibility as we must protect the precious institutions involved in the NCAA and make it easier for NBA teams to evaluate talent, as yes, sadly those do seem to be the two biggest goals.

Luckily, I have a solution that should make everyone happy, and it is so simple that I'm shocked that I haven't seen it anywhere else.

First off, let's make everybody eligible. And I mean everybody. Any year in college, sure, you're good to go. You just graduated high school? Good to go. But really, there isn't any reason to stop there. If you're a super talented 15-year-old who wants to declare for the NBA draft, we let them. Why not? tennis players, golfers, and gymnasts are all allowed to compete with the best at any age, and there is no reason that we shouldn't allow basketball players the same opportunity.

Obviously, this is an extreme take, but it comes with a caveat that ensures that this will be what is best for the player and the organizations.

Before the draft, the player must declare their lowest draft value. Basically, a superstar high schooler who wants to come out to play pro ball will say that he must be a top-five pick in order for him to go to the league. If he gets drafted in within the first five picks, he goes pro. If not, he goes off to college. Once the sixth pick comes around, he is off the draft board, so there is not even the temptation of him dropping his value after the fact. It works the same way with college athletes, as they set their value, and if they don't get selected within that range, then they just go back to school another year to sharpen their skills. And in the reverse direction, couldn't have LeBron come out after his junior year, possibly even his sophomore year and become the number one pick in the draft. I'm not saying he would have, but he should have been given that opportunity.

The only loser in this situation is the NCAA as college coaches won't know who is going to be a part of their program until it is too late to replace them. Boo-hoo is about the most sympathy I can muster. They'll be fine, and honestly, the NCAA game will probably get better as more current college players will play extra years when they don't reach their perceived value in the draft.

I know my idea of letting 12-year-olds turn pro is slightly controversial, but I am willing to ditch that part in order to get my overall idea in there. Let players name their value. If the NBA doesn't agree, they go back to school. It would absolutely be a win for everyone, and that is why it will never happen.

What It's Like To Be Fired

I got fired for the first time in my life on Friday. Before I get into the details, let me tell you that I am not looking for any sympathy. It is a the very definition of a "shit happens" situation, and although I will not be having income coming in, I think it is very likely to work out for the best. Still, it's a bit of a surreal experience, and I think it's this taboo thing that people are embarrassed to talk about so I figure I would go into details, because I'm not the first, and I highly doubt I will be the last person to unexpectedly lose their job.

Longtime readers of the blog will know that I have been unemployed before, but this was because of my own stupid decisions of leaving full-time positions just because I'm a moron and don't really give a shit about money, but in all my time, I had never even been close to being fired based on my performance.

So I had been at my current position for a year and a half. That's a decent amount of time but certainly nothing that stands out. Well, at that organization, it was actually kind of incredible. We employed about 80-100 people, and I had the 15th most seniority before I was let go. I have never seen a place churn out people like this. They are constantly hiring, because if people are good, they move on, and they also are quick on the trigger to fire people because they do a fairly shitty job of training people, so unless you can teach yourself, you probably won't last long.

Now there's many other incredibly messed up things that happen at that organization, but maybe that's a blog for a later date as I just felt like a little background was needed before I really got into things.

So, it was around 4:00 on Friday (yes, they do the cliche thing of waiting until the end of the day on Friday, like Office Space), and I was just sitting at my desk, doing anything I could to pass the time, because I was way ahead on my work. My manager approached me and said the Managing Director wanted to see me in the office. I have never had a meeting with this man, because I have made it a mission to avoid him like the plague since he's just a miserable person. My manager seemed serious in her tone, but I manage events, and everyone agrees that my events always run the smoothest, because I am always incredibly prepared and it also helps that I have the most experience. So, going in, I was slightly concerned, but as I was walking over there, I was running through my head, "What could I have possibly fucked up?" and I came up with nothing.

This walk only took about 15 seconds, but it still gave me enough time to consider that maybe they just wanted to talk about my upcoming event, since it was kind of a big one, and maybe the Managing Director just wanted to be more involved. It certainly didn't seem like my time was about to end there.

I got in the office, and both of their faces were serious and they shut the door behind me. I knew that was a bad sign, but still, I was at like 50% that something bad was about to go down. I'm a logical person, and logically, there was literally no reason for me to lose my job. I will say that the one thing that I appreciated was that the Managing Director started off, "I hate to have this conversation, but we're going to be letting you go." That band-aid got ripped off quick. And even though I was not attached my job and often dreaded going into work, you still get that drop in your stomach where it's like, "Holy shit, how in the hell did I get fired?"

He then went on to explain that it had nothing to do with my performance as he appreciated all of my hard work, but they are doing less events next year, so they needed to downsize the department. So, they got rid of the guy with the most experience. Did I ask any questions? No, at that point, it wasn't going to change anything, and I really didn't give a shit about the why, the end result was all that mattered at this point. He kept talking, saying that my work was appreciated, and they'd be happy to give a reference, but at that point, my head was spinning, and I really just wanted to pack up and get out of there.

We said our goodbyes, and I went to pack up my desk which was literally just me grabbing my protein and granola bars as I did not have a single memento in my work space. My manager came by and said that she was told not to talk to me, which I guess is part of the dehumanizing experience of losing a job; you're no longer a person that can be talked to as you are now an unpredictable form that people must tread lightly around. She gave me more details about my severance, but even that I had to email about later to get more details as it was just a feeling of shock. Not happy, not sad, not angry, just trying to comprehend what the hell just happened.

In one of the funnier moments, she asked if I wanted her to tell everyone, and I'm like, "Well, I'm right here; I think I can handle it." I then had to announce, "Hey everyone, I, for real, just got fired." I had to put in "for real" because I have joked about being fired at least a dozen times, and that joke all of a sudden got a whole lot less funny. Everyone was in shock, but I left them to deal with the shock as I wanted to go home to see my pup dog.

After I got out of the office, I called my wife, she didn't answer, so then I texted her, "So heads  up, I just lost my job. Not a joke." Again, I had often joked about being fired. Again, the joke is not nearly as funny anymore. After that, I called up a temp agency that I had done work for when I first moved to the area, because my goal is to find something as soon as possible, so I scheduled an interview with them for Monday. Then my wife called back, and I gave her the update, but I let her know that my mind was racing, so I really didn't even know what to say. Even though I couldn't tell you anything she really said outside of that she loves me, having another person there makes it a whole ton easier. If I was on my own, I'd be way more freaked out about things, but just having someone else (especially someone more successful than me) makes this much easier to take.

Then I got home to play with Casey The Dog. We wrestled around a little bit, and I continued my post-firing plan and blasted out a half dozen messages on LinkedIn with people I know well who might be able to help me find something. I've already gotten a good amount of responses of people recommending things or telling me that they'll let me know if they hear about anything.

After that, Casey and I went on a walk, because I had all this pent up energy and couldn't sit still. At that point, I was able to kind of dissect the situation. I'm 90% sure I know why I got fired. When I started, I had a good amount of experience, so I negotiated a salary that was higher than everyone else's in my department, so due to my master negotiation skills, I was the obvious option to get rid of, because it would save the company the most money. There is a 10% chance that they just didn't like me, and since this is not a logical place to work, I definitely won't rule it out.

But honestly, it still doesn't matter why I got fired. I got fired; that's what matters. And I'm writing about it, because that's easier than talking about it. You feel like a failure, and you feel like a loser, and it is embarrassing, but shit happens. I survived a damn kidney stone, and that was a FAR MORE traumatic experience than getting fired was. I bounced back from that, and I'll bounce back from this. My overall review is that it sucks getting fired, but it's not the end of the world. I still have my wife, still have my pup dog, and most importantly, I still have no stones in my kidneys.

Yes, I got fired, but things are going to be fine, and I think there's a good chance that it works out for the best.

When Is It Okay to Fart in an Elevator?

As a big city boy, I get to ride in an elevator every day for work. 6-year-old me would have been totally impressed, because a majority of the time, I even get to push the buttons. This has given me time for introspection, and it has helped me break down elevator etiquette when it comes to the only thing that really matters: Farting.

It should be noted that I'm either the least healthy person in the world, or everybody else is way more willing to hold in their farts than I am. I don't think it's the former, so I just feel bad for people living their lives this way. First off, in the elevator alone, I am going to fart away. If somebody's waiting to get on that elevator as I get off, well, I will have skedaddled off to my destination before they can even put together the crime that I have committed.

Things get slightly more complicated with other people in the elevator. If there is only one other person in the elevator, you cannot fart. This is one of the few situations where I would ever say that you cannot fart, but this is one of them, and considering it lasts about 15 seconds, I think we can all manage. Another circumstance is if you are the only male in an elevator with females, because you know you're getting blamed for that fart, even if it wasn't you. That being said, if you are a female in an elevator and you see there is only one guy in there, I would say fart away. There is no way you're getting blamed for it, and that is cruel to that guy, but with all the harassment that women get online, they should at least have this to get back at men a little bit.

Now the great conundrum is in a crowded elevator. To fart or not to fart? That is the question. But the answer is quite simple. If you're not the only guy in the elevator with multiple people around, fart away. Enjoy yourself. A fart isn't enough to ruin someone's day; it's actually adding some spice to their life as they'll have a good story for their friends and co-workers. Friends will crowd around as they regale their story of the really stinky fart in the elevator. When you think about it, you're actually doing your elevator guests a favor.

And think of the cool Aerosmith parody you can sing to yourself,

Farts in an elevator
Stinkin' it up while it's goin down.
Farts in an elevator
Holdin' your breath till we hit the ground.

5-Star Hotels Are Overrated

For my job, I have to travel once to twice a month, and because of that, I stay at fancy hotels that I would never consider if I were paying for it. This sounds like I'm living that baller lifestyle, but trust me, the only reason I'm there is because the fancy people I have to deal with need to be at fancy places. But after going to some of these things, I have to admit that I don't really get what makes a 5-star hotel so great.

I've stayed in a few of these places, and there really isn't many meaningful differences. They have a lot of meeting space, which doesn't really matter to me if I'm just randomly selecting a hotel. They have a relatively nice bar and restaurant, but I'd still rather go to a real restaurant or bar to get a little culture in my life. I mean, I guess their staff dresses nicer than the people at the Red Roof Inn, but I'm a big believer in comfort over style, so I side with Red Roof on this one.

As for the rooms, they're clean, but it's not like I'm staying in a Penthouse Suite. It's about the same size as other rooms. The bed is relatively comfortable, but not so comfortable that I actually get a good night's sleep, because I simply don't sleep in hotels very well. It is a flat screen TV as opposed to an old box TV, but I can't imagine that's the only thing that makes a 5-star hotel, especially since the last one I stayed in didn't even have HBO working in my room.

The one thing that did stand out is excellent water pressure. I would have said good water pressure with the shower as it had a good stream blasting me, but that was nothing compared to the toilet. That toilet had enough pressure to swallow a damn basketball. It was damn impressive.

But are hotels strictly based off of their toilet strength? Common sense would say no, but I really can't think of any other advantage that the fancy hotels have. So, I guess I'll stay in a 5-star hotel if I murder someone with my killer crossover game and need to get rid of the evidence. Otherwise, I'll probably just go with the cheap option and double flush my poops.

I Love Not Making Decisions

I love not making decisions. Now, usually I'm a fairly decisive person, because decisions simply need to get made, but sometimes it is wonderful to just let go and have other people make decisions for you. I learned this when I went to Charlotte. Why Charlotte? Well, I didn't have a choice in the matter, because it was for work.

Since it was a work trip, my only free time was a lunch, a dinner, and a breakfast before everything else was pre-scheduled. Instead of going through the hassle of making decisions, I let the decisions be made for me, and it was phenomenal.

Since I was in the Carolinas, I figured I needed to have some barbecue. There was only local option that was within the hotel shuttle's one-mile radius, so I was headed to Midwood Smokehouse for lunch. I looked over the menu, humming and hawing, trying to come up with the perfect option. I was asked if I wanted a beer, and that sounded good, so I asked for a recommendation of a good, local IPA. The waiter brought me back my beer, and it was delicious. I would tell you the name of that beer, but I'm really bad at remembering what types of beer I've had.

I still had to work through the menu, but the waiter did mention that the special was a French dip sandwich made with beef brisket that sounded pretty good. When I asked him what side he'd recommend, he said the mac and cheese, so that was going to be my side. The ease that I felt in not making these decisions was extremely comforting.

And this comfort and lack of thought proved to be quite prescient as my meal was delicious. I started moaning as the mac and cheese mixed with the brisket in my mouth. I am not ashamed; no, I was quite proud, because this lack of decision turned out to be a great decision.

On my way to Midwood, the driver highly recommended a place called Viva Chicken that had Peruvian food. Since I'm a cultured individual, I do not fear adding a little culture to my trip. I went with a chicken combo and asked what their popular sides were, and they recommended the green beans and the sweet potato fries. Since I was just a passenger in this culinary vehicle, I let the driver guide my decision and enjoyed my ride.

And boy am I happy I did. It was another phenomenal meal. I ate the meal like a starving child, but I just couldn't stop stuffing this delicious food in my face. I let the world guide me, and the world did not let me down.

Finally, I went to the only breakfast spot near the hotel. After I was seated, the waitress asked me if I would like some blueberry grits. Well, shit, I hadn't really thought about it, but why not?

And guess what? They were delicious.

But then I made a mistake. I strayed from the plan. I went rogue and decided that I should have some pancakes. What made me do this? Well, I had gone for a run that morning, and my body craves sugar after a run, so I figured pancakes were a safe bet to get me there. The pancakes were fine, but the syrup was bland, so I didn't even get the sugar rush that I craved. I should have asked the waitress for her recommendation. Instead, I made a decision, and I failed.

But man, it was really great to not make decisions. I should really do that more often...or not. I haven't decided.

I Have No Idea Who To Hug

I am 31-years-old, and I still have no idea what to do in most social situations. I usually do fairly well despite not truly knowing what I'm doing. But if there is one situation where I am a bumbling buffoon, it is how to greet and say goodbye to people. Basically, I have no idea who to hug.

There are some simple situations. If I don't know a dude, bam, handshake, nothing more, nothing less. It is probably my favorite interaction simply because I actually know what to do. 

Then there are the males you are close to in your life. My Dad is the only male that I can guarantee gets a full hug from me. Some good friends get a full hug, and some only get a bro hug. Where is that line crossed? Shit, I have no clue, and this can lead to my first awkward interaction. If I go for a bro hug, and he goes for a full hug, I could seem like I do not value the friendship enough, and it is much more that I am too awkward to figure out how to interact with people. But seriously, thank god for the bro hug for giving me something between a hug and handshake, because there really needed to be that middle ground. Still, interactions with the fellas rarely end in disaster.

Now, much like all of my interactions with the opposite sex, there is always a chance of it ending in disaster. Who do I hug without coming across as a pervert? This is a question that has plagued mankind for generations. 

With people from work, it always starts with handshakes, but eventually, you do develop a friendly relationship, and what is the point where you give a female coworker a hug for special situations (obviously, you don't give handshakes and hugs to people you see very day; that would be exhausting). I have no idea where this line is crossed. The President of where I currently work went to give me a hug at our Christmas party, but I had already gone for the handshake, and it ended up with me believing I would be fired by the end of the day. I went out of my way to give her a hug later and probably saved my job at the process.

With female friends and acquaintances, it is almost too complicated to fully comprehend. At what point do ladies go from a handshake to a hug? Like, if I am meeting an acquaintance's significant other, I can only greet with a handshake, but after conversing with them, do I end with a hug? And how good of a friend does my buddy need to be for me to greet his lady with a hug despite never meeting her before? Are they going to think I'm a pervert? I really don't want to be labeled a pervert, but I also don't want to be the weirdo who only shakes ladies' hands. These are the thoughts that keep me awake at night.

Anyway, I'm really hoping that I'm not the only person who struggles with this. Maybe we could start a support group and figure this shit out together. Oh God, I just realized how big of a loser I am, because I basically want to create The Game, but instead of having sex with women, it's just to figure out handshakes and hugs. Thank God I'm already married, because I am not a catch.

I Wish I Could Talk About Pop Culture At Work

Something that I have realized about corporate America is that they do not share my same personal interests. Yes, many people like sports, but they like them on such a casual level that it is mentally taxing for me to dumb down my opinions enough to carry on a conversation. When it comes to pop culture, I have very little in common with the people I work with, so the only thing I ever bring up is my Hot Takes on The Bachelor, The Bachelorette, and Bachelor in Paradise.

There are many small examples of things I wish I could discuss, but one that stood out was when I mentioned watching Review on Comedy Central, and the mere mention of Comedy Central brought scoffs from my coworkers, as they don't watch that channel. This blew my damn mind. Comedy Central is the station that I watch the most shows on. I mean, Review, South Park, Big Time in Hollywood, FL, Nathan For You, and Workaholics are all must watch television shows. But not in my coworkers' minds. They laugh at the mere idea of turning Comedy Central on.

Music is even more difficult. With TV, I can at least bring up my favorite shows before getting blank stares. In music, I can't even do that. I realized this as I was doing some work while jamming out to Steel Panther. I decided I should probably sing quietly, as most people aren't comfortable when someone belts out the lyrics to, "Fuckin' My Heart in the Ass." I mean, there's no way I can sing that song. I can't even say that song's title without an immediate trip to HR. Honestly, I'm not sure if I can mention the name Steel Panther without it possibly leading to some sort of lawsuit.

So, yeah, I don't exactly fit in corporate America, or really any place with well-adjusted human beings.

How's Your Sleep Going?

People always ask about work, why not sleep? Spend roughly the same amount of time and the stories are usually just as interesting. And since everybody asks about work, it becomes so repetitive. Once I tell a work story once, I am completely over it, because even good stories get old quick. I mean the best story from work I have had recently is going to take a piss, and when I was washing my hands, watching a guy walk into the bathroom with his lunch and just lingering around, clearly waiting for me to leave so he could eat his lunch. I don't know if he was going to go after it at the sink or take it into the stall. I don't want to know, but needless to say, I now walk across the street in order to go to the bathroom in another building. I don't want to relive that every time somebody asks about work

Meanwhile, sleeping has been way more exciting. I've been sleeping real well. I have this plan where I turn on an old episode of Raw, and Marty Jannetty instantly puts me to sleep. It's amazing. Also, last week, my wife was out of town, and my dog insisted on snuggling, but where she usually likes to kick my wife in the middle of the night, she didn't move an inch for me. Unfortunately, my wife came back and was a blanket stealer, so there is some drama in the household. 

See? There's a story of triumphant sleep, unconditional love, and drama, all in a week's time. Sleep is way more exciting than work. 

And if you think this is just a long-winded way of saying I still haven't found a full-time job? Well, you'd be right. Thanks for reading.

What It's Like To Be A Temp Worker

Last week, I talked about how the unemployed lifestyle ain't all it cracked up to be. It was kind of a bummer piece. But even though I haven't gotten a full-time job, I have been working temp jobs to fill my time and make some money. Let me just start by saying. temping isn't awful. It isn't great, but it is way better than not working at all. I have been very fortunate in that I have worked with really nice people in all of my positions. The biggest downside of temping is everybody sucks when starting a new job, and right when you start to get in a groove with things, your time there is done, and you are forced to start over somewhere else again. I'm not sure if anybody remembers the show "The Pretender" where the main character had a different job every week like fighter pilot, emergency room doctor, or bounty hunter. But temping is a lot like that, except WAY less exciting.

My first position was working in the marketing department of a local college, and they thought they would find something for me until they realized I was more talented than they initially thought and we mutually agreed it was not going to be a good option.

After that, I had a week off until I took a different job at the same college where I worked as a receptionist. On paper, it was a sweet gig. I just had to sit up front and could do whatever I wanted. If I wanted to cruise the internet, go ahead, pop in some headphones and learn Spanish, sure, I even wrote a book (with drawings) for my wife for our anniversary. The problem was that I was stuck there. Outside of going to the bathroom and taking a lunch, I had to sit out front and be present. It definitely sapped my motivation as time went on. They offered me the position full-time, but I'm not sure if I could have made it another month, as I was anxious every day from being forced to sit still.

My most recent position was an events position for a nonprofit. Everybody there was really nice, and I fit in the culture really well. It was a temp-to-hire position, so it was actually really promising. On my first day, my boss told me that if I proved myself, they would probably be willing to offer me the full-time position in two-to-three weeks.

I started tackling projects to the best of my ability, and somehow this backfired on me. After two days of working with my boss, she told me that I was too talented for the position. In all reality, the position was totally fine by me; it was basically just like my old full-time job, and I enjoyed that position. It was a job that would make sense for me from what my past experience was. Telling me I was too talented was the ultimate mindfuck. How can I properly respond to that? How do you tell someone that you're not that great, and this is the position for me? Do I assure them that I will fuck stuff up from time to time? I tried to agree with how great I am (it was not that hard), but at the same time saying that I would like the opportunity as I am not in the position to shoot for the stars at this point in my life.

They were concerned I would leave the position, I told them that I would stick with them through their busy period at the very least before even considering any other positions. My boss wanted to offer me the position, but the President wanted to do her due diligence and interview other people while also considering me.

It took two months for them to finally get around to the interviewing process. In that time, I had done every assignment incredibly well and just about everybody loved me there. In a building of 20 people, half of those told me how much they wanted me to get the job or assured me I was a shoo-in for the position. I figured they'd bring in a few token candidates before offering me the position. Instead, they decided to interview nine people for the position.

Still, this was a slam dunk opportunity. The first interview was with my boss and the HR lady. I presented myself incredibly well, and it was a breeze. If I was in a frat, I would say I crushed it, or slayed it, or possibly combined the two and crush-slayed it. But it went well. My boss told me that I made it to the final two, and I politely thanked her while thinking to myself, "No shit, Sherlock; there was no way I wasn't going to make it to the final interview."

And that brings me to another point. One of my weaknesses is not being great on paper, my other issue is confidence. Most people will tell you to try and be confident during an interview; this has never been an issue for me, but the opposite has been. I am too confident when I go into interviews. Even jobs I have gotten in the past, I was told that my confidence worried them. Basically, I walk into my interviews like I'm interviewing for a porno and I'm packing a footlong in my pants (Speaking of that, maybe bringing in a $5 footlong from Subway for the interviewers would help my chances). So, yes, confidence is an issue for me, but not in the same way as other unemployed people.

Speaking of that confidence, my next interview was with the President of the nonprofit. We hadn't talked a ton, but I had the ultimate advantage as she was a fellow alum at the University of Iowa. Hawkeyes stick together, so this interview should have been even easier. And it was an easy interview. The only weird thing was that she said she was looking forward to getting to know me better on a personal level, and then proceeded to only ask me work-related questions. If I don't mention my wife, pup dog, or pro wrestling, it is probably not a personal conversation. Still, I had proved myself for the last two months, so as things were winding down, I was only wondering how much money they were going to offer me.

Welp, that didn't quite work out, as they gave the position to the other candidate. Through the grapevine, I learned that my confidence was definitely not seen as an asset. So now I'm back on the hunt for my next opportunity. Should I try to tone down my confidence? Sure, I should, but change is hard, and I'm a snowflake, and they should appreciate me for being special in my own way.

Long story short, unless my Mom is in charge of hiring, I'm probably going to be bouncing around temp jobs for a while longer. 

Looking For Jobs on Craigslist

As I stated earlier this week, I moved from Iowa to Florida recently, and I am still looking for employment. Now, being unemployed and single is great, but being unemployed and married loses its luster pretty quickly. The whole "caring about someone and wanting to be somewhat useful in the relationship" makes the lack of a job a lot less hilarious. 

I have been searching all over for a job and still haven't nailed anything down. I decided to expand my search and go down a road that I was simply not ready for. Yes, I decided that the normal job sites were not fulfilling my needs, so it was time to search for jobs on Craigslist. I'm so glad I did. I found some great opportunities.

 Male Models needed for TOMORROW! (Miami)

Searching for male underwear models for an event TOMORROW. Model will wear underwear and a bowtie for the event passing out orderves to guests and taking photos. Event is from 7pm-9:30pm. Please submit CURRENT photos in the email with full name and clothing measurements including height, Client needs photos. MUST BE MUSCULAR!!

This one was eerie, as it was like they specifically wrote this job listing for me. I'm motivated to work soon, and this job is tomorrow (today, by the time this posts). Plus, I am always looking for new challenges. This job offers me a couple as I rarely wear underwear and never wear a bow tie. Finally, the last line, "MUST BE MUSCULAR." Yeah, that definitely won't be an issue. 

Only issue: They spelled hors d'oeuvres as orderves. If only you had spell check, you could have had your new employee of the month. 

Attractive Males needed for upcoming ADULT FILMS!

Recruiting GUYS for an Adult Website!

We only want to work with the best and our starting pay for male models is $2,000.00 for a solo production.

If you think you have what it takes, send your pictures (face and body, either shirtless and/or nude please), include a contact number and I will get back to you to discuss further details.

Models should:
-Have NO previous experience in the adult industry!
-Have six-pack abs
-Ages 18-35ish
-Have an athletic/muscular body
-Be very handsome
Before you email please make sure you read the list of requirements above. Yes six packs are required, yes you must show face. We do use stage names for all of our models. No resumes please. 

Ah, an attractive male is needed for an adult film. Getting two grand for a solo project doesn't sound too bad to me. This is another job that I am almost overqualified for. No experience in the adult industry, check. Six pack abs, I just hope I can fatten up so only six of my abs are showing. Athletic/muscular body, we went over that in the last post. And again, being very handsome may be difficult, as I'm usually referred to as extremely handsome. 

Now I'm guessing that most people believe the issue is that I must "show face," but I'd be happy to have my face on a film starring me. My only problem is that they use stage names for all of their models. Sorry, but I've got to keep my Hott Joe brand strong. A stage name simply won't due.

I kind of wanted to take this job just so I could finish up and say, "Two grand for this? You should see me at home; I do it for free." I bet everyone would have laughed really hard, and I probably would have started up a huge career as a comedy porn star.

Looking for straight males for video (North Dade)

I'm looking for open minded straight males who are in shape and under 30 years for a gay production, only serious replies please, if interested send stats and pictures to be contacted with more details

Uh, straight males for a gay production? You're not exactly making an appealing offer. I mean, you probably shouldn't discriminate against homosexuals if you want us all to have a gay old time. I mean. have you seen homosexuals? They're like the happiest people ever. Good luck, I guess.

And finally, the last job, which isn't a job at all, but may be the best thing ever.

 ARE YOU FIGHTING W/ YOUR SIBLING or PARENT? WANT "THE ROCK" TO HELP? (S. Florida )

Now Casting New Show w/ "The Rock".

Seeking family members who are in a big fight or misunderstanding and can't seem to reconcile on their own... we are here to lend a helping hand!!!!

Call 310-360-2580

OR submit your story here w/ photos and a contact phone number.

Must live in S. Florida

OH MY GOD! When I saw this, my initial thought was to immediately called my wife a bitch to try to start a fight (I decided against it). I know they are looking for problems with siblings or parents, but I'm willing to take a chance for a special episode and have The Rock save my marriage. Now, it may be insane that I would jeopardize my marriage to hang out with The Rock, which is exactly the reason I need to be on this show. I prioritize The Rock over my own wife. Please help me, The Rock. 

So, yeah, overall, it was a pretty successful day of job hunting.