Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Conspiracy Theory with Jesse Ventura is Awesome

Flipping through channels can be one of the most depressing endeavors a human has to undertake.  Sometimes, you will find yourself searching fruitlessly for anything that has a semblance of entertainment value.  To speed up the process, you will skip certain channels as you know they never have anything even halfway decent on.  This used to be the way I treated TruTV.  It seemed like they had somehow made a channel out of "World's Most Shocking" Police Chases, Animal Attacks, Bungee Jumps, etc.  That is not something that will ever make me stop the surfing for more than 30 seconds.  But I was flipping through one day, and I saw something that surprised me.  It was former governor, Navy SEAL, and professional wrestler, Jesse "The Body" Ventura.  Yes, he tried to be known as "The Mind" later on, but after watching Conspiracy Theory, you will know that he did not earn that name.

The premise of this show is that Jesse Ventura investigates a conspiracy theory (hence the title of the show).  By himself, Jesse probably wouldn't have the abilities to expose these problems with the government, but he assembled a team that gives him the edge that he needs.  The government underestimated Ventura's ability to create an All-Star team of helpers, and that will be their fatal mistake.  My favorite member of his team is a black woman with an accent whose sole purpose is to use Google Maps.  She helps them track anything the government might be hiding.

The key to this show is not his team though, it's definitely Ventura, and the fact that he believes EVERYTHING he hears.  The other great thing is that he also believes everything that he doesn't hear.  Here is a conversation you could expect to hear on Conspiracy Theory:

Random Guy:  And that's why I have worries about our government.
Jesse Ventura:  So the government is trying to kill us?
Random Guy:  I didn't say that.
Jesse Ventura:  You didn't have to.

This is when he breaks into a narration telling you how the fat cats in Washington want to make as much money as possible from special interest groups while your children die.  But Jesse doesn't want to let that happen.

When Jesse speaks with people, he speaks with the most indecisive people on the planet when they say that there is nothing to be afraid of.  How could anyone trust these indecisive scumbags?  Jesse Ventura sure as hell doesn't.  He then talks to well-dressed, confident people who believe in the conspiracy.  Jesse believes every word they tell him, because they are confident.  The only problem with this is that these people are batshit crazy.  That doesn't concern Jesse, because he already knows the government is trying to fuck him in every imaginable way.

The other brilliant thing that happens in every episode is that there are official looking people trying to stop him.  It'll either be people in suits telling him he needs to leave or police officers making sure he doesn't find the truth.  At least that's what he would want you to believe.  In the "Coming Up on Conspiracy Theory" montages that they show before going to commercials, they showed police officers surrounding Jesse Ventura in the Denver airport multiple times.  When they finally got to the scene, they reasonably just told him that his conspiracy was crazy talk, and then probably asked for autographs and took pictures with him on their camera phone.

But Jesse knows that things are never that simple.  Were those regular cameras on the phones, or were these police officers trying to take a picture of Jesse's soul?

Find out on the next episode of Conspiracy Theory with Jesse Ventura.


P.S.  You can find the episodes on YouTube...at least until the government finds out about it.

P.P.S.  Here's a video of Danny Woodhead trying to sell Danny Woodhead jerseys:

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