Thursday, December 30, 2010

It's Always Sunny in the United Center - Part Three

The Chicago Bulls have been an awesome team to watch this year.  Even for non-Bulls fans, they may be the most fun team to watch in the entire NBA.  Between Watson's towel waving, Thomas's character, and Scalabrine's gingerness, there is a very high entertainment value involved with the Bulls.  Because of this high entertainment value, they will be honored in the greatest way possible, with a multi-part series on this blog.  Since any jerkoff can tell you that the Bulls are awesome, I will blend sports and pop culture when I compare the Chicago Bulls to the characters of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia.  Today, I present Part Three.

Kurt Thomas – Bruce Mathis – Yes, these men both have hearts of gold.  Yes, they are great character guys.  On the surface, these are guys that you want as part of your team.  But then reality sets in.  Bruce Mathis, we don’t need your preachy goodness.  Kurt Thomas, you can’t character the ball in, and you can’t intangible somebody to stop them from scoring.  Kurt and Bruce, you are good guys, but if I never saw you again, I can’t say I’d lose any sleep over it.

C.J. Watson – Luther Mac – These two may not seem to have much in common at first glance, but they are surprisingly alike.  As we have learned from Mac’s Dad, he does have a softer side.  As we learned from the Denver game, Watson actually is a competent NBA point guard.  They seem like they’d be detrimental, but they’re not bad guys, and honestly pretty likeable.  Still, we’re all better off when they can’t do any harm to us like when Mac’s Dad is in jail, and Watson is on the bench.
James Johnson – Night Crawlers – He is best when he is only talked about but never actually seen.  He sounds so awesome, an athletic swingman who always tries hard on both ends of the floor.  But much like Night Crawlers is missing blankets, James Johnson is missing basketball skills.  If they added that missing piece, they could really be awesome.

John Lucas III – Gail The Snail – every time she is on the screen, you ask why. 
The same is true of Lucas.  She was only in one episode, and I think John Lucas III was in only one game.  You want to like him, because it’s not like you’re a vengeful person who needs to hate people for sucking, but let’s face it, Gail and Lucas are the worst.  You wish you could tolerate them, but they’re so awful that you just want to salt them until they leave.  Yes, I still haven’t forgiven Lucas for the loss in Denver.

Brian Scalabrine – Jack Kelly
Charlie’s uncle is extremely creepy, and what is creepier than a seven-foot tall ginger playing in the NBA?  Every time they are on the screen, you know you shouldn’t be watching it, but you can’t help but be intrigued.  Charlie’s uncle creeps out Charlie, and I can’t think of anyone who isn’t terrified when Scalabrine is on the court.   It doesn’t take much to imagine either of these two haunting your nightmares.

And that wraps up the series of how the Chicago Bulls are just like characters from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia.  I really wish the Bulls had a bigger roster, because I would have really liked to work in the McPoyle's, Artemis, and the old lady who played Dennis's Grandma and played piano for The Nightman Cometh.  Maybe next year.


P.P.S.  This video is awesome.  Brire Gill is such a douche.

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