Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Want to Win Your Fantasy Baseball League? Draft Jose Canseco

I have mentioned this about 600,000 times on the blog, but let me repeat it, I love Jose Canseco.  The great news is that there are going to be a lot more people who love him when he helps them win your fantasy baseball league in 2011. 

JoseCanseco I can dh for any major league team and lead the league in home runs,just give me the chance
BOOM, bitches.  Move over Jose Bautista, because there is going to be a new player coming out of nowhere and leading the league in home runs the same year that he turns 47.  For people not keeping up on Jose Canseco's Twitter account, they won't even have them on their draft board.  And yes, we're going to ignore that he said that he can DH for any major league team when only 14 teams actually have a DH.

JoseCanseco I believe in myself and I believe in you to
Aren't you tired of these millionaire ballplayers who couldn't give two shits about your fantasy team.  Well, Jose isn't one of those assholes.  He not only believes in himself, but he believes in you too.  At this point, I'm guessing everybody reading this is all in on drafting Jose Canseco, but for those skeptics who think a guy in his mid-40s who hasn't played pro baseball in a decade can't lead the league in home runs, Jose's about to drop a bomb on you.

JoseCanseco I was laughed at when I said I would do the 40^40
Keep laughing haters, because when you laugh, Jose smashes expectations.  He claims to be in the best shape of his life, so does that mean a 50^50 season is a possibility?   I wouldn't say that's a possibility; I'd say it's likely, and I wouldn't count out a 60^60. 

JoseCanseco I will show everyone that steroids are completely overrated once I get the chance to play aqgain.all I need is the chance
This is one thing that worries me about Jose.  His brain cannot comprehend patterns.  He is the kind of person who puts his hand on the stove and gets pissed that it burned him.  Yet, he doesn't learn from this mistake, he just keeps putting his hand down on it and burning the shit out of his hand.  The same thing happens when he says something positive about his life.  The haters give all the credit for his career to steroids, and then he gets pissed about haters hating.  I think the next 65 tweets were talking about haters hating, how he would rise above, steroids don't help, MLB hates him, boom smash. 

JoseCanseco If a team would give me the chance I would not let them down.baseball is my life,I miss the game its part of me,its my addiction
JoseCanseco I dream about playing almost every night.when I wake up and realize I am not anymore that's when the nightmare begins
Jose is pleading to nobody in particular, but he's still just pleading for a chance.  He is hoping that MLB has some Twitter scouts looking for ex-ballplayers trying to make a comeback.  Although I doubt that is a position, I think it might be my dream job.  Also, he talks about waking up and that's when his nightmare begins, I wonder if he really meant that this is when the hunger begins.

JoseCanseco I am and will always be just simply a basball player,my tomb stone will just say. Baseball.
I really think Jose should reconsider this decision. 
I'd hope he'd at least put his name on there, because this tombstone is kind of a downer.  I'd much prefer to see this one.
That's much better, as it encompasses all of his greatness.  If you want some greatness on your fantasy team, draft Jose Canseco.  All he needs is a chance.


P.S.  I really enjoy Cash Cab, so this news kind of bummed me out.

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