Wednesday, December 29, 2010

It's Always Sunny in the United Center - Part Two

The Chicago Bulls have been an awesome team to watch this year.  Even for non-Bulls fans, they may be the most fun team to watch in the entire NBA.  Between Thibodeau's defensive calls, Korver knocking down threes, and Asik's dunks, there is a very high entertainment value involved with the Bulls.  Because of this high entertainment value, they will be honored in the greatest way possible, with a multi-part series on this blog.  Since any jerkoff can tell you that the Bulls are awesome, I will blend sports and pop culture when I compare the Chicago Bulls to the characters of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia.  Today, I present Part Two.

Coach Thibodeau – Dee Reynolds – Although Dee isn’t anyone’s favorite character, she is still vital to the overall success.  As Vinny Del Negro showed, you can have a lot of talent, but you need a coach to actually put it all together.  Dee makes us laugh with her pregnancy and failures in life.  Thibodeau makes the Bulls better with defense and an actual game plan.  He’ll never win a game, and Dee will never carry an episode, but they are still vital to their team’s overall success.

Dee struggles with men, just like Thibodeau struggles to find a good shooting guard.  Just like Dee’s taste in men, all of these shooting guards have their charm, but they also have fatal flaws.

Keith Bogans – The Korean Busboy – The Korean Busboy has no discernible qualities, as he is an unattractive, chain-smoking, cocaine sniffing busboy.  Bogans also has no discernible qualities as he is a slow with no shot and plays only marginal defense.  The Korean Busboy used secret information to sleep with Dee.  Bogans must have some information on Thibodeau, because that is the only reason he should be starting. 

Kyle Korver – Matthew Mara – Rickety Cricket is the only side character who can truly take over an episode with his presence.  And just like Cricket, Korver is the only shooting guard who can take over when he's hot from the outside.  Much like Cricket is not on all the episodes, Korver is not always bringing his A game, but when he is on, you know it’s going to be entertaining.  Also, they both come from humble backgrounds as Cricket was a priest, and Korver played at Creighton, and then in Utah, the land of Mormons.  The similarities really become uncanny when you realize that Korver plays defense like he needs crutches.

Ronnie Brewer – Ben Smith (Soldier of Fortune) – Nothing stands out, but he’s just really likeable, and maybe it’s easy to like a guy when compared to the ones with fatal flaws, but you still like him.  Brewer may not have any great attributes, but he’s a guy who can contribute in any facet of the game.  He doesn’t shoot lights out, but he can shoot.  He plays solid defense, but he’s not great.  The same is true for Ben as he likes jean shorts, pro wrestling, and like most guys, gets tricked into sex when someone calls him a jerk or a turkey.  Both are solid dudes.

Even though Asik is not a shooting guard, we'll end with a comparison of one more of Dee's former lovers.
Omer Asik – Bill Ponderosa – He looked like just another guy on the show, as he was a whiny little bitch at first.  But he showed his true breakout potential by cheating on his wife with multiple women, going into sex addiction rehab, doing cocaine, and lying to women by telling them he had a vasectomy so he wouldn’t have to wear a condom.  That’s great work.  Asik looked like just another big, awkward, foreign white guy.
But if you overlook the fact that he hacks people like there is no limit on fouls, he’s a solid big man off the bench.  Do I want him starting?  No (with Noah out, change that answer to yes), but he’s fun to watch, he rebounds, blocks shots, and is competent enough for the occasional putback.  Bill Ponderosa and Omer Asik show that you can’t always judge a book by its cover.

That's all for Part Two, expect me to get very obscure when I finish up with Part Three tomorrow.


P.S.  I meant to attach this earlier, but it's for anybody who's in a business where they receive stupid complaints from customers.  The Cleveland Browns absolutely owned this dude.

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