Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Jose Canseco And The Power Of Twitter

Jose Canseco loves Twitter. Although he will take extended breaks here and there. He always comes back to it, because those two were made for each other. Twitter uses Jose for cheap entertainment, and usually it's a one-way game where Jose continues to give and give, but things changed recently. Jose used Twitter and went from being unemployed to being paid to play baseball in one of the best party cities in North America. How did this all happen? Let's go through things.

Jose shared his dream of playing baseball again, hoping the Twitter world would notice and he could get back in the game that he loves. But instead of just hoping it would happen, he decided to spice things up to make sure that people would notice.

This is another amazing tweet from an amazing man. Jose Canseco fights for two things in this world. The first is the truth, which seems pretty reasonable. The second is the right to play baseball, something that I do not remember was a great struggle for revolutionaries throughout history. I don't think anyone is stopping Jose from playing baseball, but it would be quite a scene to see him at an old sandlot diamond and people chasing him off, as they said they didn't want his kind around here. He would assume it was for steroids, but in that small town, they probably just hate people who were on The Surreal Life and/or Celebrity Apprentice.


Jose takes it to the extreme, by saying life isn't worth living if you can't try difficult things, followed by saying that baseball is difficult. Ipso facto, if you do not let Jose play baseball, you are basically committing murder.

This isn't an interesting tweet, because Jose has about a thousand that talk about haters, but it became interesting when he followed it with this tweet.

I was so terrified to find out what his "baby chapstick" meant. It's not just me, baby chapstick could mean his dick, right? I mean, it's extremely self-deprecating, because chapstick is small enough, so baby chapstick is just sad. I reluctantly found out what it meant, and was very pleased that it was just his dog. And if you're asking what this has to do with getting him back in baseball. Hell, I don't know, but sure enough, the next day he drops this bomb.

And that's all it took. Just insinuate that you'll kill yourself if you don't get something, give your dog a name that could also describe your penis, post a picture, and boom, you're playing baseball again. Not only that, Jose is going to be playing for a team based in Cancun. Outside of trying to cheat on his girlfriend with college coeds on spring break, what will Jose be doing?

Um, who wants to be the bad guy? Anybody? Well, I guess I'll do it. As far as I know, there really aren't Mayans anymore, so I hope you aren't counting on hanging out with them on your journey. Little known fact about the Mayans, they aren't around anymore because the Spaniards took away their right to play baseball. Huge ritualistic suicide after they all wrote in their diaries how hard life is. Tough break.

But thanks to Twitter, suicide threats, and small dogs named after small dongs, Jose Canseco is back in baseball. Best of luck, Jose.
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