Monday, July 2, 2012

I Took Hacksaw Jim Duggan To The Airport

Last week, Hacksaw Jim Duggan made an appearance at a local minor league baseball game. Since I have connections in that industry (I am a very important person), I had the opportunity to take Hacksaw to the airport the following morning.

The first thing you should know is that Hacksaw is as awesome as he seems on TV. He is an incredibly nice person, even very early in the morning. He immediately thanked me for picking him up, wondering how I got stuck with this duty. Stuck? I volunteered to set my alarm for 4:00 AM, so I could pick him up at 4:45. In fact, I was so excited that I was wide awake by 3:45 AM. I swear, despite what that last sentence may lead you to believe, I am a fully functioning adult.

I met him the night before as he was signing autographs for fans. It was very impressive that he did not just sign an autograph an keep the line moving. He gave every fan about a 1-2 minute conversation. The line did not move fast, but he was willing to stay after the game had ended so he could meet with everyone. So I met Hacksaw the night before, and he loved my old school Royal Rumble shirt. And no, I did not wear that on accident since he won the first Royal Rumble, I planned my outfit to go meet Hacksaw Jim Duggan. I am not ashamed about this at all.

So, back to our ride to the airport. I pick him up and tell him he will probably have to move the seat back in order to get in my car, because he is a lot bigger than my girlfriend. That got a good laugh out of him and a response of, "Let's hope so!" That's another thing with Hacksaw. I hate exclamation points, but I feel like I would be doing a disservice if I did not end every Hacksaw quote with an exclamation point. He's a loud dude with a lot of energy.

Hacksaw talked about how he got started in wrestling. Fritz Von Erich recruited him while he was playing football at SMU, but he never thought he would do it, because he wasn't a wrestling fan and was focusing on football. But after a year with the Atlanta Falcons and a year in the CFL, he got started in wrestling and the rest is history.

Hacksaw also disliked that they have a bunch of writers from Hollywood coming up with the storylines and writing down everything the wrestlers are supposed to say. So some nerd writer comes up to Hacksaw and hands him a script, Hacksaw respond, "You think you can tell me what I'm going to say!?" The writer responds that this is what Vince wants him to say. So you know what Hacksaw did? He read the script and collected his paycheck.

Would you like spoilers? If not, skip to the next paragraph. But lets just say that if you are patiently waiting for a Hacksaw appearance on a WWE television program, you won't have to wait long. Tuesday is the Great American Bash Smackdown, and Hacksaw will be there, hopefully cracking skulls and happily carrying a 2X4.

As he was leaving, I asked him whether he still watches wrestling. He told me that he doesn't, and then dropped this analogy on me, "A butcher doesn't watch somebody chop meat on his day off!" That analogy makes very little sense, because nobody watches people chop meat for fun, but even though its batshit crazy, it's still awesome, because Hacksaw said it.

The thing that I'm left with is wishing Hacksaw was always around. Not only is it incredibly easy to get a USA chant going, but his presence is the only time where it is socially acceptable to yell HOOOOOOO! with ladies present, and I dig that.
In conclusion, Hacksaw Jim Duggan is awesome, and if you have the chance to drive him to the airport, no matter what time it is, you should totally take advantage of that opportunity.

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