Tuesday, February 12, 2013

Suits Power Rankings: Week 4 - He's Back

Another day, another dollar, as Pearson Hardman hollers at the world. Shit hit the fan this week with the return of my personal favorite character, Daniel Hardman. This man is pure scumbag, and I love it. This man plays by his own rules, and last night was no exception. He interacted with everyone at Pearson Hardman and came out on top each and every time. Crap, I'm already getting into too many details. Anyway, here are last week's rankings. Now onto the Suits rankings for lawyers who play by their own rules.

1. Daniel Hardman - As if there was any doubt on who would be number one. HARDMAN comes out with guns ablaze and turns the Folsom Foods trial into a subpoena against Pearson Hardman for firing his bangpiece. You don't fire a man's bangpiece without consequences. HARDMAN is a step ahead of them at every turn, and it was maybe the most impressive ownage in the show's history. That confidentiality agreement working for HARDMAN is fantastic. But the fact that he doesn't care whether his client wins or they break the confidentiality agreement doesn't matter to him, because he wins either way which is the definition of a lawyer playing by his own rules. HARDMAN dropped the hammer on Jessica, when he told her that Jessica was "younger than her, prettier than her, and sexually active at a child bearing age." That is just such a brilliantly dick move. It's amazing that Jessica Pearson ever rose up through the company, because HARDMAN straight owned her.

2. Mike Ross - Wrote such a good case that HARDMAN took it word for word, so he's got that going for him. He led a deposition and got owned by HARDMAN. But he was able to get a settlement from Monica, and he did it by meeting with her over and over without her lawyer present. He knows he shouldn't be doing that, but he still does, which gives him extra points for playing by his own rules.

3. Robert Zane - He is racist as shit when it comes to football as he believes that the negroes play the defensive line and the honkeys play the offensive line. I don't even know if he had a point to make. I feel like he was just trying to make white people uncomfortable, but didn't realize that there were no white people around, so he was just kind of exposing his own pointless racism. But pointless racism is totally playing by your own rules, so bonus points for that. In other news, he can get a ton of information disparaging HARDMAN, but he still likes the guy. For some reason, nobody at Pearson Hardman has thought to have his daughter explain what a scumbag Danny Boy is.

4. Harvey Specter - Harvey loses a couple spots, because he really put it on himself to go head-to-head with HARDMAN and got his ass handed to him. It's like Clyde Drexler trying to take on Michael Jordan. Sure, Drexler was great, but he always looked worse when he had to go against the best. Harvey wants to crush HARDMAN but was crushed when HARDMAN knew that he tried to become partner and got denied. Harvey tries to get a closed hearing, but then finds out that HARDMAN has already covered that avenue. Harvey acts reasonable throughout and decides they should settle, because HARDMAN has been one step ahead of them at every turn.

5. Monica Eaton - Noted bangpiece. Not a lot of lawyerin'.

6. Louis Litt - He wants on the Monica Eaton case, because "Revenge is the best revenge." But he is totally in love with Monica. Louis was so excited that Mike led the deposition, then so sad that he was mentioned as sexually harassing Monica. So he goes into the elevator to threaten HARDMAN. Unfortunately, HARDMAN barely seemed bothered about his life being threatened. Better luck next time, Louie.

7. Jessica Pearson - Jessica got completely owned early on as she exposed the firm to a lawsuit by giving complete confidentiality to HARDMAN by signing the agreement after barely looking at it. That is some of the worst lawyerin' on the show. She got repeatedly owned and tried to play by her own rules only to be a failure at every turn.

Best Non-Lawyer Performance
Rachel Zane - She's freaking out, because she's not sure if she can make it into Harvard Law School. She does the logical thing and hangs out at her Dad's house, not with him, mind you, just over there, while he watches racist football. She did finish her application, and she was the only person to ever write a good essay when applying to Harvard Law School, so she KNOWS she got in. I bet Harvard is really happy to finally read something good, because it can usually only get Stansbury rejects.

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