Wednesday, February 6, 2013

Predictions Leading Up To Wrestlemania 29

I spend way too much time thinking about professional wrestling. I say that as a 28 year old, fully functioning adult, who has seduced ladies in real life. I know that combination is surprising for many people, but pro wrestling is awesome. I have obviously waxed poetically about Antonio Cesaro before, but there is a lot of interesting things going on. The Rock is back. He won the title. CM Punk held the title for like a year and a half before that. John Cena lost every important match for a year straight. So what's going to happen next?

CM Punk is going to talk about how his title reign (even though he doesn't have the title, he still talks as if the title is still his) is the most impressive streak in professional wrestling. He will face The Rock at Elimination Chamber. In this match, The Rock will be close to winning, but then Brock Lesnar will attack him to help CM Punk win. Punk will hit his finisher, the GTS (Go To Sleep), but before he can pin him. The lights will go out. Undertaker will take out Punk, helping The Rock retain the title. Undertaker will then face CM Punk at Wrestlemania since his undefeated Wrestlemania streak is considered the greatest streak in professional wrestling.

John Cena and friends will beat The Shield at Elimination Chamber, because John Cena is now invincible. He will beat The Rock at Wrestlemania. They will hug after the match in a "passing the torch" moment. John Cena may not lose in 2013.

Don't feel bad for The Rock; Fast and the Furious Six will go down as the greatest movie ever made.

Kane and Daniel Bryan will continue to be Kane and Daniel Bryan. That's all the insight I have on those guys.

Antonio Cesaro is going to hold the US Title forever, because he's the best, and nobody will ever beat him outside of Ryback who has beaten him like three times in non-title matches. Hasn't Ryback earned a title shot yet? Apparently not. They just like to delegitimize their champions, which is dumb. Shit, Miz will probably win this title by Wrestlemania. But that will just open up Cesaro for bigger and better things.

Dolph Ziggler will face Chris Jericho at Wrestlemania. Brock Lesnar will take on Triple H.

Alberto Del Rio will beat The Big Show at Elimination Chamber. Dolph Ziggler will not cash in his Money in the Bank.

Mark Henry will win the Elimination Chamber to face Del Rio at Wrestlemania. Del Rio will win, only to have Dolph Ziggler run out to cash in his Money in the Bank. Wrestlemania is full of "smart" wrestling fans, and they will give a huge pop for Ziggler when he comes out to win the title.

My final prediction is the worst possible idea I could come up with that the WWE would actually consider: After John Cena and friends beat The Shield at Elimination Chamber, they become convinced that Cena is right and they are wrong. Dean Ambrose, Seth Rollins, and Roman Reigns will begin to dress in bright colors and be known as Hustle, Loyalty, and Respect.

No comments:

Post a Comment