Should I Post Topless Photos of Myself?

Sometimes, I wish I was more of a douchebag. Now, I know what a lot of you are thinking, "How could you be a bigger douchebag? Your in your 30s and still refer to yourself as 'Hott Joe.'" Well, first off, damn, that was hurtful, hypothetical person that I created. But second, there are many, many ways that I could be a bigger douchebag.

The way that has most prominently entered my head is showing off my body. I am now 31 years old, but I have a body that would make 21 year-old me very jealous (partly because I'm in very good shape now, partly because I was in very poor shape then). But it's not like anybody (outside of my wife) ever really gets to enjoy it. So I work my ass off, and then cover up all of my hard work. I'm basically the guy who spends all of his money on a beautiful sports car, but then never takes it out of the garage.

But I can't be the guy who takes a shirtless picture of himself, can I? That guy is such a tool. But am I a tool by just considering this action? Probably. And then the question becomes, am I a bigger tool by not doing what I want to do, or doing something that I know is sad and super needy of outside people's approval? But shit, I work hard, and I deserve adulation for all of that hard work.

Aw shit, just realized something. I would have to manscape if I was going to take this picture, because if I'm going to do this, I have to do it right. But I don't even manscape for my wife, and it seems that putting in that sort of effort into my own narcissism is troubling, even for someone like me.

So it's settled. I will stay at my current level of douchebaggery and not post topless photos of my bodacious bod.

Thanks for helping me make the right decision, imaginary friend.