Monday, October 5, 2015

I Fully Blame Jonathan Papelbon for My Fantasy Baseball Loss

Jonathan Papelbon is such a piece of shit. When he went after Bryce Harper, he didn't just go after his Washington Nationals teammate, he went after his Team Pedigree teammate, and that is a bond that should never be forgotten. These guys have been playing well all year long, but Papelbon just didn't know his place. Even though Papelbon has been a good closer, Harper has been a transcendent star, joining with Mike Trout and Manny Machado to form the best trifecta in the entire league.

And yet, despite all that talent, Papelbon decided to throw it all away and fight with his teammate. My team lost 5-4-1, and had I just gotten one more home run that week, I would have advanced. Instead, Papelbon killed the morale of the team, and nobody did shit on Sunday. Jonathan Papelbon was released from my team and has earned a lifetime ban from my fantasy rosters.

And you know what happened once Papelbon was released? Despite the wind being taken out of our sails, and only playing for third place, the team came together and decided to go out there and kick some ass. The offense hit, and the pitching pitched out of their minds with a 1.46 ERA and sub 1.00 WHIP, while striking out 91 guys on the week. Hell, Scherzer was so happy to be rid of Papelbon on the team, he had one of the greatest pitching performances ever.

As great as all of that was, nothing embodies my team's spirit that they carried throughout the year better than these two teammates palling around.

Jose Fernandez may have thrown a meatball to Longoria, but he can laugh about it, and both can go on to team up to play for the greater good of Team Pedigree. May they serve as an inspiration for my fantasy football and basketball teams.

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