Tuesday, April 26, 2016

At Home with David Schultz

David Schultz may be the greatest wrestler that you have never heard of. Now, I must admit I have probably barely seen him wrestle in my life, but this man was a GOD when it came to promos. He's probably best known for slapping the shit out of John Stossel when Stossel said that wrestling was fake. His best moment was probably this interview he did on Hulk Hogan, which is probably my favorite promo in wrestling history.

If I were Gawker, I would definitely present this video as evidence that Hulk may have wanted his sex tape to come out to prove to David Schultz that he has been with a woman.

But I'm not here to focus on that today. I want to look into the everyday "Dr. D" David Schultz. Luckily, back in 1984, the WWE got to spend a day with Schultz and get a look at what his life is like at home. The results were predictably amazing.

It's one of the most amazing pieces I have ever seen. Like, we know Dr. D David Schultz is a character, but he's probably not that far from David Schultz the man. His home life is exactly what you would expect his home life to look like, starting with his children.
Yo, Dr. D, your kids don't look alike. I mean, I'm not sayin, I'm just sayin. I feel like the ginger with the dead eyes is probably yours. Red shirt, well, he kind of looks like a young Mean Gene Okerlund.

I can't say it's too surprising, as his wife nearly accuses him of lying in front of the cameras, and then has the nerve to interrupt him during his interview.
It is impossible to side-eye anybody harder than Dr. D just side-eyed his wife. At least dinner is done, and I'm sure the kitchen is spotle...oh no.
"What is this? The city dump?" is something I would love to say to my wife when I see a mess in the house, but then she would probably proceed to hit me and make me start doing more cleaning. Schultz knew how to keep his lady in check; I'm just happy my lady keeps me around.

Maybe the most amazing part of this video is that the dinner on the table is some fried chicken, like three pieces of pizza, and a bottle of A-1 Sauce. Nobody is eating fried chicken or pizza on their plates. Instead, they're all just eating plain white bread. It's so wonderful.

After he realizes that his family is a bunch of ass clowns, Schultz kicks the camera crew out of his house so he can go about his day.
Never change, Dr. D. 

No comments:

Post a Comment