Tuesday, April 12, 2016

Please Pay Me To Go To Las Vegas Clubs

I read an article in GQ last week about celebrities getting paid to show up at clubs. I use the term celebrity very loosely as the article focused on a Kardashian dude that isn't even a Kardashian, he just married into the Kardashians. But anyway, these celebrities people literally just show up, hang out for an hour or two and leave with a five figure paycheck.

I could totally do that. I not only know how to hang out and chill, but I'm exceptional at it. Like, as I write this, I'm just hanging out with my dog, watching a Pittsburgh Pirates game. My wife is out of town, which just shows that even without her to keep me in line, I have the initiative to hang out and chill.

When these people go out for these appearances, some of them just sip on water and refuse to drink any of the free alcohol. Well guess what my favorite type of alcohol is? That's right, the free kind. Also, they just stay in their private booth and occasionally nod at the crowd. As a man of the people, I would be out on the dance floor, West Coast Dancing my ass off and entertaining the goons while making all the ladies swoon.

What's that you say, Las Vegas Club Promoter? You're kind of full with your nightclub entertainment right now. Well, that's actually perfect, because boy do I have an idea for you. You see, I'm an old man. I don't like being out late all that much, but if given proper naps, I could do it for the people. My real time to shine is during daylight. So how about we bring the celebrity game to the outdoor bars with the lazy pools? You post up Hott Joe in his own private cabana, give me a keg of Natural Light, a grill, and some meats, and I will put on a damn show. I'll be drinking, eating, and topless, probably doing some sick dance moves on top of it all. I will make the party go from fun to fun squared (Fun X Fun = More Fun).

You see, by being a common man who lives the dream, I make it seem attainable for all those schmucks. And all they have to do to attain that dream? Just let loose and take a gamble. What better place to take that gamble than the high-rolling Craps tables.

As you can see, I understand the business. I'm not just here to take your money, I'm here to make you money. Please feel free to inquire on my booking fees on Twitter @HottJoe or by email. I look forward to our future business relationship.

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