Macho Man Randy Savage Is The Greatest: Volume 3 - The SpokesMan

Macho Man is great. Maybe the greatest. In fact, if you don't have Macho Man as one of the five greatest of all time, all of your opinions about pro wrestling are invalid. He was a master in the ring, he was a master with promos, and he was even a master commentator and spokesperson. In fact, although it was not critically acclaimed, I can still listen to and enjoy his rap album. But people know the highlights of his career, instead, I want to celebrate the less famous moments and bring light to these accomplishments, as they are just as impressive as the highlights.

Today, I want to focus on Macho Man as a Macho spokesMan, who would make you Randy for any Savage product that he decided to endorse. Now, everyone is aware of his work with Slim Jim where his intensity made you want to SNAP INTO THAT BEEFY JUICY TASTE. But Macho also had a softer side.

In a world where our heroes constantly disappoint, Macho Man was there to assure us that everything would turn out just fine. Now, I must warn you: Before watching this commercial, you may want to get some tissues, because it's about to get real dusty up in here.

The emotion in this commercial is raw. A child walks alone on a baseball diamond, and...wait, hold up a second. Let's take a look at that jersey.

Yep, that is a "Sport 93" jersey right there. They never fully show the front of the jersey, but I'm nearly positive it just says "Baseball." That has to be the most generic jersey in the history of commercials. So Little Billy Sport, playing for the "Baseball" team is coming out to throw the rawhide around.

Unfortunately, little Billy is met with this sign:

You see, this commercial was made in 1994, during Major League Baseball's strike, and if the pros are on strike, that means little league must follow its lead as part of the MLBPA union and cancel their games as well. Back to the jersey for a second, why is it number 93? The only thing that I can come up with is somebody else used this generic jersey a year earlier, and the WWE decided they could save a few bucks if they didn't get an updated one. I admire that level of frugality.

There is only one man that can save this dire situation, and I think we all know who that is.

OOOOOH YEAH! I mean, just look at that long, majesctic mane that he is sporting. This is a man of pure inspiration.

Macho Man throws some balls for Billy Sport to hit, because baseball should never die. Finally the child turns to Macho Man.

Billy: Do you guys ever go on strike? 
Macho Man: No way, never!

And that, my friends is the beauty of pro wrestling. That was the beauty of the Macho Man.

Brock Lesnar vs. John Cena at Summerslam Is the Match of the Year

When match of the year candidates come out, everyone will pick matches where both guys went back and forth and kept fans on the edge of their seat the entire time. The matches that will be nominated will all be great matches, and they all won't be half as good as Brock Lesnar vs. John Cena at Summerslam. 

Now that may be hard for people to accept, as it was about as one-sided as Ryback vs. Two Local Jobbers or Rusev vs. Black Guy, but the story it told was incredible. Brock Lesnar F-5'd Cena within the first ten seconds of the match, and it took incredible Cena power just to survive that much. 

Lesnar proceeded to ragdoll Cena around the ring with the most German suplexes ever thrown. And that was the beauty of it, he was not following through on the German Suplex, he was just throwing Cena around like a bag of potatoes. Cena landed awkwardly multiple times, because Lesnar is a freak who can do whatever he wants. 

You kept waiting for Cena to make his triumphant comeback, but instead Lesnar just threw him to the ground and pounded on him, one time forgetting that the punches are supposed to be somewhat blocked and nailing him right in the face with a left. It was absolutely brutal.

Finally, out of nowhere Cena hit the Attitude Adjustment and tried to pin Lesnar, but Brock kicked out, and then to top it all off, he sat up like he was the goddamned Undertaker just to let everyone know that he has beaten one of your heroes already, and he's about to crush another. 

Lesnar beat on Cena some more, Cena managed to get Lesnar in the STF, but Lesnar reversed it, decided that he was done with Cena and hit the F-5 for the victory. It was a total beatdown, and this was to the John Cena that constantly defies the odds. And John Cena still defied the odds. He lasted 15 minutes of brutality; no other superstar could have done that. 

Brock Lesnar could legitimately destroy anybody in the WWE, and they let that play out in the match. It doesn't matter how bad Cena wants it, how much this business means to him, or how many times he calls his opponent Jack. Lesnar is genetically superior, and if Lesnar wants something, he can take it. 

The match told a story. The story is that Brock Lesnar is a dream crusher. He crushed Cena's dreams, but he also crushed the dreams of every child watching. Guess what kids? It doesn't matter how hard you try, how much effort you put in, or how much you study. Eventually, you are going to run into your own Brock Lesnar, and that person is simply going to be better than you.

This is the moment of deepest depression in the story, and now all the fans are left waiting for is how a hero can rise up and defeat The Beast. 

I think we all know how the story ends, but I'm still excited as hell to go on the path to get there.

That is why Brock Lesnar vs. John Cena is the Match of the Year.