I Need a Wrestle Buddy

Living down in Florida, especially in the Tampa area, I am near an abundance of wrestling. Just last week, there was Monday Night Raw in Tampa, an NXT show in Largo on Friday, a crummy independent show at a church in Largo on Saturday, with a pretty stacked independent card on Saturday and Sunday nights in Tampa. Also, there is a women's show this Friday in Tampa. That's a lot of wrestling, and I would have been interested in going to all of it.

Unfortunately, I was only able to make it to the NXT show, because my wife really likes going to those. She's learned to like wrestling, but she's not a total nerd like me. So when she has a friend in town, like she did this past weekend, she actually wants to hang out with them instead of going to independent wrestling shows.

This is why I need a wrestling buddy. It's just not that much fun to experience a wrestling event by yourself. You need someone to share those special moments with. Now, I still love my wife, so this would be a strictly platonic pro wrestling relationship, but it would really help improve things for me, as I wouldn't have to constantly get turned down when I ask my wife to go to five wrestling events in a week.

I mean, they have Tinder and Grindr, couldn't they come up with an app for me to meet cool wrestling fans? I don't feel like that's too much to ask.

Long story short, I'm too socially awkward to make new friends who like pro wrestling, so I need one of my old friends to move down here and watch wrestling with me. Until then, I guess I'll just dress up my dog in a trenchcoat and sunglasses. She likes the independents a lot more anyway, since they lack any sort of fireworks.

5 NXT Superstars Ready to Breakout in 2017

NXT is kind of my jam. I am way more into it than the big time WWE. It's partially that large arena shows aren't nearly as much fun as crummy little gyms with 300 people in them. Through that, I've gotten a good look at the superstars of NXT and have a pretty good idea who is going to take a big leap forward in 2017. Now, I won't be pointing out how awesome guys like Shisunke Nakamura, Bobby Roode, or Samoa Joe are, because those things are pretty clear. Instead, I'm going to look at guys who may be doing some good things, may be doing some bad things, or may be doing no things and how their fortunes can improve in 2017.

Andrade "Cien" Almas
Almas was the inspiration for this article, as he is someone who is awesome to see in person but he hasn't really translated that to NXT TV yet. At house shows, he consistently puts on the best wrestling match of the night (his match against Sami Zayn was the best match I've seen at any NXT house show). I'm glad he's a heel now since he has a natural arrogance that I think will serve him well. He's the most well known guy on this list, but he's been middling around since debuting, and I think by the end of the year he will have had at least one main event run.

Patrick Clark
I really didn't like Patrick on Tough Enough. He seemed like kind of a tool, and after seeing him at NXT, he might be a tool, but it's starting to work for him. I still miss his USA pants, because I fully support anybody who brings back the Rick Rude airbrushed tights. And I'm not sure if his Prince gimmick is going to work, but it's one of those things where he's making weird shit work. That's tough to do. He's not boring, and I don't know how far he's going to progress this year, as he's probably still years away from anything involving the main roster, but I think he can become a consistent presence on television by the end of the year, likely as somebody you love to hate.

Montez Ford
Formerly Kenneth Crawford, he now has a cool new name, gold chains, and Angelo Dawkins as a buddy. Oh, and most importantly, he has imitable dance moves. Now, they are going to be badly imitated, but white people are going to love badly imitating his dance moves. White people love the feeling of looking cool without the actual execution of looking cool. Also, Ford is just fun in the ring. Him and Patrick Clark had a really fun match at the last show that I went to, and that's not easy when the fans don't have any real characters to latch on to. They are two unknowns and had the whole crowd into it, and two other lesser known NXT wrestlers had a match later that night and the crowd was completely dead. I think Ford and Dawkins will be showing up soon on NXT TV and doing some good work this year.

Mandy Rose
I wanted to pick a female wrestler, but I didn't want to go with an obvious choice like Nikki Cross or Ember Moon. That really didn't leave me a whole lot of options. That's not to say that there aren't talented women, just that picking out who is going to be the one to take a big step forward from their current position is difficult. I'll go with Mandy Rose, because not only is she incredibly good looking, she's also showing some aptitude for wrestling. I have a hard time believing she's not going to get a pretty big push this year.

Akira Tozawa
And I figured I should also take a cruiserweight for my picks. For this, there are plenty of guys to choose from since they've only really acknowledged the existence of like four guys. I think there are some obvious ones like Cedric Alexander or Jack Gallagher, but I figured I'd go a little deeper. I almost went with Noam Dar, because I laugh out loud every time he talks about Alicia Fox, but I'm going with Tozawa based off seeing him live at the last show I went to. He's a guy who is going to chop the crap out of guys and is willing to take it right back. A lot of times foreign wrestlers struggle getting over with crowds, but him yelling "ACH" during his matches will definitely catch on. It caught on with the three kids (probably ranging from ages 3-10), as they were doing it through his match and for the following five minutes. Their parents seemed terrified at the new fun thing they had learned. I just hope that adults can be as open minded as those children were. If so, Tozawa could have a big impact this year.

The Iowa Football Seniors I Will Miss The Most

Iowa ended its season on a three game winning streak, highlighted by a last second win over Michigan and destroying Nebraska football to end the year. Yep, that's how they ended. No bowl game this year; that definitely didn't happen 20 minutes from my house. Anyway, these last four years have had some really fun Iowa players, so now is the time to look back on these guys' contributions to see who Iowa football fans will miss the most in 2017.

14. Steve Ferentz - Center
If his name wasn't Ferentz, would you have any idea he was on the team? No offense to him. He stuck it out, kept plugging along while getting an education. Also, somebody has to be last, and I figure he'll have the easiest time bouncing back from coming in last place on this list. Sorry, Steve.

12 (tie). Mitch Keppy and Ryan Ward - Offensive Linemen
I remember being excited when Iowa signed these guys. I do not remember a moment of them on the field, so it was impossible to separate them. At least they didn't come in last.

11. Anthony Gair - Safety
Before this year, I would have had no thoughts on Gair. He was just a guy that hung around the program and played on special teams. Then, halfway through the year, he was forced to play some when Miles Taylor got injured, and he actually played pretty well. Did he benefit from some overthrown deep passes? Sure, but that may have been because opposing quarterbacks were sGAIRed.

10. Ron Coluzzi - Punter
I know he only played one year, and he was just a solid punter, but that performance against Michigan was something that will stick with me for a long time. The man did a fake punt where he stumbled, flipped, and managed to get an unnecessary roughness penalty, and although that moment is more memorable, the more impressive feat was getting back-to-back running into the kicker penalties. If there is such a thing as a Punter Party, that story will make him the life of the party.

9. Faith Ekakite - Defensive Tackle
Ekakite never had a huge impact, but he got better and better and made some plays in his senior year. Also, let us not forget that he was nearly murdered for playing Pokemon Go, and I feel like that's one of those stories that will stick with me for years to come.

8. Riley McCarron - Wide Receiver
McCarron is a victim of the Peter Principle. He simply got promoted higher than his skill level really allowed. McCarron was a fine third receiver, but he was not a number one, and trying to fit him into that role after Matt VandeBerg got injured early in the season basically led to disaster for the receiving corps. Had he stayed a third receiver, I would have had nothing but positive thoughts about him. Instead, I kept hearing announcers say how reliable (aka white) he was as a pass catcher, despite dropping a ton of balls. But let's not forget that punt return touchdown against Illinois, or the huge touchdown against Nebraska. Those are some pretty nice highlights for a third receiver.

7. Cole Croston - Offensive Tackle
At a school known for producing offensive linemen, it's really tough to stand out. Croston doesn't measure up with some of the elite names, but he served a purpose. When the offensive line was supposed to be garbage, he helped them reach respectability, and they even won a vague offensive line award this year. I'm a sucker for offensive line play, so I won't be forgetting about you, Cole.

6. Greg Mabin - Cornerback
Greg Mabin was such a tease. He showed a tremendous amount of potential when he got thrusted into the cornerback role as a sophomore across from Desmond King. But that's all it was, potential. He seemed to be the same guy he was during his senior year as he was when he started. He was a solid, unspectacular cornerback. I think people will remember him as somewhat disappointing, but he had some highlight hits and interceptions while starting for three years. That's a pretty solid Hawkeye career.

5. George Kittle - Tight End
It is impossible for me to think about George Kittle without considering how awesome he would have been in a Ken O'Keefe offense. He may have won the Mackey Award if O'Keefe was in charge of the offense. Instead, it was a Greg Davis offense, so his impact was mitigated. Kittle had all of the tools except an offensive coordinator that knew how to utilize him. He'll probably be a late-round draft pick, and he'll end up becoming a starter and people will wonder why their team didn't get a solid tight end like Kittle. I'm a very big George Kittle fan.

4. LeShun Daniels Jr. - Running Back

Daniels was never the fan favorite running back. His freshman year, it was Mark Weisman (I have a Weisman for Heisman shirt; I should be embarrassed by this), sophomore and junior year, it was Jordan Canzeri, and senior year, it was Akrum Wadley. Daniels just went out and produced more and more each year. I know he didn't have the flash plays, but having a bruiser to wear defenses out does matter, and Daniels mattered. He was the first back to eclipse 1,000 yards since Marcus Coker. He's not an all-time great, but he was a damn good back.

3. Jaleel Johnson - Defensive Tackle
First off, how much fun is it to sing, "I'm sorry Miss Jackson, but I am JALEEL?" It's super fun, but Jaleel Johnson was also a monster at times. His safety against Michigan is what finally gave Iowa some momentum in that game. But there hasn't been a defensive lineman that had big plays like Jaleel since Adrian Clayborn. It seemed at times that if Jaleel Johnson decided that he was going to tear apart the opposing offense, he was able to go out there and tear apart that offense no matter what they tried to do to stop him. Iowa's defense relies so much on the defensive line play that Jaleel may be the player that is most missed next season.

2. C.J. Beathard - Quarterback
I understand that Beathard didn't end his career on the highest note, but let's not forget how fun he was at quarterback. Greg Davis made sure that his stats would not be impressive, but watching Beathard was impressive. And his pass to Tevaun Smith in last year's B1G title game may have been the greatest single moment in Iowa history. Rob Houghtlin's kick was in the middle of the season, and Holloway's catch was in a rather meaningless game, but Beathard's pass to Tevaun meant Iowa was going to be undefeated and head to the National Title. Obviously, things didn't work out in that game, but that single moment was huge. And Beathard was huge for the program. He was our Sunshine, and then he went white-trash corporate with his look when he took over the starting job. He was off to a really good start when VandeBerg was healthy, but then had no options, especially with Kittle being hurt. He was not put in a position to succeed, and he put up 20 wins in his two years as a starter. CJB, you will be missed...

1. Desmond King - Cornerback
...but not as much as this guy. Like there was ever any doubt who was going to be number one. Desmond King was so stupid awesome for Iowa. He came in as a true freshman starter and was pretty damn good. He then got better and better. People will nitpick his senior year because he gave up a few big plays, but that was only because he was so bored with nobody throwing his way that he had to try to take some risks to get involved in the action. We all know that the best part about King was the fact that he was a total ballhawk, but don't forget how good of a tackler he was. Oh yeah, and he was also an awesome return guy. He was just such a football player in every way. It made no sense for him to come back this season, but getting four years of watching him play football was an amazing experience. I'm going to tell my kids about watching Desmond King play college football. That's how good he was.

A Look at the 2016-2017 Iowa Wrestling Season So Far - Part 2

Earlier this week, I looked at the lighter weights on Iowa's roster and how they are performing so far this season. Now it's on to the big boys, who aren't quite as glamorous in their performances but may be more interesting as there are still a lot of things to be decided, and it's nearly impossible to tell where some of these guys will end up.

165 - Joey Gunther and Alex Marinelli
165 is the biggest question mark for Iowa this season. Gunther has been the starter and manged an undefeated record in the early meets, but the Midlands was his first real challenge, and he failed to impress as he went just 2-2 against less than elite competition. I think he's fairly borderline to make the NCAA Tournament, and if he does, I can't see him managing more than a single win there.

And then there is the true Freshman, super recruit, Alex Marinelli. He was considered the second best recruit in the entire class this year (of course the top recruit went to Penn State), so he entered with some fanfare. Maybe he was overhyped to me, but he's only been fine. At a tournament meant to showcase his talents like the Grand View Open, he only won two of his matches by decision. At the Midlands, he looked better, especially when he controlled Clark Glass of Oklahoma. He got outclassed by Isaiah Martinez of Illinois (no surprise there, I-Mar is awesome) and got pinned by Anthony Valencia of Arizona State. He took fourth place which is a great accomplishment for a true Freshman, but I'm not sure if he's going to be the first Iowa wrestler to go from high school to competing as a true Freshman under Tom Brands. He's already good enough to score points at the NCAAs, and he's only going to get better, but I have trouble seeing him as an All-American, so I'm not sure if it's worth burning that redshirt. We'll likely find out soon with Iowa facing Michigan, Oklahoma State, Penn State, and Ohio State in the month of January. If the redshirt gets pulled, it's going to happen this month.

Also, a special shoutout to Iowa's other true freshman at 165, Kaleb Young, who took fifth at the Midlands. He wrestles a fast pace and really pressures opponents. With Marinelli there, his future is likely at 174, so if he can add good weight, he could make an impact next year.

174 - Alex Meyer
Alex Meyer, like Brandon Sorensen, is going to wrestle close matches. Unfortunately, Meyer is not quite on Sorensen's level of winning those close matches. Stop me if you've heard this before, but Meyer was undefeated against mostly easy competition before going to the Midlands. He was disappointing at the Midlands as he only took fourth place. 174 is a weaker weight class this year, and Meyer can wrestle guys tough, but I don't see how he can have the consistency to be a top guy. He lost to two guys he has beaten before, but that's kind of the story with Meyer. He can compete with anybody, and he lets just about anybody compete with him.

184 - Sammy Brooks
The man with the mullet is now in one of the most stacked weight classes in NCAA wrestling. He had a solid performance at the Midlands, with a third place finish. He lost to Nate Jackson from Indiana but did manage to avenge that loss in the final match. Sometimes Brooks seems to fall too in love with big throws as he's got good lower body takedowns as well, and when he made that switch against Jackson, he took over the match. Brooks has wrestled the best at this weight class, and he's nearly impossible to blow out. He had a close match with the two-time NCAA defending champion, Gabe Dean a couple years ago, so there is nobody he should be afraid of, but consistency is key. He's the same guy he's been for the last two years. If you told me he was in the NCAA finals, I'd believe it, if you told me he wasn't even an All-American, well, I'd believe that too. Here's to hoping it's the former.

197 - Cash Wilcke and Steven Holloway
Everything I wrote about Joey Gunther above can basically be said about Wilcke. He might be good enough to make the tournament, but I can't see him making an impact when he gets there. The difference is that there isn't a super freshman breathing down Wilcke's neck.

However, that doesn't mean there are no other options. Steven Holloway has wrestled the beginning of this year at heavyweight despite having being a true 197. Now that Iowa's starter is back, Holloway could compete for that starting spot. He was very aggressive when wrestling at heavyweight, but just couldn't overcome the massive weight advantage that his opponent had. I'm not sure if he is better than Wilcke, but I wouldn't mind him getting some chances to prove himself during the second half of the year.

Heavyweight - Sam Stoll
Stoll made his debut at the Midlands, and it was about as well as could be reasonably expected. He beat two good, not great, heavyweights with Collin Jensen from Nebraska and Ross Larson from Nebraska, and he also got his first pin of the year in his third place match. His only loss was to top-10 ranked, Tanner Hall, from Arizona State, and part of that looked like a gas tank issue, which is to be expected since he hasn't been in any matches for over nine months. Still, he looked good in his matches, and outside of Kyle Snyder, he can compete with any of the top heavyweights in the nation. There's a decent chance that he puts up the most points at the NCAA Tournament out of any of the Iowa wrestlers I talked about today.

And that wraps things up. Overall, I would say Iowa is in fine shape. They are not going to be the favorites to win the National Title, but that doesn't mean that if they get guys peaking at the right time, that they couldn't pull off something special. I'm looking forward to the second half of the season.

A Look at the 2016-2017 Iowa Wrestling Season So Far - Part 1

With the wrestling season about halfway over, I thought now would be a good time to check on how Iowa is performing so far this season. Although about half of the year is gone, there are still a lot of question marks, as most of the first half of the schedule provides more cupcakes than proven commodities. Still, things have started taking shape, and we'll go weight-by-weight to break things down.

125 - Thomas Gilman
Gilman has been, without a doubt, the best Iowa wrestler so far this season. He has gone out there and destroyed everything in his path, with the exception of a tough semifinal matchup this past week at the Midlands against Josh Terao from American, who used a whole lot of funk to keep it close but still came up short. Outside of that, he's gotten bonus points against everyone else he has faced this year. With Megaludis graduating and Tomasello moving up to 133, Gilman is the favorite to take the national title at 125, and judging by his wrestling so far this year, I have every reason to believe he will live up to the hype and get an asterisk this year.

133 - Cory Clark and Phillip Laux
Clark started the year off as everyone expected, by going out and dominating his opposition. His closest match was against his teammate, Phillip Laux, but even that match was never in doubt. Unfortunately, after that, Clark suffered an injury that appeared to be non-serious. They said he could have wrestled against Iowa State had he been needed, but he took that off, and three weeks later, the Midlands came and went without Clark seeing the mat. Hopefully it is just precautionary, as Clark is Iowa's second best chance at a National Champion behind Gilman.

Laux has been his replacement, and unfortunately for him, he took over the starting job right before the competition took a big step up. He got manhandled by Seth Gross of South Dakota State but then has held his own in his other matches, including against Iowa State All-American, Earl Hall. Still, Laux is small for the weight and just doesn't have the horsepower to overcome that disadvantage against top competition. He managed to go 2-2 at the Midlands, and he always competes; that's really all you can ask for.

141 - Topher Carton
This weight was originally supposed to be contested between Carton and Vince Turk, but Turk suffered a knee injury early in the season, so Carton was given the starting job to run with. Carton looked great early in the season as he was steamrolling overmatched opponents in nearly all of his matches. However, he finally ran into real competition at the Midlands, and things got far more difficult for him. Kevin Jack of North Carolina State controlled him in their match, which isn't too surprising as Jack is a national title contender. But he also lost a close match to Rohlfing from CSU Bakersfield, and it's those kinds of matches that he needs to find ways to win. He still doesn't have a marquee win, but he also hasn't had a lot of opportunities for one. He's definitely good enough to qualify for the NCAAs, but it's tough to tell how much he can do once he gets there until he starts facing consistent competition during the B1G conference schedule.

Also, fun fact, I was super confused when he was referred to as Christopher Carton at the Midlands. My first thought was that his middle name must be Topher, and then I finally realized that Topher is short for Christopher. It is clear that I have never met a Topher in my life.

149 - Brandon Sorensen
Sorensen has gone out and nearly gotten bonus points in all of his matches, and despite that, it still seems rather unimpressive. Sorensen is clearly the second best guy at 149, but it's also clear that he's still nowhere near #1 ranked Zain Retherford. He was in way too many matches that were too close for comfort, but he managed to come out on top against everyone but the Zain Train. I guess I'm just preemptively complaining about a possible upset loss in a close match at the NCAAs that may or may not happen. He hasn't lost one of those in a long time, so I guess it's best to just sit back and enjoy the terrifyingly close ride.

157 - Michael Kemerer
I am so freaking excited about Michael Kemerer. Iowa doesn't often have explosive athletes on the wrestling team, but when they do, they are so much fun to watch. The first name that came to my mind when watching Kemerer was Montell Marion. Marion came achingly close to a couple national titles, but never could pull it off, but that doesn't diminish how great it was to be able to watch him compete. When his offense was on, he could blast through people on the feet. Marion wasn't great at scoring on top, and right now, that's still a question mark for Kemerer as well, but the guy won the Midlands as a Freshman in maybe the most exciting match of the tournament against Nebraska's Tyler Berger. He's undefeated and seen as a top-5 guy. This is going to be fun.

Note: The only disappointing thing about Kemerer is his nickname is KemDawg. How is it not KemTrails? I might have to start a petition.

That's it for today. I'll finish up tomorrow with the big boys.

Breaking Down The Most Important Women's Fight in 2016

What a wonderful night of fighting for women's mixed martial arts. The most dominant woman in the history of MMA came back to take on an experienced veteran to not only test her skills but her will to win. The eyes of everyone around the world was watching this fight, and even though it was short-lived, it certainly didn't disappoint. Of course I am talking about Gabi Garcia taking on legitimate grandmother, Yumika Hotta. If you were only watching Ronda Rousey and Amanda Nunes, I feel sorry for you, because this fight owned. Just look at these two competitors. First, our beloved grandmother:

And here is 210 pounds of Gabi Garcia:

So I was super excited to watch this match, but my expectations were not nearly high enough, because everything about this was awesome. I mean, just look at this staredown.

But the beginning of this match may have been the greatest thing I have ever seen in mixed martial arts. 

This moment belongs in the Smithsonian. I can't stop watching it, as it is absolutely mesmerizing.

Shockingly, this was not a strategy for success for Hotta. Yumika then ate a knee, but that was just to lure her into her master plan.

Unfortunately, that master plan did not quite work out as Hotta was finished in 41 seconds.

This fight was incredibly dangerous and irresponsible. It should have never happened. That being said, it was totally awesome, and I am SO glad it did. Also, was this beating really any worse than the one Ronda Rousey took from Amanda Nunes? No, and Hotta at least gets to snuggle with her grandkids at the end of the night. 

Never change, Japanese MMA.

I Saved Thanksgiving

Since we bought a house a few months ago, I have began my pursuit to become a competent handyman. I have fixed, built, and installed things since moving in, and although most people aren't incompetent boobs when it comes to these things, I definitely started as one but have now evolved into only sort of a dumbass. If there was a riddle that said, "Every time you use one, you look like one," the answer would be tool.

My shining moment began on the Tuesday before Thanksgiving. I was at work, while my wife had the day off since her whole family was either in town or on their way. She contacted me to tell me that the oven was having issues. I knew that was not good, because a working oven is an incredibly important aspect of cooking a Thanksgiving meal. Since the oven was likely 20 years old, I told her it was probably in our best interests to get a new range (that's the fancy word for an oven/stove combo; I honestly don't know if you can get the two separately).

Since I wasn't too busy at work, I did some research on ranges. I found some Samsung options that I liked and figured that if they're good enough to make a TV in my living room, they're certainly good enough to make my home appliances. Also, one lady gave a review where she described the knobs as "sexy." SOLD.

But there is an issue with that. Apparently, stores don't just have a bunch of ovens hanging out in the back. Luckily, my wife was able to shop around and find a Lowe's where a customer service rep not only found one in the back but accidentally promised next day delivery when he definitely shouldn't have done that. Oh well, our score, as once they said they could do it, they had to honor it, so we were going to get an oven delivered on Wednesday.

Oh, and just as a fun sidenote, we also found out that we only had 7% of our propane tank left, so there was a chance that even with a new oven, we may not have enough propane to actually run it.

The range got delivered on Wednesday night around 5:00, and that's where I come in. I had already disconnected the old one and saw that this was actually going to be a super easy installation. Plug it in for power and then connect the gas and make sure there isn't a leak there, and bingo bango, we'd be ready for turkey the next day.

Everybody was going out for pizza, so I figured I'd be good after a quick hookup to feast on some celebratory 'za. That's when I ran into some issues. I tried to hook up the propane and realized it didn't fit, because apparently they are supposed to sell you a conversion kit to help hook up propane to a gas range. Apparently propane and gas are different things and not just like in-line skates and Rollerblades or tissue paper and Kleenex. This is literally what I thought, because I am a stupid person.

But I guess it's good that they didn't give us the conversion kit initially, because that gave me time to read through the instructions on installation. Yeah, that whole propane is not the same thing as gas talking point I mentioned earlier? Apparently, you can't just convert the connection in the back of the oven and call it a day. You see, there's these things called orifices, and they allow the gas to come through so you can cook. The issue is that gas is denser than propane, so you need orifices with smaller holes so you don't have an excess amount of gas coming through when you try to cook. That seems important.

Oh, and when I looked at the instructions, they blatantly stated that only a professional should do the propane conversion. They may as well have said, "Hey dumbass, don't even think about it, because you're going to blow up your house. You're out of your league, dipshit." I looked at that and thought to myself, "Uh, well, that's not good." But I also had another thought, "I want me a damn Thanksgiving meal, and what's the worse that could happen...oh, it's blow up the house? That is quite bad, but I still want me a damn Thanksgiving meal, so let's get after it."

Everybody went out for pizza to leave me alone with my new project. This was definitely a good thing as I like to work through my thoughts, so I really didn't want the in-laws looking over my shoulder trying to be helpful. So I had to switch out seven orifices. These orifices are about the size of a kernel of corn, which doesn't help make things easy. Still, the stove was pretty easy, as I was able to pop the tops off, unscrew the old ones and pop the new ones in. There was one that was a little difficult, just because it was a small burner so I didn't have much room to work with, but I got the job done. I'm glad I did this last, as it didn't give me time to get cocky.

The oven was another story. Luckily, they gave me a diagram of what I needed to do. Unluckily, the pictures were so tiny and zoomed in that I often had no idea what the hell I was supposed to be doing. Whenever I didn't know what to do, it was time to play with Casey The Dog to clear my head. Then I would come back to the project refreshed and ready to just start unscrewing stuff until I found what I needed. What did I need to unscrew? Oh, that turned out to be everything. These orifices were in the least convenient place possible, and it made me understand why people talk shit about engineers, because they are assholes who definitely do this shit on purpose. I literally took apart everything in that oven, and only one of those things was I not supposed to remove (I dropped a relatively unimportant screw and knew that my wife would not be pleased if she heard a rattle in the oven, even if I assured her that it was unimportant). They really do not want you doing the conversion yourself, but I was undeterred. Okay, I was actually frequently deterred, but I persevered, and that's what matters.

Eventually, I tore up that oven, replaced what needed to be replaced and put the entire insides back together. After all that, I just slid the door back on, and of course, the oven door wouldn't go back on. After all the shit I went through, I couldn't get the damn door back on. At that point, I did the logical thing and decided to wait for the in-laws to get back, because I did an entire conversion, so the least they could do is figure out the damn door. It still took them a good half hour to figure it out, and I came in at the end  to help make some final adjustments. But finally, we had a working range. I fired up every burner and the oven, and they all worked beautifully.

Everything went flawlessly the next day as I sat back and watched sports waiting for the meal as I basked in the glory of saving Thanksgiving.

Sami Zayn Will Win The 2017 Royal Rumble

While everybody is talking about Lesnar and Goldberg and how their confrontation will go down at the Royal Rumble, I've got my eyes on the prize of figuring out who is going to win the damn thing this year, and it's not going to be one of those two clowns. One of the best things about the brand split is that it makes the Royal Rumble interesting again. The last few years, wrestling fans have basically known what was going to happen. With two title matches at WrestleMania, WWE has the ability to give a more shocking winner to give a title shot to. That is why this is the year that Sami Zayn takes a huge leap forward and wins the 2017 Royal Rumble.

Now I know what you're thinking. "Joe, you're only picking Sami Zayn, because you're a huge Zayniac and a total mark for the guy." Most of that sentence would be factual, but I do have other reasons for picking Sami Zayn, and I genuinely believe it make sense for him to win the Rumble this year.

Sami Zayn is the ultimate underdog. He's like Daniel Bryan, only Canadian, which makes him even more of an underdog. Plus, they have done everything they can to point giant flashing lights at how much of an underdog he is as Mick Foley, the nicest guy in wrestling, UNTIL HE GETS LOUD AND SUPER SERIOUS, told him how he could not compete with Braun Strowman. They're clearly building towards something where he overcomes the odds, and what better place to do that than this year's Royal Rumble?

And this Royal Rumble is basically going to be filled with people that nobody will expect him to beat. I mean, speaking of dogs, you've got The Big Dog, Roman Reigns, who could probably beat all 29 guys by himself, and if he didn't, they'd schedule a second Royal Rumble to "punish" him. Then you've got the other guys from The Shield, the new Wyatt Family, Braun Strowman, and James Ellsworth. That doesn't even include the unbeatable Bill Goldberg and The Beast, Brock Lesnar. It's a murderer's row of wrestlers the WWE would love to push to the top. And that's why it's time for the ultimate underdog to win. I mean, can you imagine it coming down to a final four of Goldberg, Lesnar, Reigns, and Sami Zayn. The crowd would be going insane for Zayn, and just imagine it coming down to Zayn and Reigns. Not only would the rhymes be nonstop, but the crowd may literally blow the roof off the joint.

Plus, one of the WWE's biggest issues in the past has been their refusal to pull the trigger on newer superstars. The best example of this is Roman Reigns who was one of the last two people in the ring with Batista, and the crowd would have gone crazy had he won. Instead, Batista went over, and when Reigns went over the next year, the crowd had already turned on him and refuses to turn back no matter how many good-to-great matches the guy has. The most fun thing about Sami Zayn in NXT is that you really never knew whether he'd win or lose. You could believably see him beat anyone (Cesaro), but he was never a sure thing to beat anyone (Titus O'Neil). You can give him that big push at anytime and easily get the crowd behind him, but clearly the WWE is building something with him, so why can't the time be now?

Finally, another reason for Zayn to win is because after the Rumble, his decision is actually a compelling storyline. He could restart his longtime feud with former best friend, Kevin Owens, which would ensure an incredible match. Or he could tell Raw to buzz off, as he's tired of being underestimated by incompetent leadership and go to Smackdown to take on AJ Styles, which, come to think of it, would also ensure an incredible match. Both choices are fantastic.

I feel like Sami Zayn's most memorable moments are falling short. In NXT, it was him repeatedly losing the most important matches, and then when he finally won the title, he immediately got destroyed by his best friend, Kevin Owens. And although he's had some memorable matches on the main roster, the two that stand out are him losing to John Cena and injuring his shoulder and him finally beating Kevin Owens to "end" the feud, only to have Owens win the Universal Title immediately after. Even when he wins, he loses. But that's the beauty of Sami Zayn, and why he will win the 2017 Royal Rumble.