The WWE Is Ruining... Drew McIntyre

The first thing I remember about Drew McIntyre is that for some reason he was on this WWE All Stars video game on PS2, and I couldn’t believe he was in it, because I thought McIntyre really sucked. Like, what was the WWE thinking by having this pud on the game? And I was totally fine with somebody like Jack Swagger, but McIntrye was simply not video game material.

He was incredibly forgettable, and he bounced around, starting as the Chosen One and ending up as a part of 3MB, a fake band that although enjoyable, was never even on 3 Count’s level. Finally, the WWE saw no use for him and released him back into the wild of independent wrestling. It was the best thing that could have happened to him.

Not only did he decide to wrestle everywhere, but he also got absolutely massive and grew out went through puberty as he also now had chest hair. He dominated in the UK, USA, and even Impact as he was able to stop wrestling the WWE style and start going balls-to-the-walls indy style that made him an instant hit no matter where he was.

He then resigned with the WWE and immediately dominated NXT, lost his title to give him a chance to move to the main roster where he was a dominant force that teamed up with Dolph Ziggler. But lately, things have petered out for him as he has been more used to put other guys over than be an important part of the creative process. McIntyre can’t beat Roman Reigns, but Shane McMahon can, and that is one of the dumber things I have ever had to write in any of these columns.

When do you think is the last time McIntyre had a meaningful singles victory over someone who was not The Miz? Probably a couple months, right? Try four months, as it hasn’t happened since March, and even then, it was just to bury Dean Ambrose before his contract expired.

Being Shane McMahon’s hired gun is actually a good idea, but you know, you should make the hired gun better than the 50-year-old who looks like he is about to have a heatstroke before the match even begins. This guy should be a threat to anybody, and instead he is basically just Baron Corbin #2, the one that can’t even get a title shot. Drew McIntyre deserves far better.

Luckily, it’s a pretty simple fix. Just do what you have been doing but actually have him win matches instead of losing them. There is no reason why he couldn’t be a champion in a few months if you actually have him win matches so people care. I mean, the WWE has been putting Baron Corbin in the title picture for at least three months now, and that’s been the drizzling shits where not even Baron Corbin’s parents think he has a shot of winning the title. At least do it with McIntyre where even if he doesn’t win the title, he can at least put on incredible matches with Seth Rollins that actually have people wanting to watch main events instead of just staring at the clock, hoping for the event to finally end.

Seth Rollins has taken some heat for proclaiming WWE is the best wrestling on the planet. I disagree with him, but it’s not because they are lacking in talent; it’s because they are not consistently building to matches that people actually want to see. McIntyre can straight up GO in the ring and putting him in a meaningful feud instead of making him an afterthought to a McMahon would start making people believe that WWE is actually the best wrestling organization in the world, which, considering their overabundance of talent, should never be in question.

And yes, I would totally put Drew McIntyre in a video game these days.

Other Wrestlers WWE Is Ruining
Akam
Ali
Alicia Fox
Andrade "Cien" Almas
Apollo Crews
Bayley
Big E
Big Show
Bo Dallas
Bobby Lashley
Bobby Roode
Braun Strowman
Brock Lesnar
Carmella
Chad Gable

Charlotte Flair
Curt Hawkins
Curtis Axel

Dana Brooke
Dash Wilder
Ember Moon
Epico

Goldust
Gran Metalik

Jey Uso
Jimmy Uso
Jinder Mahal
Kane
Karl Anderson

Kevin Owens
Killian Dain
Kofi Kingston
Konnor

Luke Gallows
Mickie James
Mojo Rawley

Natalya
Nia Jax

No Way Jose
Peyton Royce
Primo

Randy Orton

Rezar

Ruby Riott

Rusev
Scott Dawson
Shane McMahon
Sheamus

Shinsuke Nakamura
Tyler Breeze

Viktor

Zack Ryder 

Did Evolve 114 Change Things for the Better?

This past weekend, as many of you were watching WWE Evolution, or doing something else if you're a well-adjusted person who does not have their schedule revolve around what wrestling is going on. I was in Ybor City, the place where cool people go to party in Tampa, to surround myself with degenerate wrestling fans and attend Evolve 114.

Evolve has been one of the top independent promotions for a while now as they have been instrumental in the careers of Keith Lee, Matt Riddle, and Johnny Gargano. Since they recently lost those first two guys, they are in a bit of a rebuilding mode. Shane Strickland led them into the card as he was not only the Evolve World Champion, but has held belts for countries all around the US and is universally considered one of the top guys on the Indys.

Usually when this happens, new talent rises up to take up the spots that are now open. Evolve has a ton of guys that can do it as they had a ladder match with six super talented guys in JD Drake, Austin Theory, Darby Allin, Anthony Henry, Harlem Bravado, and probably my favorite Indy wrestler, AR Fox. But instead, Evolve went in the total opposite direction and picked up guys from above the Evolve level.

Evolve has had a working relationship with the WWE for the past couple years, and it has worked out for both sides. Evolve helps develop talent to get them ready for NXT, and WWE will occasionally send guys to Evolve shows to help boost the card. They have now taken that to the extreme.

The week of the event, Evolve's tag champions, Doom Patrol, Chris Dickinson and Jaka, issued an open challenge. This open challenge was answered by NXT's Street Profits, Angelo Dawkins and Montez Ford, the latter of which should turn into a massive star if the WWE has any inkling of ability to develop talent. That's a pretty awesome upgrade for the card, and I assumed that they could put on a fun match where Doom Patrol finds a way to win, and they both go their separate ways.

But when the WWE announced that Street Profits would challenge, they also mentioned that other NXT stars may be interested in seeing what Evolve was all about. Considering that Shane Strickland did not have an opponent for his world title, my interest was definitely piqued. Strickland came out early to brag of dispatching the best that Evolve has to offer, so who would answer his challenge? The music hit, and out came the one and only...Fabian Aichner? Well, not exactly Riddle, Keith Lee, or Ricochet, but whatever, it should be a watchable match.

Then, throughout the night, we saw little used NXT wrestlers Jessie, Adrian Jaoude (with Cesar Bononi), and Dan Matha make appearances. This could have been very cool to see these wrestlers take a few more chances and let loose, but it was much more of NXT style matches than Evolve style matches. They were fine, but the most memorable thing from any of them was Dan Matha saying that he is the sauciest of sauces, and he goes drip, drip, drip, which made me laugh out loud as now every time I see Matha, I will only be able to think of Ol' Drippy from Aqua Teen Hunger Force.

On the positive side, the tag team title match between Doom Patrol and Street Profits was awesome. The crowd loved Street Profits, because really, how can you not love Street Profits? It was still more of an NXT match, but it was closer to the level of NXT Takeover tag matches as it was a good back and forth battle. And the crowd all erupted when Street Profits actually got the victory to win the Evolve Tag Titles.

Still, it was clear that the Evolve roster would have their revenge when Shane Strickland took on Fabian Aichner for the Evolve World Title. This was a really good match and is a great reminder of how awesome the talent in NXT is. Aichner is super good, and Strickland will always put on good matches. Still, the crowd knew that Strickland wasn't losing, so they never fully embraced the match. The ending was fast-paced back and forth with Aichner hitting a revolution powerbomb to win the match...wait, what? Fabian Aichner is the new Evolve World Champ? I now know what it would have been like to see The Undertaker's streak ended, because it was the same sense of shock when Aichner beat Strickland. Just total disbelief and dismay.

So what the hell does this mean? Both the Evolve World and Tag Champs are from NXT. With The Street Profits, I get it. They are one of the most fun acts in NXT, and even though they haven't quite risen to Championship level, if they found their way to a title shot and even a win in the next few months, it wouldn't be all that surprising. If they show up on NXT television with the Evolve titles, there is potential to draw a lot more interest from WWE fans in turning them into pro wrestling fans. I think that makes a ton of sense as it increases interest in Evolve, and it elevates Street Profits as just holding titles from another organization immediately puts them in the conversation for NXT Tag Titles.

But Fabian Aichner? That one is more puzzling to me. If Fabian Aichner shows up wearing the Evolve title on NXT television, nobody is thinking that they need to watch Evolve, they think that Evolve must suck, because Fabian Aichner can't beat anybody important. What is Aichner's best singles win over the last year? He has beaten Raul Mendoza four times over that stretch, but Mendoza has still beaten Aichner eight times overall, so maybe that isn't the best example. I mean he did beat Jeet Rama in April, but Rama got his revenge two weeks later. So I guess it is his big win over Humberto Carillo, and if you're wondering why you don't remember any of these matches, it's because all of these matches were on house shows. So I would say the decision to give Aichner the title is puzzling.

So what the hell does that make Evolve? I think the most interesting thing is if Evolve was fully embraced by WWE as their Double-A organization (NXT is AAA, Raw/Smackdown is the majors). People in the business always talk about how titles only matter to marks, but if you're a wrestling fan, that makes you a mark and titles are important. If you told me that Fabian Aichner was going to be on the next NXT Takeover special, I might pass out from how aggressively I gave the wanking motion. But if you tell me that he is going to be there defending his Evolve title against Shane Strickland or AR Fox, well, that actually does get me invested in a Fabian Aichner match, because I would be fascinated to see either of those challengers on WWE television. WWE has shown a willingness to use guys that do not have WWE contracts, most notably for the Cruiserweight tournament with Kota Ibushi and Zach Sabre Jr.

That sort of partnership between the organizations could be a win-win if done correctly. I'd love to see Evolve guys on WWE Network, and it would definitely increase the interest in Evolve as an organization. Eventually, Evolve may be able to be a part of the WWE Network, although that is more me dreaming of an idealistic world as a fan as I doubt it makes much sense for either side financially. Although I was pretty skeptical of things the night of the event, it could be laying the groundwork for something special down the line.

Before I go, I need to point out that the ladder match for the WWN Championship is the type of match that could make anyone a pro wrestling fan. All six guys had a chance to shine, and it was a sensory overload that was a blast to watch from start to finish. It was more than worth the price of admission alone. If you show that on WWE Network, you will have a whole lot of people wondering how they can see it in person, and that is why I am so interested to see where Evolve goes from here.

The Future of The Elite

There are many things I would rather not think about involved in the world of professional wrestling. WWE in Saudi Arabia is high on that list, but still well behind Cesaro never being a World Champion. Don't waste your time thinking about those things, as they are depressing, and neither is likely to have a happy ending anytime soon. Still, there are fascinating things happening in professional wrestling, and at the top of that list is that seemingly all of the core members of The Elite, Kenny Omega, Cody (Rhodes), The Young Bucks, Marty Scurll, and Hangman Page are all about to become free agents in January 2019. For the purposes of this article, I am going to focus on Cody and The Young Bucks as they seem to have the most entrepreneurial spirit in the group.

This group has managed to transcend the non-WWE wrestling scene due to a combination of great wrestling but mostly due to a YouTube show called Being The Elite. If you have not watched the show, oh man, you are in for a treat. You should probably skip the first 40 or 50 episodes, because it's really just a travel vlog early on, but then they get more and more into storylines, and it's one of the best shows out there, not on YouTube, but anywhere. Like, if next week, Netflix announced that it bought the rights to Being The Elite, I'd just go, "Oh, yeah, that makes sense."

So now they not only have an audience of people who love professional wrestling, which is an incredibly important group that consistently will pay good money to support their obsession. They also have an audience of people who are way into these guys because of the characters they have created on their show.

This past September they tested the influence they had on professional wrestling by going from wrestlers to wrestlers/promoters with a show called All In that became the first show in the United States to have more than 10,000 fans since WCW shut down nearly 20 years ago. Oh, and it took them less than a half hour to sell out those seats.

After the show, Cody alluded to the fact that All In was more than just a supershow, it was a movement in pro wrestling. What also stood out is that Cody challenged and ended up winning the NWA World Heavyweight Title, a title that used to mean the best wrestler in the world, but now means the best wrestler at fairgrounds around the USA.

Now Cody will travel around a defend the belt, and I think this is all part of the plan for their 2019 decision. Instead of signing again with ROH/NJPW, heading to the WWE, I actually think the NWA is the model to follow for The Elite. I don't think the NWA organization truly matters, but instead of constantly putting on their own shows, the NWA lets other shows promote a match with their champion, free to take on anyone, anywhere without the pressure of consistently financing shows. Couldn't The Elite do the same thing, only on a much broader scale?

The Elite Heavyweight Champion could defend his title at NJPW, ROH, Impact, or even places like Revolution Pro, Progress, and MLW. The tag champs could do the same. The Young Bucks have consistently said that they love pro wrestling, but the travel is rough on them as it's not only traveling on planes around the world, but leaving their families for weeks at a time. Why should they do TV tapings and house shows when they could focus on only the most major events for the best organizations in the world? With Cody as the current NWA Champion, is this just him dipping his toe in the water to see the demand that he holds as a truly independent performer?

This also gives them the chance to ease into the promotional side of wrestling. It'd be insane for them to not do an All In 2. So maybe they look into expanding into two events in 2019, four events in 2020, and maybe getting into a monthly event by 2023. There is a chance that the Young Bucks or even Cody would strictly be promoters by that point in their careers.

The biggest issue that wrestling promotions have is trying to grow too big too fast. With wrestling still being their main income and being able to leverage their wrestling for working agreements to use any organization's talent for supershows, they don't have to rush in growing their organization and can let demand guide their growth.

And at that point, does WWE get to continue to pick the best talent out of the Indys as they please? Hell, does WWE even get to keep the talent they already have under contract? It's hard for me to see former indy darlings like Kevin Owens, Sami Zayn, and Cesaro not at least consider jumping ship to go back to a world with indy wrestling but now with major paydays.

For those wrestlers, it is by far the riskiest decision, but it also has an unbelievably high reward. Judging by their past, I don't think they're going to hesitate to go All In.

Independent Wrestling Is on the Verge of Being Cool

Last weekend, I made what is now becoming an annual trip across the country, from Tampa to Seattle, to watch independent wrestling (and see my brother). This trip was pretty incredible as I was able to see two top notch shows with Progress traveling in from the United Kingdom for their first ever US tour, and Defy putting on another incredible local show where they continue to gain buzz. These shows were so good that I realized that it went beyond great pro wrestling shows; they were simply incredible shows, and I truly believe that pro wrestling is on the verge of being considered the best live entertainment option for regular folks. That's right; pro wrestling might actually become...cool?

I know you are laughing at me right now, and I'm not even mad about that. It's totally understandable, and I was hesitant to write this post, because I knew how outlandish the idea was at first glance, but I also 100% believe that going to pro wrestling will not only be acceptable, but a desirable weekend night out.

When I talk about pro wrestling, let me make it clear that I am not referring to the WWE. The WWE has, by far, the most talent in the world, and I would be fine if I never saw another WWE arena show again in my life. They are the ketchup of the pro wrestling world; popular mostly because availability and reliability, but you're rarely wowed by ketchup. WWE is fine, but WWE is not nearly as fun.

Instead, I am talking about independent wrestling. Many independent wrestling shows are 21+ which means there are no children there, and drinking is not only allowed but encouraged. The value of the former is that independent wrestling is allowed to put on a show for adults. They will cuss, be sexually provocative, and occasionally fly into the crowd. The value of the latter is that everything is better when you can have a beer of seven.

I have been fortunate to see some really awesome events. I love sporting events, but they all have their issues. Baseball can be slow, football is always slow, basketball and hockey are great, but they have their fair share of blowouts, soccer ain't too bad, but it ain't too great either, and golf is nice because you get to be outside and walk around, but it isn't that much better than just a day at a park.

On the cultural side, I have seen great bands, entertaining plays, and even a few musicals, but even at their best, they can't compare to pro wrestling (although Steel Panther does come close).

Here's the thing: Pro wrestling is the best of both worlds. First off, it involves insane athleticism. I know they are not necessarily competing against each other, but instead with each other, but you get the same high of watching people compete. Also, with them competing together, they can do far more to put on a better show. When going to a sports contest, you are lucky to see a handful of memorable athletic feats, but you will likely see at least that many in most live wrestling matches. And if your only argument is, "Durr, it's fake," all I can say is that it may be predetermined, but there are certain things that you simply cannot fake, and you and I would both likely vomit from pain and exhaustion if we were put through a five minute wrestling match.

Oh yeah, it also adds the characters and built-in drama that you would see on stage. Are some of the characters over-the-top and cheesy? Of course they are, but let's take a step back and recognize that rapping Alexander Hamilton and singing cats are as stupid as anything pro wrestling has done, and people seem to be just fine with that. Oh yeah, and every single performance is unique. I haven't seen Hamilton, but I can tell you how it ends. In wrestling, the script changes, and even though it is predetermined, you WILL pick a wrestler to cheer for. It's logically stupid, but it's just like a TV show or movie, where you find characters you pull for, and characters you want to see horrible things happen to, and doing it live adds so much fun.

And although I mentioned it being scripted, it's much more of an outline, and the outline is basically, start off like this, do a bunch of cool shit in the middle, finish with this. That do a bunch of cool shit in the middle is not only awesome, but you can help influence it. If you see two brutal chops to a man's chest that are so loud and hard that it sounds like a shotgun blast, you can start a "One more time" chant to get that poor wrestler even more abused. When you see something great, you can repeatedly yell "This is awesome." And if you see something disturbing, it is more than acceptable to chant, "You sick fuck" at the wrestler. Let's face it, we'd all be happier if we got to call people sick fucks more often.

Now, I must admit that Defy and Progess put on INCREDIBLE shows. They had it all; action, drama, comedy, and over the two nights, I probably saw two matches that I would consider average, where everything else was good to "OH MY GOD, I CAN'T BELIEVE WHAT IS HAPPENING." I'm a fan of brutality, so seeing a guy from Austria named WALTER (it's in all caps so you know he's awesome) brutalize opponents will always appeal to me. There were also genetic freaks like Brian Cage, possibly the next big thing in all of wrestling with Shane "Swerve" Strickland, incredibly crazy luchadors like Bandido, and even some comedy with Trent Seven. Shit, man, this show even bucked the stereotype that wrestling is only for backwoods rednecks by having well-respected women wrestlers like Toni Storm and, GASP, positive representations of homosexuals with the tag team of Sexy Starr. When I type all of that out, I refuse to believe there is a person out there that wouldn't want to see an independent wrestling show.

Not all independent shows are going to be at that level so you may not see that great of variety of amazing wrestling, but you would be surprised at how many places have incredibly good shows. You can find a great show in any major city, and even if you live in a smaller city, there is always independent wrestling. Sure, you might not be watching future superstars, but the beer is probably cheaper, and that's tough to beat.

Considering the cost of live entertainment, you can definitely find an affordable show, and there is no such thing as a bad seat, because they are always in very small buildings. The shows I went to were about as expensive as it gets, but there are very few shows that you can't get into for $20 or less. I went to a show in Tampa where I was in the third row, and if I did a 180 in my seat, I was bellied up to the bar - best of both worlds.

Will you watch some things and think, "Oh, that is so stupid?" Yeah, of course you will. Even I think some things are stupid, and there are pro wrestlers that I simply don't care for. But on the whole, you are going to find way more things to like than not. At its best, you're giggling with excitement at what you are seeing, and at worst, you are giggling at the performers, but either way you're smiling and having a good time. All I'm saying is to give it a chance, because I would hate to see you realizing five years down the line that you could have seen the most incredible combination of athleticism and drama, but you were too much of a nerd to realize how cool it was to go to a wrestling show.

You Need to Go to an Independent Wrestling Show

Guys (and gals), you need to go to an independent wrestling show. That is the only point that I really want to make in this post, because independent wrestling is so totally awesome that anyone can enjoy it. That's right; it's not just for wrestling fans. You can think wrestling is fake or stupid or only for children, and even I'll admit, those arguments do hold varying degrees of legitimacy (the latter two more than the first), but even you, naysayer, will love independent wrestling.

Now, I'll admit, I'm spoiled. I live in Florida, and despite all of its issues with racists, scumbags, and bath salt users, it is also probably the greatest place to live for professional wrestling. Yes, we've got NXT shows galore, but on top of that, there is a really strong independent wrestling presence due to the fact that a lot of professional wrestlers live in the state. The only thing I'm missing is a wrestling buddy, but that may have changed this past weekend when I finally convinced my wife to go to a Full Impact Pro show with me in Tampa.

The show was held at The Orpheum, a small music venue with a stage, and the ring was set up right in the middle of where people would watch a concert, limiting the actual space for seats around ringside. This was luckily not an issue as there were maybe 75-100 people there for the show. We found some stools at the bar which put us in the second row as there were a row of about 8 folding chairs between us and the ring.

It took approximately two minutes before I realized that going to this independent show was not a good idea, it was a great idea. During the welcome by the announcer, two jobbers get thrown into the ring and physically dominated by a couple other dudes. It took them about a minute before they launched one of the jobbers into the crowd. Were the people in the crowd in on it? I mean, almost definitely, but either way, it was great and established what was to come the rest of the night.

After that, in a weird coincidence, there was a five way match from the Black and Brave Wrestling Academy, which is actually the wrestling school that is located in my hometown. I'll admit that I thought it was going to be the shits, just because the school has only been open for a few years, so none of the guys could have that much experience, but it was actually pretty fun. There was a good mix of high impact moves and comedy as one guy used a hoverboard in one of his big spots. It's one of the nice things about independent wrestling, because it doesn't need to take itself seriously.

A couple matches later, things jumped to another level when Caleb Konley took on Jason Cade. They kept flying out of the ring at each other. When they weren't doing that, they were dropping each other on the bar floor or hitting a brainbuster on a steel chair about five feet away from my seat. And even if they didn't do any of that, the in ring action was enough for it to be an awesome match. I don't know what pay scale these independent wrestlers earn, but I have trouble believing it's more than a couple hundred bucks for mid card guys. The effort and bodily harm they put out there for that money is absolutely incredible, and the crowd couldn't help but cheer both guys by the end of the match.

On top of unknown guys killing each other for a relatively small amount of money, they also had some legitimate names. The most well known were three guys from Lucha Underground, AR Fox (Dante Fox), Sami Callihan (Jeremiah Crane on LU and formerly Solomon Crowe in NXT), and Brian Cage, who I was most excited to see. That is another thing about professional wrestling; some of these dudes are big as hell, and Brian Cage is massive in person. And to see a massive guy do flips and throw people around like nothing is super damn entertaining. The great thing about the professional wrestling is it's not just entertaining for pro wrestling fans; it's just entertaining, and these guys know how to put on a show.

And most importantly, they know their audience, and most independent wrestling shows strongly gear towards entertaining adults. They dropped just about every cuss word imaginable, and since it was at a bar, the beer was flowing like...uh, beer. And when the beer turns the crowd into idiots, the wrestlers will address it. Some guys wanted to heckle Sami Callihan so after the match Callihan went nose to nose with the heckler and told him to take a shot. When the guy didn't do anything (outside of maybe pissing himself), Sami kissed him on the cheek and walked away. It was pretty hilarious.

It's insane that people will spend $15 to go to a movie where they sit quietly and watch a screen when, for five dollars more, they could see independent wrestling. You can't go see a quality live performance for anywhere near that money, especially for seats that are only a few feet away. On top of that, they will literally throw a wrestler into your lap. Heck, you might even get a kiss.

Independent wrestling is awesome. You need to see it for yourself.

I Need a Wrestle Buddy

Living down in Florida, especially in the Tampa area, I am near an abundance of wrestling. Just last week, there was Monday Night Raw in Tampa, an NXT show in Largo on Friday, a crummy independent show at a church in Largo on Saturday, with a pretty stacked independent card on Saturday and Sunday nights in Tampa. Also, there is a women's show this Friday in Tampa. That's a lot of wrestling, and I would have been interested in going to all of it.

Unfortunately, I was only able to make it to the NXT show, because my wife really likes going to those. She's learned to like wrestling, but she's not a total nerd like me. So when she has a friend in town, like she did this past weekend, she actually wants to hang out with them instead of going to independent wrestling shows.

This is why I need a wrestling buddy. It's just not that much fun to experience a wrestling event by yourself. You need someone to share those special moments with. Now, I still love my wife, so this would be a strictly platonic pro wrestling relationship, but it would really help improve things for me, as I wouldn't have to constantly get turned down when I ask my wife to go to five wrestling events in a week.

I mean, they have Tinder and Grindr, couldn't they come up with an app for me to meet cool wrestling fans? I don't feel like that's too much to ask.

Long story short, I'm too socially awkward to make new friends who like pro wrestling, so I need one of my old friends to move down here and watch wrestling with me. Until then, I guess I'll just dress up my dog in a trenchcoat and sunglasses. She likes the independents a lot more anyway, since they lack any sort of fireworks.

Support Independent Wrestling

So I went to a local wrestling show this past weekend, and I cannot recommend doing something anymore than I recommend doing this. Seriously, support independent wrestling. Is the wrestling top notch? No, definitely not. Is there still some cool wrestling that goes on? Absolutely. Is it worth the money? I paid $7, but I'll let you decide whether it was worth the money from the following stories.

Right when I walk in, I have people marking out for my shirt, which is a red, white, and blue, Ultimate Warrior logo shirt. We later learned that one of the guys complimenting my shirt was in the main event that night.

They had bench seating around the ring, and thank god I didn't take advantage of that. I was standing at a table, and a family got up off the bench right in front of me. There was one problem, the father was sitting on the end, and he was the last to get up from the bench. When the mother and daughter got up, their side of the bench flipped up, which means the Dad's side flipped down sending him to the concrete, hard. Luckily, he was fine, but it was still a complete clusterfuck as the people running the event tried to come up with a solution. They did eventually get it figured out.

One of the security guards was about 5'0" tall, and you could have easily convinced me that he was anywhere from 12-35 years old. And, oh man, did he get a massive power boner anytime he got to instruct the crowd to watch out. You would have thought a tank was about to roll through, when in reality, it was a shopping cart with a wrestler inside of it (seriously).

We got there a little late, but the matches that we saw early on were...not good. There were a lot of moves botched pretty badly, but this is a hobby for these guys, so it was fine. If you were looking for Sami Zayn vs. Antonio Cesaro, then you were going to be disappointed, but if you just wanted to sit back and be entertained, the matches did their job.

Huge props to the tag team that lost right before intermission. One guy was knocked out in the middle of the ring. His partner started pounding on his chest to revive him. Then, instead of mouth-to-mouth, he just poured a beer down his throat, and the dude was fully revived. They called it CPBR. If you aren't excited about the possibility of performing CPBRs with friends, then you must hate fun.

Oh shit, I almost forgot that Raven was there. Yeah, Raven was there. We thought that he had shaved his head, but it turns out that he just died his hair the same color as his skin, so it just kind of blended into his scalp.

Raven did commentary for the Raven's Rules (hardcore) Match. The most entertaining part of that was him calling out the guys anytime they didn't hit somebody hard enough. The highlights of the match were definitely each guy taking staples from a staple gun to the head. Also, there were tacks prominently involved in the match. There were two guys bleeding out of their foreheads for like 150 people. How cool is that? Trust me, it's awesome.

There was a tag match for the main event. Most of the match was pretty good; they messed up the ending, but shit happens. The funniest part of the match was that a girl tried to get a "Cut His Hair" chant going in the middle of the match and ran up to the ring with scissors. Unfortunately, she was supposed to wait until after the match was over to get that chant going, so one of the wrestlers had to shoo her away. But don't worry, folks, they did still cut his hair after the match. Although they used some dull scissors, and it looked like they were half cutting, half ripping out the guy's hair.

The highlight for my buddy and I was a guy standing next to us, who lives on three things...

Cigs, Dip, and Dew.

Throughout the entire night, this guy was blazing through cigarettes, spitting out chew like it was going out of style, and pounding his Mountain Dews to show that he was truly extreme. That alone was impressive to watch. On top of that, he seriously commented to me about how a local duo were a really good tag team. There was no sarcasm in his voice, no hint that it was staged, he admired their teamwork. It was still real to him, damnit.

Also, in the least shocking news possible, he was wearing a John Cena shirt.

On the opposite end of the shocking scale: No girlfriend. So ladies, trust me, your Prince Charming is out there.

If you don't think that is $7 worth of entertainment, there is something wrong with you. Support independent wrestling, you won't regret it.