Who Should the Bears Draft at #3?

The draft is almost upon us. Hopes and dreams are alive. Will they be dashed this weekend? Most likely, but right now, I am feeling great about the future. The Bears are going to make smart trades, take great players, and build a Super Bowl contender. Okay, so even if they do the first two, they have so many holes that the latter simply ain't happening. But how can they get off to a good start? Let me break down the three best options.

3. Solomon Thomas - Defensive End - Stanford
You know what gets me excited? Guys who sometimes don't look as if they're human. And Solomon Thomas has a lot of those plays. It seems that when he decides he's going to destroy the world, he goes out and destroys the world.

Although Solomon Thomas's build is more ideally suited for a 4-3 defense, I think he's big enough as a 3-4 end to hold up against the run while absolutely causing havoc in the passing game. Also, from what he's shown on the field, he's so good that he can be good no matter your put him.

Before I really started looking at guys, I had Jonathan Allen ahead of Thomas, but after watching tape, I just loved the explosion that Thomas showed. That put them close, and honestly the deciding factor was Allen's abysmal combine numbers. It's rare for someone with those sort of athletic numbers to make a big impact, and with the third pick in the draft, I don't think it's worth the risk.

2. Malik Hooker - Safety - Ohio State
Malik Hooker is the most sure-thing Pro Bowler in this draft. He is ideally built for today's NFL, and his skill-set is one that will make an immediate impact on the team that drafts him. He's got incredible range in the secondary, and he has the instincts to be an ideal ball-hawking Safety. He's already learning to bait quarterbacks into throwing it his way. Oh yeah, and when he does get an interception, he is looking to score, as he is dynamic when he gets the ball in his hands.

The skills he has translate to any level for any team. The biggest reason the Seahawks have a dominant defense is Earl Thomas, and that is what Malik Hooker could be for the team that drafts him. I know that Safety is nowhere near the Bears biggest need as they actually have solid options, but you don't pass up on the next Ed Reed because you have solid options. I would be ecstatic to see him join the Bears.

1. Mitchell Trubisky - Quarterback - North Carolina
Is this a risk? Without a doubt. In fact, it's by far the biggest risk. But there is no such thing as a perfect quarterback prospect. At first, I was a hater. Mitchell the Bitchell were what all the kids were calling him. Why did he only start on year? I mean, that's a pretty big red flag that he couldn't beat out Marquise Williams. But I kept my ears open and heard that Coach Fedora kept Williams as the starter, because of his leadership. As an Iowa fan, that sounds like something Kirk Ferentz would definitely do, so I believe it. And when Trubisky did play in 2015, he was 40-47 for 555 yards and 6 touchdowns.

But really, it's what I saw on tape. Nobody is really pointing out deficiencies in Trubisky's play. He wasn't as good against the top notch competition, but yeah, that makes sense, because those teams are better on defense. The only game where he really struggled was Virginia Tech. That was a game with heavy rain, and even though Trubisky was not at his best, his teammates didn't help him out at all.

Really, the best teams that he faced last year were Florida State, who he absolutely torched, and Stanford, where he may have not had pretty stats, had a couple picks, but he was also dropping some dimes that receivers were not helping him out on.

There is also the argument that he can't come through in big moments. I mean, just look at this last drive (starts at 6:28) against Stanford.

Here's what happened.
44 yard strike down the sideline.
Nails his receiver between the numbers in the end zone but it's dropped.
Drops the ball into his receivers hands in the end zone but it's dropped.
Nails his receiver between the numbers to put it at the 1-yard line.
Throws a beautiful back shoulder fade but it's dropped.
Rolls to his right, nothing is there, so it's a broken play. He spins past a defender, ends up 18 yards behind the line of scrimmage and then throws across the field a strike that hits his receiver between the numbers for a touchdown.

What more do you want from the guy? He has all of the traits you would look for in a quarterback. Accurate throws, good arm strength, excellent pocket presence, and an ability to quickly scan the field. The consensus is that #3 is too high to take a quarterback in this draft, but fuck consensus. Trubisky has game changing skills, and the Bears would be lucky to have him with the third overall pick.

The 12 Most Interesting Prospects in the 2017 NFL Draft

The NFL Draft is almost upon us. I touched on the top running backs and quarterbacks last week, so this week, I really just want to point out the most interesting prospects in this draft. Maybe I like them, maybe I don't, and maybe I don't know what to think, but no matter which way you slice it, these are the most interesting names that will hear their name called over the next few days.

Jonathan Allen - Defensive Lineman - Alabama
Allen was a monster for Alabama and was seen as a definite top five pick at the end of the season. Then, at the combine, he basically shit the bed. He seemed to lack any sort of explosiveness in his athletic traits. But then you go back to the tape and it sure looked like he was explosive enough. I understand the concerns, but I am always going to side with the tape over the measurements, so although he isn't my favorite defensive lineman, I still think he's worthy of a very high pick.

Derek Barnett - Defensive End - Tennessee
Barnett had a ton of production in college as he broke Reggie White’s Tennessee sack record. Still, people are hedging their bets on him since they don’t see a great enough athlete to translate everything to the next level. I mean, the way people talked about him, I thought he was going to be Bjoern Werner, just plugging along and getting hustle sacks. But that ain’t Barnett. The guy is explosive, and he has a great feel for pass rushing. I consistently saw him explode off the snap and give offensive linemen a hell of a tough time all day long. Does he have the ceiling of a Myles Garrett? Definitely not, but if I had to bet my money on one guy producing multiple double-digit sack seasons, I’d put it on Barnett.

Zane Gonzalez - Kicker - Arizona State
People laughed last year when Roberto Aguayo went in the second round. And then the season started, and they laughed some more, because Aguayo was terrible at the beginning of the year. But Kicker is a lot like Quarterback, where you really want them to ride the pine for a year to learn the intricacies of the sport. Zane Gonzalez should not go in the second round, but he’ll probably go in the third, and you will laugh. Meanwhile, I’ll be laughing at you, as Gonzalez is basically the Peyton Manning of the kicking game. He’s so cerebral that they let him call his own plays. Yes, that only play is him saying, “Imma kick it,” but it works more often than it doesn’t. Could be the highest scoring player in the draft.

Jaleel Johnson - Defensive Tackle - Iowa
Some people love the tape, others hate the testing numbers. The short of it is that he’s been inconsistent where some days you wouldn’t notice him, and on others, he would seem to take the whole world over. The long of it can be found here.

Chad Kelly - Quarterback - Ole Miss
So I wanted to look at one under the radar quarterback who has been getting some buzz. Initially, I looked at Josh Dobbs, but there was nothing there. He's studying to become a rocket scientist, so I think he'll be fine without football. So after studying a rocket scientist, I figured I would go with the opposite and look at Swag Kelly. I think anybody who comments on a guy's character without having any real access to information is an idiot, but yeah, in the public, there have not been many nice things said about him. But dude can throw a football. He's also pretty damn athletic. His pocket awareness is good, and he does a good job of keeping his eyes down the field, although he doesn't scan the field effectively. Still, considering that nobody is talking about him as any more than a late round flyer or free agent acquisition, I think it'd be a good flyer to take late in the draft. Just doing a quick look at the talent, there is enough to be a second day pick, but considering the character concerns, he'd be a steal late in the draft.

Desmond King - Cornerback - Iowa
I love Desmond King, as you can’t teach this guy’s instincts. Although many are convinced he has to move to safety, I think he has the skills to stay at corner, but you can find everything about King here.

George Kittle - Tight End - Iowa
Kittle is going to drive me crazy, as he didn’t produce much in college, and I know exactly why. Because of a dipshit offensive coordinator, Greg Davis, who refused to utilize his tight ends, despite that being, by far, Iowa’s best receiving threats. It has been a sad trend in Iowa football, as Iowa continually sends tight ends to the pros despite unimpressive production in college. But Kittle is maybe the hottest tight end prospect out there right now. He was incredibly impressive at the combine, and his third best athletic comparison from those numbers is a name very familiar to Hawkeye fans, Dallas Clark. That means the only real question is whether he can block, and I think this play answers that question pretty clearly.

They are still trying to dig that NDSU player out of the turf. If Kittle can stay healthy, he is going to make a team very happy.

Marshon Lattimore - Cornerback - Ohio State
What I saw on the field was very good, but he has a history of hamstring injuries that makes me terrified of taking a high pick on him. Hamstring injuries always seem to recur, and the fact that he's had this many injuries while young does not give me a positive outlook for his future.

Haason Reddick - Defensive Player - Temple
This is a guy who has been shooting up draft boards as he tested off the charts at the combine. When I went to watch the tape, I didn't see anything to get excited about. I saw a guy who was weak at the point of attack, and I'm not totally sure where you put him. He's supposed to be an edge rusher with his athleticism, but I think he will get annihilated by linemen there. These super athletes are never my jam, and sometimes I am very wrong on them, but this isn't a chance that I think is worth taking.

Cam Robinson - Offensive Tackle - Alabama
Cam Robinson was a three-year starter at Alabama. That's not easy to do, because, like, there's a lot of talent at Alabama, so to stand out that early and keep that role is pretty impressive. Still, it seems like people aren't talking about him as a first round pick. I don't think he's Orlando Pace, but in a class that is weak with offensive linemen, you could do worse than Cam Robinson.

Ryan Switzer - Wide Receiver - North Carolina
Draft this man. He’s probably going to fall to the middle rounds, but when watching tape of Mitchell Trubisky, I couldn’t help but fall in love with Switzer along the way. The guy is an ideal wide receiver for the slot, as he has a combination of speed, quickness, and route running that makes him nearly impossible to cover. If you’re looking for a downside, he has alligator arms. Like, they might literally be alligator arms, as his arm length is only 28 inches, which ranks in the zero percentile of all wide receivers, and I’m pretty sure it’s the shortest arms for any prospect ever. Don’t care, Switzer is the shit...zer.

Solomon Thomas - Defensive Lineman - Stanford
Solomon Thomas is everything you want in a defensive lineman. There is no reason for him to drop out of the top five. Honestly, I could make a pretty compelling case about what I've seen on the field to take him ahead of Myles Garrett. I mean, just look at this play where North Carolina is trying to tie the game on a two-point conversion with 25 seconds left.

Enough said.

Breaking Down the Running Backs of the 2017 NFL Draft

Earlier this week, I tackled the quarterbacks of the 2017 NFL Draft, so today, I wanted to analyze their backfield mates in the running backs of this class. This class is very exciting at the top of the draft, so I wanted to focus on the top four names in this year's class.

Dalvin Cook - Florida State
From what is on tape, there is no doubt that Dalvin Cook should be the first running back off the board. Unfortunately, there are issues outside of the tape that could make an impact. Most importantly is the shoulder injuries. Shoulder injuries used to be a death sentence for running backs, as guys never seemed to be able to stay healthy after sustaining one, but medical technology has helped where it’s not a deal breaker, but it would be silly not to drop him down a bit because of that.

Second is his testing numbers at the combine. His numbers were abysmal. Watching the guy play, there is no way he could have tested that poorly, so I can’t say that it should have a huge impact, but the only real explanation of him testing that poorly is him simply not giving a shit.

Which leads us to the third issue, and that’s off the field issues. I don’t put much weight at all at this, but with the combine testing being so poor, it does worry me a bit about whether he’s taking football 100% seriously. I really hope he is, but I also have to hope he stays healthy, which is a worrisome combo.

(watches Clemson game again)

Oh hell, just draft the guy.

Leonard Fournette - LSU
I know that ranking someone over Fournette may seem like blasphemy to the average football fan, but that’s how much I love my guy Cook. Still, Fournette is the closest thing we’ve had to Adrian Peterson. He doesn’t avoid hits; he looks to make them. He will be a very good running back, but his versatility has to be questioned a bit, and that hurts his overall value. Still, if you’re looking for a back to pound the rock between the tackles, you’re not going to do any better than Fournette.

Christian McCaffery - Stanford
Okay, let’s address the elephant in the room. Christian McCaffery is a running back, but he is also a (gasp) white guy. Okay, obviously, the next assumption is that he’s a fullback in the John Kuhn mold, but no, he is actually a halfback that is not just in there for 1-2 yard dives and blocking assignments. I know it’s tough to wrap your head around, so I’ll give you a minute…

Okay, now let’s talk about how stupid good this guy is. Two years ago, he set the record for yardage gained by any player in NCAA history; it was held by a guy named Barry Sanders, who went on to have a decent NFL career. So after breaking this record, people were disappointed that he didn’t have as good of stats as the GREATEST SEASON IN NCAA HISTORY. Now, there were rumors that he was dealing with injuries, and he still had an incredible season by any reasonable standard, but people were still disappointed.

Here’s the thing with McCaffery. He’s an incredible running back. He fits in perfectly with new offenses in the NFL. He’s not going to be your Leonard Fournette, pounding the ball repeatedly up the gut, but he’s going to be a guy who can take 15-18 carries, with another 5-7 catches a game. He handled the workload at Stanford, so there’s no reason to think he won’t be able to handle it at the next level. And he’s so stupid good that his floor is Darren Sproles with a ceiling of poor man’s Marshall Faulk. I know those are black guys, but it’s the best comparison you’re going to find.

Joe Mixon - Oklahoma
Ugh, it’s time to feel dirty.

You’ve probably seen the video, and it is sickening. But the video doesn’t make the act itself any worse than people who don’t have it on video. But it’s definitely bad. Unlike Greg Hardy, Joe Mixon has outwardly shown remorse, but my cynicism understands that this may be so he can get paid. I don’t know how to weigh that, so I just want to evaluate him as a football player.

As a football player, he’s really freaking good. There is no way to watch him play without thinking one word: Explosive. He just explodes in all of his actions. It’s one cut and blast through the hole, but he also showed good patience and vision to wait for a hole instead of just ramming himself straight into a pile of bodies. He does a good job of catching the ball, as he’s a hands catcher so he should also be an asset in the passing game. On talent alone, he’s without a doubt a first round talent and arguably the best running back in this class.

But there’s also the other stuff, and without immediate access to Mixon, there is no way to properly weigh that. I mean, is a team really sending a message by not drafting him until later? Like, we see how talented this guy is, but the off the field troubles only make him a third rounder in our eye; is that admirable? I think he likely drops to round two, and as a football player, it’ll be great value, but that doesn’t mean I have to feel good about it.

Breaking Down the Quarterbacks of the 2017 NFL Draft

I love the NFL Draft. As a Bears fan, it is the one time of year that I have hope. And since the Bears haven't had a reliable quarterback since...Sid Luckman? I take particular interest in the gunslingers. I watched some tape on all of the top guys in the draft to give my quick thoughts on who have the potential to be stars at the next level.

CJ Beathard - Iowa
Okay, so he probably doesn't belong on this list, but you can see all of my thoughts on CJ Beathard here. 

DeShone Kizer - Notre Dame
Good arm, but no pocket presence or ability to scan a field. I just don’t see a path to success for him at the next level.

Patrick Mahomes - Texas Tech
An undersized gunslinger with a rocket arm from a school in Texas. Why does that sound familiar? Still, this makes his ceiling Johnny Manziel without off-field issues, but there is no way to judge a quarterback out of the Big 12, because there isn’t a single team in that conference that is even competent at defense. I know Mahomes is good at flag football. Beyond that, I didn’t see enough for me to take a risk on the unknown.

Mitchell Trubisky - North Carolina
I don’t trust anybody who changes his name before the draft. I wrote that sentence before watching any tape on Trubisky, and then I started watching the guy play, and I have done a 180 on him. He does so many of the things that I look for in a quarterback. He scans the field quickly when going through reads, and he knows how to use his mobility to buy time to make a throw down the field instead of immediately abandoning the pass game when he gets flushed from the pocket; he always keeps his eyes down field and looks to make something big happen. Did he build up some impressive stats against less than impressive opponents? Definitely, but the dude can play. He has excellent pocket presence and the ability to make all of the throws. People love quarterback wins, but when it came down to crunch time, he did everything he could to put his team in a position to win in every game but Virginia Tech. He didn’t have a great statistical game against Stanford, but man, you watch the throws on that final drive, and it gives you something to dream on. I’m all in on Trubisky.

Deshaun Watson - Clemson
I don’t understand why people aren’t higher on Watson. I just keep thinking back to last year, and is there any way that the Rams take Jared Goff over Deshaun Watson? I just cannot imagine that scenario ever playing out. So Watson goes back to school, wins a National Title, and now people aren’t sure if he should be taken in the top 20. The interceptions are an issue, but not a deal breaker. I am more worried about his offense which tended to get him locked onto one side of the field, and he was always a little slow in going through progressions when that first option wasn’t open. Although he’s a good athlete, his pocket presence isn’t great, so he isn’t able to fully utilize those skills to create plays.

Davis Webb - California
I don’t like the footwork; I don’t like the lack of pocket presence. He does throw a nice deep ball, but he’s still worse than Jared Goff, so it’s pretty tough for me to get excited about that.

QB Rankings:
1. Mitchell Trubisky
2. Deshaun Watson
3. Patrick Mahomes
4. Davis Webb
5. DeShone Kizer
6. CJ Beathard

The 41 Best Matches of WrestleMania 33 Weekend - The Top 10

I am about five months younger than WrestleMania. After 30 years of being a wrestling fan, I made my first trip to WrestleMania out in San Jose/San Francisco for WrestleMania 31. It was pretty damn incredible. I know that makes me a giant nerd, and I am totally cool with that. Wrestling doesn't need to be cool, because it is hilarious and occasionally awesome. Two years later, it came to Orlando, and since that is less than two hours away, I knew that I would be making my second WrestleMania trip. Starting on Thursday, I saw WrestlePro, the WrestleCon Supershow, NXT Takeover, and of course, WrestleMania 33. Although I may be a nerd about wrestling, even I have to tap out after four nights of events, so I chose not to go to Raw or Smackdown. But I still saw a hell of a lot of wrestling, and finally we have made it to the top ten, featuring former best friends, wrestling royalty, and the best tag team action I have ever seen in my life.

10. Wrestlemania - Raw Tag Team Championship Triple Threat Ladder Match - The Hardy Boyz def. Luke Gallows and Karl Anderson (c), Cesaro and Sheamus and Enzo Amore and Big Cass
I’m not even a big Hardy Boyz guy, but still, the entrance and how excited the crowd was really added to this match. It was shorter than I expected, but each team got to show off their prowess, and when the Hardys came out, there was no doubt that they were going home with the titles. It was a fun match all around, and there was no way a match with Cesaro wasn’t going to make my top 10.

9. WrestleMania - United States Championship Match: Kevin Owens def. Chris Jericho (c)
I feel like this is the match that most unfairly will not be remembered down the line. It was a really good match but didn’t quite live up to the Rollins/HHH or Styles/McMahon matches, and it also ranks behind another match that was pure spectacle. It was really well done throughout, and it was enjoyable from start to finish. It’s only hope of being remembered is one finger on the rope, but there was so much more to this match that was done really well. It was just really tough to follow up that Styles/McMahon match as the crowd was still recovering during the first half of this match.

8. Wrestlecon Supershow - ACH, Big Mike Elgin and Mascarita Sagrada def Trevor Lee, David Starr and Caleb Konley
This match started off the Supershow, and it started it off on the right foot. ACH brought the charisma, Elgin brought the power, and Mascarita Sagrada brought the mini. Lee, Star, and Konley were ideal heel foils, and together they put on a fast-paced match that had nonstop action.

7. WrestleMania - Universal Championship Match: Brock Lesnar def. Goldberg (c)
Earlier I mentioned how I’m a sucker for a good hoss fight, and that is why this match is way too high in my rankings. This match wasn’t even five minutes, but it was everything I could have hoped for. Just nothing but Spears, Jackhammers, German Suplexes, and F-5s. It was the match that it needed to be.

6. NXT - SAnitY def. Tye Dillinger, Roderick Strong, Kassius Ohno and Ruby Riot
This was probably the most pleasant surprise of the weekend, as this match was fantastic. It was nonstop action, and no disrespect to No Way Jose, but it was greatly helped by Kassius Ohno. Tye Dillinger may have taken the loss, but when he got the hot tag, he looked like a star, and like most of Dillinger’s run as the Perfect 10, the wins and losses don’t matter, the moments do, and I hope he keeps tenning his way through Smackdown.

5. WrestlePro - Cody Rhodes def. Brian Cage
Some guys are destined to be stars, and Cody Rhodes seems like one of those guys. I’m not sure if anyone benefitted more from leaving WWE and going the independent route, as he has been absolutely tearing it up no matter who he gets matched with. He’s really embraced the independent lifestyle as he’s busy signing autographs and taking pictures. But yeah, Cody Rhodes is fantastic in the ring, and he’s able to fully show his capabilities since he doesn’t have the chains of the WWE holding him back. Also, as I mentioned yesterday, Cage is super awesome too.

4. WrestleMania - Seth Rollins def. Triple H
Since he’s been in WWE for so long, primarily as a heel, people forget how good Seth Rollins is at wrestling. Triple H only has 1-2 matches a year, and he knows how to make them count. You’re going to see a lot of kickouts from finishers, although this one one didn’t rely on that trope nearly as much as past matches. It was great. If you didn’t enjoy it, that really stinks for you.

3. WrestleMania - AJ Styles def. Shane McMahon
I came in absolutely positive that I would not like this match. As much as people love to build up Shane McMahon, he is not a good wrestler. But I have to give him this, this was the best wrestling he’s ever done. He actually had some chain wrestling in there that looked pretty smooth. But AJ Styles is incredible. Like, I could go in there and maybe have a 3 star match with AJ. I don’t know how, because I don’t know anything about how to wrestle, but he’d find a way, just like he found a way to have the best match at WrestleMania with Shane McMahon.

2. NXT - Tag Team Championship (Triple Threat Elimination Match): The Authors of Pain (c) def. DIY and The Revival
This might be WWE’s match of the year, and yet it’s not number one on this list? I don’t know, man. I think if I watched these both back on video, this match could definitely be number one, but part of it is the experience of being there, and that is why this match is only number two. But yes, this match was incredible. Like, wow, it was so good. I was giggling like a child at how awesome it was to see guys teaming up to try to take out the Authors of Pain, and somehow AoP overcoming it all to dominate. You really need to see this match.

1. Wrestlecon Supershow - Team Ricochet (Richocet, Jason Cade, Sami Callihan, AR Fox and Desmond Xavier) def Team Ospreay (Ospreay, Lio Rush, Drew Galloway, Ryan Smile, and Marty Scurll)
But there is nothing that was going to beat this 10-man tag match. Was it a better wrestling match? Well, it’s tough to say. You can’t build months of animosity at a one-off show, which is something that the NXT tag match had going for it, but you can’t suspend disbelief and just have fun at a WWE show, which is something that this match took full advantage of, as it broke into a full-on dance-off. There was so much incredible acrobatics during this match that there is no way that I could list it all. Ospreay and Ricochet did their incredibly athletic choreographed number, which I have to say, is even more incredible in person. For those that think that isn’t wrestling, suck an egg. But yeah, the entire crowd was exhausted after this match, so it was good that they had intermission afterwards, but it took about halfway through the battle royal before the crowd regained their strength. It was so damn sweet, and that is why it is in its rightful place at the top of my WrestleMania Match Rankings.

The 41 Best Matches of WrestleMania 33 Weekend - 20-11

I am about five months younger than WrestleMania. After 30 years of being a wrestling fan, I made my first trip to WrestleMania out in San Jose/San Francisco for WrestleMania 31. It was pretty damn incredible. I know that makes me a giant nerd, and I am totally cool with that. Wrestling doesn't need to be cool, because it is hilarious and occasionally awesome. Two years later, it came to Orlando, and since that is less than two hours away, I knew that I would be making my second WrestleMania trip. Starting on Thursday, I saw WrestlePro, the WrestleCon Supershow, NXT Takeover, and of course, WrestleMania 33. Although I may be a nerd about wrestling, even I have to tap out after four nights of events, so I chose not to go to Raw or Smackdown. But I still saw a hell of a lot of wrestling, and we have now made it to the top half of the rankings, with 20-11, featuring a whole lot of hot ladies action and a battle royal.

20. NXT - Aleister Black def. Andrade “Cien” Almas
My biggest issue with this match is that I was way too hyped for it. I had heard great things about the man formerly known as Tommy End, and Andrade Almas is my jam. It was still a good match, but since I know these guys can do more, it was still disappointing. But special shoutout to adjusting the chin before the execution kick by Black. That is sweet.

19. Wrestlecon Supershow - Angelico and Jack Evans def Sammy Guevara and Flip Gordon
It was when Angelico came out that I realized that I think I have seen every major male character from Lucha Underground wrestle outside of Mil Muertes and Drago. So that’s nice. Honestly, Flip Gordon was the only guy I hadn’t heard of, and he was super impressive, so good for you, Flip Gordon. The match was a lot of fun, followed the basic tropes of tag team wrestling, and the good guys (although I’m not sure if you can ever call Jack Evans a good guy) prevailed.

18. NXT - Women’s Championship -- Asuka (c) def. Ember Moon
This match was a total come-down match after the amazing tag match at the NXT show, but it still told a solid story, and both wrestlers got their offense in. They had me believing that a new champion would be crowned, only to take that moment away. That’s frustrating in a good way.

17. Wrestlecon Supershow - Bobby Lashley def Jeff Cobb
Hoss fight. I will always support a good hoss fight.

16. Wrestlecon Supershow - Matt Hardy and Jeff Hardy def Rey Fenix and Pentagon Jr
I honestly don’t think this match was much more than five minutes, but it was nonstop action. They didn’t really take any breaks, and they didn’t waste any time with any tags, as all four guys just kind of battled it out. It wasn’t anything super special, but it was a fast-paced, fun match, and sometimes that’s all you need.

15. WrestleMania - Raw Women's Championship Fatal 4-Way Elimination Match: Bayley (c) def. Charlotte Flair vs. Sasha Banks vs. Nia Jax
This match probably deserves to be higher, but the endings were incredibly goofy in person. Since they didn’t get the turnbuckle all the way off, it looked like basic moves turning into pins. But outside of that, it was pretty great. Nia Jax got to be a total hoss, and Charlotte showed why she is the most physically gifted woman on the roster. WWE, especially at Mania, understands how to pace an exciting match with lots of people in it, and this was no different, and it could have been ten spots higher if the turnbuckle had come off and I understood what was going on during the match.

14. Wrestlecon Supershow - TLC match: Brian Cage def Johnny Mundo
I will always fully support Johnny Mundo, even if he is repeatedly giving the crowd the finger. I guess I also realized that I will also always support Cage who is a physical freak who seems to always put on good matches. This was a good match that bumped up to very good due to the fact that Brian Cage powerbombed Taya off the top rope through a table, and then Johnny Mundo speared Melissa Santos through a table. Also, there was a damn Steiner Driver, the most brutal/totally awesome move in wrestling.

13. WrestleMania - WWE Cruiserweight Championship Match: Neville (c) def. Austin Aries
This was a great way to start off the matches at WrestleMania. Aries has been great since coming back from injury, and good for him for being the first guy ever to benefit from being injured as it gave him an avenue to show his personality before showing off his wrestling skills. That’s super complimentary, but still, Aries can’t hold a candle to Neville who is doing his damnedest to drum up interest in the Cruiserweight division. Still, Neville’s so good that he can transition back out of the Cruiserweight division back into the Heavyweight division with little trouble. I mean, don’t sell him beating Brock Lesnar, but it’s pretty easy imagining Neville beating guys like Seth Rollins, Finn Balor, or Kevin Owens to become a champion.

12. Wrestlecon Supershow - 20 man DDT Ironman Title Battle Royal
This thing was just loaded with a ton of talent, and a ton of hilariousness, and Battle Royals are always awesome, and since this was done as Royal Rumble style with guys entering every minute, it was even better. This one didn’t disappoint. It started off with Joey Ryan taking on Colt Cabana, and that got followed with the slow-motion tactics of Kikutaro, which did not work as well as he would have liked. Matt Striker lasted about 30 seconds, so about twice as long as his wrestling career in WWE. Then you had the legends come out with 2 Cold Scorpio legitimately hurting himself, Billy Gunn taking a ton of steroids, but god bless him, he looks great. Shane Douglas is most definitely not on steroids. Kevin Thorne is still vampirey, but not nearly as awesome at it as Gangrel who just seemed really happy to be there. Hurricane Helms was handing out chokeslams like they were candy until he ran into Abyss. Oh yeah, and Mr. Hughes was there, and he still sucks, but his sunglasses stayed on the entire time. Somehow all of these paled in comparison to #20, one half of The Rockers, Marty Jannetty, who could barely make it to the ring because he was so hammered. The crowd got a “Marty’s Wasted” chant, and Jannetty couldn’t stop giggling. Gangrel had to gently drop him out of the ring just so he wouldn’t hurt himself. It looked like Joey Ryan would find a way to retain after he flipped Moose out of the ring using nothing but the strength of his penis, but he got surprised by Swoggle who threw him out to become the HeavyMetalweight champion.

11. NXT - NXT Championship -- Bobby Roode (c) def. Shinsuke Nakamura
So this match wasn’t destined to be some life-altering classic match. Bobby Roode is a good wrestler, but he’s a much better performer than actual wrestler. Shinsuke can tear it up with the right opponent, but he’s another guy that’s more of a performer than a wrestler. Still, this match was as good as it was going to get with these two. They had me legitimately believing the nearfalls and surprised/disappointed (just because I knew that Shisnuke was leaving) at the ending. Shinsuke’s gone, and Roode reigns supreme on NXT.

Who Won the WWE's Superstar Shakeup?

Pro wrestling is still real to me, damnit. So I wanted to look at all of the Superstar Shakeups to see the reasoning that each show would have to make these moves. I matched up guys in the most logical sense, and then ranked these trades from least to most important, marking a winner for each trade. There were basically nine trades, so the least important will receive one point, and the most important receiving nine points to see whether Daniel Bryan or Kurt Angle (who might be kayfabe racist, but we’ll get to that later) is the superior general manager of their show.

9. Raw trades Jinder Mahal to Smackdown for Curt Hawkins
Kayfabe Logic: Here is how I imagine this conversation went.
Side A: I will literally trade this guy for anybody on your roster.
Side B: Anybody?

And so it was written, the jobbers switched shows to lose to different guys.

Raw Motivation: They get rid of Jinder Mahal.

Smackdown Motivation: They get rid of Curt Hawkins.

Winner: Raw, although maybe Smackdown if Jinder Mahal shares his fitness tips with the rest of the roster. (Raw leads 1-0)

8. Raw trades Tamina to Smackdown for Mickie James
Kayfabe Logic: Neither of these ladies were able to make it to the top in limited opportunities, let’s switch it up and see what they can do.

Raw Motivation: Kurt Angle’s been gone for a really long time. This may be the only women’s wrestler that he recognizes. He may have initially tried to trade for Trish Stratus, something that I endorse 100%.

Smackdown Motivation: I guess Daniel Bryan wanted more size on his women’s roster.

Winner: Raw (Raw leads 3-0)

7. Raw trades The Shining Stars to Smackdown for Rhyno and Heath Slater
Kayfabe Logic: Rhyno and Heath Slater have fallen off the map recently, which is something you never have to worry about the Shining Stars, because you can always find them in Puerto Rico.

Raw Motivation: Rhyno and Heath Slater were over for a very short period of time. Will it happen again? Probably not, but being over once is more than The Shining Stars can say.

Smackdown Motivation: Daniel Bryan is interested in a timeshare in Puerto Rico? Daniel Bryan had already traded for Jinder Mahal and knew that he had to get rid of Heath Slater, so he could avoid 3MB chants when Drew McIntyre gets called up? Those are my two best explanations.

Winner: Raw (Raw leads 6-0)

6. Raw trades Sin Cara to Smackdown for Kalisto
Kayfabe Logic: Raw wanted to boost their Cruiserweight division, and since Smackdown doesn’t have one of those, it made sense to get a bigger guy who also fills their affirmative action of guy in a mask.

Raw Motivation: Yeah, basically boost up the cruisers, because this is where Kalisto should have been the entire time.

Smackdown Motivation: Um, Kalisto framed Daniel Bryan?

Winner: Raw (Raw leads 10-0)

5. Raw trades Sami Zayn to Smackdown for Apollo Crews
Kayfabe Logic: Two tremendous wrestling talents that can’t seem to find a way to win on their current show, so it’s a challenge trade to see if either guy can reach their potential on a different night of the week.

Raw Motivation: Kurt Angle went from a guy in Zayn who talks too much to a guy in Crews who has never said anything memorable. Also, not sure if you noticed this, but this is the first white person that Kurt Angle has traded, and even Zayn is a Canadian. Actually, looking through the roster, he traded away one white American, every other person he traded was a foreigner or a minority, many times both. Meanwhile, Apollo Crews is the only minority that he traded for in the Superstar Shakeup, and every single one of his picks are Americans (not counting managers). I did not notice this until I got to this point when writing, and it’s got me shook. Kurt Angle is a kayfabe xenophobic racist.

Smackdown Motivation: Sami Zayn is basically new age Daniel Bryan, so this move couldn’t make more sense for their side.

Winner: Smackdown (Raw leads 10-5)

4. Raw trades Rusev with Lana to Smackdown for The Miz with Maryse
Kayfabe Logic: I can’t lose a dude with a hot chick without getting a dude with a hot chick in return.

Raw Motivation: The Miz has been doing some of his best work and part of that should be attributed to Maryse who has really helped elevate the stakes for The Miz. Also, John Cena’s the biggest superstar in the WWE, so if you can’t get him, you might as well get his number one impersonator.

Smackdown Motivation: Miz couldn’t get the job done against John Cena, so at this point, is he really worth the hassle for Daniel Bryan? Rusev has more untapped potential than anyone in the WWE, as he’s legitimately one of the funniest people on the show, and he’s a hoss in the ring. That’s a nice return.

Winner: Raw. The Miz deserves it for what he’s been doing these past six months, but the only reason that people don’t think Rusev hasn’t been doing just as good stuff on the microphone (his promo where he called out Cass and E for calling themselves Big before calling himself Handsome Rusev belongs in the Smithsonian), just with a Bulgarian accent. Raw leads 16-5

3. Raw trades Charlotte Flair to Smackdown for Alexa Bliss
Kayfabe Logic: One former champion for another.

Raw Logic: Let’s face it. This had to be part of getting Mickie James for Tamina earlier. I love Alexa Bliss, but she’s no Charlotte.

Smackdown Logic: Uh, yeah, definitely do what you can to get Charlotte on the roster. I love Sasha an uncomfortable amount, but Charlotte has been the MVP of the Women’s division as long as it has been around.

Winner: Smackdown (Raw leads 16-12)

2. Raw trades Kevin Owens to Smackdown for Dean Ambrose
Kayfabe Logic: This is probably the most straight forward trade, as each side is trading their secondary champion in order to mix things up. And yes, this trade should probably be listed as number one, but as a writer, I needed a grand finale, and the final trade is way more hilarious.

Raw Motivation: Getting Dean Ambrose means that they have all three former members of The Shield on their roster, which will lead to endless speculation about the Shield reforming.

Smackdown Motivation: They get a better pure wrestler for their pure wrestling show, and he’s also better on the microphone, and he’s also not Dean Ambrose.

Winner: Smackdown (Smackdown leads 20-16)

1. Raw trades The New Day to Smackdown for Bray Wyatt
Kayfabe Logic: Bray has supernatural powers, and The New Day have the power of friendship.

Raw Motivation: Here’s what Raw has going for it. Bray Wyatt could win the World Title and give Raw both of the top titles on their show, which is especially valuable since there ain’t no way Brock Lesnar is defending that thing on Raw. Also, while trading three guys for one may seem excessive, Bray keeps pooping out new members at random times, so maybe he can bring in The Drifter or a darker version of No Way Jose? I don’t know.

Smackdown Motivation: They got three guys for one, and now their show is no longer booty. Creepy cult leading Bray Wyatt was cool, supernatural, maggot loving, Bray Wyatt is stupid. I’m not even a big fan of The New Day’s work these past six months, but I’d still rather have Big E alone over Bray Wyatt. Getting Kofi Kingston and Xavier Woods along with him is a massive win for Smackdown.

Winner: Smackdown (Smackdown wins 29-16)

Although Raw won the minor trades, when it came to the top talents, Smackdown dominated their competition, and I’m actually incredibly excited about the future of Smackdown. It’s been putting on much better shows for a while, but with the influx of talent they have now, they could blow Raw away, and that is definitely not booty.

The 41 Best Matches of WrestleMania 33 Weekend - 30-21

I am about five months younger than WrestleMania. After 30 years of being a wrestling fan, I made my first trip to WrestleMania out in San Jose/San Francisco for WrestleMania 31. It was pretty damn incredible. I know that makes me a giant nerd, and I am totally cool with that. Wrestling doesn't need to be cool, because it is hilarious and occasionally awesome. Two years later, it came to Orlando, and since that is less than two hours away, I knew that I would be making my second WrestleMania trip. Starting on Thursday, I saw WrestlePro, the WrestleCon Supershow, NXT Takeover, and of course, WrestleMania 33. Although I may be a nerd about wrestling, even I have to tap out after four nights of events, so I chose not to go to Raw or Smackdown. But I still saw a hell of a lot of wrestling, and today we move on to part two with some ECW staples and a surprising person going hardcore.

30. WrestlePro - World Champion Bobby Wayward def. Anthony Bowens, Sonjay Dutt and Matt Macintosh 

This was a good match, but I'm a whore for name recognition. Obviously, I knew Sonjay Dutt but hadn't heard of the other three guys, and it's hard to get totally invested in brand new guys unless they do something insane. It was still a good match but probably not a memorable one.

29. WrestleCon Supershow - Low-Ki def Shane Strickland

This match was good but also a little disappointing. I kept waiting for it to really hit that next gear, and it kind of stagnated with good chain wrestling but never the craziness that I would have expected. The ending was good, but I would have liked to see more offense from Strickland to take the match up a notch.

28. WrestleMania - Roman Reigns def. The Undertaker

I was never an Undertaker guy, so this match didn't exactly do it for me. It was fine, and as fine of a match as you can expect from someone who realistically should have retired five years ago. Roman won; that was the right decision, and I'm happy he did it in convincing fashion, but his five-word promo on Raw will be far more memorable than anything from this match.

27. WrestleMania - John Cena and Nikki Bella def. The Miz and Maryse

So this was the most cookie-cutter wrestling match of the weekend, but The Miz kind of saved it by making it a lot of fun. The end was never in doubt, but sometimes charisma can carry a rather nondescript wrestling performance. Good for Miz. Also, it's tough to top the evidence that true love exists.

26. NXT - Oney Lorcan defeated El Vagabundo
All anyone is going to talk about this match is that El Vagabundo was actually Elias Samson the whole time, but this was actually a pretty good match, even without the enjoyable stupidity of El Vagabundo. But yeah, El Vagabundo is great. I've been way higher on Elias Samson than most people, so I think he's finally got everything he needs to become loved by the NXT Universe.

25. WrestlePro - The Blue World Order def. Team WrestlePro
Yo, Stevie Richards is still in great shape. Although I don't think I'm quite ready for DDP Yoga yet, my fitness journey will inevitably lead me to DDP Yoga. The Blue Meanie looks exactly like you would expect, and Nova, well, let's just say he got off the Simon Dean plan and got on the Jimmy Dean plan. Was this some amazing match? No, but it was fun, and Team WrestlePro had Mario Bokara, a super proud Croatian, who, as a fellow Croat (25%, yo), was my favorite wrestler. I wasn't even an ECW guy, but this match worked for me.

24. WrestlePro - Swoogle def. Grado
I had zero expectations in this match, but it was actually pretty damn good. Grado is stupid and fun, and Swoggle got to play the tough guy and hit a bunch of German suplexes. As Broken Matt Hardy would say, it was "Wonderful." My biggest issue is that I had "Like a Prayer" stuck in my head for the next two days. I forgot how catchy that damn song is.

23. WrestlePro - Ryback def. Colt Cabana

So a lot of guys that leave the WWE for the indy scene, like Cody Rhodes, Drew Galloway, Johnny Mundo, etc. take their games to the next level when they are given a chance to shine. You're really only allowed to do so much in the WWE, and a change of scenery greatly helped those guys show how unbelievably talented they are. With Ryback, you get what you get. That's not a knock on Ryback, but he's your classic WWE big guy wrestler. He's going to deliver his power moves, throw a flying cross body when things get crazy, but never give you any holy shit moments. That's what this match was. Colt Cabana made it fun, but Ryback was going to win and he did, finally getting revenge on CM Punk blasting him on the Art of Wrestling.

22. WrestlePro - Jeff Cobb def. Fallah Bah
I am so high on Jeff Cobb it's ridiculous. Even if I didn't know anything about his Lucha Underground work, the dude is a former Olympic Wrestler, and that alone makes me know that this guy could become a huge star. He is so stupid strong that it is absolutely awesome to watch him wrestle. He took on Fallah Bah who looked to be near 400 pounds, but Cobb still powered him over in a suplex. Also, Fallah was pretty entertaining as Cobb was trying to knock him down, and he heartily replied, "No, no, no." The only thing catchier than, "Like a Prayer' is yelling "No, no, no" anytime you disagree with something.

21. WrestlePro - Brandi Rhodes def. Joey Ryan to win the DDT Ironman Heavymetal Title
Brandi Rhodes is a very attractive lady. That does not make her a great wrestler. But it’s not like she’s spent years crafting her talents on the indies, so she is what she is for right now, which is not good, but she may get better. Still, Joey Ryan is the perfect foil for any female opponent as he’s good enough in the ring for any move to happen, and he can add entertainment outside of the wrestling to keep fans entertained. Still, this match came down to one thing, Brandi Rhodes getting dropped on thumbtacks. Obviously, when thumbtacks came out, everyone expected Joey Ryan to be dropped in them, but they did a swerve, and there was a split second of silence before everyone erupted in cheers. Plus, she ended up overcoming all of that to submit Joey Ryan to win the HeavyMetal Title.