The Bulls Bench Will Still Be Good

The more analysis I read, the more I see some serious doubt towards the Chicago Bulls. They lost The Bench Mob, and that was a huge strength for them last year. But I still believe in the Bulls. In fact, I believe in the Bulls bench, which is a ragtag group that has no experience together. It may take some time for the guys to gel, but by the end of the season, I don't see a reason why this bench can't be nearly as good as the one the Bulls had last year. The players in The Bench Mob got no one excited before they came to the Bulls. It's the same thing with these guys, but if you run a proper system, guys can look good. Here is what the Bulls lost from last year.

Omer Asik - This is the toughest loss for the Bulls. He filled a role in the middle of the defense that let other guys take chances to create turnovers. He was basically a perfect fit. On top of that, this is where the Bulls probably got their weakest replacement. I am going to miss Asik, but since the Bulls are trying to avoid the luxury tax like it's the plague, it didn't make sense to match the Rockets' contract.

Kyle Korver - This is about the only guy who had any sort of reputation before joining the Bulls. He is an awesome 3-point shooter. That is really nice to have, especially since the bench did not have a lot of scoring. His defense got better, but it was still not good, which did not make him an ideal complement to Derrick Rose in crunch time. Also, I was terrified anytime that he put the ball on the floor, because it rarely led to good things. Another thing that helps for the future is the $5 million trade exception, which gives them an opportunity to basically add two strong veterans this coming offseason when they inevitably drop Rip Hamilton's non-guaranteed contract. Using the amnesty clause on Boozer also makes a ton of sense, which is nothing against Boozer, outside of saying that he is not a $15 million player.

Ronnie Brewer - He was always a good defender, but he was not a guy that was going to create his own shot, and even when he did shoot, he was never going to be a consistent scorer. That being said, Brewer was another favorite of mine. I would find him hard to replace, but his replacement is probably my second favorite bench player behind Taj Gibson. We'll get to him later.

John Lucas III - I think the Bulls will be okay here.

Brian Scalabrine - Good news: The Bulls will have an extra soul on the roster this year.

C.J. Watson - A good backup point guard, who did a nice job of being a poor man's Derrick Rose. He did a very good job of fitting within the Bulls system. He could score, but he was never seen as a big time scorer, just a good bench scorer. He was a nice little pickup for the Bulls, but he is not a game changer.

So that is what they lost? What did they gain for this season? Well, if you listen to the mainstream media, they somehow signed a bunch of nothing, but it's not like there is not potential with the signings that the Bulls made.

Marco Belinelli - He started a good amount of games for the Hornets last year, which is...something that happened and doesn't mean a whole lot (especially since it was because of Eric Gordon's injury). Still, he's a guard who can score, and hit threes well enough. He was good enough to be a solid contributor as a starter, so he could excel at times in a bench role.

Jimmy Butler - I know he is not an addition, but he is actually going to get some serious minutes off the bench, and I am way too excited for this. He has been working with Thibodeau, and I think he is ready to get some significant minutes at small forward. Deng has a bum wrist, so it would be nice if they finally stopped playing him 45 minutes a game. I think Butler is ready to step up and be a nice contributor.

Kirk Hinrich - I think I'm the only person on the planet who liked the Hinrich signing. He's a good fit, as he can run the point, but also shift to the 2 when Rose gets back and play tough defense on the better guard. I like a lineup with him at the 2 more than I like Rip Hamilton, because I think Hinrich's defense is a very good complementary piece to Rose as he can play the better scoring guard on defense which allows Rose to focus completely on offense, which is definitely best for him.

Nazr Mohammed - Yeah, remember how good I said Asik was, this is the other reason why the Bulls will miss him so much. On the positive side, at least he's a rich man's Scalabrine, so that's...something.

Vladimir Radmanovic - He's a big man who can shoot the three, so that is a nice piece to have around. He's not a game breaker, but having a big guy who can spread the floor is a nice piece to have off the bench.

Nate Robinson - He is boom or bust, but that isn't the worst thing in the world when you have a bench that is going to have trouble scoring. Like I mentioned, moving Hinrich into the starting group and moving Rip Hamilton back gives the second team another good scorer, but a guy like Robinson who might just get on fire will be fun to have around. Yes, him getting very cold and taking awful shots and making awfully dumb plays will be frustrating, but I'm here to focus on the positive, so just forget this last sentence.

Marquis Teague - He probably won't get a ton of playing time, but this was a high upside pick, which is exactly what I would want to see from a Bulls team that was picking that late in the draft. He was inconsistent, but he was one of the most talented players in the draft, so to get him that late was a steal. Maybe he can come in and provide a spark when Nate Robinson is doing inexplicable things.

Yes, the Bulls pulled a bunch of guys off the scrapheap, they at least consulted Thibodeau to figure out which scrapheap guys could best play in his system. This is not the same bench as they had last year, but that doesn't necessarily make it worse They do not appear to be nearly as good on defense, but I do think that this is a better offensive bench than what the Bulls had with The Bench Mob.

Going into the season two years ago, nobody expected anything special from the bench, and it turned out to become possibly the best bench in the league. Now, here we are again, where nobody is expecting anything from the bench, but I really think they will surprise people with how well they play in Thibodeau's system.

The Bulls And Dwight Howard

I was reading Bill Simmons latest column on Grantland, and he brought up the possible trade of Dwight Howard to the Bulls. There is nothing close to happening, but most believe that it would involve Joakim Noah, Omer Asik, and Taj Gibson. Does that trade make sense? Absolutely. Rose, Rip, Deng, Booz, and Howard would give the Bulls the best starting five in the league. The bench would be weakened, but it would still be solid. It logically makes sense, but it still makes me feel gross. Here’s the thing, I don’t want to lose Joakim Noah; I love Joakim Noah. I don’t want to lose Taj or Omer either, because I love those guys too. And yet, I should be willing to drop them like a bad habit in order to get Dwight Howard? Do I love Dwight Howard? Hell no. He’s just some dude who’s really, really, really great at playing basketball. Yet here I am, ready to sell out three guys I love watching play for a better chance at a title.

So I’m taking a stand. The Bulls don’t need Dwight Howard, and in fact, if I have to give up those three guys, I don’t even want him. I’d rather see the Bulls win with the guys they have as opposed to winning it with Howard. Plus the thought of Scalabrine playing meaningful minutes in the playoffs is a little too hipster for my likings.

I love the Bulls just the way they are, but if they could get Tyrus Thomas back, I certainly wouldn't oppose it.

Why I Still Believe In The Bulls - Part One

This was going to be a single post, but it started to get long. Since I realize that my readers have a maximum attention span of about five minutes of words, I decided to split this into two parts. For the first part, I want to simply provide a list of the Bulls best performers and a lineup to utilize what has actually been working so far in this series. Here is a list of who have been the best performers from bottom to top:

13. Rasual Butler - I have no allegiance to him, but he has minutes so he needs to be listed.

12. Brian Scalabrine - A sharp dressed man who is excellent with the high-five.

11. Kurt Thomas - Veteran leadership slightly more valuable than Scalabrine's suit/cheering combo.

10. Kyle Korver - I hate to do this, but if he can't hit shots, all he does is turn the ball over and play defense like this:

9. C.J. Watson - Finally put some offense together last night, but he couldn't track Mike Miller, which ended up being a big reason the game went into overtime.

8. Omer Asik - He could have been higher, but the injury has kind of cost him. I love Asik and believe it will be a beautiful name for a baby girl.

7. Taj Gibson - You may think this is way too low, because of his defensive versatility and solid offense complimented by spectacular dunks in game one. But he talked shit to Chris Bosh in Game Three and Bosh proceeded to light the Bulls up. When you get owned by Bosh, you are going to drop in my rankings.

6. Joakim Noah - He played really well last night in Game 4, but the pick and roll with him and Rose has been the most awful offensive play in this series, and I'm certainly not going to blame the MVP for that.

5. Keith Bogans - Yep, the guy who every Bulls fan has ripped all season long should probably be getting more minutes in this series. He has done what the Bulls need him to do. He plays good, not great defense (but if he gets beat, he's quick to realize it and foul before somebody gets an easy bucket) and can hit a decent amount of three pointers when he gets the open look. I have been screaming MVBOGANS every time he does something good, and I think it's 100% accurate. He is the most valuable Bogans. I googled Bogans to see if anybody could compete with him, and found this definition for Bogan on Wikipedia:

The term bogan depicts people of retarded appearance. A bogan is somebody who will scratch his arse all day and then sniff his fingers and get a stiffy. bogans usually bewed fat lasses (Ugly bitches that like munga).

I don't know what half that shit means, but I'm pretty sure that Bogan has the most hilarious page in Wikipedia history. With that being said, I fucking dare somebody to tell Keith that he looks retarded and bangs fat lasses. He will murder you, and hang your body on a flag pole in his front yard. There is no scarier person on the Bulls.

4. Carlos Boozer - He has played very well the last couple games, but he needs to be putting up at least 20 points, because nothing is expected of him on defense. He's guarding Joel Anthony. If Korver didn't get terrified every time the guy he was guarding had the ball, I'd believe in Korver shutting down Anthony all game long.

3. Ronnie Brewer - He's been the Bulls best defender this series. That's slightly unfair to our number two guy on the list, since he only plays half the minutes, but there is nobody I have more confidence in to shut down an opposing player in this series. And he hit a three last night. That was awesome.

2. Luol Deng - Has been tough on LeBron all series long and has provided solid offense for the Bulls. Bulls fans really can't expect much more than this from him.

1. Derrick Rose - He has been poor by Derrick Rose standards, but the Heat are completely focused on stopping him. Even if he hasn't been all that good, he's still the MVP.

A writer on ESPN (I believe it was John Hollinger, but I'm not positive) suggested that the Bulls should experiment with a small lineup against the Heat. He suggested playing Korver at the two, but I think Bogans makes more sense. The Bulls can match up Rose on whatever piece of shit player the Heat have out there, Bogans on Wade, Brewer on LeBron, Deng on Bosh (who rarely posts up), and Boozer on Anthony/Haslem. The defense would be good, and they could spread the floor more so Rose has more outlet options if the Heat collapse on him when he drives.

This is the lineup that can cool off the Heat. MVBogans 4 Life.

-Joe

P.S. This is probably the greatest jet ski race in the history of the combustible engine. After watching this, I really feel like Hollywood missed the boat by not giving Macho Man more acting roles.

A Rant On Rose, Rondo, Simmons, and ESPN The Magazine: Part 1

I will admit that I started writing today, and although I had a focused idea early on, it started going into different directions, and I decided that if I didn't break this up, nobody would be able to understand the points I was trying to make.  Since it all started when I opened the mail to see the latest issue of ESPN The Magazine, that is where I will focus today.

I love sports.  I always have, and I always will.  That is what makes ESPN The Magazine so impressive.  It is a sports magazine that actually makes me like sports less. 

I decided to subscribe to ESPN The Magazine early this year when I found a Groupon for two years for like $12.  I really didn't spend that $12 for the magazine, but instead that it got me an ESPN Insider account which actually has a lot of great content that I had been frustrated by in the past since I was unable to access it.  Still, I figured that I could probably get some good toilet reading out of the magazine part of my subscription.

I was wrong.

After skimming through my first magazine and realizing that every article was either boring or just total garbage, every article since has been put in its proper place, my trash can.  A lot of people like how big of a magazine it is, for me, that just means more clutter for my garbage can. 

This only created a mild hassle for me up until this last issue.  They crossed a line this week when they came out with their “Style” issue.  I don't think I need to explain how stupid a style issue is for a sports magazine, so I'm not going to waste my breath getting into it.  The idea of the Style issue is bad enough, but the cover is what really pissed me off. 

When I looked at the cover, my thought process went something like this, “Oh my God, that looks like…no, it can’t be…fuck.  It is.”  It was Derrick Rose in classy clothing and a stupid hat.  That's all I remember, because I hope to never see that cover again.  It disgusts me.  A good cover with Derrick Rose would have been him with a knife to Rajon Rondo's neck.  Now I'm not such a psychotic fan that I want Rondo dead, but the symbolism would have been pretty badass.  I want Rondo to live a long life and stick around the NBA so Rose can metaphorically annihilate him on the basketball court. 

We'll touch a little bit more on that tomorrow, and a whole lot more later this week, but tomorrow is going to focus on ESPN's golden goose, The Sports Guy, Bill Simmons.   Don't worry Simmons lovers, I'm a fan as well, but I do have to critique some of the praise that he has recently received.  I'll leave you with that, but I promise to be back tomorrow for more ranty goodness.

-Joe

P.S.  Here is an awesome article on the most underrated foreign big man in the NBA, Omer Asik. 

P.P.S.  I can't wait to have kids so I can recreate this family photo from the Hart family:

It's Always Sunny in the United Center - Part Two

The Chicago Bulls have been an awesome team to watch this year.  Even for non-Bulls fans, they may be the most fun team to watch in the entire NBA.  Between Thibodeau's defensive calls, Korver knocking down threes, and Asik's dunks, there is a very high entertainment value involved with the Bulls.  Because of this high entertainment value, they will be honored in the greatest way possible, with a multi-part series on this blog.  Since any jerkoff can tell you that the Bulls are awesome, I will blend sports and pop culture when I compare the Chicago Bulls to the characters of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia.  Today, I present Part Two.

Coach Thibodeau – Dee Reynolds – Although Dee isn’t anyone’s favorite character, she is still vital to the overall success.  As Vinny Del Negro showed, you can have a lot of talent, but you need a coach to actually put it all together.  Dee makes us laugh with her pregnancy and failures in life.  Thibodeau makes the Bulls better with defense and an actual game plan.  He’ll never win a game, and Dee will never carry an episode, but they are still vital to their team’s overall success.

Dee struggles with men, just like Thibodeau struggles to find a good shooting guard.  Just like Dee’s taste in men, all of these shooting guards have their charm, but they also have fatal flaws.

Keith Bogans – The Korean Busboy – The Korean Busboy has no discernible qualities, as he is an unattractive, chain-smoking, cocaine sniffing busboy.  Bogans also has no discernible qualities as he is a slow with no shot and plays only marginal defense.  The Korean Busboy used secret information to sleep with Dee.  Bogans must have some information on Thibodeau, because that is the only reason he should be starting. 

Kyle Korver – Matthew Mara – Rickety Cricket is the only side character who can truly take over an episode with his presence.  And just like Cricket, Korver is the only shooting guard who can take over when he's hot from the outside.  Much like Cricket is not on all the episodes, Korver is not always bringing his A game, but when he is on, you know it’s going to be entertaining.  Also, they both come from humble backgrounds as Cricket was a priest, and Korver played at Creighton, and then in Utah, the land of Mormons.  The similarities really become uncanny when you realize that Korver plays defense like he needs crutches.

Ronnie Brewer – Ben Smith (Soldier of Fortune) – Nothing stands out, but he’s just really likeable, and maybe it’s easy to like a guy when compared to the ones with fatal flaws, but you still like him.  Brewer may not have any great attributes, but he’s a guy who can contribute in any facet of the game.  He doesn’t shoot lights out, but he can shoot.  He plays solid defense, but he’s not great.  The same is true for Ben as he likes jean shorts, pro wrestling, and like most guys, gets tricked into sex when someone calls him a jerk or a turkey.  Both are solid dudes.

Even though Asik is not a shooting guard, we'll end with a comparison of one more of Dee's former lovers.

Omer Asik – Bill Ponderosa – He looked like just another guy on the show, as he was a whiny little bitch at first.  But he showed his true breakout potential by cheating on his wife with multiple women, going into sex addiction rehab, doing cocaine, and lying to women by telling them he had a vasectomy so he wouldn’t have to wear a condom.  That’s great work.  Asik looked like just another big, awkward, foreign white guy.

But if you overlook the fact that he hacks people like there is no limit on fouls, he’s a solid big man off the bench.  Do I want him starting?  No (with Noah out, change that answer to yes), but he’s fun to watch, he rebounds, blocks shots, and is competent enough for the occasional putback.  Bill Ponderosa and Omer Asik show that you can’t always judge a book by its cover.

That's all for Part Two, expect me to get very obscure when I finish up with Part Three tomorrow.

-Joe

P.S.  I meant to attach this earlier, but it's for anybody who's in a business where they receive stupid complaints from customers.  The Cleveland Browns absolutely owned this dude.