Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Why I Still Believe In The Bulls - Part One

This was going to be a single post, but it started to get long. Since I realize that my readers have a maximum attention span of about five minutes of words, I decided to split this into two parts. For the first part, I want to simply provide a list of the Bulls best performers and a lineup to utilize what has actually been working so far in this series. Here is a list of who have been the best performers from bottom to top:

13. Rasual Butler - I have no allegiance to him, but he has minutes so he needs to be listed.

12. Brian Scalabrine - A sharp dressed man who is excellent with the high-five.

11. Kurt Thomas - Veteran leadership slightly more valuable than Scalabrine's suit/cheering combo.

10. Kyle Korver - I hate to do this, but if he can't hit shots, all he does is turn the ball over and play defense like this:
9. C.J. Watson - Finally put some offense together last night, but he couldn't track Mike Miller, which ended up being a big reason the game went into overtime.

8. Omer Asik - He could have been higher, but the injury has kind of cost him. I love Asik and believe it will be a beautiful name for a baby girl.

7. Taj Gibson - You may think this is way too low, because of his defensive versatility and solid offense complimented by spectacular dunks in game one. But he talked shit to Chris Bosh in Game Three and Bosh proceeded to light the Bulls up. When you get owned by Bosh, you are going to drop in my rankings.

6. Joakim Noah - He played really well last night in Game 4, but the pick and roll with him and Rose has been the most awful offensive play in this series, and I'm certainly not going to blame the MVP for that.

5. Keith Bogans - Yep, the guy who every Bulls fan has ripped all season long should probably be getting more minutes in this series. He has done what the Bulls need him to do. He plays good, not great defense (but if he gets beat, he's quick to realize it and foul before somebody gets an easy bucket) and can hit a decent amount of three pointers when he gets the open look. I have been screaming MVBOGANS every time he does something good, and I think it's 100% accurate. He is the most valuable Bogans. I googled Bogans to see if anybody could compete with him, and found this definition for Bogan on Wikipedia:

The term bogan depicts people of retarded appearance. A bogan is somebody who will scratch his arse all day and then sniff his fingers and get a stiffy. bogans usually bewed fat lasses (Ugly bitches that like munga).

I don't know what half that shit means, but I'm pretty sure that Bogan has the most hilarious page in Wikipedia history. With that being said, I fucking dare somebody to tell Keith that he looks retarded and bangs fat lasses. He will murder you, and hang your body on a flag pole in his front yard. There is no scarier person on the Bulls.

4. Carlos Boozer - He has played very well the last couple games, but he needs to be putting up at least 20 points, because nothing is expected of him on defense. He's guarding Joel Anthony. If Korver didn't get terrified every time the guy he was guarding had the ball, I'd believe in Korver shutting down Anthony all game long.

3. Ronnie Brewer - He's been the Bulls best defender this series. That's slightly unfair to our number two guy on the list, since he only plays half the minutes, but there is nobody I have more confidence in to shut down an opposing player in this series. And he hit a three last night. That was awesome.

2. Luol Deng - Has been tough on LeBron all series long and has provided solid offense for the Bulls. Bulls fans really can't expect much more than this from him.

1. Derrick Rose - He has been poor by Derrick Rose standards, but the Heat are completely focused on stopping him. Even if he hasn't been all that good, he's still the MVP.

A writer on ESPN (I believe it was John Hollinger, but I'm not positive) suggested that the Bulls should experiment with a small lineup against the Heat. He suggested playing Korver at the two, but I think Bogans makes more sense. The Bulls can match up Rose on whatever piece of shit player the Heat have out there, Bogans on Wade, Brewer on LeBron, Deng on Bosh (who rarely posts up), and Boozer on Anthony/Haslem. The defense would be good, and they could spread the floor more so Rose has more outlet options if the Heat collapse on him when he drives.

This is the lineup that can cool off the Heat. MVBogans 4 Life.


P.S. This is probably the greatest jet ski race in the history of the combustible engine. After watching this, I really feel like Hollywood missed the boat by not giving Macho Man more acting roles.

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