Tuesday, April 10, 2012

A Review of ICP's Big Money Rustlas

The Insane Clown Posse. They're an interesting crew. Lately, Juggalos have received more cultural relevance after being portrayed on the two best shows on television, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia and Workaholics. Still, ICP and their fans are faygo drinking pieces of shit. There's no Nobel Prize coming from that group, but, on the other hand, there could be an Oscar heading their way.

Yes, although ICP is not the best with music or redeemable qualities, they do occasionally make movies. Big Money Hustlas was made way back in 2000, and I still can't believe it, but it was actually an entertaining movie. It is probably not a good movie, but that's hard to do when your characters names are Harry Cox, Big Stank, and Mick Foley as Cactus Sac. Still, it's got Harland Williams, and Harland Williams fucking owns.

With that being said, I was extremely excited to see that their next film, Big Money Rustlas (ten years in the making) was On Demand for my viewing pleasure. This would have been super topical, but Grantland ran a review of the movie last week. Although they hit most of the important scenes, like Grantland is wont to do, they used about 20,000 too many words in the process. Let's hit the important parts (and guest appearances) together as I relive the magic that is Big Money Rustlas.

It's an old school Western movie, and within the first two minutes, there are four murders by the fat guy from ICP, Big Baby Chips. We will meet the good guy later, played by the skinny guy in ICP, Sheriff Sugar Wolf. His mother's name is Handjob Hannah...obviously.

Then we meet the Mexican Sign Guy, who is played by noneother than SCOTT HALL. Oh, fuck yeah. He immediately starts talking about how he is going to bang the widows those men left behind. Seriously, Scott Hall steals the show in this movie. It is pure magic every time they give him screen time. Is he shitfaced in every scene? You bet your ass he is. That man is nWo 4 Life.

The Sheriff is about to drink the water from the local well, but Dirty Sanchez stops him with the best line of the movie, "It's as polluted as a fat chick's ass after running a marathon with no underwear on." Yes, the writing in this movie is inspired to say the least.

Then who shows up? "The Mouth of the South" Jimmy Hart. He's winning a bunch of money playing poker until they smash his hand with a hammer for cheating. I would have liked to see his character develop more than begging for mercy for 30 of his 45 seconds of screen time. Honestly, if you're not concerned about plot, but love seeing hilarious cameos, this movie was made for you. Let's do a quick rundown of some other notable celebrity guest appearances:

Vanilla Ice heckles The Sheriff.
Jay from Jay and Silent Bob becomes a deputy.
An outhouse blows up, and who's there? Screech! He complains about not getting a chance to wipe.
Sabu shows up at the end, and there is a Paul Orndorff reference earlier in the film.

God damn, that's a pretty good list of cameos. Nice job, ICP.

The second best line of the movie comes from Sheriff Sugar Wolf, who tries to seduce a midget, "Maybe, sometime if you're not busy, we could get together, and I could pull outta that little ass of yours." The line works in the sense that the midget does become his girlfriend, but it also doesn't work as it turns out that midget is actually a dude (hence the ass play), so not sure if I'm gonna try using that line at the clubs anytime soon.

And then the movie ends in the most unpredictable way imaginable, unless of course you have seen a movie before, in which case you will see it coming from a mile away.

So what did we learn today? Although the Insane Clown Posse's music is awful, their movies are...ah, fuck, who am I kidding? Their movies are awful too. If this review seemed positive, it is because I avoided talking about the plot. Big Money Hustlas was entertaining, this was not as inspired of an effort. But they did put Scott Hall in it, and there is no doubt that Scott Hall is awesome.

Fuck the Juggalos, I'm nWo 4 Life.

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