Wednesday, August 14, 2013

Suits Power Rankings - Shadow of a Doubt

When we last left Pearson Darby, Jessica was sticking it to Darby by screwing over Ava Hessington. Harvey was pissed about that, and Donna was number one, because she was getting hers and not giving a shit about anything else. This episode brought on a whole new set of problems, the question is whether they could come up with enough solutions to make everything work out in the end. Check out last week's rankings here, now onto the longest (and strongest) rankings we have ever had:

1. Jessica Pearson - She takes a shopping day, because Harvey lost them a ton of money. God, it must be awesome to be the boss. But she does come back that night, probably because her Wifi at home is a little spotty and ends up coming up with a solution to all of Harvey's problems. She then convinces Ava to take the deal by implying that they would go back on the deal they are making with Tony G and never actually sell him the shares of the company. It appears as though she has helped Harvey give her the boot, but then she then makes a real power move by changing the name of the company to Pearson Darby Specter. I'm pretty sure she doesn't have the authority to do that, because it would really be Darby's call, but it still may be enough for Harvey to remain on her side and not take over her job. She had a nice shopping day, won a case, and may have subverted plans for her ouster with her and Harvey back on the same side. Nice job, Jessica.

2. Tony Giannopoulos - Louis tries to get a hold of him, and he doesn't even bother being in the country. Harvey goes after him, and he gets a face to face with him. This man knows who deserves respect. Still, it's a pretty baller move to burn $50K to make a point. Money don't mean shit to this guy. If he sets $50K on fire, imagine what he wipes his ass with. Have you ever had a million dollars between your butt cheeks? I bet it's immaculate. He's selling off all of his Hessington Oil stock to stick it to them, and he bought a bunch of companies just so they could fire Pearson Darby as their lawyers. This man don't care. And it pays off as Ava agrees to sell him her shares of the company, so she can remain in control. He got what he wanted originally while getting to stick it to Pearson Darby a little for extra fun. BALLIN!

3. Harvey Specter - Let me make this clear. Usually, third would be an awful showing for Harvey, but he actually had a great week, which just shows you how strong the top two were this week. Harvey made fun of Cameron's mustache, because Cameron made fun of Mike Ross. Only Harvey can make fun of Mike, you son of a bitch. Harvey isn't even going to let things go to trial by suing Tony Giannopoulos. Then Huntley tries to go after Tony G's family, and Harvey fires him from the case, because America has dominated the British since the Revolutionary War, and there's no reason to stop now. He then goes to Jessica, because USA all the way and they put Cameron on the defensive by not allowing him to use the tape as evidence, so he pretty much has no case. Harvey also gets what he wants and Jessica makes him a name partner with Pearson Darby Specter.

4. Donna Paulsen - Donna's getting her freak on while getting her work done. Donna told Harvey about her getting her freak on, and Harvey didn't care, which she seemed a little disappointed about. She then got mad at Stephen for making things complicated, but she needs that good lovin' so she can get her glow back, so they may just extend their arrangement.

5. Louis Marlo Litt - Louis can tell when ladies are glowing; he just has no idea they had sex. Louis loses his power over associates and thinks he hates Nigel, but then he realizes that Nigel is still meant to be his best friend, because they both love cats and cats love Louis. Louis then gets to catsit for Nigel, and the cat is a real bastard, but Louis loves every second of it. Cat people are the worst, but he had that Donna glow after a night with Mikado.

6.Mikado - An asshole cat that everybody loves for some reason. If I were a cat, I'd be Mikado, although I only poop with my back to London, so I can imagine us shitting on the British yet again.

7. Mike Ross - Mike comes up with the strategy to get Cameron kicked off the case for sharing information with Ava's main competitor. Then poor Mike gets kicked off the case, but he takes his own case and gets his play thing to be his assistant. He makes buddies with Mr. Zane, because Mike's parents died and they both like potatoes. That's pretty much the extent to their connection. He uses his fight with Rachel to get Stanton's new wife to give them back the money. He then makes up with Rachel, because you can't fight the moonlight.

8. Rachel Zane - Rachel is back to last week's shenanigans and is all about getting gossip, since her and Mike are no longer the hottest couple at Pearson Darby. But she is going to try regain their spot as top hot couple by letting Mike be Harvey and her be Mike, which basically sounds like the worst roleplay game ever. She also doesn't want Mike to meet her family, because he's a liar, although it may be because he's white, and her father probably wants her to be with an ethnic man. But since she loves him, she will allow him to meet her parents. That, of course, blew up in her face, because Mike finds out that she is thinking about going to Stanford, which could ruin their relationship. Still, they love each other, and as her mother tells her, love conquers all, outside of murder.

9. Stephen Huntley - He gets Mike kicked off the Ava Hessington case by betting $10K that he has better ideas than Harvey. He wins it, because he realizes that in England, the burden of proof is on the defendant instead of on the prosecution, which makes it way easier for them to win the case. But is that really a better idea? It's basically the same idea, slightly tweaked. That's like an editor correcting the spelling of a word in a book and claiming they wrote it. He then goes after Tony G's daughter,, I'm not even sure if he knows why.

10. Nigel Alexander Nesbitt - Ruining the associates to mess with Louis. He then invades Louis's private club so he can take a mud bath. Nigel is shocked at how smooth of a ladies man Louis is with cats. He needs to recognize that just because someone strikes out with ladies doesn't mean they can't charm the pants off of felines. He is quite bummed that he has to leave Mikado behind as he goes to Hong Kong. Still, his cat is in good care with Louis.

11. Mrs. Zane - Robert seems like the tough one, but Mrs. Zane can put him in his place. She also lets Rachel know that love conquers all.

12. Ava Hessington - Ava is pissed, because she lost her company, and now her stock is going down, because Tony G has more money than he knows what to do with. She is going to sell her stocks to Tony G in order to remain in charge of her company and to protect her from those pesky murder charges that keep popping up.

13. Miss Clark Mrs. Stanton - She's sleeping with Graham, so she doesn't think that he could have stolen from the company. She then leverages this whole ordeal into a marriage, but she loses him $30 million, so whoopsies there.

14. Simon - Learned a valuable lesson, because at Pearson Darby, they don't shall. They must, because they thrust; they don't parry.

15. Cameron Dennis - Cameron hates to drive down bullshit highway. But he will cruise down Sharing Incriminating Tapes With Corporate Pirates Cul-de-sac. Unfortunately, he may have to take a stroll down One in a Million Lane to win this case. Still, I bet he picks up a lot of ladies by inviting them to Mustache Ride Court. It's a court, because once you go down that road, there are no outlets, baby.

16. Robert Zane - All this man wants is potatoes and a smoothie that tastes good. Is that so much to ask? He also assumes that if someone says their parents are dead, they must be just messing with him, because in Robbie Z's world, parents never die. He also spilled the beans on Rachel applying to Stanford, because this guy just can't stop putting his foot in his mouth. No wonder Rachel was worried about him talking to Mike.

17. Graham Stanton - Stole $30 million and only bagged a secretary out of the deal. Then he was forced into marriage, meaning he did all that work to steal $30 million, but is only going to get $15 million, probably less, because, as they say, "Women be shoppin." In the end, he loses all $30 million, because "Women be scared of five years in prison," know what I'm sayin? Sorry, Graham. You made a power move by marrying Miss Clark to keep your money, but then you lost the money anyway, and you're stuck in a marriage that was built around keeping $30 million that you lost. Congratulations, your week was somehow worse than the guy who made fun of a guy's dead parents.

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