Suits Power Rankings - Endgame

Last week, Harold came back and Harvey beat up Stephen. Now that they finally figured out the rights to Mikado, it is time to focus on smaller cases, like murder charges. There was one big case, as Louis went toe-to-toe with Harold, but we'll get to that later. Check out last week's rankings here, now onto this week of murder, betrayal, and rope climbing:

1. Jessica Pearson - Uses the Hessington Oil case to get out of their merger with Darby, if they can win the trial. Jessica brings over a bottle of booze to rebuild her and Harvey's relationship. And she uses her knowledge of their relationship to expose Cameron and Darby to do what she wants. She is getting her firm back, and she's clearly a pretty boss lawyer, as Darby had no choice but to stop practicing law in the United States with his plea deal. Jessica is back in charge and not taking shit from anybody. She won her firm, won the case, and probably just filled up that fancy bottle of booze with well whiskey that she obtained from Buckshots in Austin, Texas.

2. Cameron Dennis - Cameron does go after bad guys, but he needs proof from Harvey before he is going to do him any favors. It's always nice when a lawyer actually uses logic. He ends up putting bad guys away and winning. He still couldn't turn that into a partnership with Pearson Specter, but hey, a guy's gotta try. Cameron's love to win was definitely going to carry over to his celebration that night, and the lucky thing for the ladies is that in Cameron's Mustache Rides, everyone's a winner.

3. Harold Gunderson - Oh shit, he's back again. Louis tries to yell at him, but Harold grew a backbone, used some valid lawyer reasoning and straight up owned Louis. He then sues one of Louis's companies, just to rub Louis's face in it. Louis then thought he put Harold in his place, but Harold pulled one over on him. It was just nonstop ownage. Louis was trying to end Harold's career, but Rachel reasoned with Louis, so Harold got everything he wanted. I will be shocked if he is not given another chance at Pearson Specter. The only real question is whether they will change the name to Pearson Specter Gunderson. Harold gonna Harold, ya'll.

4. Donna Paulsen - She got her heart broken, but she gets to be the arresting officer for Stephen Huntley, so that's pretty cool.

5. Harvey Specter - Harvey found out that Stephen is a murderer, but he has no proof, so that is kind of an issue, except every person at Pearson Darby sees how clear the evidence is, but their proof is not law proof, so they must find proper law proof, you know, for the law. He calls Stephen to the witness stand. He starts getting somewhere, but the judge said he was on a short leash, and instead of pulling a Peter Bash and being arrested for contempt, he backs off like a real life lawyer. So everything completely blows up in his face. Still, him and Jessica come up with a plan to get Darby to bury Huntley, and they are barely able to hide their glee as Darby falls for it.

6. Mike Ross - Mike goes undercover to hang out with Mariga. He tries to use scare tactics on Mariga, but nobody like Mariga will ever be scared of a Mike Ross. After dealing with Mariga, being confronted by Harold barely altered his stride as he went on to the murder trial. Mike gets Clifford to help him, because Mike broke the law to get him out. If there is one thing this show has taught me, it is break the law all the time. Because if you do, somebody will owe you, and you can get a huge favor from them down the line. I can't wait to guilt trip my friends into killing someone for me, because I once ran a red light to get them food from McDonalds when they were really drunk. After winning the murder trial, Mike decides to sex Rachel after Harvey turns him down (this really happened).

7. Harold's Mother - Always so happy as she watches him work.

8. Rachel Zane - Rachel reasons with Louis early on, but that's a losing battle. Finally, she puts him in his place for being a bully to Harold. Why did she stick up for Harold? Let's just say that Mike isn't the only guy that she mixed business and pleasure with, except Harold dumped her when she tried stalking him. It got really bad. Finally, he changed his last name from Jakowski to Gunderson to avoid the harassment. Mystery solved.

9. Ava Hessington - Ava might be put in prison for murder, and she's not real happy about it, especially since she used to be Darby's pretend girlfriend, so Darby could use his power bottom to get some of that Papa Hessington Man Oil. Justice prevails in the end, but she still wasn't real happy. Lighten up, lady.

10. Louis Marlo Litt - Louis is back to abusing associates again, but that is only because he misses his true love, Mikado. Louis breaks into Harold's office and gives him the truth on why Harold got fired. This, of course, backfires, as Harold sues one of his companies. Finally, after Harold owns him a few times, Louis stops making it about business and starts making it personal to ruin Harold's career. Then we find out that he only did this, because he couldn't climb the rope in gym class, and Harold was actually an Olympic rope climber, but he would never show Louis the secret.

11. Edward Darby - Darby is a coward, because he didn't want to know how Stephen got things done for Hessington Oil. Then he lost the Pearson side of the merger, because he had to keep Ava out of jail for pretending to be his girlfriend during his gay sexcapades.

12. Stephen Huntley - Darby fires Stephen, because, yeah, murder is not good. But even worse, Harvey's fists apparently caused Stephen to get pink eye, so good luck picking up chicks with that. Still, Stephen does give a pretty good line to Jessica and Harvey when he says, "I don't give threats; I give warnings...you've been warned." He then declined to answer a bunch of questions and made Harvey look like a bitch. Still, he decided to hang around the United States where he has no family, no friends, and no job. This gave the local police enough time to arrest him for murder. Whoopsies.

13. Colonel Mariga - Mariga is a wise man who is not intimidated by Mike. He then lies on the stand, because Mariga got paid, made, and as long as he doesn't get caught, laid. They never address that the new deal probably means that he is going to be sent back to his home country and murdered. For all of the talk about how they didn't want to see someone get killed, they seem totally fine with this guy probably going through some hellacious torture before he is killed. I don't think he'll be making another appearance on these rankings. 

Suits Power Rankings - She's Mine

Obviously, this was the biggest episode of the season in my mind, because we had a very special guest appearance. But as special as that man is to me, it still was not enough to get him up to number one, because shit went down this week and there was some incredibly strong lawyering. We found out about the murder, there was a fight, and Rachel got to do some lawyering. So, yeah, people had strong weeks. You can check out last week's here, and now onto this very special edition of the Suits Power Rankings:

1. Harvey Specter - Harvey threatens beating up Huntley, because nobody messes with Harvey's case. But Harvey decides to skip out on being managing partner, because he's over it. Harvey can't reason with Jessica, because she's still pretty butthurt at Harvey over his betrayal and effort to take her job. I wish these two could just sit down and Harvey could end all this with a simple, "Playa's gotta play, ya know?" Harvey may not become managing partner, but he may get out of the merger. He then finds out about Huntley's evil doings, and he goes and kicks his ass, just like he threatened to do. The thing I enjoyed the most about their fight scene is their willingness to work the body. I mean, yes, you could hit a liver shot and put someone out, and since they are inexperienced, maybe knock the wind out of your opponent, but body shots are really there to wear down someone. I really enjoy that in Harvey's rage, his fighting strategy was still designed for 12 rounds. Also, his hair still looked marvelous.

2. Rachel Zane - Rachel is helping Louis steal Mikado and she is finally going to get to be a lawyer. Yes, it is only in a mock trial, but it's still real to her, damnit. She kicks ass in the case and shows that she has what it takes to be a great lawyer. Luckily, Columbia agrees, as she is going to law school. Looks like somebody read my review last week and learned that there were law schools on the east coast as well as the west coast. Yes, she may not be working on murder trials, but some would argue that cat possession cases are to mock trials what murder is to real trials. Also, Mikado even likes her, and he usually hates strangers. Maybe Rachel should be Mikado's owner.

3. Mike Ross - He thinks that Harvey may have trouble fighting Huntley, because Huntley plays rugby. Little does he know that if Huntley messes Harvey's hair, Harvey basically turns into The Incredible Hulk. Mike reasons with Jessica that she is going after Nick, because she's mad at Harvey. Mike uses his photographic memory to learn all of Cameron's secrets, and they find out that Nick Howell is not as dumb and innocent as he looks. This actually isn't his biggest discovery, because it turns out Nick was just shady, not guilty. He found out that Huntley and Mariga used to play rugby together and that Huntley ordered the murders. Also, I would have really liked to see this scene as Mike visits Rachel's apartment:

Mike: You are not going to believe the day I had.
Rachel: Oh, me too. You go first.
Mike: Due to some nifty investigation, I found out that Huntley is the guy who ordered the murders.
Rachel: Oh, wow, that's crazy. Almost as crazy as what happened to me. They called in Harold on the cat case to try to destroy Louis's credibility, but I turned it around and ended up getting Louis control of the associates again. Lawyering, AMIRITE?
Mike: Are you comparing your mock trial cat custody case to my real-life murder trial?
Rachel: You just can't stand me being a successful lawyer in a big time case. Why can't you just be happy for me?
Mike: (stunned silence)

So, nice lawyering, Mike. Not as nice as your girlfriend's, but still nice.

4. Harold Gunderson - HOLY SHIT! Holy shit, holy shit, holy shit. OH MY GOD. Oh my God, Oh my God, Oh my God. That was literally all I could do while fanning myself down when Harold showed up. It's always good to see an old friend. I was also really hoping we would find out how he got a new name, but that was unfortunately not the case. But Harold comes back to testify that Louis is an awful parent in the Mikado case. Harold has scars on his psyche. He is also the Michael Vick of catsitting. Louis's incompetence was brought up in court to discredit him. He failed to deliver a motion to court, because of inclement weather. He gave the strategy of their case to opposing counsel, because he thought it was part of disclosure. He left a zero off the Hopkins settlement, but Louis covered for him and saved them $900,000. Even though he hates Louis and he wasn't under oath, he still told the truth about Louis's love for cats, because Harold is a man of honor. Also, despite everything, Harold still has a kickass job at another law firm. Everything's coming up Harold, baby!

5. Cameron Dennis - Finally has a case, as the Colonel is the perfect witness to prove Ava Hessington is guilty. This is the most shocking turn of events ever. Not the Colonel part, but just that Cameron has a case. This is like a guy going after a girl way out of his league, her telling him he has no chance, but not giving up. He tries, again and again, and even drunk, she's like, "sorry, not happening." But he just keeps trying, and maybe some PUA dropped a roofie in her drink, but Cameron at least has a chance to finally close the deal. Still, it's not over yet.

6. Louis Marlo Litt - Louis is doing everything he can to keep Mikado, because it's his best friend. Louis doesn't have time to learn Chinese, because he's too busy preparing for a cat mock trial. Louis is going to have Rachel help him in order to keep his love, and yes, we are still talking about Mikado. But Louis does have one other love, and that is fostering the growth of the associates. It may be tough love, but he agrees to a settlement that gives Mikado to Nigel while he takes back over in leading the associates.

7. Colonel Mariga - Is just loving life. He's killed; he's cool with it, and sometimes he took money for it. Also, he's had phone conversations with Ava, which gives him a hearty laugh. "It's good to be Colonel Mariga" is what he thinks as he lays his head on the pillow and drifts into slumber at a five star hotel.

8. Jessica Pearson - Jessica got over her hissy fit and is taking over the firm again, but she is taking her anger at Harvey against Ava. She uses that anger to go after the assistant, Nick, because he's a tool. She was more wrong than right, but it got them closer to the final answer. Also, she now wants out of the merger, which, um, seems like a difficult thing to reverse. I am pretty sure Darby was smart enough to make the all important note in the document of "No take backs," but I guess we'll see.

9. Edward Darby - Darby is as cool as a cucumber, as everything works out for him. This is a man who power-bottomed his way to the top, so he's not afraid of a little pressure. (Sidenote: I believe the previous sentence may be the best thing I have ever written in my entire life).

10. Nigel Alexander Nesbitt - Put a tracking device on Mikado, because he sees Mikado as a possession. Nigel gets pressured into a mock trial and has to defend himself, because the associates aren't good enough to win his case. He found Harold to testify against Louis, but even that backfired against him. Finally, he had to make a settlement, give up the associates to get back his precious Mikado. It was a win-win for both sides.

11. Mikado - Needs her special milk and needs special love. She truly is a wondrous feline, one that will be spending her life with Nigel.

12. Donna Paulsen - Donna thought that Stephen was perfect, but Harvey let her know that he shits the bed, and sadly, that is not his worst quality. Donna caught Stephen lying to her, which hurt her both professionally and personally. That is also not his worst quality. Stephen made her cry, so Harvey goes and beats him up to defend her honor. I feel like Donna is the type of person who can take a step back and admire that she has two men fighting over her honor.

13. Ava Hessington - Ava had a phone call, but she didn't think that was important. If she was a dude, nobody would be surprised that she forgot about a phone call; they would have just been happy that she was fully dressed, but since she's a lady, she's expected to remember everything like a gossiping teenager.

14. Nick Howell - Ava's assistant who had some shady things going on, but none of them were murder. Despite stabbing Ava in the back, he still seems shocked that they may try to convince a jury that he called for the murders. He is completely unlovable, basically the anti-Harold.

15. Stephen Huntley - Not only does Huntley play the piano, he also plays rugby. Unfortunately when he's not doing those activities, he's messing up Ava Hessington's case like a poor man's Harold. But he wasn't doing it because of incompetence, he was doing it because he ordered the murders. Since he hurt Donna, Harvey confronts him in the bathroom, because at Pearson Darby Specter, if people aren't in their office, they are usually washing their hands after a good shit. Seriously, people are always found in the men's bathroom at the sink. What would Harvey have done if he was at a urinal or on the can? Would he wait? Would he punch a guy with his dick in his hand. Would he kick down a stall door? These are the questions that keep me up at night. Anyway, Stephen gives Harvey a good fight, but is left laying on the bathroom floor when it's all said and done. On top of this, he lost his arrangement with Donna, so he'll be stuck calling a New York City Hooker. Not the prostitute kind, the rugby kind, because he likes to get on the pitch when he's not getting laid.

Suits Power Rankings - The Other Time

Last week's Suits set up quite a few complications. Unfortunately, all of those complications will have to wait a week, as it's a flashback episode this week. What were these cool cats like in their younger years? I was hoping for two things: 1. A ton of HARDMAN and 2. Harvey wearing adult braces. I would have settled for one, but, instead I got neither. For last week's rankings, click here. Now onto fun from the past, including multiple Harvey rankings:

1. Past Harvey Specter - Just want high-fives and Cameron's scotch. He also skirts the law, but he won't break it. He will break himself off a piece of Donna though, hey-o!

2. Cameron Dennis - Back in the day, he did a shitty Sean Connery impression, and tried to break the law, since he's all about putting bad guys behind bars. He's still a shady prosecutor, but my sources tell me that his Sean Connery impression is on point. He got his fake witness to become real thanks to Stephen Huntley. Somebody's gettin' a mustache ride tonight.

3. Stephen Huntley - Just stopping in to say hello, or as the British say, "Jolly day, you fine ol' chum." He also tries to convince Mike to tell Harvey to take the deal, but this is just because he has been secretly plotting against Harvey the entire time and gives Cameron the witness that he needed. It is a total dick move, but he's getting his while screwing over Harvey, so props are deserved. Why does he hate Harvey? Jealousy, but it's not professional, it's personal. Trust me on this one.

4. Frat McBro - Set up Mike and Trevor. Mike hated him for being a bully, but Frat McBro hated Mike for being a know-it-all. He takes all of their money, and his bros have his back. They are gonna pound so many Mountain Dews and Doritos with that money. EXTREME!

5. Harvey Specter - Harvey has his name on the wall, which is pretty boss. He spends most of his day just staring at his name on the wall, which is a little pathetic. Act like you've been there before. He also won't listen to Huntley about anything, because Stephen is banging his secretary. He has thought he has won the Ava Hessington case about 15 times now, and he still hasn't learned that new evidence is always popping up out of nowhere. Act like you've been there before.

6. Past Donna Paulsen - Donna used to know everything about everything. She is trying to convince Harvey to not go along with Cameron's shady dealings. She also bought whipped cream to seduce Harvey and get their freak on. Donna wanted to get Harvey as a lover, but she got him as a boss.

7. Mr. Specter - Just hitting balls at the park with his pitching machine. But even with those baseball skills, his wife still cheated on him. Hitting balls a the park with a pitching machine is a pretty boss thing to do. Drinking while doing it is goddamn fantastic, but thinking about how your ex-wife cheated on you brings a level of sadness to the whole day. Still, he uses his past mistakes to teach Harvey a valuable lesson and pounds a few beers in the process. That's not too bad in my book.

8. Bertha - Did Bertha become her name after she got big, or was she destined to be big when her parents named her Bertha? A true philosophical question. Anyway, she's the sassy black woman that all offices could use a little more of.

9. Mikado - Sleeping in the bed with Louis. Doesn't love Louis nearly as much as he loves him.

10. Trevor Evans - Has a trustworthy weed dealer that lets him take $1000 worth of weed on consignment. He also sold Mike's answers to a test and got Mike expelled. But hey, he got to stay in school, so he's all good.

11. Rachel Zane - Going to Stanford, because there are no law schools in the northeast outside of Harvard.

12. Blowjob Redhead - Making out with random dudes, because Mike wasn't able to close the deal.

13. Louis Marlo Litt - Everything was coming up Louis in the present with his new best friend and freshly whitened teeth until he saw Harvey's name on the wall. Everything was coming up Louis in the past until he found out Harvey had not only taken a job at the firm, but that he got his own secretary despite being a lowly associate. At least he has the ability to take days off when he needs it.

14. Omar - Loves the Dallas Cowboys and movie quotes. He is also trustworthy, and that's an admirable characteristic.

15. Grandma Ross - She watches Law & Order, so she knows her shit. Gives Mike terrible advice that costs him his chance at going to Harvard.

16. Past Mike Ross - Loves smoking weed and actually got into Harvard on his own merit. Unfortunately, his answers got sold to the Dean's daughter, so the Dean sticks it to him in his final power move. Also, how old are these guys during this time period? I just realized that I have no idea if they were in high school or undergrad. They weren't old enough to drink, but they hung around fraternities. Was Mike graduating ridiculously early? No, because Trevor was going to graduate at the same time. Maybe he had a late birthday and he got bumped up a year. I don't know how old you are, Past Mike. This is really going to bother me.

17. Dean PowerMoves - His daughter is a 4, but his power moves are a 10. Still lost his job.

18. Jessica Pearson - Jessica took down partners in the past, and it screwed her over in the present. Harvey tries to take back his deal, but Jessica is pissed, so they probably won't be buddying up anytime soon.

19. Marcus - Harvey's brother. He's not around, so everybody can talk shit about him. Poor Marcus.

20. The Ugly Daughter - Got her Dad fired and when she posted her picture to Hot Or Not, she only got a 4.6. There are horses who score higher than that.

Suits Power Rankings - Shadow of a Doubt

When we last left Pearson Darby, Jessica was sticking it to Darby by screwing over Ava Hessington. Harvey was pissed about that, and Donna was number one, because she was getting hers and not giving a shit about anything else. This episode brought on a whole new set of problems, the question is whether they could come up with enough solutions to make everything work out in the end. Check out last week's rankings here, now onto the longest (and strongest) rankings we have ever had:

1. Jessica Pearson - She takes a shopping day, because Harvey lost them a ton of money. God, it must be awesome to be the boss. But she does come back that night, probably because her Wifi at home is a little spotty and ends up coming up with a solution to all of Harvey's problems. She then convinces Ava to take the deal by implying that they would go back on the deal they are making with Tony G and never actually sell him the shares of the company. It appears as though she has helped Harvey give her the boot, but then she then makes a real power move by changing the name of the company to Pearson Darby Specter. I'm pretty sure she doesn't have the authority to do that, because it would really be Darby's call, but it still may be enough for Harvey to remain on her side and not take over her job. She had a nice shopping day, won a case, and may have subverted plans for her ouster with her and Harvey back on the same side. Nice job, Jessica.

2. Tony Giannopoulos - Louis tries to get a hold of him, and he doesn't even bother being in the country. Harvey goes after him, and he gets a face to face with him. This man knows who deserves respect. Still, it's a pretty baller move to burn $50K to make a point. Money don't mean shit to this guy. If he sets $50K on fire, imagine what he wipes his ass with. Have you ever had a million dollars between your butt cheeks? I bet it's immaculate. He's selling off all of his Hessington Oil stock to stick it to them, and he bought a bunch of companies just so they could fire Pearson Darby as their lawyers. This man don't care. And it pays off as Ava agrees to sell him her shares of the company, so she can remain in control. He got what he wanted originally while getting to stick it to Pearson Darby a little for extra fun. BALLIN!

3. Harvey Specter - Let me make this clear. Usually, third would be an awful showing for Harvey, but he actually had a great week, which just shows you how strong the top two were this week. Harvey made fun of Cameron's mustache, because Cameron made fun of Mike Ross. Only Harvey can make fun of Mike, you son of a bitch. Harvey isn't even going to let things go to trial by suing Tony Giannopoulos. Then Huntley tries to go after Tony G's family, and Harvey fires him from the case, because America has dominated the British since the Revolutionary War, and there's no reason to stop now. He then goes to Jessica, because USA all the way and they put Cameron on the defensive by not allowing him to use the tape as evidence, so he pretty much has no case. Harvey also gets what he wants and Jessica makes him a name partner with Pearson Darby Specter.

4. Donna Paulsen - Donna's getting her freak on while getting her work done. Donna told Harvey about her getting her freak on, and Harvey didn't care, which she seemed a little disappointed about. She then got mad at Stephen for making things complicated, but she needs that good lovin' so she can get her glow back, so they may just extend their arrangement.

5. Louis Marlo Litt - Louis can tell when ladies are glowing; he just has no idea they had sex. Louis loses his power over associates and thinks he hates Nigel, but then he realizes that Nigel is still meant to be his best friend, because they both love cats and cats love Louis. Louis then gets to catsit for Nigel, and the cat is a real bastard, but Louis loves every second of it. Cat people are the worst, but he had that Donna glow after a night with Mikado.

6.Mikado - An asshole cat that everybody loves for some reason. If I were a cat, I'd be Mikado, although I only poop with my back to London, so I can imagine us shitting on the British yet again.

7. Mike Ross - Mike comes up with the strategy to get Cameron kicked off the case for sharing information with Ava's main competitor. Then poor Mike gets kicked off the case, but he takes his own case and gets his play thing to be his assistant. He makes buddies with Mr. Zane, because Mike's parents died and they both like potatoes. That's pretty much the extent to their connection. He uses his fight with Rachel to get Stanton's new wife to give them back the money. He then makes up with Rachel, because you can't fight the moonlight.

8. Rachel Zane - Rachel is back to last week's shenanigans and is all about getting gossip, since her and Mike are no longer the hottest couple at Pearson Darby. But she is going to try regain their spot as top hot couple by letting Mike be Harvey and her be Mike, which basically sounds like the worst roleplay game ever. She also doesn't want Mike to meet her family, because he's a liar, although it may be because he's white, and her father probably wants her to be with an ethnic man. But since she loves him, she will allow him to meet her parents. That, of course, blew up in her face, because Mike finds out that she is thinking about going to Stanford, which could ruin their relationship. Still, they love each other, and as her mother tells her, love conquers all, outside of murder.

9. Stephen Huntley - He gets Mike kicked off the Ava Hessington case by betting $10K that he has better ideas than Harvey. He wins it, because he realizes that in England, the burden of proof is on the defendant instead of on the prosecution, which makes it way easier for them to win the case. But is that really a better idea? It's basically the same idea, slightly tweaked. That's like an editor correcting the spelling of a word in a book and claiming they wrote it. He then goes after Tony G's daughter, because...um, I'm not even sure if he knows why.

10. Nigel Alexander Nesbitt - Ruining the associates to mess with Louis. He then invades Louis's private club so he can take a mud bath. Nigel is shocked at how smooth of a ladies man Louis is with cats. He needs to recognize that just because someone strikes out with ladies doesn't mean they can't charm the pants off of felines. He is quite bummed that he has to leave Mikado behind as he goes to Hong Kong. Still, his cat is in good care with Louis.

11. Mrs. Zane - Robert seems like the tough one, but Mrs. Zane can put him in his place. She also lets Rachel know that love conquers all.

12. Ava Hessington - Ava is pissed, because she lost her company, and now her stock is going down, because Tony G has more money than he knows what to do with. She is going to sell her stocks to Tony G in order to remain in charge of her company and to protect her from those pesky murder charges that keep popping up.

13. Miss Clark Mrs. Stanton - She's sleeping with Graham, so she doesn't think that he could have stolen from the company. She then leverages this whole ordeal into a marriage, but she loses him $30 million, so whoopsies there.

14. Simon - Learned a valuable lesson, because at Pearson Darby, they don't shall. They must, because they thrust; they don't parry.

15. Cameron Dennis - Cameron hates to drive down bullshit highway. But he will cruise down Sharing Incriminating Tapes With Corporate Pirates Cul-de-sac. Unfortunately, he may have to take a stroll down One in a Million Lane to win this case. Still, I bet he picks up a lot of ladies by inviting them to Mustache Ride Court. It's a court, because once you go down that road, there are no outlets, baby.

16. Robert Zane - All this man wants is potatoes and a smoothie that tastes good. Is that so much to ask? He also assumes that if someone says their parents are dead, they must be just messing with him, because in Robbie Z's world, parents never die. He also spilled the beans on Rachel applying to Stanford, because this guy just can't stop putting his foot in his mouth. No wonder Rachel was worried about him talking to Mike.

17. Graham Stanton - Stole $30 million and only bagged a secretary out of the deal. Then he was forced into marriage, meaning he did all that work to steal $30 million, but is only going to get $15 million, probably less, because, as they say, "Women be shoppin." In the end, he loses all $30 million, because "Women be scared of five years in prison," know what I'm sayin? Sorry, Graham. You made a power move by marrying Miss Clark to keep your money, but then you lost the money anyway, and you're stuck in a marriage that was built around keeping $30 million that you lost. Congratulations, your week was somehow worse than the guy who made fun of a guy's dead parents.

Suits Power Rankings - Unfinished Business

Last week, Harvey and Mike got back together, and you could cut the sexual tension with a knife. Will they or won't they? They won't; Harvey is out of Mike's league, even moreso than Rachel. Still, they teased about a new hotshot British lawyer coming in and dominating Harvey, so all I will be thinking throughout this entire episode is, "America: Love it or leave it." For last week's rankings, click here, but now onto this week.

1. Harvey Specter - Harvey gets Louis's help on Hessington Oil. He thinks that Ava is a murderer, but that doesn't matter, because all he cares about is winning. Harvey is able to negotiate $1 in bail for Ava. Of course he dated Elizabeth Hurley in 1998, her best year. He then buddies up with the new hotshot from England, because Harvey can benefit from his presence. Harvey rips Katrina a new one, because she made a funny video. This is the proper reaction, because making stupid videos is not a valuable use of company time. He has to keep her around for now, because of their deal, but she has made her a worthless cog in a machine. He wins the case with Ava despite him thinking that she was guilty. He then tells Mike of his master plan to take over the firm. Overall, everything's coming up Specter right now.

2. Stephen Huntley - He is Darby's fixer, and he's trying to merge the two sides culturally. He was a pathetic loser who dated Elizabeth Hurley in 1999. Then he finally tells Harvey that he is actually in town to help him take over the firm from Jessica. This disarms both Harvey and me, as my patriotism takes a back seat to just plain liking the guy. He then helps Harvey win back Ava, because he is just there to help. He macks on Donna by driving fancy cars and talking about theater, and his seduction skills, much like his lawyering, is on point.

3. Ava Hessington - She is recruiting Harvey to be number two, but those plans have to be put on hold while she gets charged for murder. She then wants Harvey to bribe people, because this woman solves all of her problems with bribes. I want to stand in front of her on the sidewalk; she will probably give me $10,000 just to move. But seriously, this lady is obsessed with whether people think she is a murderer, as she asks everybody repeatedly, even though everybody responds that it does not matter. Still, she gets away with murder, literally, so props to her for that.

4. Donna Paulsen - Donna forgives Rachel. Then she gets the hots for Huntley and found out he has a suite for a month, so she'll have a proper place to shag him. She acts tough on the outside, but she is feeling juicy on her insides. Nothing wrong with a lady getting herself some. Good for you, Donna.

5. Harold (Jakowski) Gunderson - His last name used to be Jakowski, but Mike now calls him Harold Gunderson. Did he get gay married? Did he get married to a lady and take her name? SO MANY QUESTIONS. Anyway, he helped set a murderer free by going behind his boss's back. That was a baller move. Still, we didn't actually get to see him. Come back, Harold.

6. Mike Ross - Mike grills Ava, and she does not like it one bit. Mike really just wants to be loved by his boss. Mike gets some good info on Cameron that gets Ava a chance at bail. Katrina made a funny video about him, and he responds by trying to photoshop a bad picture of her. That is what really killed him in these rankings, because he was incredibly strong in every other aspect of this episode. When he's not working with Adobe, he does find a way for Ava to legally bribe people, and they win the case thanks to that and calling in a favor to Harold.

7. Louis Marlo Litt - Does a masterful comparison between non-dairy creamer and Mike, because they both try to be real but are in fact fake. Louis goes to origami festivals and wants an associate to be his mentee and share those wonderful moments with. He picks Katrina, because of the funny video she sent. That is a big downgrade for him.

8. Rachel Zane - Rachel uses jokes to win back Donna, and she also smooths things over between Donna and Mike. She was involved in the photoshop fiasco, because she used a fake profile to become friends with Katrina and find a bad picture of her. Congratulations, you dodo.

9. Jessica Pearson - She messed up by insisting that Harvey take the deal, so it is pretty much her fault that Ava is charged by murder. Then she needs Harvey to look into Stephen, and he does but does not tell her the truth. She acts cocky about never losing a client, but she is currently getting played like a fiddle.

10. Cameron Dennis - Charges Ava with murder. This means that he totally owned Harvey throughout this entire case, because he set them up and it worked perfectly. He also stalks Harvey as he seems to find him anytime he has a meal at a restaurant. Finally, Harvey will win the case with bribes that Cameron can do nothing about, so it appears that he is finally done and has officially lost to Harvey. Cameron let someone get away with murder, and he is still not the lowest person on this list. That honor goes to...

11. Katrina Bennett - Katrina tries to help out Louis, but Louis shoots her down immediately. So then she tries to bring her information to Harvey, but Mike and Donna catch her and make her get the hell out of everyone's business. Poor Kat; she just wants to be accepted by the firm. When Mike won't accept her, she sends a funny video of him to the entire office. Yes, she seriously did that. Like, I am not joking, this really happened. She then uses this stupid video to become Louis's best bud, and this plan works. Ugh, she is basically The Miz, only in Suits form. Katrina is now the worst. 

Suits Power Rankings - I Want You To Want Me

Things are heating up over at Pearson Darby. So hot, in fact, that Edward Darby spent the entire week in England, making love to the stable boy. But hey, I got no beef with a man getting his, it just won't be enough to get him on the Suits Power Rankings. Is Harold back? Not yet, but it was still a very strong episode with sports references and a new number one. For last week's rankings, click here.

1. Mike Ross - Mike was really working hard to get a hug from Rachel. The man made up a fake dead dog. It makes me wonder what lengths this man is willing to go to for sex. I wouldn't be surprised if he hired a hobo to kill off a cousin to get some sexual healing. He helps out Louis on an Imminent Domain case but those cases are impossible to win. They tried to use Moneyball to win the case (obligatory sports reference), but Mike forgot that the A's never won the World Series, so they lose their case. But then they get the judge to open up the case for no real reason and they don't even need to go to court to win it. People on Suits never go to court to do their real lawyering. As someone with a Harvard Law t-shirt, I can vouch that this is how the big dogs do it. Oh yeah, and Mike also gets naked with Louis instead of getting naked with Rachel. So how the hell is he in the number one spot? Well, he seduced Louis, only to break his heart to get back with his love, Harvey. And on top of that, he put Rachel in her place by telling her that her opinion means nothing to him, he just wants bang bang bang.

Change Annie's name to Rachel, and you have their whole relationship.

2. Harvey Specter - Planning a coup by trying to take Jessica's spot. It looks like he's getting handled by Cameron, so Jessica helps him out on the case and tries to extend an olive branch. But he realizes that Cameron set him up so that Ava would bribe Nick. Luckily, he is going to go and convince Nick, even though they can't find him. Harvey luckily finds him in five minutes and in 30 seconds is able to convince him not to sell out Ava. Unfortunately, Cameron found him later, and reconvinced him. Still, the power team of Jessica and Harvey gets the plea settlement that they wanted. Unfortunately, Cameron works it out to have Ava plead guilty, meaning that Harvey does not get the victory. Without the victory, it seems as though there will be no coup. This was a mighty fall from last week, but he did come to his senses and bring back Mike as his protege, so the band is back together, and he can at least stay at the two spot.

3. Cameron Dennis - He sees himself as nothing more than just a fella trying to put away bad guys. He was always working three steps ahead of the game, but Harvey is always four steps ahead of the game, meaning he was still one step behind. He won the case on a technicality, but a win's a win and beating Harvey in a case, no matter how it's done, deserves credit.

4. Louis Marlo Litt - Gives a moving speech about how great of friends he and the associates were. He got his own associate, and he wants Mike Ross. Louis got after a lady with four nipples. Takes Mike out to have the best steak of his life. Louis flashes Mike, so maybe instead of wanting him as his associate in the office, he wanted him to be his associate in life. He even makes some late night visits to charm him. Finally, it looks like Louis is going to get the object of his desire (as well as the number one spot on these rankings), as him and Mike like the same chick flicks, but Harvey swoops in at the last second and high-fives Mike back onto his side. He throws his cake into the trash, which is actually a wise decision, because if not, he definitely would have ate away his depression which would not make him an attractive mentor for his potential protege.

5. Rachel Zane - Constantly turns down Mike for sex at the office. Then she found out that Harvey got Mike to withhold the truth from her. She straight up goes no mercy on Donna by telling her that she has no life. That was her real power move of the episode. She loses points for the end when she gives Mike a choice on whether he wants her advice or he wants sex. Uh, yeah, not exactly a hard (no pun intended) decision. Ladies, when the option is sex or...the answer is always sex. You could save yourself time by just offering sex with no alternative.

6. Jessica Pearson - Jessica had no clue, but she was literally helping Harvey win her job by helping him on the case. Then she tries to make amends on the roof, but Harvey will still not forgive her. She did some snazzy lawyering, but with everybody working behind her back, it's hard to put her up higher on these rankings.

7. Ava Hessington - Was caught on camera giving out a bribe. Then got betrayed by her protege. She won by paying out $50 million and admitting guilt, so, um, I guess, congratulations? 

8. Donna Paulsen - Puts Rachel in her place for asking her to make Harvey love Mike again. She was all like "Helllllll Nawwwwww," and Rachel was super sad. Then she breaks the news that she didn't think that Rachel and Mike should be together. This does not make Rachel sad, this made Rachel angry, and she made Donna feel like her life was a waste, because she was an old broad with no life. That is no way to make your way to the top of the rankings.

9. Nick - Selling out Ava to save his own ass. Luckily he is easily convinced to make 180 degree turns, and Harvey turns his 180 into a 360 to put him back on Ava's side, but Cameron made him do another 180, so now he pulled off a 540. If he could do that on a dunk, it'd be impressive, but in his twisted world, he lost his sweet job where he was #2 in a company that pays out $50 million like it's spare change, so yeah, I would say he is the big loser this week. Hopefully she hires Harold to be her new #2. That man knows something about loyalty.